


losing ground, finding soil

by popnographic



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 16:34:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 89,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka and Gou have finally managed to stabilise their lives to the point where they feel comfortable, more than they ever have. This comfortable situation the two flatmates have established is soon to be disturbed, and it's in a way that neither of them could have ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. haruka | obscured vision

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ishka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishka/gifts).



> it started out with [this](http://i.imgur.com/SJwzZd3.png) back in early december 2015, and then turned into an 89k long fic. here's proof; you can't blame me for this one.
> 
> this may just be the longest love letter anyone's ever written. (no romo, of course.) and don't call me a copycat because you should've seen this coming, iska. yes this is dedicated to her because she's pretty much held my hand since i started writing this at the end of last year. it was only natural, really. without her i probably would've given up way back when i lost the first three chapters of this fic to technology/my laptop being an ass. SO thanks for being there & being a gr8 supportive friend, have 89000+ words as a token of my appreciation. ❤

Gou winces, and Haruka sighs, again, in exasperation. “Sit still, or you’ll have to do this by yourself.”

“Stop being so rough on my hair, and maybe I wouldn’t move around so much,” Gou argues.

Haruka decides to not continue arguing, and just makes a few final touches before he takes a step back, crosses his arms across his chest, and can’t help but wear a proud expression on his face. He’s good at what he does, he can admit that much. And Gou… Gou just looks gorgeous whatever she wears, however her hair looks.

“Come on,” he says. “Hallway mirror.”

Gou walks out in front to their hallway and stands in front of the mirror. Haruka grabs the smaller mirror he’d placed on the side table, and angles it so Gou can see the back of her hair, too. She inhales sharply, and then smiles widely before she turns around to practically jump into Haruka’s arms. “Thank you, Haru. I love it.”

“You do?”

“Yes! You know, there _are_ a few of my friends who want your number”, Gou jokes, nudging him in the side with her elbow. “I haven’t given it to anyone, though, I’m just informing you.”

Haruka frowns to himself. “It’s just hair.”

“And a lot of effort and talent. Stop putting yourself down, Haru.”

“Fine,” he says, but he knows his opinion won’t change.

Gou disappears into her room briefly, and then she comes out to sit by the kitchen table to do her makeup before she leaves. She usually doesn’t go through _this_ much effort just for a night out, but it’s a friend’s birthday, and they’re actually having dinner before they go out, so that’s probably why. Or she might be planning on bringing someone home tonight—Haru never really knows, but he doesn’t feel like he _needs_ to know, either.

Gou takes less than ten minutes to do her makeup, and then she’s ready to leave. Haruka’s sitting on their couch with a sketchpad in his lap when she gets up, and he gets up as well to follow her to the door, and lock it when she’s left.

“Don’t wait up,” Gou says with a smile before she stands on her toes to give Haruka a kiss on the cheek. He smiles a little.

“Can’t promise anything. Be safe.”

“I will.”

And then she’s out the door. Haruka locks it after her before he returns to the living room to finish his sketch. He hadn’t shown it to his flatmate before she left, because he wants to keep it a surprise. It’s of Gou when she’s sitting on their couch, talking to Makoto on the phone and laughing like she always does when she talks to their childhood friend. Most people would probably take candid photos of such moments, but Haruka likes to capture them in the only way he knows how—with a good pen and on a page in his favourite sketchpad.

He erases his messy lines and improves those he decides to keep. Adds some shading, and when he’s just about done, his doorbell rings. He doesn’t have to think twice about who could be on the other side of the door, because there’s only one other person he could expect to visit him at this hour.

Haruka finishes his sketch before putting it face down on the table, getting up from the couch with a little groan, and trudging out into the hallway to greet his uninvited, but not unwelcome, guest. He realises far too late that he should’ve prepared himself, because he has to take a step back and squint at what, or _who_ , greets him.

Usually when people describe people looking at someone like the sun, they aren’t thinking of the fact that when people actually _look_ at the sun, they squint and maybe frown, too. That’s what Haruka has to do a lot of the time when he stands face to face with Kisumi.

“Haru,” Kisumi singsongs and closes their distance down to a few centimetres, “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s been like two days,” Haruka retorts. “Come in before one of my neighbours comes down to kick you out of the building.”

“Why should they?”

 _Why shouldn’t they?_ Haruka asks himself. He rolls his eyes instead, and cocks his head to the side to tell Kisumi to just come in already. Or leave, whichever he prefers, really.

Kisumi follows Haruka inside, and doesn’t waste any time in pinning Haruka up against the wall after Haruka’s closed and locked the door behind him, again. Not that he _hadn’t_ expected Kisumi to come over; Kisumi knows Gou takes the opportunity to go out on weekend nights, and he probably knows more about Gou’s evening plan than Haruka himself does.

Gou has a knack for befriending people, and it doesn’t matter if it’s Rin, Makoto or Kisumi—she’s become somewhat friends with pretty much all of their neighbours in the year and a half they’ve lived in this building. So her becoming friends with Kisumi was a given thing. Not that Haruka minds, of course, he just wonders how she does it. How it’s so easy for her to just make friends like that.

“I’m tempted to just fuck you right here,” Kisumi murmurs into his ear. “Not move from this spot, you know? There’s less effort, too, which I figured you’d prefer.”

Haruka snorts, raising his eyebrows. “My flat, my rules. Maybe I feel like making some effort every once in a while, how about that?”

Which is why they end up on Haruka’s and Gou’s couch, with Kisumi’s face down into a pillow and him moaning and swearing intermittently as Haruka thrusts into him with his hands on Kisumi’s hips. Kisumi briefly lifts his face from the pillow and lets out a loud moan.

“You know— _ah!_ —I like your… suggestion better than m-mine.”

“Good,” Haruka responds before giving a particularly hard thrust that makes Kisumi gasp and flutter his eyelids shut. “I do, too. Next time… you top, though.”

“Fine w-with me. Holy _fuck_. Absolutely fine with me.”

Kisumi comes first, but Haruka isn’t far behind. The two of them take a few minutes to recover, and then Haruka gets up to pull the sheet off the couch he’d haphazardly thrown over it before they proceeded to have sex. It’s only fair, really, seeing as he lives with another person who probably wouldn’t appreciate finding out she’s sitting on the same couch where Haruka had sex with one of their friends _without_ putting something over it first.

He just hopes Gou would do the same if she were to ever bring people home for the same reason. Which is not to say that she _hasn’t_ ; she might have, Haruka just doesn’t know if it’s happened before—because he’s either been out of the flat himself, or sound asleep with earplugs.

Kisumi turns to him and begins slowly kissing his neck, and Haruka sighs. “I’m not going another round, Kisumi. Some of us don’t have endless stamina.”

“Aw,” Kisumi pouts. “And here I thought you used to be a swimmer. What happened to _that_ stamina?”

“’Used to be’ is correct,” Haruka grunts, and gets off the couch. “Get off, I’m putting this sheet in the laundry bag.”

He hates it when people bring up his past of being a swimmer. Sure, he enjoys the occasional leisurely swim in the communal pool and maybe a race against Rin or Makoto every now and then, but professional swimming is and never will be anything for him. It was foolish of him to think that _maybe_ he could grow to actually like it and get accustomed to the perpetual fast pace, but he’d been dead wrong. That’s what happens when you make decisions on a whim without consulting your mental health first.

Kisumi doesn’t stay very long after they’ve cleaned themselves up and Haruka’s put the sheet in his laundry bag which he’ll take care of come the next day. When his guest has left, Haruka returns to finally finish the sketch he’s been working on. He holds it out in front of him and inspects it for a bit, tilting his head to left and right to try and detect any errors, but is pleased to not find any glaring ones. He stuffs it in under a pillow on the couch before going to take a quick shower before bed.

Gou sends him a text message just as he’s fallen asleep telling him she’s taking a taxi home soon in very, _very_ drunken writing that Haruka has trouble deciphering. He puts his phone back down again and closes his eyes, unable to keep the smile off his lips. _Someone’s_ going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning, and it isn’t going to be him.

 

* * *

 

Haruka’s managed to both prepare and almost finish eating breakfast when Gou finally emerges from her bedroom looking like death herself. He snorts into his glass, taking a sip of ice cold water as he watches his flatmate take excruciatingly slow steps towards the kitchen counter.

“Oh, you made me breakfast, too? You’re an angel,” she says, but it doesn’t sound like she means it.

“Did you have fun last night?”

Gou comes out to join him with a bowl of miso soup and plate of rice, mackerel and stir-fried vegetables. She sits down with a groan, and cringes. “This headache is _killing_ me. Yeah, I had fun, but I also had way too much to drink.”

“Speaking of drink, you need water?”

“Right,” Gou says, as if it completely slipped her mind that she’d forgotten to bring a glass of water to the table. Haruka sighs as he gets up to tend to his hungover flatmate, and fetches a pill for her headache while he’s at it. She takes them from him with an appreciative smile, and Haruka sits back down to accompany her while she eats.

It seems like her hangover is preventing her from talking a whole lot, because they both sit through her breakfast under silence. It’s nice, though; not the kind of silence that makes people unnerved and forces them to come up with completely unnecessary small-talk to fill it. Neither of them have ever really been like that, and it’s nice for Haruka to know he doesn’t have to put in much effort into hanging out with Gou.

The two of them moving in together would have seemed laughable to Haruka had he been asked about it four years ago. A year later and he’d at least consider it, but as time went on and the more he actually hung out with Gou, the more obvious it became to the both of them that they’d become good flatmates. Haruka really needed to get away from that house and that area in Iwatobi, anyway, and since Gou wanted to move out to be more independent, it all worked out. Rin didn’t have anything to worry about, either, knowing Haruka doesn’t go for women in the first place.

Haruka takes care of Gou’s dishes and endures her half-hearted gushing and incessant thanking and “sorry about this” before he goes out to take care of his laundry. In reality, he just really wants to take care of that sheet he and Kisumi used the night prior, because he can’t stop thinking about how disgusting it has to be by this point, having been in that bag for several hours. He resists shivering at the thought.

“I’ll be back in ten, just going to do some laundry. You got anything—“

“Just _go_ , Haru. You can’t do _everything_ for me, you know,” Gou chastises him.

“Fine.” He bites his lower lip as he hoists the strap of his laundry bag over his shoulder, trying not to laugh as he knows how she’ll react to what he says next. “We’re out of sheets for the next three hours, in case you wanted to change yours in that time span.”

Gou inhales sharply, and Haruka turns to the door, knowing he has to get out _now_ or she might throw something at him.

“You did it _again_?!”

He laughs to himself as he hurries out the door to the lift to avoid whatever Gou could possibly throw at him.

 

* * *

 

The soft humming of the machines that greets Haruka is a nice one, and it’s even better that there isn’t a single person in the laundry room when he walks in. He likes to take his time when he sorts his laundry and loads the machines, much like he enjoys taking long baths. Not having someone around to glare at him in disapproval when he does so is greatly appreciated, and he reckons there probably won’t be anyone coming in during the five minutes he’ll spend in there before he returns to the apartment. Who does laundry on a Saturday morning but someone who _wasn’t_ out drinking last night, anyway?

Gou’s lying on the couch watching something on TV when he returns, and he goes to make himself some room on said couch as well by lifting her legs and then placing them across his own as he sits down. Gou glares at him.

“Have some pity, would you?”

“Oh, please. You aren’t _dying_ , Matsuoka. Are you really sure you’d wanna lie here, though? Considering—“

“Shut up!” she interrupts. “I know you used a sheet, Haru, I’m not moving away from here for a couple of hours, and if you’re not cooking tonight, I’m ordering in.”

“Order me mackerel and you’re off the hook,” Haruka says, and Gou snorts, lightly kicking him.

“You never change, do you?”

“Perfectly fine with the way I am, thank you.”

“I am, too.”

And it’s nice knowing that, for once, there’s someone around him who _doesn’t_ want or need him to change in any regard, because she likes him the way he is, like Haruka takes his coffee. Black, no sugar, no milk, just the way it is straight from the coffee machine. And really, that’s the only way you can drink coffee in his opinion, and whatever concoctions Makoto drinks whenever they’re out somewhere should all be banned in his opinion. Makoto’s even managed to drag Kisumi into sweet coffee hell, Kisumi not even having been a coffee person at all to begin with. It’s bad, and Haruka should _really_ do something to stop it, but he doesn’t know what that would be.

Haruka endures two whole episodes of some drama show Gou’s watching before he goes to shove his laundry into the dryer, and then comes back to her sound asleep on the couch. Thankfully. He doesn’t mind if she’s asleep in the middle of the day, because she probably needs all the sleep and rest she can get before she returns to work the next day. Haruka might find his job stressful sometimes, but it’s probably nothing to what Gou has to be experiencing working at the hospital’s rehab centre.

He walks towards their hallway closet to pull out a blanket that he brings out into the living room to drape over his flatmate. He envies her for finding it so easy to fall asleep; Haruka spends far too much time on trying to fall asleep at night, almost to the point where the time it takes for him to fall asleep is longer than he actually spends sleeping. He always thinks about going to try and get sleeping pills prescribed, but in the end never gets around to it. Asking Gou for such a thing would be far beneath him, and he fears she might think he’s using her, which he obviously isn’t.

When about half an hour has passed, Haruka makes a final trip to the laundry room to pick up his now dry clothes and sheet. He’s always a little _too_ meticulous with folding and sorting his clothes already in the laundry bag before he leaves, but it saves him time when he puts it all into the closet again anyway.

Finally done with his laundry for the week—probably the past _two_ weeks, now that he thinks about it—Haruka exits the laundry room with an overly stuffed bag slung over his shoulder, and just as he walks out, someone walks right into him and makes him drop several articles of carefully folded and sorted clothing onto the dirty floor. Well, so much for being meticulous.

“Watch where you’re walking,” he snarls, and the guy right next to him makes an attempt at turning around, at which point Haruka realises he’s carrying a huge, and probably heavy, box in his arms.

“Jeez, sor- _ry_ ,” the guy responds with sarcasm dripping off his voice. “Can’t really see much with this huge ass box blocking my view.”

He still doesn’t make an attempt at putting it down, and Haruka knows he already hates this guy’s guts despite having only just met him. He’s way, _way_ worse than their loud neighbour slash dog aficionado Yamada in 4F, that’s for sure. Thing is, from what Haruka can see, he doesn’t recognise the guy in the slightest. And judging by the box he’s hauling, he’s probably moving in. Definitely not out, because Haruka knows every single face of this building, and would definitely not miss a guy with _those arms_. He swallows hard.

“You moving in?” he asks.

“Yeah, literally just now parked outside. And walked into you.”

This time, the guy actually puts his box down on the floor and slides it up against the wall so it isn’t blocking the path. Haruka bends down to pick up and dust off his clothes, using it as an excuse to hide the sudden rise of heat to his face. _Man_ , his new neighbour is handsome. Illegally so, and Haruka fears he’ll probably catch himself blatantly staring at this guy whenever they meet, which they most definitely will several times from now on.

He doesn’t care about folding his clothes this time around since he’ll have to wash them again, anyway. “Well,” he says, “you’re forgiven for walking into me. And uh, welcome to the building, I guess.”

“You my landlord or something?” When Haruka gives the man a deadpan look, he clears his throat. No, he’s not in the mood for jokes, and _yes_ , he knows he’s terrible at making small-talk. That’s why he usually stays as far away from it as he can. “Never mind. Thanks.”

The two get into the lift, and when Haruka presses his button, the guy lets out a sound in surprise.

“We’re on the same floor! How about that. So, what’s the name?”

Haruka gives him a look. So this is one of _those_ guys. Who really says ‘what’s the name’ these days? It reminds him of old films from the eighties where guys in ridiculous outfits and mullets made pathetic attempts at picking up girls with similar lines, but always ended up rejected. Haruka wonders if this guy’s a virgin, if he were to take this comparison further. He’s got to be roughly the same age as Haruka himself, and if he _is_ a virgin… well, Haruka likes to think he isn’t one to judge, but his flatmate would snort and beg to differ on that one.

“Nanase,” he says. “Nanase Haruka. You?”

“Yamazaki Sousuke.” Haruka wonders if this guy shakes hands, if he bows, or if he just gives a nod, much like Haruka prefers to do himself, and he doesn’t quite know what to do in this situation. He’s pleasantly surprised to find out that all Sousuke does is to, indeed, nod, and he sighs inwardly in relief. “So, Haruka, huh.”

Haruka resists the urge to roll his eyes. If he got a 100-yen coin for every time someone commented on his feminine first name, he’d probably be able to completely sustain himself for an entire year, bills included. And a hundred yen is barely enough to get him a sandwich at the Seven Eleven down the street.

“Yes, _Haruka_ ,” he unnecessarily clarifies, waiting for the laugh that doesn’t come. Surprised again by this guy he’s never met before.

The lift signals their destination, and Haruka lets Sousuke go out in front with that huge box of his once again blocking his view. Good thing they have a lift, then, so he wouldn’t have to take the stairs with that thing. And that box most definitely doesn’t contain all of his belongings, either, so he’s bound to return out for more.

“Well, see you around then, Haruka,” Sousuke says, and it throws Haruka off to the point where Sousuke notices, and laughs. “I’m not teasing you. I like that name, it suits you.”

“No offence, _Yamazaki_ , but you don’t really know me,” Haruka bites back. Sousuke raises an eyebrow as he fumbles for his keys in his pocket.

“Oh, I’m aware. I just moved in, after all.”

Sousuke leaves Haruka standing outside pretty much with his mouth open and jaw having dropped to the floor. The _nerve_ of this guy. Talk about blatantly flirting with someone he’s only just met, and not being ashamed in the least bit.

Not that Haruka can deny the fact that he’s _interested_ , he definitely is. And who wouldn’t be, with those arms, not to mention back muscles?!


	2. haruka | sex first, talk never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gou is looking to expand her circle of friends, Haruka considers making his smaller, Rin cares too loudly, and Makoto tries too hard.

Haruka closes the door quietly after himself, and jumps nearly two metres up in the air when he hears Gou.

“Are you finally done washing away your sins?”

He lets out a sigh and walks inside to dump his laundry bag onto the living room floor, and then sits down next to her on the couch. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

“I was talking about you, Haru. You could probably use one of those washes yourself, and not just your clothes or… bed sheets.”

“You saying I smell bad?” he asks, pretending to be offended. When she rolls her eyes, Haruka snorts. “Okay, so I need to tell you something, and I also need you to not freak out.”

Gou frowns. “I can’t guarantee anything, but… sure, I’ll try. What is it? Or should I ask, what did you do?”

Haruka waves her off. “It’s nothing like that. Someone just moved in next door, and he’s _really_ good-looking. Just letting you know that I’m calling dibs on that, in case you meet him. No, you will for sure meet him, but know that he’s mine before he’s yours.”

His flatmate blinks a few times in stunned silence, and then she gasps, clasping a hand over her mouth when it all hits her at once. “New guy next door, and he’s _handsome_? Damn you, Haru! I should’ve offered to do your laundry instead so I could’ve met him.”

“And your hangover?”

“Screw the hangover,” Gou says exasperatedly. “I can sacrifice a thing or two if it means I get to meet a handsome new neighbour. So, what’s he like? Did you exchange phone numbers?”

Haruka snorts, rolling his eyes. “No need, really, seeing as he lives right next door. He’s a jerk with ridiculous muscles who tells terrible jokes. That’s about as much as I managed to get out of him in about ten minutes.”

She pouts and leans back against the couch. “See, I would’ve managed to get a lot more out of him in that amount of time. Your people skills are as sharp as ever, Haru. Besides, aren’t you already shagging Kisumi? It’s unfair of you to keep these guys all to yourself.”

“We’re not really _exclusive_ ,” he says curtly whilst frowning. “We’re not even dating, and he doesn’t own me.”

“Alright, alright,” Gou says, raising her hands in a surrendering gesture. “Fine, you saw him first, I won’t barge in on your territory. I wanna meet him, though. And possibly become friends with him, if he doesn’t mind.”

Haruka shrugs. So maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up, after all, just kept it to himself until Gou finally met the guy herself. It’s inevitable, after all, especially given her weird powers of automatically befriending every single person she comes across. It’s almost scary, although Haruka finds himself asking more often than he’d like to admit just how she manages to do it. Sometimes, maybe having skills like those would be useful. But it also requires effort, which Haruka isn’t a big fan of wasting.

That evening, they end up ordering takeout, since Gou’s laziness seems to have affected Haruka, too. He gets the mackerel rice bowl he wants, Gou gets her udon, and it all arrives within half an hour. Haruka returns to the couch which they haven’t moved from in all day, and Gou mirrors his surprised expression.

“Technology these days. Soon we probably won’t even have to get up to open the door for them; it’ll just magically appear right here on the table, probably delivered by a drone or something.”

“That would mean they’d have to unlock and open our door. And what if the drone goes berserk and starts thrashing the place?”

Gou laughs. “Wild imagination you’ve got there. I guess that’s a given for an artist.”

“Ah, speaking of which,” he says and reaches in under the couch pillow where he haphazardly shoved slash hid his sketch the night before. “I have something for you.”

She leans forward a bit, but she still has her udon bowl steady between her legs. “Is it already my birthday? Wow, this year went by fast.”

Haruka scoffs. “No offence, but I’m not ready for winter. So no, it isn’t December yet. And if it was, that’d mean I’d missed Makoto’s birthday, which I never do. It’s just… nothing big. Don’t make it sound like it is, it’s just a drawing I did yesterday.”

He carefully rips it out and places it on the table in front of her, and does _not_ want to look at Gou when she looks at his drawing, so he stares down at his bowl of food instead and focuses on eating. He likes giving people gifts, but he doesn’t like the attention that comes with it. If only people could just nod once, smile at him and say a simple ‘thank you’, that’d be a whole lot easier than—

“Oh my god, this is _wonderful_! I love it, Haru. Thank you.”

—this. Well, maybe it went a little smoother than he thought it would. He’s even okay with the hug he receives after Gou’s hurriedly put her bowl on the table.

“I’m glad you like it,” he says when Gou sits back down.

“I almost want to get it framed. You make me look like a goddess or something. An ethereal being.”

“Don’t expect me to say that you are, because I’m not.”

She laughs. “I know. Again, thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Haruka _hates_ working during lunch service. It’s slow, it drives him insane, and he really wants to talk to his boss about setting himself up for a hundred percent dinner service, five days a week. Dinner service is at least hectic and it gives him very little time to just stand around doing nothing. When he first started working at this Italian place, he would’ve never in a million years thought things could be this dead around lunch time. And their restaurant’s supposed to be one of the more popular ones in town? It’s hard to tell, really.

Sometimes he’s bored to the point where he convinces the guy who usually does the dishes to just continue taking care of stuff out in the restaurant so Haruka can take care of them instead, when he isn’t cooking. Which isn’t very often during lunch service when there are two other chefs in the kitchen alongside him, most of the time saying “leave this one to me”. And it probably isn’t because they doubt he can do it, because pretty much everyone around here knows he _can_ , but it’s probably just to save him the ‘trouble’. Trouble Haruka would _love_ going through, since it prevents him from doing nothing.

When he decides to take a lunch break, he goes out back and sits down on a discarded box which previously had contained cartons of milk. He notices upon just unlocking his phone that Makoto’s sent him a message _and_ called him. Twice. Slightly frowning to himself, Haruka calls Makoto, hoping he’s on a lunch break now, too.

“ _Hello? Haru?_ ”

Apparently he is, or he’s breaking all kinds of rules right about now. Which wouldn’t be very Makoto-esque to begin with, so yes, he’s on lunch break.

“Hey. You called?”

“ _Ah, yes, I did. Are you on lunch break now?_ ”

“Yeah. Did something happen?”

“ _No! No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you and Gou would like to come over for dinner tomorrow evening. Rin cooks, don’t worry_.”

Haruka smiles to himself as he finishes chewing on a bite and swallowing it. “Sure, that sounds great. What’s the occasion? You two finally getting married?”

“ _Very funny. No, we just don’t get to see you guys that much… and don’t tell Rin this, but I know he misses his sister. We miss you both, but Rin really misses Gou-chan. So. You think you guys can come?_ ”

“Sure. When do you want us there?”

Makoto hums. Haruka hears a few children chatting in the background, and guesses Makoto has to return to class soon. “ _Six is fine. Tell Gou-chan I said hi, will you? And see you tomorrow!_ ”

The two hang up after short parting phrases, and Haruka finishes his lunch before returning to work, the pace finally having picked up a bit now that they’re on the home stretch. He returns to his spot in the kitchen and notices a few orders slapped onto the tile next to the shelf of plates, and takes a handful of them off to make sure they don’t make double orders, and then gets to cooking.

While cooking, he half-listens to the conversations of the other chefs around him, music from the radio playing faintly in the background. Haruka may enjoy silence more than anything, but this is kind of nice, too. His co-workers aren’t loud people, and they know when _not_ to stand around talking and work instead. For once, Haruka managed to get himself a job at a decent place surrounded by decent people, and not throw himself into something he knew he’d regret in the end, anyway.

On his way from work just after four in the afternoon, he texts Kisumi to let him know he’ll be over in five, and then calls Gou. Sometimes, the relationship he has with Gou reminds him of that of a married couple, except he’s got way more freedom, and there’s not a shackle in the form of a wedding ring on his finger. (And thank god for that; Haruka _hates_ commitments.)

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hi, darling,” he says in his usual deadpan voice, and Gou snorts at him.

“ _You know, it doesn’t really work if you sound like a zombie when saying it._ ”

“’Work’? Gross. Gou, you know I’m about as straight as a rainbow.”

“ _Oh, me too, honey_ ,” she says, making sure to enunciate the last word very clearly. “ _Anyway, what did you call for?_ ”

“What, can’t a man just call his flatmate for a casual chat?”

The line goes silent for a few seconds before they speak in unison. “Probably not.”

“I’m heading over to Kisumi’s,” Haruka says instead. “Will probably grab something to eat on my way back.”

“ _Why doesn’t he ever cook for you since you’re there so often?_ ”

Haruka rolls his eyes as he rounds the corner of the building right next to Kisumi’s. “We’re not dating or anything, he doesn’t owe me food just because we have sex. I don’t cook for him, either. Besides, I don’t think I’d be a fan of Italian.”

Gou laughs. “ _You’re mean. He can actually cook, and his Italian dishes are great. You’re missing out, you know_.”

He’d like to be the judge of that himself, actually, but he doesn’t mention that. The two finish their phone call shortly, and after having walked inside the building, Haruka places his finger on the doorbell. It hits him how many times he’s done this in the past year, how many times he and Kisumi have met up for the sole purpose of having sex.

Had someone told him back in high school that he’d be fucking Shigino Kisumi on a semi-regular basis, he would’ve dismissed it as a joke and probably never dared talking to Kisumi again since he’d find out. It’s strange how he has this weird power of just _knowing_ these things.

Kisumi is _never_ hesitant on welcoming Haruka into his open arms, even though Haruka doesn’t really go for them in the first place. Unless they’re wrapped around his neck when they’re having sex, Haruka doesn’t want Kisumi’s arms or hands near him.

So he swats away Kisumi’s attempts at hugging—god knows Makoto’s are more than enough, and he sees Makoto far less than he does Kisumi—and just heads straight for the bedroom. Kisumi’s couch isn’t sex friendly as one of its legs is already propped up on a saucepan, and Haruka isn’t really a fan of having sex on or against counters. Beds are comfortable, at least, though they _are_ a bit boring after so many times.

“You’re really eager today, aren’t you?”

Haruka shudders, and hears Kisumi walk in after him. “Please don’t talk like that. Let’s just do this.”

“Wow, you’re _such_ a romantic. Rin would be jealous.”

Haruka scoffs. “He can keep his title of being the biggest and worst romantic of all time, I’m sure Makoto would at least agree to one of those. I’m not romantic.”

“I’ve noticed, and I guess I don’t mind that,” Kisumi answers, and Haruka lets that be the end of the conversation, because let’s face it—talking isn’t why he’s here.

 

* * *

 

It’s gotten dark out when Haruka heads back home. The streets are nearly empty of people, and it’s nice and relatively quiet around him, so he doesn’t bother listening to music in his headphones as he usually does. It isn’t really something he started doing until maybe his last year of high school; he just never bothered with listening to music when walking by himself. He’s always listened to music when drawing or painting, but in recent years, he’s found it nice to drown everything out with music instead.

Haruka’s never been a person for technology to begin with—Rin and Makoto had to force him to start being more aware of the existence of his phone since there _are_ people who want to get a hold of him every now and then. The thought of being available whenever he has his phone in his pocket, which is pretty much whenever he isn’t asleep or at home (when it’s usually on his nightstand upstairs) can be kind of stressful at times, but Haruka knows he probably has to just be okay with it. For his friends’ sake, and whoever else might need to get in touch with him.

Not too far away from their apartment building, Haruka spots someone who’s walking—or waddling, rather—in his direction. He’s tall, and _man_ those are some broad shoulders, and Haruka knows who it is without having to ask. Because who could forget those muscles?

“Hey… hey, wait,” Sousuke says, nearly toppling over on his way to Haruka. He stops right next to him and lets out a long sigh, as if he’s been walking for hours. “Thanks. Can’t find my stupid keys.”

“Seems like you’ve had a little too much to drink,” Haruka says and scrunches his nose in disgust. Sousuke smells like old beer and faintly of sweat, and it’s not a very nice combination. Though it’s probably to be expected given what he’s probably spent his evening doing.

“That depends on what you define as ‘too much’, but yeah—I’m most definitely gonna be hungover tomorrow, and it’s gonna suck really fucking bad. Sorry, but I’m too drunk for this right now, and I really need to pee. Open the door?”

Haruka realises he still hasn’t opened the goddamn door to the apartment building, and hurriedly amends this. He lets Sousuke stumble in before him, and watches him beeline, although more of a zig-zag kind, towards the lift.

His build reminds Haruka of a swimmer’s, but he feels like it’d be dumb of him to assume everyone has the same history as him just because of their body type. It just seems _really_ likely, and while Haruka wouldn’t admit it, he _is_ good at guessing things like these.

When they get out of the lift, Sousuke scrambles through his pockets again, and Haruka just begs to himself that he actually finds them so he won’t have to awkwardly offer him to sleep on their couch.

“Oh _man_ , I thought—I thought I’d lost them. Could you imagine losing your keys like a day after moving in?”

Haruka hums, disinterested, as he unlocks his own door. “Well, guess I’ll see you around then.”

“Nanase, right?” the guy blurts. “Sorry, I’m really bad at names.”

Haruka raises an eyebrow at that. Sousuke could’ve just looked at their goddamn mailbox and found that out, but Haruka doesn’t comment on it.

“Yeah. Nanase Haruka,” he confirms, and Sousuke hums.

“Haruka… right.” When he sees Haruka glaring, Sousuke puts both of his hands up in a surrendering gesture and laughs. “Don’t _bite_ , tiger—I actually like it.”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion. But okay, thanks, I guess. I’m gonna go to bed, if you don’t mind.”

Sousuke waves him off, grinning. “’S fine. Sorry about this whole thing, with me being drunk and all. Promise I won’t be the next time we meet.”

Haruka holds back a snort in amusement at that, and then Sousuke finally walks into his apartment. Haruka watches his back as he does, and finds himself mourning the loss of a wonderful sight when the door closes. He shakes his head to himself and walks inside his apartment, gladly finding out Gou’s already gone to bed so he won’t have to explain anything right now when all he wants is to sleep. There is no way she _wouldn’t_ notice, and with how scary she can be with assuming things correctly, she’d probably also find out Haruka just met their neighbour for the second time without alerting her.

Sometimes he’s glad he lives with someone as perceptive and observant as Gou, but sometimes it can just be downright scary.

 

* * *

 

“So I met our new neighbour again last night,” Haruka says before blowing on his mug, and then taking a cautious sip. Just the way he likes it, just black coffee without anything added to it. Honestly, he will _never_ understand Makoto’s addiction to those sugar bombs he has at least one of a day. It’s a wonder a guy like him has yet to get his first cavity, and it’s a good thing he’s still working out regularly or he most certainly wouldn’t look the way he does.

Gou raises an eyebrow in obvious interest. “Really? Well, give me the details then. _God_ you’re lucky, I haven’t even met him once. So?”

“Eh, it was nothing special. He couldn’t find his keys so I let him in, and that was it. Oh, and don’t forget I called dibs on him, whenever you _do_ meet him.”

She frowns and crosses her arms. “Hey, that’s unfair, I haven’t even _seen_ him.”

“Well, I saw him first, so there’s that.”

“So are you looking to expand your ‘friends with benefits’ list, or what?” Gou asks, amusement evident in her voice.

“Maybe,” he hums. He’s certainly interested, even though he has no idea what Sousuke’s _really_ like, as they’ve only met twice, second time with Sousuke being drunk. And so what if that makes him superficial—he couldn’t really care less about what others think about him and his way of living life now that he’s just passed his mid-twenties and no longer has to really live up to anyone’s expectations.

Gou leans back against the couch and sighs. “Fine. I’m still going to meet him and probably become best friends with him.”

“I thought you were best friends with Kisumi,” Haruka says. “Or are you looking to expand your circle of friends?”

“Touché. And yes, maybe I am. I’m a social person unlike someone else I know,” she says and playfully elbows Haruka in the side.

It’s a Sunday, and they’re spending the early part of it by watching terrible television shows, both wearing oversized t-shirts and sweatpants accompanied with slippers. Haruka’s are of the fluffy kind—a pair of magenta coloured slippers with bunny ears that were given to him as a joke gift by Rin last Christmas that has quickly become his favourites, much to Rin’s dismay.

“I’m tired of watching this,” Haruka complains. “Hand me the remote.”

Gou holds it in her hand out of reach from Haruka and sticks out her tongue at him. “Hell no. I had to watch a boring documentary about clown fish with you last time, now you’re watching crime shows with me.”

Haruka whines before stretching out over her and trying to snatch the remote from her hand, but she won’t relent. “We shouldn’t have moved in together; this was a bad idea.”

“You’re right,” Gou agrees sarcastically, “especially with how you take so much time in the bathroom in the morning. Some people have to _work_ , you know.”

“It’s all about adjusting.”

“That goes both ways!”

He pouts and lies back down, after which Gou wastes no time in snuggling in close to him and taking his arm to wrap it over her shoulders. He has to admit, the crime show currently on TV isn’t _that_ bad, it’s just that he’d prefer watching something else if given the goddamn remote. But seeing as that isn’t going to happen, he’ll have to make do. _Adjusting_ , as he so stupidly had put it himself.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Makoto wants us over for dinner tonight. And, well—Rin, too, I guess.”

Gou looks up at him. “Are we going?”

“I don’t know, are we?”

“I guess so, unless you want to bail on them.”

Haruka sighs. “Rin wouldn’t be happy if I did.”

“I know. At least tell me he’s the one in charge of dinner, I’m not in the mood for food poisoning tonight. Don’t tell Makoto I said that.”

He laughs a little. “No worries. Yes, Rin is cooking. When are you _ever_ in the mood for food poisoning, by the way?”

“Oh, trust me—there are situations in which I wish something would just take me out, and sometimes those are lunch or dinner situations. Food poisoning seems like a good way out of it most of the time.”

Well, Haruka’s certainly had his fair share of those situations himself, so he kind of has to agree, despite how horrible it may sound to others. Again, it _is_ a good thing he’s living with Gou and not anyone else.

 

* * *

  

Haruka barely manages to walk inside Rin’s and Makoto’s apartment before Rin pulls him in for an embrace that’s more of a bear hug than anything else, and it nearly squeezes out all of the air in his lungs. Makoto’s quickly there to save him with a pat on Rin’s shoulder and that apologetic smile that has become a signature of his.

“Rin, that’s enough,” he says and laughs. Rin pulls back, visibly pouting for about a second before he gives his sister a similar treatment, and Haruka sighs as he’s now allowed to take his shoes off before receiving his next, hopefully more merciful, hug from the other host.

“Wow, you really _did_ miss me,” he hears Gou say behind him, at which point he and Makoto exchange looks before their standard greeting hug.

“Do you think he’ll yell at me?” Haruka whispers. Makoto laughs again.

“I think you’ll be fine. Me, on the other hand…”

Dinner is just about ready when the two guests are ushered into the kitchen to take their seats, both hosts serving dinner and even lighting candles. Haruka frowns at the sight, and Gou snickers from where she sits on his opposite side.

“Romantic,” she comments, and Rin grunts.

“It’s better than the hideous ceiling lamp we have in here. I’ve talked to Makoto several times about getting a bulb with dimmer light, but he thinks it’ll get better with time. It’s been _weeks_.”

“I think candlelight dinners give a better atmosphere, and not just a romantic one,” Makoto says as he’s the last one to come join them at the dinner table. Rin snorts at that, and Makoto looks at him like a kicked puppy.

Haruka looks at the food they’ve been served and immediately notices the Australian influences in the way the fish has been prepared. He wonders if there’s fish just because he’s one of their guests, but also knows Rin would just say he’s ‘not _that_ special of a guest’, though his actions always contradict his words.

As was to be expected, they talk about what’s currently going on in their lives, how work’s going, anything else that might be of interest to the others. Gou’s the one to mention Sousuke having moved in, though she only refers to him as ‘the new, apparently well-muscled, neighbour’, as she doesn’t know as much about him as Haruka does despite only having met him twice. Rin, of course, becomes hostile at the slightest mention of a new man in Gou’s vicinity, and Haruka rolls his eyes at the whole thing. Some things, some _people_ , just don’t change.

After dinner, the four move into the living room where the conversation continues, though on different topics. Haruka sits back to just listen and observe, which is what he does best. Talking isn’t something he’s good at, and he never has been, but he’d be willing to call himself a good listener, at least.

Rin seems to enjoy spending time with his sister, as the two of them are talking lively about a wide variety of things. At some point, Makoto comes to sit next to Haruka on the couch, having dropped out of the conversation he probably could no longer keep up with. Haruka can’t blame him.

“Those two are _really_ similar, aren’t they?” Makoto asks. Haruka snorts.

“Of course. They’re siblings.”

“I know, but it’s _scary_. Like they’re twins or something.”

He knows what Makoto means, though, seeing as he lives with Gou, sees her every day and has done so for nearly two years. It might not be in  _everything_ she does or says, but Haruka sees it every now and then, and is reminded how she indeed is Rin’s sister. They may be vastly different when it comes to how to handle certain situations and their personalities in general, but then there are moments where Haruka fears he might call Gou by her brother’s name instead at some point, just because of how much she resembles him sometimes—especially when she’s angry. She hasn’t ever been properly angry with Haruka, thankfully, but at others, either over the phone or when retelling a story.

There are a few things Haruka’s realised during the time he’s lived with Gou, like how when you live with someone and share pretty much every single space of the apartment except for bedrooms—even though they do sometimes—you get to know them on a level you don’t ever get to with normal friends despite how long you’ve known them. He’s fairly certain he knows almost as much about Gou as he does about Makoto by this point, and that’s counting in nearly a lifetime of having known Makoto.

“So anyway, Haru, how’s work?” Makoto asks. Haruka shrugs.

“Good, the usual. Think I may want to take on dinner service more often, though, because I want to earn actual money.”

Makoto laughs. “Well, you do commissions every now and then, don’t you? They should cover most of it alongside what you earn from the restaurant.”

“See, this is why you should’ve just pursued professional swimming like myself,” Rin butts in and sits down next to Makoto, draping an arm around his shoulders. Haruka frowns, and Makoto’s expression changes drastically at this for about a second before he turns to Rin again with that smile of his that’s supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows, but in Haruka’s eyes just looks apologetic towards himself.

“Rin,” Makoto says in a sweet but warning tone, but Rin doesn’t take the hint.

“I’m just saying. It isn’t like I’m _rich_ by any means, but money isn’t that big of a concern. I think it would’ve suited you.”

Haruka averts his gaze, feeling everyone’s eyes on him, and wanting nothing but to sink through the floor. “Let it go. I made my choice.”

“I know that, it’s just—“

“Just let it go, Rin! Jeez, you’re _really_ bad at reading people and the general mood around you.”

This time, it’s Gou’s voice Haruka hears. He looks at her, and she looks at him briefly before returning her glare to her brother. Rin thankfully drops the subject, and Makoto once again has to make an effort to change the subject and lighten the mood in the room. Haruka doesn’t think he quite succeeds.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” Rin says, the four of them standing out in the hallway. “I wanna see you guys more, so stop being strangers, okay? We don’t live that far away from each other, we can afford to meet up more often than just once a month. Sometimes I almost feel like you’re trying to steal Gou away and never let us see her again, Haru.”

Haruka snorts and takes his flatmate into his arms, not meeting Rin’s eyes. “She’d come willingly, trust me.”

Gou laughs and leans her head against his chest. “I would. You’d better watch out, Rin.”

“Nah, I know I can trust Haru with you.”

Haruka raises an eyebrow, and he and Gou exchange glances. “I wonder if that’s a compliment or an insult?”

“I wonder, too,” Gou says.

“Hey! That’s a _compliment!_ ”

 

* * *

 

Haruka and Gou say goodbye, and then begin the short walk back home. He finally lets out a sigh he feels like he’s been holding in since they walked inside Makoto’s and Rin’s apartment.

They don’t really talk during their walk back to the apartment, but Haruka knows Gou wants to. He’s just thankful she doesn’t say anything, because he’s not really in a state of responding verbally right now. He loves Rin, but he really has a way of tiring Haruka out with the way he worries and pries, be it on the phone or in person.

When they get back, Haruka brushes his teeth and doesn’t even bother taking a shower before he goes to bed. He wants this day to be over, to start the new week, hoping that it’ll turn out better than the one he’s just about to leave behind him.

Just as he’s about to fall asleep, he hears his bedroom door open, and silent footsteps across the wooden floor. Gou crawls in under his duvet and embraces him from behind, and Haruka lets out a silent exhale out of what feels like relief. He wouldn’t really have wanted to sleep alone that night, anyway, so he’s glad Gou picked up on that.

“He means well,” Gou whispers against his back, and Haruka nods stiffly.

“Yeah.”

“Night, Haru.”

“Night.”


	3. gou | french braids and italian cuisine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gou finally gets to meet the new neighbour, and Kisumi makes her dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've gotten three chapters out now, so i'm gonna space 'em out a bit after this one. [mostly because i don't want it all to be published in like a week.]

Even though her job is pretty much the same thing happening over and over, Gou wouldn’t say she finds it boring by any means. She loves getting to interact with people of all ages through her job at the hospital’s rehabilitation centre, and not just interacting but also _helping_ them. Having originally studied to become a personal trainer, she changed her mind and modules around for it to fit her new dream, and it landed her here. Still in Iwatobi, but Gou knows this is where home is.

Gou finishes a particularly busy and rough Tuesday at five and hopes there’s a message on her phone saying Haruka will go grocery shopping, because all she wants is to go home and lie down on the couch for a while without taking a detour to the grocery store beforehand.

She never has her phone on her when she’s working and only stuffs it into her pocket during lunch and other breaks just in case, but usually people don’t try to reach her during the day anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

Haruka hasn’t sent her a message, so she decides to be the one to send him one and suggest takeout. When she’s left the hospital, Haruka replies with a short ‘ _lazy, huh_ ’ at which she just snorts and puts her phone into her pocket again. Honestly, Haruka doesn’t have anything to complain about since he can still get his beloved mackerel if he wants to, which she knows he will.

“I’m home,” she sighs as she nearly tumbles in through the door. Haruka’s already sitting on the couch and waves halfheartedly in her direction.

“Welcome back. Good day?”

“ _Rough_ day,” she corrects as she walks in and sits down on the couch with a groan. Haruka puts a hand on her shoulder and pulls her down so that her head’s resting on his lap. “By this point, you’d think I would’ve gotten used to this, but some days… some days I just realise how a little workout every now and then could only be good for me.”

Haruka undoes her high ponytail and begins slowly raking his fingers through her hair; something he does every now and then knowing it calms her down. She closes her eyes and hums approvingly.

“Do you like it otherwise?”

“Oh yes. The whole aspect of getting to meet and communicate with people every day is the best part about my job, and it really makes it worth it. And, well—I do like to help people, so I guess I can’t really complain.”

“On the other hand,” Haruka says and adjusts his sitting position a little, “it’s understandable you’re having trouble doing so much physical labour considering your height alone.”

Gou smacks him on the arm, and he laughs a little. “I’m serious, I might actually need to start actually working out instead of using my job as a workout. It’s not—“

“—working out.”

She raises her eyebrows and snorts in surprise. “Wow, I didn’t know you knew how to do puns.”

“Neither did I. Hanging out with the wrong people, apparently.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, that doesn’t just include you, you know.”

 

* * *

 

After a night out with ‘the girls’ (god, Chigusa _really_ needs to stop calling them that, it’s starting to get to Gou now, too, and she does _not_ like it), Gou wakes up with a hangover on the following Saturday, as deserved.

Haruka had been home when she got in somewhere around three in the morning, but she knows he hadn’t been in all evening without having to ask. And when he isn’t at home, he’s at Kisumi’s. She may not understand their arrangement and how they make it work without feelings getting mixed in at some point, but at the same time, she’s sort of impressed that it _does_ work.

She flinches violently when her phone vibrates next to her on the night stand, and she groans as her head throbs as a punishment. It’s a text from the idiot in the room next to hers, and she sighs.

 **Haru** : _get the mail. not getting out of bed._

 

 **You** : _u go i’m hungover. what’s ur excuse_

 

She puts her phone back down and rolls over, putting her pillow over her head to try and block out the sounds, but to no avail. Haruka sends her another text within a minute, and she sighs loudly enough for him to hopefully hear it through their paper thin walls.

 **Haru** : _make you breakfast if you go. and take care of you, like the old woman you are._

 

 **You** : _obviously u’d have to get up too if u were to make me breakfast. don't go there haru, u know it’s just a year difference._

 

Realising it won’t go anywhere, Gou slowly makes her way out of bed and puts on a robe and slippers before exiting out into their living room. She quickly washes her face and brushes her teeth before she goes outside to their mailbox just by the door, and just as she opens the door, she hears a door open right next to her.

“Oh,” a voice says, and Gou turns around to identify the source. When she does, she nearly chokes on her saliva and does a terrible job at masking her surprise. “Hey, you live with Nanase?”

Gou quickly pats down her bed head in an attempt to at least look presentable in front of a guy who clearly has to be the reincarnation of some sort of deity, and clears her throat. “Yeah,” she manages. “Are you—wait. You work at the hospital in town!”

The stranger’s eyes widen, and then he grins. “I do, and now I recognise you, too. Rehab centre, right?”

“Yeah! So… Yamazaki?” she asks as she quickly glances at his mail box, realising he’s out to get the mail, too. He laughs.

“Call me Sousuke,” he says, and Gou wonders if this is heaven. If it is, it most certainly isn’t like she’s heard before, because this is ten times better. Damn Haru for calling dibs on this guy before she even had a chance to see who it was… though there’s really no telling what team he bats for. Maybe Haru’s the one who’s disappointed in the end.

“Matsuoka Gou,” she says. “And wow, this is embarrassing, but also sort of… cool.”

“Embarrassing?”

She smiles awkwardly and scratches her chin with one finger. “I must look like an absolute mess right now. Not the ideal way to meet neighbours.”

Sousuke laughs. “Your flatmate—boyfriend?—has already seen me in a worse state, believe me.”

“Flatmate is correct,” she says. _You’d better thank me for this, Haru_. “Well, I don’t mean to keep you, I was just going out to get the mail.”

“Me too,” he shrugs. “It’s fine. But hey, we should get lunch sometime! Now that we’ve _properly_ met and work at the same hospital, even. Can you believe this?”

The two decide to go out for lunch that Tuesday, get what they went out for in the first place, and then go their separate ways. Gou feels like her legs are made of overcooked pasta as she walks into the kitchen to sort the mail, and just as she’s finished doing so, Haruka finally decides to emerge from his bedroom.

“Anything interesting?” he yawns as he walks over to her and gives her a quick kiss on the head. She grimaces.

“Good thing we’re not dating; I’d hate having to deal with your morning breath directly.”

“Funny.”

“It’s just a bunch of junk, and apparently the rent. Feels like we pay that thing every _week_.”

Haruka shrugs. “It’s not that expensive, we can’t really complain. What, running low on money?”

“God no, I’m good at handling money.” She doesn’t even have to look at Haruka to know he doesn’t buy her blatant lie. “I met our neighbour finally. Turns out we work at the same hospital.”

“Really? Huh. Iwatobi really _is_ a small town.”

“Right? We’re going out for lunch on Tuesday, too. I’m gonna get to know him before you do, you know.”

Haruka sniffs and begins walking towards the bathroom. “Already called dibs, not worried.”

“What about breakfast?” she calls back.

“You _just_ complained about my morning breath, could you let me take care of it and maybe take a _shower_ before cooking?!”

 

* * *

 

Even though she’s strangely nervous about the whole, not so _big_ , ordeal, the lunch Gou has with Sousuke goes off without a hitch. She finds him really easy to talk to, and the small talk doesn’t bother her as much as it sometimes can with others. Yes, she's good at it, but that doesn't mean she particularly  _likes_ small-talk. She figures she's pretty good at faking since no one's really seemed to notice she makes an effort into talking to people about nonsensical things like the weather and how things are at work.

“Tokyo, huh?” she says, impressed. “Why move to a small, insignificant town like Iwatobi?”

Sousuke chews on and swallows a piece of tonkatsu before answering. “Because Tokyo’s too big. I don’t know, I just really wanted to get away from it all, you know? I’m not really a city kind of person. Small towns are more my kind of thing because there’s less stress.”

There’s a lot to his words that Sousuke doesn’t elaborate on, and Gou guesses it’s just too personal to discuss over lunch, especially with someone you’ve technically just met. She gets the impression that, while he’s easy to talk to, he doesn’t open up easily, and she reckons he has good reasons for it. All the better, really—she’d just find it kind of scary had he _not_ been reserved.

“So what’s up with you and Nanase, then? Flatmates, you said?”

Gou shrugs. “Yeah. Well, we used to be on the same swim team in high school, or rather—I was their manager. He’s good friends with my older brother, and I guess that’s how we originally started really hanging out.”

“Huh. And then you just moved in together. Don’t you find it weird living with a guy?”

This time, she laughs. “No, no. We’re not like that at all. You could probably say I see him as my second older brother. I guess he sort of sees me as a younger sister, too, seeing as we’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“’S kinda cool, I have to admit,” Sousuke replies. Gou almost expects him to ask if Haruka’s available seeing as he seems so interested in him, but then he surprisingly enough changes the subject. A mystery for now, she concludes.

It seems she just won’t get enough company from men, because Kisumi calls her that Friday just as she’s about to leave the hospital, wanting to hang out.

“ _I want to make you dinner,_ ” Kisumi says. “ _I feel like whenever we hang out, it’s always at a café and over coffee. It doesn’t feel very personal, you know?_ ”

Gou smiles to herself as she walks out through the automatic doors of the large hospital building. “I get what you mean. I'm coming over to you, then.”

“ _If you want to! I miss you, my love._ ”

“Normally I’d think you’re hitting on me,” Gou laughs. “Let me just go home to freshen up and I’ll come over.”

“ _Getting yourself prettied up for me? Oh, I’m honoured. See you soon!_ ”

She shakes her head as she hangs up and begins walking towards her and Haruka’s apartment complex. In a way, she’s surprised Kisumi isn’t either headed towards her apartment complex already to see Haruka, or that Haruka would be going over to his place. On average, she’d guess they see each other at least twice a week, and this would probably be a good day for it. Maybe _she_ should be honoured instead of Kisumi, since he’s probably the one making time for her more than the other way around.

It isn't as if they _don't_ hang out, they do, but it's not very often these days. Clashing work schedules is the biggest contributing factor, though on occasion, they  _have_ had lunch together, and having lunch with Kisumi is always a nice little break in the middle of a day at work.

“I’m back,” she says as usual, walking inside.

“Welcome back. How was your day?”

She raises her eyebrows; he’s inquisitive today, that’s new. “It was okay, better than yesterday. Yours?”

“It was okay; lunch service was hectic but it kept me from going insane with having nothing to do. I guess that’s to be expected from Fridays, though.”

When she comes to sit down on the couch next to him, Haruka greets her with his usual kiss on the top of her head, and she leans back with a sigh.

“Yeah. Oh, I won’t be home tonight, by the way—Kisumi’s making me dinner.”

Haruka lets out a surprised _huh_. “You’re leaving me for another guy?”

“Oh, please. You know you’re always first on my list.”

He smiles. “Yeah. Want me to do your hair?”

“Just don’t tug and pull at it.”

“You know I don’t do that on purpose.”

Gou narrows her eyes. “Sometimes I wonder.”

Haruka braids her hair into a French braid starting from the sides, and while he’s doing that, she manages to put makeup on without any problems or poking her mascara brush into her eye. One of the good things about living with Haruka—it’s efficient, saves her time, and she gets great food cooked for her, too. And she used to be weirded out about sharing friends with her brother… now she knows why it’s such a good idea.

“Don’t stay up,” she jokes on her way out the door. Haruka grins sarcastically at her before she smiles back and closes the door behind her. She’d called a taxi beforehand, so when she comes down the steps from the apartment building, it’s already parked by the side of the street waiting for her. The ride over to Kisumi’s is about ten minutes long, so she wouldn’t even consider walking that distance now that it’s getting dark out.

It doesn’t take long from the time she rings the doorbell until Kisumi opens his door, and then she’s lifted up into his arms enthusiastically—nothing out of the ordinary, really. Everything is as it should be with Kisumi.

“ _Buona sera, bella_ ,” he says in very broken Italian, and Gou can’t help but laugh at it as he sets her down on the floor to let her inside. “How was your day?”

“Oh, the usual,” she shrugs as she kicks of her high heels in the hallway and follows Kisumi further inside the apartment to the living room where he gestures for her to sit down on the couch. “Yours?”

Kisumi’s apartment is neat and tidy, but not to the point where you could tell he’s spent hours on cleaning the place. She doesn’t like it when people put too much effort into things for her, and is glad Kisumi never does. By this point, they’ve gotten to know each other pretty well, seeing each other regularly, either for a coffee or something even as extravagant as dinner like tonight.

“Same here, really. Every day’s pretty much the same, but sometimes that can be kinda nice. Gives a sense of security, I guess. Wine?”

She looks up at Kisumi at where he stands by his ever so impressive wine rack, and smiles. “Well, we’re having Italian, aren’t we? I kind of assumed with how you greeted me at the door.”

Kisumi laughs. “Wine it is. And yes, we’re having Italian. I’m guessing Haru wouldn’t be a fan?”

“You know how he is,” Gou says as she takes a glass from Kisumi, filled with what looks like a semi-expensive Merlot. “Always wants that goddamn mackerel of his and the staple Japanese meals. I can’t complain, really—but sometimes it’s nice with a drastic change. I can’t live on just white rice, fish and miso. Speaking of drastic change, whatever you’re making smells delicious, Kis.”

“I’m glad”, Kisumi smiles. “I hope it tastes even better; it’ll be ready in about ten minutes after a bit of simmering down.”

“That’s fine, don’t worry; that just means we've got more time for chit-chat.” Gou sniffs the wine and swirls her glass around a bit, watching the wine whirl about for a few seconds before it calms down, and then she takes a sip. As expected from someone whose family’s been into Italian cuisine and wine for years, it’s a really good wine. All of it is so vastly different from what she’s used to, but it’s a good kind of different she doesn’t mind trying to get used to.

“Hey, maybe I could teach you to cook a few things, and then you could cook for Haru. I bet he’d be more willing to eat your cooking than mine,” Kisumi says. She can’t really disagree with that seeing as Haru’s told her so himself, but she doesn’t say it.

“I’d love that, and I’ll _try_ to get him into a more varied diet.”

Kisumi smiles a little; a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Good idea.”

The two sit and talk while they wait for their dinner, and when Kisumi guesstimates it is, Gou sits by the kitchen table as Kisumi places a pot on one of the trivets and returns for a second pot, which contains the pasta. It all looks very fancy, but she knows she shouldn’t expect anything else from Kisumi.

“I just realised I’ve never asked,” Gou says while twirling pasta on her fork. She’s never really going to be able to get used to this whole thing with twirling pasta or even noodles around the tines on the fork, and just using it in general. “Have you ever considered getting a job within the restaurant world?”

Kisumi shrugs. “Not really, no. I like cooking, but I feel like I don’t like it to the point of wanting to do that for a living and constantly cook for eight hours a day. I feel like that would just put me off eating in general.”

Gou laughs at that. “Fair enough.”

“Dad actually asked me once if I wanted to take over the restaurant after him, but said he’d understand if I didn’t want to. And I didn’t, of course.”

“Is that why he sold it?”

“No, no—he’d wanted to retire for a while, he just waited for the right moment. And the right moment came when someone wanted to buy the place, and now he’s got a pretty nice retirement fund to live on. Dad always said he never wanted to force us to do anything, and if we didn’t want to work at the restaurant, then that was fine.”

Gou hums. “I’m glad. I guess I’ll just have to keep coming back here for your food, then.”

“I’d gladly have you over anytime,” Kisumi replies with what Gou assumes is supposed to be a seductive tone, and she laughs.

The two continue their conversation out in the living room after dinner, bringing their wine glasses with them but opening a new bottle now that the first one is emptied out. It’s a different kind of wine, still Italian, and Gou actually prefers this one over the first.

She feels like Kisumi’s spoiling her; providing her with lots of good quality wine, homemade Italian food and him just being amazing company for the evening, and makes a mental note to either invite him over for dinner or at least take him out to a restaurant in town to at least start to pay him back for everything he’s done for her.

“If anything, and I’m not saying this to pressure you, but at least you have some sort of backup plan in case the public relations business doesn’t work out for you in the end,” Gou says. “Your food is amazing, and I’m sure the Japanese side is just as good as the Italian one.”

Kisumi scratches his chin, smiling a little awkwardly. “Ah, you flatter me, Gou. I’m glad you enjoyed it, because I do enjoy cooking. But no, PR is what I want to busy myself with. It’s a different kind of stress I’m more than willing to put up with. It’s a _good_ kind of stress, I suppose.”

Gou pretends to pout. “If you say so. I need to convince Haru to try your cooking, though. Widen his horizons and all that. Seriously, I’m surprised he’s lived as long as he has on that mackerel and rice diet of his.”

“Yeah,” Kisumi says absentmindedly. “Well, he’s Haru after all. Probably wouldn’t be him without it.”

“I don’t think anyone could change him even if they tried. Even Makoto.”

“Probably not. He’s a lost cause, Gou-chan. Nothing to do.”

She laughs, shaking her head.

 

* * *

 

When Gou comes back late that evening, she sees the door next to hers open and is just about to greet Sousuke when someone else walks out. Someone she recognises almost _too_ well, and she can’t help but react loudly.

“Haru?!”

Haruka flinches at her voice, but then just lifts a hand lazily in her direction as she walks up to him from the lift. His hair is dishevelled, he doesn’t even have his shoes on which is very unlike him even if he’s just going out to get the mail, and that’s how she knows.

“Hey, welcome back.”

“What do you mean ‘ _welcome back_ ’? Why the hell are you coming from _Sousuke’s_ apartment?”

“Because he invited me over for tea and biscuits. Please, Gou.”

She crosses her arms, face still painted in an expression of sheer disbelief and shock.  “How many times have you even _met_ him?”

“Probably more than you’re aware of, but less than five. What does it matter? We were both bored, and it was a good way to pass time.”

This time, she regains her ability to speak and react to things properly, so she rolls her eyes and sighs. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t take that as a compliment. Please tell me you at least locked the door before you left.”

She finds out that he did indeed lock the door, which she’s actually surprised about. The two walk inside, and Gou locks the door after them before following Haruka out into the living room. Haruka slumps down on the couch, but Gou can’t bring herself to sit down, because she’d just bounce back up immediately if she did.

“For your information, _mother_ , he invited me over because he assumed I was alone and not doing anything in particular. Which first of all was rude as I’ll ever get out, but he wasn’t exactly wrong. And then we kind of got bored of the film he'd invited me over to watch. Figure out the rest. Anyway, why are you so distressed about this? I already told you I called dibs on that guy.”

Gou knows her mouth probably hangs open, her jaw resting on the floor below her feet, but that’s the least of her concerns right now. Well, to say that she’s just concerned is wrong, she’s weirdly amazed but at the same time still concerned and maybe even a little afraid of Haruka’s skills at landing hot guys like Yamazaki Sousuke in bed after only having met him a handful of times, if even that many.

“’S probably just a one-night stand thing, please don’t freak out,” Haruka groans as he leans his head back and closes his eyes. “You going into the bathroom? Kind of need a shower.”

She finally regains her ability to speak and announces she’ll just go in to wash her face and brush her teeth, and then he can have the bathroom for as long as he wants as she’ll go to bed anyway.

Apparently, it doesn’t matter how long she’s lived with Haruka and how well she thought she knew him, because there are still many things that surprise her regarding her flatmate.


	4. haruka | the definition of a neighbour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka _really_ needs to start checking his phone more often.

He’s done this so many times before, yet he can never really seem to remember just what brand of shampoo his flatmate uses. It _has_ to be that one, too; she’s very particular about that one thing, just like her brother. Haruka scans the shelves in the hair care section of the grocery store, and when he gives up on trying to find something he doesn’t even know what it is, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and calls Gou.

“ _Yes, Haru?_ ”

“So what’s that shampoo brand you use?”

She sighs. “ _You really don’t have any interest in me, do you?_ ”

“Me having interest in you doesn’t mean I have to know what brand of shampoo you use. Come on. I know we live together, but I don’t creepily look at the shampoo you use.”

“ _Maybe you should, considering you ended up in this situation. Again!_ ”

They’re apparently having a slightly fancier dinner tonight, which Haruka of course isn’t against, but he doesn’t understand what the occasion is. All he knows is what to buy, and then Gou’s making him dinner instead of the other way around. Even though he _does_ the majority of the cooking, Gou does cook for the both of them every once in a while. He just feels like it’d be easier for him to cook, seeing as his work isn’t as physically strenuous as hers.

When Haruka’s in line to pay for his groceries, someone taps him on the shoulder. Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised to see Sousuke—with this supermarket being located less than five minutes away from their building—but he is, and Sousuke laughs.

“Didn’t mean to scare you. Hey, Nanase.”

Haruka furrows his eyebrows. “Yamazaki.”

“Where’s Matsuoka?”

“On her way home, I assume. Why?”

It reminds him of how people constantly asked him where Makoto was whenever he _wasn’t_ with Makoto, and it pisses him off probably more than it should, especially considering the fact that Sousuke doesn’t know anything about that. Just because he’s good friends with someone doesn’t necessarily mean he’s attached to them by the hip or anything, and that’s something people used to comment on a lot during his childhood.

“Oh, just wondering,” Sousuke shrugs as the queue moves forward ever so slightly. Haruka doesn’t understand how there’s so many people around when it’s only a Wednesday afternoon. “You know, I had lunch with her yesterday.”

“So I’ve heard,” Haruka says, and he doesn’t mean to, but Sousuke doesn’t seem all that surprised, thankfully. Probably because they live together, and Sousuke might assume they share just about everything with each other. Which isn’t too far from the truth, of course, but there are still some things they keep to themselves.

“I like her. Down to earth, funny.”

 _Is this where I tell him to ask her out?_ Haruka obviously has no idea what team this guy’s batting for, and if anyone, he should know it’s rude for people to just assume things, with the way people did the same for him a lot in the past. One can _hope_ , sure, but he instead chooses to not say anything about it.

“Yeah, she is,” he elects to say instead, and then doesn’t know what _else_ to say, so he turns back around so he won’t end up standing in one place like an idiot, risking people yelling at him for not moving forward in the line. Finally, there’s just one person in front of him, and then he can leave, go back home and unwind—something he feels like he doesn’t get to do unless he’s in a bath tub. And while that in and of itself is a good way for him to unwind, sometimes he just wants to lay on the couch and flip through their TV channels for an hour or so, not having to worry about anything else.

“Oi, Nanase!”

Haruka rolls his eyes. He’d been _just_ about to leave the store after having paid for and packed his items into a bag, and then Sousuke had to stop him. This is one of the main reasons as to why he doesn’t bother getting to know his neighbours; they want to be all up in his space and take up what little time he has for himself and other activities—hanging out with Gou or his friends, or ‘hanging out’ with Kisumi.

“Yes?” he says, standing right by the entrance. Sousuke half-jogs up to him and stops by his side.

“You’re not much of a people person, are you?”

He snorts. “Not really, no. Sorry?”

Sousuke laughs at that. “Don’t apologise, I’m not really one either.”

“Liar.”

The two walk out and continue down the street. It’s gotten rather dark out, but it still isn’t pitch black. Winter’s coming, and Haruka really doesn’t look forward to it despite being at least two months away. The only good thing about winter approaching is Makoto’s birthday, but other than that he could really do without the cold, snow and not to mention the ice. If only he’d been smart enough to move out of the country entirely when his savings had been a greater amount a few years ago.

“I’m serious, I’m really not.”

“So what’s with the exception? Am I special?”

Sousuke snorts at him. “Aren’t we confident.”

“Well, what do you expect me to think?”

“Maybe I’m growing up,” Sousuke says, and Haruka shrugs, choosing not to respond verbally. He’s concluded a long time ago that neighbours in general are strange, but Sousuke certainly takes things a step further, and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

The two say their short goodbyes outside their apartment doors, and then Haruka’s finally allowed to come home, unload his bag of groceries and wind down like he’s wanted to all day.

“Oh, you’re back.”

“Missed you too,” he says as he walks into the living room where Gou’s sprawled out all over their couch. "Are you  _sure_ you don't want any help with dinner?"

Gou gives him a tired look. " _Yes_ , Haru. I'm starting to think you don't really trust me in the kitchen. After all this time, I made the mistake of thinking you did."

"It's not that," he says. "I guess I just feel bad when I'm not at least helping with dinner. Since you work a lot harder than I do and all."

"Guess you're right about that," Gou replies as she gets up from the couch and takes the bag from his hands, "but don't worry about that. You were right, you  _do_ cook more than I do. So, just sit your ass down and wait for dinner. I promise I won't poison you with it."

 

* * *

 

Friday after work, Gou’s out of the apartment to spend her evening over at Kisumi’s. While Haruka does enjoy Gou’s company, sometimes it’s really nice to be alone with his thoughts and to take in the silence around him that he won’t get when she’s around. He takes the opportunity to paint; hauls out his easel from where he usually stuffs it in between the wall and his wardrobe and out into the living room to stand right by the window.

Haruka doesn’t really have anything in mind, but as he lets his hand do the work for him, the colours and shape come together on their own. Usually when he’s got his easel out, that means he’s going to do a commission, but seeing as it’s a weekend and he’s got a lot of time on his hands, painting could be a good way to spend said time. He finds that things flow a lot better now that he’s painting for leisure rather than for someone who’s paying him for the same thing.

The shrill ring of his doorbell nearly has Haruka dragging his paintbrush diagonally across the canvas, and he swears under his breath as he puts it down to go out and see who could be bothering him at this hour. It won’t be Gou having forgotten her keys, because she’s better at remembering those things than he is. It certainly isn’t Kisumi either, since he’s with Gou, and anyone else he knows wouldn’t bother him without calling first. Well, Rin might, but it’s more likely for him to come around early morning rather than in the evening.

He looks through the peephole on their door and raises an eyebrow in surprise as he sees Sousuke on the other side.

“Yamazaki?” he says as he opens the door. “What’re you doing here?”

“Seeing if you’re busy?” Sousuke suggests, and Haruka blinks slowly at him in disbelief. Is _that_ how people do pick-up lines these days? Haruka seriously has no idea, because Kisumi’s shameless flirting can hardly be considered even _bad_ pick-up lines, and that’s as much experience as Haruka has of something like that nowadays.

“I might be. Why?”

Sousuke shrugs. “Wanna watch a film or something?”

Haruka knows what this is about, and he thinks it's cute that Sousuke wants to pretend like it's anything else. Like they're literally neighbours who watch films together and  _hang out_. Haruka hasn't known Sousuke very long, and he already knows what kind of label to put on their relationship; watching films together when you've got nothing else to do doesn't really define it. At all. In fact, if they  _don't_  have anything to do, Haruka knows exactly what they  _would_ do, and that's why this whole thing is so ridiculous but somehow cute at the same time.

But of course, Haruka plays along, because if this is the game Sousuke wants to play, then fine. Who's he to complain, he's got nothing better to do, anyway.

“You’re such a neighbour.”

Sousuke raises his eyebrows in surprise, and then laughs. “A what?”

“Oh, you know what I mean. The typical neighbour that comes over to ask for sugar or eggs, stops you at the grocery store for a chat, invites half-strangers over for tea or to watch a film. So far you’ve done two of these three things, and all I’ve got to wait for is you coming over to borrow eggs.”

“Neighbours _do_ that?”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve never had neighbours before. They _so_ do, they’re all up in your space and won’t leave you alone once you’ve just greeted them once. Most of them don’t ask you to come over and watch a film, though, and in normal circumstances I’d assume you were out to kill me.”

This isn’t something Haruka’s directly experienced himself; Gou gets to take the hit for him most of the time in these cases, like going to open the door for a neighbour, chatting with them for a while, and so on. Gou _does_ end up telling him about particularly weird, terrifying or hilarious—to him or her, depending on what it is—instances where she’s met one of their neighbours.

“Oh,” Sousuke says and looks dumbfounded for a few seconds before he grins again. No previous neighbour experiences, apparently, which Haruka finds baffling, having only lived in an apartment for less than three years and spent the rest in a house. “So how about it? What kind of films are you into?”

Haruka ends up taking Sousuke up on his offer, of course, and the two decide on watching a thriller out of Sousuke’s pretty impressive collection. He’s one of probably the very few people left in this day and age to own physical copies of films without having them on an external hard-drive, Haruka thinks.

When there’s a faceless person walking around a bunch of beaten-down people pouring gasoline on the ground around them, Haruka sneaks a glance at Sousuke and finds that he’s leaned back against the couch and hardly seems interested in the film. Haruka bites back a smile; this wasn’t about the film to begin with, as he’d been hoping. He hears Sousuke clear his throat, and then he’s not-so subtly scooting towards Haruka, further confirming his suspicions.

Sousuke, however, takes his damn sweet time in being ‘subtle’, and when Haruka grows tired of his snail-paced advances, he takes the initiative himself and nearly jumps Sousuke, straddling his lap and capturing his lips in a greedy kiss. Sousuke _is_ taken aback by it, as is evident by his lack of reciprocation at first, but he quickly picks up and starts kissing back, placing a hand on Haruka’s back and letting an almost needy sigh slash whine out of his nose.

He’s been patient alright, but almost _too_ patient. Haruka wonders what took him so long considering he’d been the one to invite Haruka over in the first place, and he knows it certainly wasn’t to watch a film.

“How’d you know?” Sousuke asks between kisses. Haruka snorts at him, clutching at the front of Sousuke’s shirt.

“Maybe I figured out because you invited me over for sex the other day? No way in hell would you invite me over for a _downgrade_ after that, or at least I'd hope so. You’re as obvious as an elephant trying to hide behind a lamppost.”

“Oh. Well of course I wouldn't wanna downgrade after last time... maybe it  _was_ too obvious. So you're okay with it? With this?"

“What do _you_ think? I mean, I could’ve just blown you off by the door and said I wasn't in the mood, you know.”

It should piss him off when Sousuke lifts Haruka up like he’s nothing, carrying him into the bedroom, but he finds that he doesn’t actually mind it for once. Had it been literally anyone else, he would’ve probably been protesting wildly, like a cat wanting out of someone’s arms or otherwise uncomfortable position, and Haruka wonders what the hell makes Sousuke so special.

Maybe he’ll find out tonight.

Sousuke puts him down on the bed and resumes their kissing, but it doesn’t take long for Haruka to take control again and push Sousuke off of him, taking the opportunity in climbing on top and straddling him. He can feel Sousuke’s dick through the fabric of their clothes against his own erection, and he hisses when Sousuke grinds up against him.

“You know… I really like this position,” he says as casually as he can despite feeling like he’s literally on fire, running a finger down from the hollow in Sousuke’s throat, further down and pulling down on his shirt a bit. “What do you think?”

“Yeah, me too,” Sousuke replies, and a small grin ghosts across Haruka’s face. “That mean I’m on top?”

“Well, technically _I_ am, but sure. You don’t want to?”

Sousuke shrugs. “No preference, really.” He pulls Haruka down again so that Haruka’s hands are on either side of him, and he’s sitting bent over Sousuke, still straddling him. “Besides, now I just really wanna fuck you, Nanase.”

Haruka can’t deny the chill running down his spine at that. _This was a good decision_ , he declares to himself as Sousuke begins undressing him.

“Oh my god,” he hisses when he slowly but surely sinks down on Sousuke’s dick, “you’re _huge_.”

Sousuke lets out a low chuckle at that, placing his hands on Haruka’s hips to keep him in place. “Thanks.”

“So you do this a lot?”

“What?”

Haruka groans in relief when Sousuke’s all the way in, and he begins moving, his partner in bed starting to match his rhythm. “Invite sort-of-strangers over for a ‘film’ except it's actually sex.”

“No. Hell no,” Sousuke snorts. “I just really wanted to fuck you. Wasn’t even sure if you were into men before the first time we fucked, but hey, sometimes you get lucky, I guess.”

“Funny thing, I was wondering the same thing about you.”

“How can I _not_ like men,” Sousuke says and thrusts up with a little more force, making Haruka moan out loud, “when _this_ is what I get?”

“ _Ah_ —f-fair point,” Haruka replies in a breathy voice. So Sousuke may be close to Haruka’s definition of a ‘neighbour’, but at least he invited Haruka over for sex, and not coffee.

 

* * *

 

Even though Haruka had found it unnecessary at first, he and Sousuke end up exchanging phone numbers ‘just in case they want to do this a third time… maybe even a fourth’. Haruka knows he’ll want it, and probably pretty soon with how their first and second sexual encounters had gone, and he’s pretty sure Sousuke’s on the same page. He finds it amusing just how easy that guy is to read, but wonders if it’s really such a good thing for him to be so good at reading people.

He’s relieved to find out that Sousuke isn’t the type of person to immediately text someone after having gotten their number, and wonders for a brief moment what the meaning was of them actually exchanging phone numbers in the first place, but then realises he isn’t really doing better on the communication front. Well, they’re neighbours, so there isn’t really any need for them to converse via text messages or phone calls, Haruka reasons.

Haruka’s been left home alone a Tuesday evening when Gou’s gone out with Chigusa for dinner. He finds it odd that they’re out on a Tuesday, but apparently Chigusa had something to ‘celebrate’, and he knows Gou isn’t one to say no to celebrating with a restaurant dinner, probably followed by drinks. And seeing as Gou and Kisumi have become _really_ good friends in the past who knows when, Haruka finds Kisumi at his doorstep roughly an hour and a half after Gou’s left.

“You up to anything special?” Kisumi asks; bright smile, elbow leaning against the door frame, and an aura that shrieks out desperation and faked confidence. Haruka swallows a sigh.

“If you count alternating between flipping between TV channels and drawing ‘special’, then yes,” he responds. “You want to come in, don’t you?”

“You know me so well,” Kisumi says with cheerful sarcasm, however that combination works. “So?”

“Fine.”

He takes a step back, and Kisumi saunters inside, kicking his shoes off by the door. Haruka finds himself looking out the door before closing it, and then follows Kisumi inside into the living room. He’s surprised by the fact that Kisumi has yet to jump him as he always does, but knows better than to comment on it. It’d be a first with Kisumi around for things to be calm and relatively uneventful, but he knows not to expect too much when it comes to this guy.

“You want anything?” he asks as Kisumi makes himself at home, sitting down on the couch.

“Water?”

Haruka raises a questioning eyebrow, but doesn’t question it. Kisumi’s _definitely_ not being his usual self, and he wonders if he’s here for a reason other than sex. Whatever that reason is, Haruka isn’t sure he’ll like it. He still hates confrontations with a burning passion and always does his best to stay away from them as far as he can, but sometimes they just find him, and he doesn’t have anywhere to run off to. In this case, he wonders if he’d be able to actually run away should such a thing occur.

Returning with a cup of green tea for himself and a bottle of water from the fridge for Kisumi, Haruka sits down in his usual corner of the couch, pulling his legs up and hugging them to his chest.

It doesn’t take long before Haruka’s phone vibrates twice on the table, and he only looks at it for a few seconds before returning his attention to the TV screen.

“Not gonna take that?” Kisumi asks, and he shrugs.

“If someone really wants to get a hold of me, they’ll call.”

Kisumi laughs, sinking down in his spot on the couch. “Right, you don’t like texting.”

They let silence fill the room, and Haruka lets Kisumi take control of what they’re watching with a nod towards the remote on the coffee table. Kisumi switches over to some crime show, and Haruka silently thanks him for not being into any of those drama- and comedy series he’d been flipping past with a roll of his eyes before Kisumi came over.

“So,” he hesitantly says after a while, “what’s up? Why so casual?”

“Haru, you sound like we _can’t_ be casual. I’m hurt.”

He snorts. “I’m just saying that this isn’t like you.”

Kisumi shrugs and takes a sip from his water bottle. From the corner of his eye, Haruka watches condense slowly drip down the side of the bottle, and then averts his gaze to the TV in front of him again, swallowing hard. “I don’t know, I feel like maybe we should do this every once in a while, too. Just hang out, you know. Like we used to.”

“You mean when we were _kids_ ,” Haruka drawls, and Kisumi laughs a little.

“Yeah, I guess. Things were certainly easier back then, weren’t they?”

While he can’t completely agree, Haruka can’t disagree, either. Things were never really ‘easy’, but he also can’t really say whether he’d prefer to go back to his problems of the past or stick to the ones he’s currently having, years later.

Both of them flinch when the doorbell rings, and Haruka frowns in confusion and slight annoyance. He decides to check his phone in case it might give him a clue of who’s at the door, and that’s when he regrets having not done so sooner.

 **Yamazaki** : _u at home? bored._

 

He curses himself for his on-and-off phone phobia, and then gets up from the couch.

“Are you expecting someone? You could’ve just said so.”

Haruka rolls his eyes as he walks out into the hallway, but chooses not to reply. He instead opens the door and is faced with his new neighbour who definitely doesn’t _feel_ like a ‘new neighbour’ anymore.

“What happened to your phone?” is his greeting phrase, and Haruka wishes he’d almost whisper instead of using that loud voice of his. It isn’t necessarily _loud_ , it’s just too loud for this situation where Sousuke’s visit is nothing but bad timing.

“Didn’t notice it,” he mumbles. “What’s up?”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow, and there’s a playful glint in his eyes. “Oh, I think you know why I’m here, Nanase. No, I’m not here to borrow sugar. Maybe invite you over for a… _film_.”

Haruka hates how the purposefully slowed down tempo and tone used at that last word makes goosebumps break out on his skin. He breathes deeply through his nose, and opens his mouth to fire off a snarky reply before he’s rudely interrupted.

“Haru, what happened to—oh. Company?”

He closes his eyes in preparation for what’s to come for a second before he speaks up. “Kisumi, this is my neighbour, Yamazaki. Yamazaki, this is Kisumi.”

“And Kisumi is…?”

“Haru’s beloved childhood friend,” Kisumi fills in with that chirpy voice of his before he comes to join them by the door. His right hand shoots out towards Sousuke, who perplexedly stares at it for a good two or three seconds before taking it in a handshake.

“It’s not just Yamazaki. Sousuke’s fine.”

Kisumi smiles. “I’m glad—I don’t like using people’s last names, it sounds so impersonal and stiff.”

Haruka feels Sousuke’s pointed stare on him, like it’ll burn a hole in the side of his head, but he ignores it to the best of his abilities as the two of them continue conversing and apparently getting to know each other. He eventually decides to just let Sousuke in despite his own feelings on the matter, mostly because he doesn’t want them to draw attention to themselves whilst standing by his door, their voices probably echoing throughout the building.

It almost scares him just how well Sousuke and Kisumi get along. Though it’s mostly Kisumi talking and asking questions, Sousuke doesn’t seem all too opposed to it, and it kind of surprises Haruka. He remembers his own first impression of Kisumi, and it certainly didn’t want to make him want to keep talking to the guy, that’s for sure. Whatever made him change his mind along the way is beyond Haruka, but he guesses he’s sort of grateful for it in the end. Gou probably is, too, he figures.

“I can’t believe this coincidence!” Kisumi exclaims enthusiastically. “And Haru, you didn’t tell me about this? For shame; I thought we were friends.”

“Don’t think too highly of yourself,” Haruka grunts, and Kisumi lightly punches him in the shoulder.

“It really is a small world, though,” Kisumi continues. “Oh, and if you’re planning on trying to woo Gou, I’m your competition.”

Sousuke snorts. “Oh no, that’d just be weird. ‘Sides, I’m batting for the other team.”

Kisumi hums, sounding interested, and Haruka wants to roll his eyes so far back into his head he’d go blind. Kisumi can be _incredibly_ obvious, and Haruka wonders if that’s actually on purpose or if he’s just really that transparent without meaning to be.

“I guess that means we’re on the same team, then,” Kisumi replies, and Haruka wants to groan out loud. There’s no way Sousuke _isn’t_ picking up on this. He might seem slow in some regards, true, but this is so glaringly obvious even the blind could see it.

Haruka chooses to let the two talk and get to know each other, but hopes that it won’t be too long of an evening.

At the end of said evening, long past midnight when they've been sitting in Haruka's and Gou's living room just  _talking_ for hours on end, Kisumi takes his leave, but not before he and Sousuke promise to hang out again. It irks Haruka for whatever reason, but he makes sure to not let that show. When Kisumi’s left, Sousuke returns his attention to Haruka again.

“So that wasn’t really what I came for,” he says as he walks up to Haruka and backs him up against the wall.

Haruka meets Sousuke’s gaze with as much confidence as he can muster. “Oh, I’m aware—you’re really easy to read, after all.”

“Then I’m guessing you know what’s on my mind right now.”

Haruka barely has time to nod before he’s being kissed, but he’s quick to reciprocate. A moan escapes past his lips when Sousuke runs a hand up his chest in under his shirt, and then he tilts his head back as Sousuke peppers kisses down his neck.

The lock turns, and the sound makes both of them completely freeze as Gou walks in, seemingly tipsy, and she barely looks at them before nodding in acknowledgement at them.

“Hey,” she says. “Was wondering why Kisumi was leaving our building. Please don’t be too noisy, I really want to sleep.”

Sousuke and Haruka exchange glances, and Sousuke clears his throat.

“My place?”

“Yeah. Night, Gou.”

“Night,” she yawns, and Sousuke nearly drags Haruka out the door.


	5. gou | human polygraph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Gou feels ten years older than her friends and even her own brother, and she's supposed to be a year _younger_ than them.

The rain smattering against her window reminds her of woodpeckers pecking all over her head, and Gou groans as she pulls the pillow out from under her head to put it above instead in an effort to try and drown out the sounds.

She has no idea what time it is, but it doesn’t really matter, since she doesn’t have to go into work today, for once. Thankfully. Chigusa’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect for a night out; for one, Gou feels like she really needed it despite it only having been a Tuesday, but also because it’s a good way for her to stay in touch with her friends.

Gou feels like she’s had something to do or someone to see every single day for about a week straight, and it’s taken a toll on her sanity. Despite being a quite outgoing and charismatic person, Gou still needs time to herself every now and then, or to just hang out with people who _won’t_ tire her out. Which is why it’s such a great thing that she lives with one of those people.

Her door opens, and Gou listens to Haruka’s careful footsteps before they stop, and her bed dips down under their combined weight. There’s a sound of something being put down on her night stand, followed by her pillow being removed over her head and then being replaced by a light kiss.

“Seems you’re in a pretty bad shape,” he comments, and Gou barely musters the energy to snort at him.

“You don’t say.”

“Sit up, I made you breakfast.”

And it’s a good thing Haruka knows just what Gou should and _can_ eat when she’s hungover like this, because she’s very rarely able to eat something other than soup when in this state. It’s probably one of those things that comes with having lived with someone for a while; since Haruka doesn’t drink often himself, he won’t really have to take care of himself the morning after having had too much.

Gou hums in satisfaction when she’s finally gotten herself to sit up properly and had a chance to taste Haruka’s soup. He sits across from her with a bowl of his own in his lap, but he also made himself rice and mackerel, which is still on the tray between them. Just looking at his plate makes Gou feel ill to her stomach, so she focuses on just staring down into her bowl as she finishes breakfast.

“Thanks, Haru,” she sighs when she puts her empty bowl down on the tray. “This works so much better than pills.”

“Good.”

She sits upright with her back against the headboard, exhaling slowly. “So how was last night? You seemed busy.”

Haruka shrugs, and Gou sees the invisible shields he’s raising around himself. “It was okay. What about your evening?”

“Oh, I had fun. It’s nice to get together with the girls every once in a while, but I had way too much to drink.”

Haruka snort-laughs. “I feel like I’ve heard you say that before.”

“Yeah well, I apparently don’t learn from my mistakes. I hang out with the wrong people, because neither of them are capable of telling me to stop, and I’m probably the same. I feel like I need someone like you or Makoto as my voice of reason whenever I go out drinking.”

“No thanks,” Haruka grimaces before he puts down his bowl and plate on the tray again. She hears a faint ringing somewhere, and it takes her a few seconds to realise it’s Haruka’s phone. She raises an eyebrow.

“Not in a hurry to get that?”

Haruka shrugs. “Not really, no. Probably nothing important. Are you done? I’m gonna go back out into the kitchen and then head off to work, unlike _some_ people.”

Gou shoots him a sarcastic smile. “Funny. Yeah, I’m done. Thanks for breakfast, Haru.”

He acknowledges her with a nod before gathering everything onto the tray and exiting her bedroom, and then Gou lies back down again to try and get a little more sleep. She knows she’ll only have herself to blame with her sleep schedule being off, but thankfully she doesn’t work a full week with having had yesterday off, so she figures—or rather, _hopes_ —that it’ll be fine.

 

* * *

 

Work does go by pretty smoothly the following Thursday, despite Gou having had only five short hours of sleep. Haruka had laughed at her the night before when she was still wide awake watching one of her favourite shows on TV. She’s pretty sure she’s done a decent job at covering up the dark circles under her eyes, because so far, no one’s really said anything about it, so really—joke's on Haruka.

Her tasks for the day aren’t too physically exhausting; they mostly consist of consultations with a few of her patients, one of whom is just about done with their six-month long back rehabilitation. Sometimes, she can’t help but get a little emotional when having to say goodbye to a patient she’s had for a long time, even though she’s done it so many times during the years she’s worked at the hospital. Rin had once joked about it probably being one of the things that shows she still has a heart, and she figures he might be right about that.

At lunch, she’s stopped by Sousuke just by the reception desk, feeling a finger tap her on her shoulder. She flinches at the contact, and he laughs.

“Sorry, Matsuoka—didn’t mean to scare you. You wanna grab lunch together?”

She turns around and faces Sousuke with a smile. “I’d love to. You have a place in mind?”

“Well, how about that one place we went to the first time we had lunch together?”

“Sentimental?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Me? Oh no, you’re gravely mistaken. I just really liked their food, and I’m glad you introduced me to that place. So, how about it?”

Of course she can’t say no, she likes that place, too—and besides, her company isn’t too bad, either. And much like last time, she finds herself fighting the urge to let her curiosity get the best of her. She knows nothing about the relationship between him and Haruka, and seeing as Haruka probably won’t _ever_ talk about it, who will? At the same time, she doesn’t know Sousuke well, either, so she can’t expect him to open up to her about such a thing.

Gou wonders just how much Sousuke knows about Haruka at this point, and even Kisumi—but again, considering the way Haruka’s reluctant to talk about anything personal with _anyone_ , she figures Sousuke probably only knows of Kisumi as one of Haruka’s friends.

Their conversation topics are far away from what’s on her mind, but that’s probably for the better. She’s still slowly getting to know her neighbour, and finds that the more time she spends around him, the more she likes him. Her initial impression of him had been right, and she hadn’t even met him at that point.

“So, Matsuoka—“

“Gou,” she corrects him. “Please. Formalities seem like such an ancient concept, even for people who work at the same place. Besides, we’re neighbours.”

“Right,” Sousuke replies, smiling a little. “So, er… can I ask you a personal question?”

She frowns a little, concerned, and maybe a little nervous. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I met your friend—Kisumi, right?—the other night. You dating him?”

Gou blinks, dumbfounded, before she laughs. “No. Oh god no. We’re just good friends. Why?”

Sousuke hums, seeming in thought. “I dunno, he acted like you were.”

“That’s just how he is. So I’m guessing you guys actually met, huh. What’d you think of him?”

Again, she’s really curious to find out just how this entire meeting between the three went, because whatever she got from Haruka didn’t really give any hints as to how what it’d been like. If there’s anyone who’s sort of likely to tell her these things, it’s Kisumi. But she knows better than to ask, of course, and if he wants to talk about it, he will.

Sousuke grimaces. “Loud. A little too much… though I have to say he’s kind of interesting. A difficult guy.”

“That’s a pretty good description of him,” Gou says through a short laugh. “He’s very open to people in general. Likes making friends, flirting jokingly with anything walking on two legs.”

“Not quite the average kinda guy, but that’s probably a good thing.”

Gou raises an eyebrow in amusement. “Yeah, if you’re looking for average, Kisumi is as far from as it as they come. And that _is_ a good thing.”

 

* * *

 

 **Little big brother** : _mako doesn’t want a big celebration. he hates being reminded of the fact that he’s getting older, and of course doesn’t want anything. still, come over for dinner. i’ll tell him to yell at me afterwards, promise._

 

Gou smiles to herself, shaking her head. Makoto’s going to pretend he isn’t happy about it even though she knows he _will_ be, and she wouldn’t miss out on a close friend’s birthday celebration for anything in the world, even if it _is_ just dinner. (She won’t obey the ‘no present’ rule, however—it just isn’t a birthday without one. At _least_ one. Besides, it’s a little too late to tell her this now, seeing as she’s already bought Makoto something.)

 **You** : _we’ll be there. tell him he’s gotta get used to it already; no one likes becoming older._

 

Haruka, of course, isn’t opposed to celebrating his best friend’s birthday, so the two go over to Rin’s and Makoto’s place that Saturday evening. Makoto’s beyond surprised when he sees them on his doorstep, but welcomes them both with a bright smile and a near rib-crushing hug each before letting them come inside. Rin’s in the kitchen, and Gou hums in approval when the food smells reach her nostrils.

“Smells great as usual, Rin,” she says as she walks in to greet him with a hug from behind.

He turns to kiss her on the top of her head. “Good, that means I’ve done a good job. Makoto’s been banned from entering the kitchen at all since I started.”

“You mean more banned than usual?”

He laughs. “I don’t know how that works, but I guess you’re right. Now get out of my kitchen, food will be ready soon.”

Gou lightly kicks her brother in the shin before exiting the kitchen and joining Makoto and Haruka in the living room, listening to their conversation—mostly conducted by Makoto—before Rin calls from the kitchen, asking someone to help him set the table. Gou takes on the task, telling the others to just stay put and catch up, which she thinks they might need. Makoto and Haruka don’t really hang out just the two of them that often these days, which she still finds a bit odd. Though she knows they’re not really ‘attached by the hip’ anymore, they _are_ still best friends.

Dinner proceeds with a lot of catch-up talk, none of the uncomfortable subjects that had been brought up last time. Gou figures Makoto must’ve talked to Rin about it, and she’s glad he’s listened to his boyfriend. Haruka’s dealt with both of their nagging for far too long, and it’s nice to know they’re finally willing to at least try and let it go, though Makoto more so than Rin.

As expected, when Rin announces ‘present opening time’, Makoto says he hadn’t wanted anything, but isn’t opposed to receiving and opening his gifts. Gou had initially been having a little trouble with trying to find something for him, but in the end decided on something she knows he either doesn’t have or always forgets at home during the colder season, which is a pair of dark grey leather gloves.

“Gou-chan,” Makoto says, voice almost thick with emotion. “You’re the best.”

She rolls her eyes, smiling. “It’s just a pair of _gloves_ , Makoto.”

“I really like them, though. Thank you.”

It probably sounds cheesy to others just as it sounds cheesy to herself, but Gou just really loves giving people gifts and seeing their reactions. Makoto’s reactions are probably her favourite, because even if she doesn’t know if he actually _likes_ everything he’s given, the way he reacts to them and thanks her and others for his gifts could easily make her entire month. It makes her feel like she’s making a difference, like she’s able to make someone happy, make them feel appreciated.

With how he reacts to both Haruka’s and Rin’s gifts, it doesn’t really seem like Makoto hadn’t wanted anything to begin with. Normally, Gou would joke about how gross it is to see her brother so disgustingly in love with Makoto, but she doesn’t think of it that way. When she sees the way Rin looks at him, it makes her happy for the both of them, maybe mostly for her brother, for him having finally found what he’s probably spent almost too much time looking for. And while Gou doesn’t experience romantic feelings herself nor really wanting to, she can clearly see in Rin and Makoto why people do.

 

* * *

 

The fourth time in an hour when Haruka’s phone vibrates with a new message, Gou sighs in exasperation, glaring at her flatmate on the opposite side of the couch. This has happened occasionally over the past couple of days, but not to this extent, and now she’s finally had enough of it. Haruka’s deliberate reluctance to picking his phone up in the past few days has really been irking Gou, but as always, she hasn’t asked since it has nothing to do with her. Well, up until now, that is.

“Please just answer it. Send a reply saying you don’t wanna talk, anything—I can’t stand hearing that thing anymore. Why not just take care of it?”

“Not important.”

“You don’t know that,” Gou persists. “Who is it? Do you even know?”

“I do. It’s nothing.”

She opens her mouth to say something else, but then closes it again when her head tells her to just drop it. It’s probably not worth the argument, anyway, seeing as it really doesn’t have anything to do with her, no matter how much she’s looking out for her flatmate. He’s become one of her closest friends, after all, and with how he’s acted in the past little bit, she’s pretty sure he needs that kind of support right now.

Having just come home from work, Gou receives a phone call as she’s just about to change into casual clothes. She sees Kisumi’s name on her display, and doesn’t have to guess that it isn’t him calling to have a casual chat, but that he wants to see her in person. Kisumi isn’t one to just keep in contact via phone calls; he’s someone who wants to actually meet face to face as much as he can, and she really likes that about him. It’s a nice contrast to a few of her other friends, that’s for sure.

“ _Hey, short-stack_ ,” Kisumi greets, and Gou snorts at that. “ _Fancy coming over tonight for dinner?_ ”

It isn’t really anything she has to think about. How could she _ever_ turn down such an invitation? “Sure,” she says almost immediately, “I’d love to.”

“ _I don’t think I’ll be cooking tonight, but we can order in?_ ”

“Anything’s fine with me. I just need to get out of my hospital clothes and into something a little more comfortable, and then I’ll be on my way.”

“ _Looking forward to it! See you soon_.”

After she’s freshened up and gotten herself dressed again, Gou walks into the kitchen. She finds a note on the fridge where Haruka tells her pretty much everything she’s been able to figure out on her own in the past ten minutes or so, and she decides to turn his note over and write her own little message for whenever he decides to return to the apartment, just letting him know where she is for the evening. When she’s done, she goes into her room to get her last things before heading out the door.

As usual, Kisumi greets her with a bright, wide smile by the door and lifts her into his arms into a hug, and Gou is happy to return the gesture before he shows her inside like she _isn’t_ a regular visitor, hardly fitting the visitor category after all this time.

“How’s your week been?” Kisumi asks after he’s called to make their takeout order. Gou sinks into the cushions on Kisumi’s wide couch with a content sigh. It’s a perfect couch to sleep on, if she were to actually ever spend the night, though she knows Kisumi wouldn’t _let_ her sleep on a couch, and more likely take that spot for himself while he convinces her to take his bed. So maybe it’s a good thing she hasn’t spent the night here yet.

“Oh, the usual. Makoto was really touched by your message, by the way.”

Kisumi laughs. “He told you that? I’m glad. Too bad I wasn’t able to come see him on his actual birthday.”

“You had work,” Gou says. “Makoto probably doesn’t mind. He didn’t really want us to celebrate his birthday to begin with.”

Kisumi returns with drinks for the both of them, and sits down on the couch. He looks tired, Gou notices, like he hasn’t had a good night’s rest in a few days or even longer.

“You’re right, and I know. I still would’ve like to have bugged him.”

She smiles. “Yeah.”

A common misconception of Kisumi when they were younger was that bugging people and being ‘too much’ was all he was about. Haruka had often commented on how he seemed to want to get in under people’s skin as much as he could, and Gou’s own brother had at times lamented similar things related to Kisumi. As they got older, however, people actually got to know him, and realised that there were so many more things to him than those they’d been exposed to as kids.

Right now, Gou is witnessing one of Kisumi’s less cheerful sides. She sees that he’s trying to not let it show, but whatever’s boiling just beneath the surface has probably been happening for a while, so it’s probably a little more difficult for him to keep it all in. This mellow side of him wouldn’t be something Gou generally dislikes, but right now, she’s almost scared of what she’s witnessing, and she clenches a fist in her lap.

“Kisumi, tell me why I’m _really_ here.”

Kisumi’s eyes meet her own, and he looks both surprised and confused at the sudden confrontation. “Because I wanted to see you, of course.”

His façade is almost tangible, and Gou knows that she probably has the power to crush it with her bare hands at this point. It’s obvious as to why he’s so desperately trying to keep it up; he kind of resembles Makoto in this way, with how he’s so blatantly asking for help yet wordlessly telling people to stay away. Kisumi is a walking contradiction in situations like these, and it hurts to see, to experience.

“Kisumi,” Gou almost sighs. “You called Haru the other day, didn’t you? He didn’t answer; same with your messages, or anyone’s, for that matter.”

Kisumi’s facial expression stiffens, and Gou swears she saw him flinch, too. “I did. It wasn’t anything big, you know—the usual. Don’t wanna give you the details, since I know you don’t want them.”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know.”

Really, it had to be said, because he is. Gou sometimes feels like she's  _surrounded_ by terrible liars, but maybe that's just because she's really good at spotting and calling them out. That might be a given since she's known these men for so long; she knows how they work and what they will and will not do or say. Even so, and  _definitely_ to brag about it, Gou feels like she might be a little bit above the average person when it comes to detecting a lie.

And maybe it's a good thing she's like a human polygraph, but sometimes she feels like people around her take it for granted that she's going to call them out on their, to her, obvious bullshit and confront them. Most of the time she's too tired, and in a way she is right now, too, but... there's just something about Kisumi that makes her feel like she  _has_ to meddle. Because if she doesn't, no one else will, and she'll be the last one to see them all fuck up constantly like this.

Kisumi averts his gaze, and then smiles downheartedly. Goes down without much of a fight, which Gou is glad for. “Yeah... I know.”

“Haru doesn’t know?”

“No, because I didn’t want to tell him.”

“Why not?”

“You know how Haru is,” Kisumi sighs, still smiling a melancholic, miserable smile that Gou’s only now seeing for the first time after having broken down the walls he’d built up around himself. “He’s a free spirit. Doesn’t like commitments, likes being able to do whatever he wants. Besides, I don’t think my feelings are in any way reciprocated, and with the new guy in the picture, I’m pretty sure my chances are dwindling.”

So it wasn’t an all-happy meeting, after all. Gou’s pretty sure Sousuke and Haruka’s feelings for each other are far from romantic seeing how little they still know each other, so it might just be a big misunderstanding on Kisumi’s part. Even so, she can’t deny that she’s noticed how Haruka’s spending less and less time with Kisumi, and more so with their neighbour.

“I don’t really know what’s going on, but I think it’s a good idea to talk to Haru, even if you might not want to. I haven’t told him this since it isn’t my business, but I don’t like how he’s handling this entire situation, either.”

Gou kind of knew from the moment she’d realised Haruka had added another sex partner to his list that things would start to get complicated unless he made things clear with the both of them. And seeing how Haruka dislikes conflicts and does his best to run away from them, the result she’s seeing right in front of her eyes isn’t unexpected in the least bit. They’ve both done bad in this, and both have to now own up to their mistakes. It’s just a question of who gets the snowball rolling, but Gou has a pretty good idea of who that might be.

“I’m just scared of screwing up what little we have left. I just—I really, _really_ like him, Gou.”

The way his voice cracks and almost breaks _definitely_ scares Gou. She knows he’s only human, that even he has those moments where he isn’t all smiles and laughter. Thing is, she’s yet to see these moments for herself—or _had_ yet to see it, considering the fact that this seems to be it.

Gou gently pulls his head toward her shoulder, and Kisumi leans on her with a sigh. It’s mostly to show support, to tell him that she’s there for him, but also a way for her to give Kisumi an excuse to hide his tears even if he can’t hide the fact that he’s crying. 

“I know you do. So talk to him.”

“Gou, it’s not that easy—“

“If you’re not going to, then I will. I hate seeing you like this, and I hate seeing Haruka screw himself over so badly. I care for you both a lot, you know.”

Kisumi lets out a humourless laugh, wiping at his cheeks with his hand. “Yeah. I know I can’t stop you, but I wish you wouldn’t.”

Considering how many times she’s had to intervene in her friends’ problems in the past, Gou wonders if she should just change her profession and become a relationship expert. Someone who gets paid to tell people to either sort out their problems with proper communication, or to just break up. She doesn’t get how people can have these problems so often, but that’s probably just another thing that comes with her not experiencing romantic feelings to begin with.

“Oh, I know.”

Their food arrives, and they drop the subject for the rest of the evening. Gou, however, isn’t done with this thing just yet, but she isn’t telling Kisumi that.


	6. haruka | and that's all she wrote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

“Nanase, get your ass out of my bed; I have to go to work.”

Haruka groans and turns over on his stomach, but it doesn’t take long before Sousuke forcibly pulls the comforter away from him, leaving him to lose all of the warmth he’s accumulated during the night, mostly from the human furnace he’s slept next to.

“You could’ve woken me up, you know.”

Sousuke snorts. “Effort. ‘Sides, what’s the harm in spending the night? You scared it’ll bind you to me forever?”

“Very funny.”

To be honest, he doesn’t _mind_ having ended up falling asleep after their sex last night, but he feels like he might’ve just been a nuisance to Sousuke for staying the night without having actually asked for permission to do so.

“Now get up; I don’t trust you enough to leave you alone in my apartment—besides, you live literally two seconds away.”

“Fine, stop _nagging_ already,” Haruka sighs with exasperation. Finally, he musters the energy to climb out of bed, but not before glaring at Sousuke, and then going to get dressed.

He feels like death, and really wants to go home to soak in his tub for a bit before work starts at four. Though he _does_ enjoy working lunch every once in a while, today is one of those days he’s glad he’s mostly put on dinner service. Besides, it earns him more working evenings, anyway.

Sousuke locks the door behind them, and then heads for the lift with a lazy wave in Haruka’s direction. Haruka walks into his own apartment, and it feels a little weird to be back despite him only having been gone for less than twelve hours. Gou’s left for work already, so he’s greeted by an empty apartment as he walks inside. All the better, considering his still lingering desire to take a long, calming and almost too hot bath.

Ten minutes later, Haruka sinks into the bath tub with a sigh of relief, closing his eyes. Their tub is a little smaller than the one Haruka used to have in his old house, but it isn’t to the point where he sits uncomfortably or anything.

Thinking of his old house and everything related to having lived there makes him cringe, and he tries to think of something that he _doesn’t_ associate with near-crippling anxiety and a childhood fear of separation. Moving in with Gou may have seemed like counterproductive in that regard, but it’s actually made him more independent in a way. While he many times feels like he and Gou are very similar, in many ways they're polar opposites. Living together has really proved that to Haruka, who compared to before he moved in with Gou was in a much worse state than the one he's in right now.

At five minutes to four, Haruka ties a knot on his apron down in the changing room, and then heads up to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner service. The people who worked lunch are just now leaving, handing over the torch to the people taking on dinner service, and Haruka only greets them with a nod before they disappear, leaving him and his other co-workers to their task.

The fact that his job is so monotone with the same things happening over and over has served as some sort of safety, contrary to Rin’s—and probably Makoto’s, though he never said anything out loud—belief just before Haruka started working at the restaurant. He likes that it’s so predictable, that he’s able to anticipate whatever happens, and whenever he _can’t_ , it isn’t anything too complicated for him to handle. Whoever thought he was going to stick to swimming until he’d have to retire at the age of sixty-five was beyond delusional.

At a quarter to eleven, Haruka finally clocks out for the evening, having helped cleaning up in the kitchen, and he walks out into the cold autumn air. Winter’s just around the corner, and Haruka wishes he could just hibernate for the duration of it, always thinks of the same thing every single year. He tends to generally slow own during those dark and cold months, and his mood usually drops a bit to match it. Rin rolled his eyes at Haruka once, saying he isn’t alone in feeling like that, though most of Haruka’s friends definitely seem to cope with it better than he does.

He comes home to find that only the lamp on the side table in the living room lit, and when he walks inside said living room, he’s greeted by the sight of his flatmate sleeping on the couch. He shakes his head, smiling to himself, as he carefully sits down and gently shakes her shoulders.

“Hey,” he says. “You shouldn’t have waited out here for me.”

Gou groans, and opens her eyes, squinting. “Didn’t mean to. Welcome home.”

“Yeah. I’m home.”

“Did Kisumi call you?”

Haruka lowers his eyebrows in slight confusion. To be honest, he’d forgotten to turn his phone’s sound back on after work, and hadn’t even bothered to look at it when leaving. Hearing Kisumi’s name catches him off guard, and he doesn’t like the way he reacts to something so trivial.

“I don’t know, haven’t checked. Why?”

“He told me he would. Liar.”

Gou's speaking slowly, and her words kind of blend together, so it makes Haruka wonder if she’s sleep-talking. It wouldn’t surprise him; she _has_ talked in her sleep before, so it’s likely this is just another one of those instances.

Haruka lifts Gou into his arms, carrying her bridal style into her bedroom before gently placing her down on her bed and draping the duvet over her. He’s just about to close the door behind him when he hears Gou talk again.

“Haruka…”

She never uses his full name these days, so the fact that she did now makes Haruka feel uneasy, very much reluctant to respond, and very tempted to run out the door even if he wouldn't be going through the effort of putting his shoes on before doing so. “Yeah.”

“We… never mind,” she sighs, turning over in bed. “Good night. Close the door.”

Haruka sighs before he quietly shuts the door behind himself, heading towards the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

 **Yamazaki** : _i have a feeling your friend doesn’t like me_.

 

Haruka blinks slowly at the message on his phone, standing right outside his apartment about to unlock the door. He’s almost completely soaked from the rain, as always stubborn enough to not bring an umbrella even though he knew it’d rain pretty much all day.

He’d been put on lunch service that day and two days after, which is way more than he’d like in a week considering the fact that he gets less paid. So now he’s home just before five in the evening instead of midnight after having cleaned up and closed the restaurant, and while that does leave him with a lot of time left in the evening, he still prefers working late.

 **You** : _what do you mean? you hang out a lot, why wouldn’t she?_

 

He steps inside and sheds his jacket and shoes in the hallways before putting his phone on the coffee table in the living room, heading for his bedroom for a new, not to mention  _dry_ , set of clothes. When he comes back out to get into the shower, his phone’s lit up with another message, and Haruka stops to read it before going into the bathroom.

 **Yamazaki** : _not gou, the guy i met. shigino? came by work today bc he was having lunch w/ her._

 

He has no idea what this means, since Sousuke’s for some reason decided to be cryptic about his meeting with Kisumi. It isn’t unusual for Kisumi and Gou to hang out, of course, though the two of them meeting up for lunch is quite rare.

Haruka sighs exasperatedly to himself, and decides to just call Sousuke since he seems to have the time to talk, anyway.

“ _Yes, Nanase?_ ”

“Tell me in proper Japanese what you mean. What do you mean Kisumi doesn’t like you?”

“ _He acted strange whenever he came up to us. I was talking to Gou in the reception since it was just about lunch, and he just kinda seemed like he had a stick up his ass or something. Not when he talked to her, but whenever it was directed to me. You have any idea what the hell that’s about?_ ”

Haruka raises his eyebrows in stunned disbelief. Kisumi and Sousuke only ever met once, and when they did, they got along almost _too_ well. Whatever happened after that is beyond him, since Haruka himself hasn’t seen Kisumi since, and the same obviously seems to go for Sousuke except for today.

“I don’t,” he responds. “I haven’t talked to him since then.”

“ _You haven’t? Huh. Thought you seemed close_.”

Haruka lets out a low hiss in frustration that Sousuke hopefully doesn’t hear. “Well, I don’t hang out with him every day, we have different lives. So? Was that it?”

“ _Yeah, pretty much. I’ve gotta go, anyway_ — _shift’s over, and I wanna leave this place as soon as possible._ ”

The two hang up, and Haruka goes into the bathroom to take the bath he’s been wanting, and needing, for a while now. They always say taking a bath soothes your muscles, and normally, Haruka would snort at clichés such as that one. But it really helps, and does wonders for the stress accumulated during a work shift, and to soften his muscles having gone stiff from not moving too far from his spot in the kitchen all day.

After about an hour, he hears the front door unlock, and not too long after, there’s a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“Haru? Are you done soon?”

“Yeah,” he says, even though he hadn’t planned on being done anytime soon. Well, now that Gou’s home, he can’t really take the bathroom up for himself much longer, and it’s probably for the best if he gets out before he falls asleep—which has happened on several occasions. Gou always tells him he’s just getting lucky whenever that happens, seeing as he could potentially drown. His excuse of being capable of holding his breath for a long time and being able to swim never persuaded her, though.

Haruka drains the tub and gets out to dry himself off before walking out of the bathroom, immediately being greeted by the cold air outside and shivering. Gou disappears into the bathroom while he gets dressed, and when he comes out again, she’s sitting on the couch, though the TV isn’t turned on as it usually is.

“Have you eaten anything?” he asks.

“Not yet, but it can wait. Listen, can we talk?”

A chill runs down his spine at her serious tone, and he realises why she hadn’t turned on the TV. It immediately makes him think of what she’d asked him the night before, and he knows this has to do with Kisumi. Why _she’s_ the one to talk to him about it is beyond him, but he guesses Kisumi is as much of a coward as he is when it comes to confrontations.

“Sure,” Haruka replies, though all he really wants is to run out of the apartment. Where would he go, though? Sousuke’s? He’d probably have to explain a lot before being let inside, and while all of that’s happening, Gou would have plenty of time to come out and convince Sousuke to not let Haruka inside. It wouldn’t surprise Haruka if she managed to do it, seeing as she’s always had that kind of power over people.

Where else would he go? Makoto and Rin are completely out of the question, because he knows what they think without even having asked them, or them not having told him. That kind of thing probably comes with having known someone almost your entire life, and with what he knows about them, he’s plenty aware of the fact that they’d demand to know everything before letting him in.

He sits down next to Gou on the couch, and she turns to him, hands on her lap, and she lets out a slow breath.

“Kisumi’s in love with you.”

It doesn’t come as a surprise, but it still manages to make Haruka’s heart skip a beat. He’s known for a while, though he’s denied it and pushed the thought so far back into his mind it hasn’t really come up in a while. The only other time he’s thought about it was whenever Kisumi came over just to _hang out_ , which isn’t something they do, and how weird he’d acted. Haruka’s suspicions had been further confirmed, and now with Gou telling it to him straight, there’s no way he can look away from it any longer.

“I know.”

“You know? Why haven’t you said anything, then?”

Haruka frowns. “What do you mean, should I have told _him_? ‘Hey, I know you’re in love with me’, like that? And then what?”

“Well, with how long you two seem to have been tiptoeing around this issue, I don’t see why you _shouldn’t_. Someone’s gotta take the initiative, why not let that person be you?”

“Why not Kisumi?”

“Why not _you_?!” Gou argues back, and Haruka sighs in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

“Kisumi knew what he was getting himself into when we started doing this.”

“But things can _change_ , Haru! You know, I usually think you’re smart. Perceptive, good at picking up on things. But in this case, you’re either really goddamn stupid or _pretending_ to be. Whatever it is, you need to wake up and smell the coffee.”

He’s never seen her this mad. It’s scary, more than anything; and it’s in moments like these that you can see that Gou really _is_ Rin’s younger sister. (More often than ‘sometimes’, it feels like it’s the other way around, however.) It’s a wake-up call Haruka didn’t want yelling into his ear so loudly, not now, not ever, and he hates that he has to deal with things now. Deal with Kisumi, more specifically.

Haruka’s scared to death of hurting Kisumi, because he’s never seen Kisumi anything but happy or horny, and in a perfect world, he’d love to keep it that way. The only reason as to why Haruka forces himself to extend his arms out in front of him whenever Kisumi runs towards him is because he knows what'll happen when Kisumi gets too close. He's been close to ruining friendships before because he let people get too close to him, most notably Makoto and now maybe even  _Gou_ , and if it actually happened with Kisumi, Haruka doesn't know what he'd do with himself, how he'd be able to  _forgive_ himself for being unable to properly reciprocate feelings, even  _show_ them, period.

“What if I’m scared?” he asks, not intending for his voice to be so low, and Gou’s expression tells him she’s as surprised by his words as he is.

“Scared of what?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Why are you so afraid of saying it out _loud_?! You’re not only screwing things up for yourself, but others around you, too. And even if you don’t understand how, it affects me, too.”

Well, _obviously_ , with how much Kisumi seems to have gone to her with his issues in the past who knows how long. Some people apparently deal with their problems by venting to close friends, while others keep things to themselves. Haruka knows people other than himself doing it; Makoto’s always been like that, and Rin at least _used_ to be the same.

“I don’t know what I want,” Haruka says, and he hates how his voice wavers when talking. “I like him, but I—I like Sousuke, too.”

It’s the first time he’s admitting it, even to himself. This is why he hates confrontations, and being confronted by Gou is probably the worst kind, because it makes him realise a few things about himself and his feelings. He’s always preferred having his head high above the clouds to avoid things that might potentially hurt him, and Gou has _always_ been the person capable of pulling him down to earth again.

“Okay,” Gou says, not looking impressed or even sympathetic. “So talk to them about it? I don’t understand why you’re insisting on just keeping this to yourself.”

“You don’t _get_ it!” Haruka bites back. “It’s not that easy.”

“Oh my god, you’re so _similar_! Kisumi said the same thing, and he’s been keeping this to himself for a long time. What is it with you guys and wanting to suffer alone instead of confronting your issues?”

“You don’t even understand romantic feelings to _begin_ with, what right do you have to lecture me on it?!” Haruka says, raising his voice, and Gou stares at him, clearly offended. He knows he crossed a line in saying this, but his anger has a habit of making him say things he either doesn’t completely mean, or things he should just keep to himself.

“Maybe because I care about you guys,” Gou replies. “Because I love you, and while you’re right in saying I don’t understand romantic feelings, I  _do_ understand love in the non-romantic sense. I’m just trying to _help_ , Haru. I want you to be happy, I want _him_ to be happy, and that’s why I’m intervening. Nothing’s ever gonna happen unless someone does something about it, and we both know neither you nor he will do anything about it.”

Of course he knows she’s right; Gou almost always is. And if there’s any kind of love he’s never doubted, it’s the one she harbours for him, and vice versa. He knows she wants the best for him, and of course, with her and Kisumi having become close in the past year or so, it’s only a given that it’d be the same thing for them, too. Haruka’s still stubborn on keeping his pride to himself, not letting anyone close like that in case they’d end up leaving him. He’d had a hard enough time letting Gou in like this, and it’s even scarier thinking about having to do that with someone he’s romantically interested in.

And before he has a chance to say anything else, Gou gets up from the couch and marches toward her bedroom door, which she slams shut behind her. Haruka knows it’s dumb to go in and try to reconcile with her now when she’s still angry, and to be honest, he’s still a bit angry himself. He hates how she’s able to completely unravel him, undo all of his layers and take down the shields he’s built up around himself. Hates how she’s right in what she says, because that means he’s in the wrong, as usual.

Haruka doesn’t even bother eating dinner that night, and heads straight to bed. He doesn’t hear Gou exiting her room for the rest of that evening, but when he gets up the next morning, her bedroom door is slightly open, and there’s a note on the kitchen table telling him Gou’s staying over at Makoto’s and Rin’s place for a while.

' _I’m not abandoning you. I’m just giving us some space, because we clearly need it. And you need to sort things out on your end. I love you. Gou.'_

He finds it hard to believe her words, and crumples the note in his clenched fist as he sinks down on one of the chairs by the table.

Haruka likes solitude, likes the silence he isn't often able to experience anymore since he isn't living alone. Now, though, it seems like he may have to get used to it again.

Of _course_ this would happen.


	7. haruka | all cards on the table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke doesn't allow Haruka to mope, and Haruka finally talks to Kisumi.

It takes less than a day for Haruka to go from his usual self to the mess he’d been just before Rin came to kidnap him and bring him to Australia for what Rin had thought would be a soul-searching and self-finding trip in their last year of high school. Haruka feels like he’s back there again, unable to take care of himself in the sense where he doesn’t eat properly and barely sleeps, because the thought of sleeping alone again scares him.

So like a dog with its tail between its legs, Haruka finds himself ringing on Sousuke’s doorbell after two days of living by himself following Gou’s departure. She’d said it wasn’t permanent, sure—but how can she know that? How does she know when to come back home? What if she isn’t satisfied whenever she comes back, what if Haruka doesn’t kick himself in the ass to get started on what she wants him to do, what he knows he  _needs_ to do?

Sousuke opens the door, and the surprise on his face is justified.

“Nanase?”

 _Let me stay the night_. What should he say, what can he ask, where does the line go for what to ask of your neighbour?

He ends up going completely against himself, though he doesn’t quite dislike it, and thankfully, Sousuke isn’t against it. He takes Haruka into his arms when Haruka walks forward, pulls him into the apartment, pushes him up against the wall and kisses him eagerly, as if they _hadn’t_ just seen each other the other day.

Haruka wonders when things had ended up like this. When things had gone from ‘let’s pretend to watch a film before we have sex and let that be it,’ to ‘regularly having sex almost to the point of making love, and sometimes even sleeping together afterwards.’ It should scare him, seeing as intimacy with Kisumi had started freaking him out before things came to a near screeching halt between the two. But it doesn’t scare him, it makes him feel at ease, almost like he’s _home_.

“You know, Nanase,” Yamazaki mumbles, post-sex when they’re lying in bed and about to fall asleep. “I’m not dumb. I know you didn’t come here for sex.”

Maybe this is a bad idea; Haruka wonders just how well-received this will be. But he knows he probably shouldn’t keep it a secret from someone he’s sharing even more and more with, and then it isn’t just about sharing bed space more than once a week.

“You’re not the only person I sleep with,” is how it ends up coming out of his mouth, and Haruka immediately regrets it, wondering _how_ people tell others things like these with delicacy, how they start off slowly. Sousuke just lets out a short chuckle at it, his chest bouncing up and down once, Haruka’s head following the movements.

“So you’re not satisfied with me? I should be offended.”

“That’s not it.”

Sousuke shifts a little, rests a hand on Haruka’s back. “I don’t mind it; I don’t own you, after all.”

It reminds Haruka of something Rin told him once. How he’s like a stray cat with how he comes and goes as he pleases, and how he doesn’t have a ‘collar’ around his neck to tell people to whom he belongs. Being tied down to someone scares Haruka, and that’s probably why he’s still single to this day, and probably always will be. And he finds himself being okay with that, as long as he doesn’t have to have the responsibilities of a relationship pushed onto his plate.

“You’re right,” he says. “I really hate talking about things like these.”

“Sounds complicated, so you don’t really have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“It kind of is,” Haruka admits. “And I do, I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“Do you like him? It’s Shigino, right?”

Haruka recoils, and looks up at Sousuke. This is the first time he’s ever been asked aside from Gou, which should probably surprise him seeing as most people know by this point. Glaringly obvious things like that don’t go unnoticed by Haruka’s best friend, but he can say for sure that it took even Rin a while to put two and two together. Makoto might not know _everything_ , but Haruka’s pretty sure Makoto knows more than he lets on.

But for someone like Sousuke to ask such a thing when he’s only known Haruka for a few months is _scary_. It’s probably just a guess, anyway, seeing as Sousuke’s only met Kisumi once, and it wasn’t the kind of meeting that lets people actually get acquainted with each other beyond names and what they think of the current weather. Sousuke doesn’t know anything, yet he’s the first person to ever ask such a question, and it both amazes and scares Haruka.

“It is,” Haruka confirms slowly. “And I… think so.” Now that it’s out, he’s too scared to look Sousuke in the eye, afraid of what Sousuke’s going to think of him. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s… a few things. I like him, but I don’t wanna screw up what we already have. Or had, I don’t know. I also… I—I like you, too.”

He feels Sousuke shift a bit, knowing Sousuke’s looking at him now. And even though he’s scared to, Haruka looks back up, tilting his head up so their eyes can meet. Sousuke may think it’s a joke or think he’s lying if Haruka _doesn’t_ look him in the eye, and though it scares him, he keeps eye contact. And Sousuke smiles at him, which makes things even more difficult.

“Well, in that case, this works out great. I really like you, too, Nanase.”

It reminds him of the stories Rin told him when they were younger, of how girls often came up to confess to him when he lived in Australia during elementary school. Haruka’s never really confessed to anyone before, so maybe him basing his impressions on Rin’s stories is a bad idea, distorting what reality’s actually like.

“Oh,” he says awkwardly. “I didn’t know.”

“You probably just thought I wanted to sleep with you, huh.”

Haruka manages a little smile. “Yeah, I guess. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I mean, I didn’t really _say_ anything, so I can’t blame you for thinking that,” Sousuke dismisses, laying his head back down on the pillow beneath his head. “So, what’re you gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” Haruka confesses. “I have to talk to him, but I don’t know what to say.”

“Gou wants you to talk to him, right?”

Haruka’s heart aches a bit at the mention of Gou, and he swallows. “Yeah. Well, I do, too, I’m just scared to. She moved out.”

“She _what_?!”

“She said it’s only for a while, for us to take a little break. I don’t like the sound of it.”

 _It reminds me of my parents_. While he did just confess his feelings to Sousuke, it’s far too soon to share his life story with him. At the same time, he’s learnt by now that not talking about things he _should_ talk about lands him in a whole lot of trouble, so he’ll probably have to, at some point.

Sousuke hums thoughtfully. “Well, give her some time, then. I’m assuming you came here because you felt lonely, huh.”

Haruka frowns to himself. His transparency these days is worrying him—he’s really gotta work on that. “Yeah.”

“Stay here, then. But I do agree with her, you’ve gotta talk to Shigino. And I’m not letting you stay here forever.”

How would he even begin talking about this with Kisumi? Haruka feels like he’s five again, completely unaware of how to communicate with people. Does Kisumi even _want_ to talk about this? Maybe Gou’s just trying to push him towards Haruka, but he’s reluctant much like Haruka is himself? Obviously someone has to take the first step, and if it won’t be Kisumi, then it has to be Haruka. He’s been used to others doing it in the past, and him not having to really do much before others get things started for him.

“So you’re not disgusted? Angry?”

Sousuke snorts. “What for?”

“Well, seeing as I sleep with someone else occasionally. Or did, I don’t know.”

“Come _on_ , Nanase, how old are we? At least we use protection, so I don’t have to… wait, shit—I don’t actually know how old you are. _Please_ tell me you’re legal at least.”

Haruka rolls his eyes, though it’s true; they haven’t asked each other how old the other is, and Haruka really doesn’t know much about Sousuke to begin with. So how is it that he’s managed to fall for this guy if he barely even knows him?

“Twenty-six.”

“Oh,” Sousuke breathes out in relief, “then we’re the same age. The others? I don’t know anything about them, either.”

“Kisumi’s the same age as us. Gou… turns twenty-five on the twelfth.”

Sousuke shifts a little. “Next month?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. Bad timing, man.”

It feels like that’s a theme that runs through Haruka's entire life. He’s always too late, does things at the wrong time, chooses not to do things when he should and sometimes does things when they aren’t even needed. It’s a constant struggle to try and figure out just how to time things perfectly, and even as he’s nearing his thirties, this is something he has yet to learn.

 

* * *

 

Haruka calls in sick the next day, and spends the majority of it in bed. Sousuke’s a mature adult and actually goes into work when he should, and at some point several hours later, he returns. Haruka achieves absolutely nothing in the time he’s gone, only gets out of bed to go to the bathroom and then goes straight back to bed. His stomach grumbles loudly at times to tell him he needs to eat, but Haruka promptly ignores it and hugs Sousuke’s comforter while feeling sorry for himself for half a day.

He never meant for Gou to be involved, hell—he hadn’t even planned on talking to Kisumi about this, either, but now he kind of has to. And in a way, he wants to, because he knows it can’t go on like this, and now that they’ve known each other for so long and had their friendship take such a turn, he can’t just get out of the car and walk the rest of the way on his own. Kisumi may have known what he was in for when they went into their so-called arrangement, but so did Haru, yet these things still happened.

“Am I gonna have to take care of your sorry ass because I let you live here temporarily?”

The bed dips under their combined weight, and Haruka looks up over the duvet.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

“I’m only half kidding,” Sousuke says. “But really, you can’t call in sick every day and lie here to feel sorry for yourself.”

“I know. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“Good. Now get out of bed and help me with dinner.”

“You can’t cook?”

Sousuke snorts. “I can _so_ cook. I’m just not letting you lie here all day, even if it’ll only be for a few hours before we go to sleep again.”

If there’s something Haruka wouldn’t have ever associated Sousuke with, it’s being caring to the point of almost being doting. Strangely enough, he appreciates it rather than detests it. Maybe Sousuke’s making him more open to some things he used to absolutely hate, making him appreciate things he used to take for granted. If anything, Gou’s certainly been doing it for a while, but in a completely different way. And now that she’s gone, he truly realises just he’s kind of taken for granted that she’d always be there for him unlike others who have come into his life only to straight up walk out and never look back.

Haruka and Sousuke cook together, and then take turns using the shower before they laze around on the couch for a bit. Haruka feels a little less sluggish than he had all day, but grief still has a stable hold of him that he doesn’t think will disappear for another few days until he’s learnt to live with it. He knows not to contact Gou, since it’d just make things worse, and he’ll save the one time to risk it for her birthday.

He vows to himself as he’s about to fall asleep to call Kisumi the next day, try and arrange for them to meet—and talk. It scares the ever-living daylights out of him, but it’s something he has to do. It’s part of growing up, and it’s probably about time to do so considering his age.

 

* * *

 

The last time Haruka called Kisumi, it had been pretty much a booty-call. A ‘hey I’m bored, I’m coming over for sex’ call. This time, he’s calling to hopefully get Kisumi to meet him, not for sex, but for what’s most definitely going to be a long, mentally exhausting talk about the feelings they apparently harbour for each other.

How they’re still acting like middle-school kids is a phenomenon in itself. Haruka’s tired of it, wants to act like an adult no matter how much it scares him, and that’s why he takes a deep breath and presses the green button by Kisumi’s name in his phone.

With how he’s blatantly blown Kisumi off the past few times they’ve met, Haruka wouldn’t be surprised to know Kisumi rejects his call. If he does, Haruka’s just going to call again and again, not give up until Kisumi actually answers. He _does_ know where Kisumi lives, too, so if it really has to come to that, he’ll have to go there and skip the phone conversation before their inevitably long talk.

When he hears Kisumi answer, Haruka’s breath catches in his throat. “ _Hello?_ ”

He doesn’t know what to say, though a similar greeting phrase is usually expected. A few seconds pass, and he finally manages to choke out a ‘hey’.

“ _Haru?_ ”

“Kisumi… I want to talk. Are you free tonight?”

This time, Kisumi’s the one whose response is delayed. “ _Er, yeah_ — _I’m free. I’ll come by after work, I’m just about to leave._ ”

“Okay,” Haruka says, quietly exhaling in relief despite the little lump in his stomach telling him he’s still nervous.

He hangs up, his shoulders slumping, and gets up from Sousuke’s bed to go out into the living room. Kisumi’s workplace is about a ten-minute walk away from their apartment building, so it won’t take long before he arrives, and Haruka has to get back to his own apartment before he does.

“Everything okay?”

Haruka nods quickly, though he isn’t sure if things _are_ okay. Not yet. Hopefully they _will_ be soon, but he’s got to work pretty hard to make that happen, and make sure he doesn’t make an ass out of himself like he had with Gou.

Sousuke crosses the room and takes Haruka into his arms. “You’ll do fine. I’ll see you soon.”

“Mmm.”

He leaves Sousuke’s apartment after a lot of hesitation, quickly making it inside his own once he’s out in the hallway, and wanting to leave immediately upon entering. One of the first things he sees when coming inside is Gou’s bedroom door, still halfway open just the way she’d left it a few days earlier. Time feels like it stands still in this apartment, and Haruka hates it. Hates how it took less than a day for that effect to kick in, and how it serves as a constant reminder that he’s the one who caused it to happen in the first place.

With reluctance, Haruka sits down on the couch in the living room. The silence is unbearable, yet he doesn’t want to turn on the TV or the stereo below it. It doesn’t take long for his leg to start jiggling with restlessness and anxiety, but thankfully, his loneliness doesn’t last _too_ long, since the doorbell rings not even five minutes after Haruka himself came in.

He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or nervous about Kisumi’s arrival at first, but when he opens the door and sees Kisumi looking at him completely devoid of the happiness and glee he usually has in abundance, he instead dives headfirst into an ugly mix of guilt and sadness.

Haruka lets Kisumi inside without saying anything, and the two sit down in the living room, Haruka not even thinking of asking Kisumi if he wants something to drink. His mind is a complete mess, and his heart might just as well break free of the confines of his rib-cage at any second now with how hard it’s beating in his chest.

Despite the situation, Haruka can’t help but think Kisumi looks good. And it isn’t just because he’s finally been forced to come to terms with his feelings and deal with them, it’s an objective truth. He usually doesn’t wear black, and while Haruka understands it has to do with the dress code of his PR company, black is still unusual for Kisumi, but it looks _really_ good on him. The black button-down shirt is accompanied by dark jeans and a belt, and it all would look one hundred per-cent professional-yet-slightly-casual had it not been for his traditionally, and probably chronically, unruly hair.

Kisumi’s always been like that, and Haruka likes that about him. That he hasn’t ever been afraid to stand out, to do his own thing and just wave people’s negative comments off with a smile. It’s the way Haruka’s used to see him; with a constant smile, always telling terrible jokes, but the Kisumi sitting next to him right now is the complete opposite, and it’s both sad and scary.

“I’m sorry,” he begins after a while with an ever so slightly trembling voice. “I knew about your feelings.”

Kisumi doesn’t say anything for a while, and Haruka starts to wonder if he’s going to say anything at all, until he does. “I’m not surprised. You’ve always been perceptive.”

It almost feels like swallowing sand, like walking against the wind, only making it one step forward before he’s pushed back two steps, but Haruka doesn’t give up. “I like you, too. I think… I like you so much it scares me. And I didn’t tell you because I didn’t wanna ruin what we already have. Or had.”

This time, Kisumi actually _laughs_ , though it sounds everything but happy in Haruka’s ears. “Funny; people say we’re so different, but I feel like we’re pretty similar.”

“I should’ve said something, _anything_. Instead I ended up hurting you. So I’m sorry.”

Kisumi shrugs. “I guess you can’t help it. I mean, it’s partly my fault, too, seeing as I didn’t do anything, either. You… you like him, too, don’t you?”

Haruka looks directly at Kisumi, who isn’t afraid to meet his gaze. His courage only lasts him so long, and then he’s looking down at his hands in his lap again. “Yeah.”

“I figured. I can’t blame you, he’s really handsome. And funny.”

He wonders if he should mention what Sousuke had told him the other day about Kisumi having treated Sousuke coldly upon their meeting at the hospital. At the same time, he figures it isn’t really his business per se, so he decides to just leave it at that unless something else comes up. Which he hopes it won’t.

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“So… I mean, not to be pushy or anything, but what’s the meaning of this? Apart from clearing things up between us. Are you going to date him?”

“I don’t know. I really… don’t wanna have to choose,” Haruka says, voice low. He’s ashamed of the fact that he’s fallen for two people at once, and now finds himself completely unable to choose between them. If he chooses one, the other would be hurt, and Haruka would feel bad since he harbours feelings for both of them. Not choosing either of them is an option, too, and while Haruka doesn’t really want to go with it, he might have to.

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Kisumi sighs. “It’s up to you, really. I’m not gonna pressure you, but at the same time… don’t take months deciding, please? Even if you go for him, I’d rather know sooner than later.”

Haruka wants to cry. He doesn't remember the last time he did, but now he really wants to. And frustratingly enough, it won’t come. He feels an ugly kind of sadness well up within him, but not to the point where he’ll shed tears.

“Okay,” he says, hating how meek his voice sounds to mirror his interior and probably exterior as well. He knew this was a bad idea to begin with no matter how much it needed to happen, and yet he couldn’t have prepared for the aftermath in any way whatsoever.

“You know, Haru,” Kisumi continues, "I know I shouldn't have told Gou. I mean I really tried  _not_ to tell her... but you know how she is.”

Haruka can't help but laugh a little at that despite the circumstances, and despite his wound not even having begun to heal yet. “Yeah, I do. It's fine, it probably would've taken us longer to get here otherwise. If we're gonna be honest with ourselves.”

Kisumi laughs, too, and he shakes his head. “Yeah.”

He's thankful to Gou, and it's far too late to tell her that now that Haruka's fucked up every chance he really  _did_ have at doing so. All he can do now is make sure that he tries his best not to fuck  _this_ up, too, but given the unusual situation he finds himself in, the odds really aren't in his favour.


	8. sousuke | common denominator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke clears up his issues with a man he's only ever met twice.

If Sousuke hadn’t been told by Haruka about his and Gou’s situation, Sousuke wouldn’t have a clue as to why Gou isn’t her usual self. While they’ve never really hung out after work hours, he’s still gotten to know her pretty well thanks to them having lunch together regularly, at least twice a week nowadays. Even so, he doesn’t know her nearly enough to notice the small details giving away even just an ounce of what she’s feeling or going through at the moment.

They’re having lunch in the hospital cafeteria, which is pretty rare considering how they usually go out for lunch. It’s raining quite heavily, and neither of them wanted to go out even if that’d mean better food than what they’re currently having.

“You really do get what you pay for,” he says, poking at broccoli, or at least a sorry excuse for said vegetable.

Gou laughs a little. “Indeed. At least it’s appropriately priced—I would’ve probably gone out in the rain had they charged us more than five hundred for this rubbish.”

“Yeah… that makes two of us.”

He feels bad for what he wants, or really _has_ , to ask her, because it isn’t something he really wants to bring up so soon. Gou is hiding it well, but it’s obvious that something’s _different_ about her. And if it’s something Sousuke’s learnt in the time he’s known Haruka, and in turn Gou, it’s just how close those two are, and while this certainly isn’t easy on Haruka, it certainly can’t be easier on Gou.

“Listen, I wanted to ask you something,” he says after a while. “About Shigino.”

Gou barely raises her eyebrows, as if she isn’t surprised, but at this point, Sousuke’s learnt that she’s scarily perceptive and probably knows more than he thinks she does.

“Okay. Ask away.”

“His address, or phone number. Or both, really, so I can make sure he’s at home when I drop by.”

This time, Gou snorts. “You planning on going over to his apartment? Why?”

“To talk.” He almost adds an  _of course_ to that, but maybe it isn't as obvious to her what Sousuke's intents are when it comes to a guy he's only met twice.

Gou sighs, softening a little. “You got caught up in a lot of stuff, huh.”

“Yeah, well… it is what it is. I just wanna get shit sorted out before I’ve let it drag on for too long.”

It doesn’t take her much to give Kisumi’s address and phone number to Sousuke, and for that, he’s grateful. She says she isn’t blaming him for any of it, though sometimes he feels like she is even though she might not admit it even to herself.

 

* * *

 

He’s lived alone for so long that living with another person now feels weird, out of place, and it sort of reminds him of when he went to university and had to share a flat with other people. Except this time, Haruka lives in his apartment, and he barely takes up any room at all, doesn’t make a lot of noise, he’s just _there_. And Sousuke finds himself really not minding it, he actually quite enjoys having company, since said company still manages to maintain a peaceful atmosphere around them.

At the same time as Sousuke’s come to like waking up to Haruka every morning before heading off to work, he doesn’t let himself completely indulge in the good things that come with it. Haruka isn’t ‘his’, even though they _had_ admitted their mutual feelings, because Haruka likes someone else, too. Someone who apparently already has a beef with him for a reason he only just recently figured out. Well, someone’s gotta be the adult of the two and sort things out, and it seems like that task fell on Sousuke.

“ _God_ , I envy you,” he complains, pulling on a pair of trousers before putting on a shirt. Haruka snorts at him from where he still lies in bed.

“Can’t say ‘likewise’. You’ll be off work before I’ve even started my shift. _God_ , I pity you.”

“Please continue to rub it in,” Sousuke sighs. “I’m willing to bet you earn more than I do too.”

“I might. Come here.”

“No. You'd have to _pay_ me before I kissed you with morning breath. See you tonight.”

Haruka grunts in disappointment, and Sousuke disappears out the bedroom with a laugh.

Not that he _dislikes_ living like this—hell, if he were the one to decide, this is probably what he’d want to experience on a daily basis—but there’s still something that needs to be resolved before he could have a chance at having this all to himself. As for right now, it just feels like he’s ‘borrowing’ Haruka from Shigino, who obviously knew him first, and the two had been friends with benefits for a pretty long time before Sousuke came into the picture.

Despite what Gou says, he can’t help but feel a little guilty, and that’s why he knows he’ll have to talk to Shigino as fast as possible to resolve this entire issue. While Haruka seems like he wants to take his time in making a decision, Sousuke hates waiting around and not doing anything, so he decides to contact Shigino as soon as the weekend arrives.

“You know,” Gou says, putting her chopsticks down before making eye contact. “You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. If you wanna talk, then talk. If you wanna ask me something, then do so.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow, tries to act like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about even though he knows it’s a wasted effort. “What?”

“It’s written all over your face. Sorry, but if you thought you were being subtle, you’re dead wrong.”

Again with him failing at being subtle. He’s _really_ got to work on that.

He clears his throat, averting his gaze to the side. “Where’re you staying?”

“That’s it?”

He snorts in slight offence. At least he’s been trying to be considerate of other people’s feelings, that’s gotta count for _something_. “It’s a start.”

“I’m staying at my brother and his boyfriend’s place.”

Sousuke looks back at Gou, this time raising his eyebrows in surprise. “ _That’s_ gotta be weird.”

“Not really,” Gou says with a shrug. “They’ve learnt not to be super gross around me… for the most part. It’s okay. Besides, it gives me an opportunity to spend more time with them since we’re normally really bad about that.”

“Is Nanase friends with them?”

“Oh yes, they’re best friends since childhood. He grew up next door to Makoto—my brother’s boyfriend—and we all went to school together. Haru and Rin used to be rivals in terms of swimming, but now that Haru’s stopped swimming… ah, never mind. It’s a long story you shouldn’t hear from me.”

Sousuke hums in thought, lets it go despite his budding curiosity. “Okay. And Shigino?”

“He went to the same school as Rin in middle school, but then Rin moved to Australia for elementary.”

“I basically moved into a town where everyone knows each other since childhood,” he laughs, and Gou smiles, shaking her head.

“Don't worry, it's not that bad. So… how’s he doing?”

 _If only Haruka knew just how much Gou cares about him, then maybe he wouldn’t feel as depressed_ , Sousuke thinks. It was to be expected that their friendship went pretty deep, and Sousuke now feels dumb for once having thought of them as a romantic couple just because they share a flat.

“He lives at my place,” he answers simply. There’s no use in hiding things when he’s gotten himself involved to this point, and Gou deserves to know the truth. “He’s doing fine, I suppose. Goes to work, paints or draws. I’m guessing that’s pretty much what he does when he’s at home.”

“Yeah,” Gou says, and the smile on her lips turns into a sad one as she lowers her gaze to the empty plate in front of her. “I’m glad he’s doing okay.”

“Are you planning on moving back?”

“Of course I am.”

“When?”

She takes her time in responding, and Sousuke wonders if it was really in his right to ask in the first place. Just because Haruka lives with him now that Gou’s moved out doesn’t mean he’s got the right to know every single detail about their friendship and everything that goes with it.

“I don’t know. I’m going to, though, so don’t think I’m leaving him or anything. I’d never even dream of it. But I feel like I need some space. All this romantic crap is stressing me out, and I don’t wanna be around Haru when he and Kisumi are like this. I know it’s selfish, but I tried, and it didn’t work in the end.”

Sousuke lifts a hand up, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. “No, I get it. I’ll do my part of it at least, see if that leads them in the right direction.”

“And if that means you’re out of the equation?”

He smiles bitterly. “Well, at least I’ll know I tried.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday morning, Haruka’s already left before Sousuke’s even had a chance to wake up. It takes him by surprise, and it doesn’t make it better that Haruka hasn’t left him a message or even a note. He considers going over to knock on his neighbour’s door, but then figures he’ll just leave it alone. Maybe Haruka needs space, or maybe he’s just gone out somewhere. Just because he’s temporarily living there doesn’t mean Sousuke’s got to keep an eye on him at all times. (He really hopes it doesn't have to come to that.)

So he starts his day with breakfast as usual, consisting of rice, miso—instant, because he’s too lazy to make his own—and tuna. He’s never really been a mackerel guy, but has quickly learnt that apparently Haruka is. Not that it’ll cause any problems in the kitchen, seeing as Haruka’s very much capable of cooking his own food, so Sousuke doesn’t mind it… apart from the smell, that is. There are things you just have to get used to when living with others; making compromises and maybe sometimes even sacrifices. This is more of a compromise, however, since Sousuke isn’t actually _losing_ anything.

Well, that depends on the outcome of everything.

The note Gou had given him the day before with Kisumi’s address and phone number still lies in the pocket of his jeans, and Sousuke goes inside his bedroom to retrieve it after a while of having thought about it too much. He isn’t even sure if Kisumi can meet up today, so there’s no use in getting worked up about it. And if he says he doesn’t want to, then Sousuke might just have to go over there, anyway. They’re adults, they should be able to handle it as such.

With the note in hand, Sousuke dials Kisumi’s number, and maybe a _little_ nervously waits for the other to pick up. A few signals go through, and then there’s a voice greeting him. Which actually surprises him, since he’d assumed Kisumi would reject a call from an unknown number.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey, Shigino… Yamazaki here. Sousuke.”

He’s met with a few long seconds of silence, and that _doesn’t_ surprise him. The seconds drag on for so long that he almost wonders if Shigino’s considering hanging up, or maybe if he’s already hung up, but then there’s a response.

“ _Oh. Hey_.”

“So… okay, I’m really bad at making small-talk. Can we meet up, if you’re free?”

“ _Er, yeah… I suppose. What’s this about?_ ”

“I think you know what it’s about. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not out to yell at you or fight you. I just wanna talk. Straighten stuff out. That okay with you?”

Shigino sighs in what sounds like resignation. “ _Yeah, okay. Should I come over or something?_ ”

Sousuke almost wants to say yes, but realises it’d be weird if Haruka were to waltz in through the door given the fact that things are still a bit awkward between the two. “Nah, I’ll come to your place. I got your address from Matsuoka.”

“ _Feels like you’re not someone I’d wanna get in trouble with, then, seeing as you’ve got both my address and phone number._ ”

Sousuke manages a laugh at that.

 

* * *

 

He knows this town pretty well by now, and while driving through narrow streets isn’t something he does on a daily, or even weekly, basis, Sousuke manages to find his way to Kisumi’s apartment complex with only very minor problems. Luck seems to be on his side for once, and he finds himself a decent spot to park on by the side of the road, and then he walks inside the building. The general décor and quality of the building tells Sousuke it’s obviously more expensive than where he lives, but it’s also closer to the town centre, which might explain why.

Not even a minute after he’s rang the doorbell, Kisumi opens up for him with an acknowledging nod, stepping aside to let Sousuke inside. He mumbles an ‘excuse me for intruding’ as a habit when walking into a stranger’s home, and Kisumi muffles a laughter into his hand.

“My first impression of you was _so_ off.”

Sousuke frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. You want anything to drink?”

Well, assuming he’s going to do a lot of talking, he’ll _need_ something to drink. “Water would be great, thanks.”

Kisumi shows Sousuke into his living room before he disappears into the kitchen. Sousuke takes the opportunity to look around, and much like he’d expected before even going inside the apartment, the rooms are bigger, and the flat has much better heating than he does. What puzzles him is what a guy who lives alone needs all this space for. Sousuke may love living alone, but having this much space all to himself would definitely make him feel lonely.

“Sorry for the wait.”

Kisumi returns, and sits down on the couch with a significant distance between himself and Sousuke. He sighs through his nose, takes a sip from his glass, sets it down. It takes a lot more courage and social skill than he possesses to be able to go through with this sort of thing, but it’s something he wants to do, and knows he _needs_ to do, as well. And he won’t ever get better at doing this unless he practices.

If only this wouldn’t have to be practice.

“You know,” he begins, wondering just how he’s going to go about this, “when you came to the hospital to have lunch with Matsuoka, I had no idea why you were acting like such an ass to me considering how well we hit it off the first time we met. At least that’s what I thought.”

“Yamazaki—“

“Let me finish. I get it _now_ , though. And honestly, I can’t blame you. I guess I’m easier to read than I think and want to be, and maybe it wasn’t even that difficult to figure out. Even so, I’m sorry for how things turned out. But I also wouldn’t have had it any other way. I… really like him.”

It’s strange for Sousuke to admit this to someone other than himself, which had been a battle in and of itself, but one he’d conquered nonetheless. Admitting it to someone he barely even knows feels weird, talking about such personal things in general isn’t something he prefers to do, even to his closest friends.

“I guess I understand you,” Kisumi responds slowly, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “It was never really a secret to anyone how I feel about Haru… not even to him, because of _course_ he’d be able to read me. He could read people for a living, and probably earn a _lot_ of money.”

“It’s scary how he does that,” Sousuke agrees, and Kisumi manages a smile despite the situation.

“And then when you came in, I guess I just… I just _knew_ it was over for me. I was too big of a coward to say anything, because I didn’t wanna ruin what we had. It took so many years to get there, and I didn’t want it to just disappear. Even though I should’ve known I was the only one to blame for Haru diverting his attention elsewhere, I couldn’t help but put the blame on you. So I’m sorry.”

Sousuke feels like he kind of understands Kisumi, though he’s never been in a similar situation before. He still doesn’t know just how to feel; if he should feel guilty, if he should just accept that things happened the way did and that there isn’t anything to do about it until Haruka decides on what to do… it’s difficult, to say the least, but he feels like it’s made a little easier in talking to Kisumi.

“It’s fine. Really, Shigino,” he adds quickly when he sees Kisumi’s about to protest, “I mean it. I know there wasn’t really anything I could’ve done differently seeing as I didn’t know, but you didn’t know, either. It’s just a really weird situation we’ve ended up in, and though I wish we both didn’t have to be here, I still don’t regret falling for him.”

“Yeah,” Kisumi sighs. “Weird situation indeed.”

“So what’d he tell you? I didn’t really wanna bring it up with him in case it was sensitive. And if it is, you don’t have to tell me. I just wanna know what’s happening in this entire thing, I guess.”

Kisumi shrugs, leaning back against the couch. “He just said he needs time to think. I don’t know what it means other than the fact that I’ll just have to keep being patient. I did what I could.”

“Yeah.”

Something’s been gnawing at the back of his mind since before Kisumi even let him into his apartment, and Sousuke wonders just how to say this without disrupting the still fragile peace they’ve just created. He doesn’t know how things are between Haruka and Kisumi in terms of whether or not they’re capable of hanging out after their talk, but it’s easy for him to tell that they haven’t hung out since. So the wounds are obviously still fresh, and Sousuke has to risk being the one to tear them open again.

“Listen, Shigino… Nanase… lives with me.”

Kisumi looks at him, but he doesn’t look all that surprised, and Sousuke wonders if he should find that more worrying than if it had been the opposite. “Oh.”

“I just thought you should know. It’s just because of this whole thing with Matsuoka moving out. Which I assume you know she did.”

“Yeah, we… talk and hang out a lot. Does she know? Gou doesn't talk that much about him now that she's moved out, so I wouldn’t know.”

“She does,” Sousuke confirms. “He didn’t want to live in that apartment alone, so I offered him to stay at my place. I wouldn’t have done that if I knew about you two, though.”

Kisumi shakes his head. “It isn’t as if we’re dating or anything, and I certainly don’t own Haru. But yeah, I guess I understand that he wouldn’t want to live there alone.”

There’s something about the way Kisumi talks and words things that makes Sousuke think there’s a lot more to Haruka than he already knows. Of course there’s got to be, seeing as Sousuke doesn’t know him very well yet, but he gets the feeling most of these things are those Haruka might not bring up himself. For valid reasons, probably, but Sousuke still can’t help but wonder just what those might be.

He gets up from the couch, and Kisumi looks up at him, confused. “Come on. I’ll take you out for lunch.”

“Is this a date?”

He snorts. “You’ll just have to pay me back.”

 

* * *

 

Said lunch helps to make things a whole lot less awkward between the two, and it feels like it had the first time they met and just how well they hit it off. They’ve talked about what they needed to, and thankfully managed to end it on friendly terms, which in and of itself is a victory. And now all they can do is wait; be patient, and see what happens next.

“You know,” Kisumi says as they’re walking away from the restaurant following a really nice lunch and conversation, “I wasn’t very sure about this entire thing when you’d called me earlier wanting to talk, but now I’m glad we did. And hung out.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Sousuke feels like the two of them had similar thoughts of the other before spending a few hours together just the two of them. He’d originally thought Kisumi was a pretty nice guy after their first meeting, but then the whole hospital incident threw that out the window. He feels like it may have crawled back up and in through the same window again, though, which he’s glad for.

The two exchange their parting phrases before Sousuke steers his steps towards the apartment building. It’s certainly been a weird day, but he doesn’t regret it having happened. If there’s anything Sousuke hates, it’s having unresolved conflicts lying on the shelf that need to be dusted off and sorted out. Maybe they’re not all _completely_ out of the woods just yet, but he feels like this is certainly a good beginning.

Coming back, he spots Haruka in the living room, but only for a few seconds, before he goes into the bedroom. Curious, Sousuke kicks his shoes off in the hallway, and follows Haruka. The other doesn’t seem all that surprised to see him, and nods in acknowledge before stuffing some of his belongings into a gym bag.

“So where’d you go?” he asks, deciding to have the other question wait, since he probably should ask where the hell Haruka even went that morning, seeing as he wasn’t in the apartment when Sousuke woke up.

“I’d ask you the same thing.”

Sousuke waves a hand dismissively. “You go first, because I asked first.”

“I went out for a swim with Rin—well, with a friend.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’ve... I've heard about him.”

“You have?”

He realises too late that he probably shouldn’t mention it, knowing Gou’s probably a very sore subject for Haruka, but now that it’s out, there’s no going back. He exhales slowly through his nose.

“Yeah.”

“Ah... right.”

It’s almost as if he just mentioned someone recently deceased, and he feels bad with just how Haruka seems to kind of wither and die on the inside at the thought of Gou, Sousuke having triggered it to begin with. He sits down next to Haruka on the couch, pulling his head towards his chest.

“She misses you, Nanase.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do, because I can tell. You know, I’m not blind; I _have_ been hanging out with her a fair bit. Seeing as we work at the same hospital and everything, and have lunch together several times a week.”

Haruka curls up a bit, pulling his legs up and supporting his chin on his knees. “She still isn’t moving back home, though.”

Maybe Haruka doesn’t know the entire reason as to why Gou can’t be around them as they are right now, and Sousuke doesn’t think it’s in his right to tell Haruka why this is. Haruka most definitely knows just about anything there is to know about her, but this is something Sousuke’s pretty sure she didn’t let him know about before she left. And it’s something Haruka needs to find out on his own, either by asking her or Gou telling him herself.

“I told you before, just give her some time and space. She _did_ say she hasn’t abandoned you, right?”

“I guess so,” Haruka mutters, and he looks like he doesn’t want to admit it, for some reason. As if he’s saying she _didn’t_ say it, and Sousuke wonders just why he would act in such a way when there isn’t anything negative about it.

“So trust her? I mean, you’ve lived with her for long enough to know what kind of person she is, even in situations like these.”

“Okay. Yeah, I do.” Haruka shakes his head, and then he smiles. “It’s weird having a motherly figure around who isn’t Makoto.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow. “Never met Makoto before, but I’m hoping that isn’t an insult.”

“It isn’t.”

A little hesitant at first, Sousuke eventually closes the distance between himself and Haruka, placing a hand behind his head to press a kiss to Haruka’s forehead. Haruka stands still for once, doesn’t move away, and he leans into it, looks up when Sousuke pulls apart.

“I’m moving back home,” he says. “I think I need some time for myself. To think about… you know, things.”

It was probably to be expected, and it might actually be for the best, but Sousuke isn’t too thrilled about it now that he’s gotten to live with Haruka for a few days. He still nods, and tries to look as if he isn’t disappointed.

“Okay.”

Haruka leaves not too long after, and when he’s gone, leaving Sousuke all to himself again, Sousuke sits back down on the couch with a sigh.

If he would’ve had a list of things to expect when getting to know Haruka, this entire situation he now finds himself in _definitely_ wouldn’t have been on it.


	9. haruka & gou | change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka acts on a pure reflex and wonders if that'll make things even worse for him. Meanwhile, Gou decides it's time for a change.

>   _Haruka_.

 

One of the good things about having lived with Sousuke for a little while has been the fact that not a lot changed in how the apartment’s always been peaceful and quiet. Sousuke doesn’t take up a lot of room even though it’s his own place, and while neither of them are good at talking, things were never really awkward. Which Haruka finds kind of odd, seeing as he hasn’t even known Sousuke that long.

Coming back home to his own apartment after not even having been there in nearly two weeks, save for getting the mail just outside, reminds him of coming back to the house he used to live in when he still lived in Iwatobi, and it makes him almost consider moving right back out again. Haruka takes a deep breath upon walking inside, sliding his bag off his shoulder and down onto the floor. He likes the occasional solitude, yes—but there’s a great difference between solitude and loneliness. Right now, Haruka feels nothing but lonely.

His first instinct is to call Rin or Makoto. He almost considers Kisumi, but then realises it’s probably a bad idea seeing as the last time they saw each other, Haruka had told him he needed time to think about the decision he has yet to make. Seeing Kisumi again without telling him how things are going, when he’s been _avoiding_ thinking about it, is a bad idea.

Haruka sits down on his couch, two fingers tapping on the front pocket of his sweatpants where he keeps his phone. Makoto might not even have _time_ for him right now, just because Haruka’s free. His life is busier, and Haruka can’t expect his best friend to squeeze in time for him whenever he wants to. Things aren’t the way they used to be when they were still kids, and Haruka hates how he still has trouble acknowledging that.

Instead of just sitting around, he decides on just having miso, and then going to bed. There’s no point in him trying to think about any of these issues when he’s in this weird state of having once _again_ had a rather large change in his surroundings and general circumstance. Stress and anxiety won’t help him make any good decisions, anyway, which is something he’s had to learn the hard way after so many years.

 

* * *

 

He does his best to not bump into Sousuke outside their doors or around the apartment building in general as he tries to get back on track again, both work-wise and mentally. Work helps a lot with taking his mind off things, but then his shift ends, and he has to come back to an empty and far too quiet apartment, and that tends to set his anxiety off again, wanting to make some probably very poor decisions.

Thankfully, he doesn’t actually run into Sousuke at all, but the thought that Sousuke might be avoiding him, too, crosses his mind at least once.

Having gotten dinner over quicker than usual on a Saturday evening after having been called into work at the last second, Haruka sits down with his sketchpad and turns on the TV for background noise. The first channel that pops up shows the news, and he shrugs, leaving it at that before picking up his pen. He half-listens to how the news presenter tells him today’s date before lining up the topics for this news segment— _Saturday, December 12 th_—puts the tip of his pen down against the blank page, and starts drawing.

Without a particular idea in mind as for what to draw, Haruka just lets his hand draw freely without really paying any mind to it. He feels like it’s been ages since he’d even dragged his easel out into the living room and used it, but nowadays he just doesn’t want to bother unless he has a commission to paint.

Haruka’s lines are wobbly and almost see-through thanks to a hand that conveniently enough doesn’t want to cooperate with his brain that practically begs for a distraction. He takes deep, steady breaths as to not lose what little focus he has, but it doesn’t take him long to realise this isn’t working, and that at this point, he’s just wasting paper.

A frustrated sigh escapes him as he slams his sketchpad down onto the coffee table, gets back up again, and heads into the bathroom. There was a time when taking a bath mostly solved his problems, whatever problem it may have been, but these days they serve more as a placebo effect if he isn’t taking a bath for the reason most other people do; to calm down and to, obviously, become clean.

Sinking into a nearly scorching hot bath, Haruka sighs, closing his eyes. To say he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place sounds like his only options are bad ones, when in reality they’re anything but. That’s probably one of the biggest reasons as to why Haruka can’t find it in himself to choose. He knows there are only two options for him; to date one of them, or to tell them he isn’t choosing either of them. The last thing he wants is to hurt them, and he’s pretty sure they wouldn’t be able to go back to being just friends after everything that’s happened, regardless of whom he chooses in the end.

Not choosing either is the other option which Haruka isn’t too thrilled about—he’s in this situation in the first place _because_ he wants to be with them both. If only _that_ would’ve been an option, he wouldn’t have needed thinking to begin with. It would’ve been so easy, had the three of them been able to be in a relationship, instead of Haruka having to choose just one.

He should’ve listened to Gou. Haruka knows she’s right almost all the time, and now that he can look back on everything, he wonders if he should’ve just taken her words to heart and _not_ pursued anything with Sousuke, not jeopardising what he already had with Kisumi. Gou was right, he’s not only making things worse for himself, but everyone around him, too.

Haruka sits up straight in the tub, staring at the wall across from him. _Gou_. The news presenter’s voice from about an hour ago echoes in his head— _December 12 th_—and Haruka immediately gets out of the tub again, not even caring to put a towel on before he walks out into the living room, water dripping all around him as he goes.

When he’s gotten a hold of his phone and his finger is hovering over the keyboard in a new text message, he freezes. Is it insensitive of him to send her a text instead of calling? Would she even pick up if he called, given what today is? How would she respond?

Haruka’s empty gaze slowly turns into a frustrated glare, and then he puts his phone back down to return to the bathroom. He empties the tub, actually dries himself off and covers his lower half with a towel before going into his bedroom to get changed into a pair of boxers and an oversized t-shirt. He stands before his bed and is just about to get in under the covers, but then Haruka walks back out into the living room to grab his phone.

 **You** : _happy birthday, gou. i hope you had a good birthday. tell makoto and rin i said hi. love you_.

Only when he’s in bed does Haruka realise, and it hits him harder than most people probably would think it should. He crawls into a foetal position, hugging his legs, and hopes he hasn’t just fucked up things even further than he already has.

 

* * *

 

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“Rin!” Makoto hisses, and Rin rolls his eyes.

“What? She’s my _sister_ , I know her.”

Haruka sighs, regretting not having met Makoto alone for lunch. Of _course_ Rin’s gonna be biased seeing as it’s his sister they’re talking about. Haruka’s tempted to just ask Rin to leave, but he knows that might just make things bad between himself and Rin, and he doesn’t really need to make _more_ enemies. He’s well on his way to making Gou into one with the way he’s handling things right now, and having another Matsuoka on that list is pretty much a certain way to an early death.

“She just needs time, Haru,” Makoto reassures him. Or tries to. “I think you both do. And you… obviously have some issues to work out with Kisumi and Yamazaki.”

“I haven’t even met this guy and I already wanna do his face in,” Rin says through gritted teeth. Neither of the other two pay him any mind, however, as it’s pointless, and their waitress finally comes to bring them their lunch.

They ended up in a hot pot restaurant, where Makoto and Rin are sharing a seafood hot pot and Haruka ordered teriyaki mackerel on rice with miso. Of course, Rin raises an unimpressed eyebrow at his choice of lunch, but at this point, Haruka wonders why he even bothers reacting seeing as they’ve known each other practically all their lives.

“I’d rather you didn’t fight him,” Haruka says. Rin glares at him.

“Of course you don’t want me to.”

“Not like that. I’m just saying I live next door to the guy and it’s not gonna be difficult for him to figure out you’re one of my friends. _Somehow_.”

“Hey!”

“He’s right, Rin,” Makoto chides. “Besides, it isn’t really our business to begin with.”

Rin gives up with an angry pout, and stuffs his face in lieu of saying anything else on the matter. Haruka tries his best to eat despite not really having much of an appetite, because he hasn’t really had anything aside from coffee earlier that morning. And if there’s anything he’s been taught over the years it’s that he really can’t go on an empty stomach for too long or people are going to force food down his throat.

 _Out of love_ , as Gou would put it. Haruka’s chest aches at the thought of her, and he tries to re-focus on Makoto talking to him instead.

“You two are gonna be fine, Haru,” Makoto continues. “Just… focus on solving things on your end. She lives with us, she’s okay, and you have nothing to worry about.”

“I know,” he responds, looking down at his half-finished plate. Yep, he’s definitely done eating. “And I’m going to… get things sorted out. Not just for her, but… for them, too.”

“And yourself,” Rin fills in, and Haruka doesn’t even have the energy to glare at him. Instead, he just nods, because he knows Rin’s probably right. It’s for his own sake, too.

 

* * *

 

> _Gou_.

 

There’s a kind of stigma that comes with moving back home to your parents, but moving in with your older brother is a different kind of feeling Gou hadn’t even thought she'd ever have to experience again after the two of them moved away from home. It only occurs to her when she’s standing outside the door to their apartment, about to ring the doorbell, and while they’re aware she’s coming over, she wonders if they’re really all that okay with having her there, despite what they’ve told her.

Rin often complains about how they don’t see each other often, an extreme contrast to how he’d been up until their last year of high school. It’s nice, of course—Gou wouldn’t _ever_ think to complain about her brother wanting to see her more since she loves him and all—but she wonders if he’ll be of the same opinion for much longer now that she’s moving in with him and his boyfriend.

Gou shakes her head in an attempt to clear her head of these thoughts, and finally rings the doorbell. It doesn’t take long before the door unlocks, and when it opens, she’s greeted by Makoto, who smiles warmly at her.

“Hi, Gou,” he says. “Need any help with your bags?”

She shrugs. “I’ll manage. Thanks for this, by the way.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. Come on in.”

As expected from the more organised one of the host couple, Makoto’s already put out her futon on the living room floor, and there’s a sheet, duvet and two pillows stacked neatly on top of it. Why Gou would need _two_ pillows is beyond her, but she won’t complain.

Gou puts her two bags down on the floor next to her futon and sighs, smiling. “You’re making me feel like I’m some sort of royalty.”

Makoto laughs. “Oh, come on—this is nothing. You need a place to sleep, right?”

“I could just take the couch, you know.”

“Not if you’re gonna be here for a while,” Makoto says, coming to put his arms around her neck from behind. “You doing okay?”

She exhales slowly, placing a hand on his forearm. “Yeah. I just need a little break and some time away from everything.”

“Sure. We’re gonna order in tonight, do you have any preferences?”

“Is this just because you still can’t cook?” Gou asks, smiling to herself. Makoto snorts in offence.

“Hey, I can cook! At least… somewhat. No, I just don’t _feel_ like it.”

When Rin calls to let them know he’s on his way home from work, Makoto orders them food from a nearby udon restaurant, and the two play video games sitting on Gou’s futon while waiting. Having grown up playing video games with their siblings has made both Gou _and_ Makoto competitive, and it results in both of them being somewhat loud, shouting in either triumph or frustration every now and then.

“You know I’m a woman, right?” Gou says, trying to make sure her character doesn’t get hit as she tries to make it back to the stage. “You should go easy on me.”

Makoto laughs sarcastically. “Gender has nothing to do with video games. Besides, you’re like my sister, anyway, so that makes it even more okay.”

“Gross. That would technically make Rin your brother.”

Her remark manages to distract Makoto to the point where he makes his character throw a bomb into an object far too close, and the blast sends him flying off the screen, ending the match. “Gou! You’re playing dirty.”

“No, it’s called being _smart_.”

They’re right in the middle of their umpteenth revenge match when the food arrives, and not too long after they’ve set things out on the kitchen table, Rin comes home to join them for dinner. While it _does_ feel a little unusual to be around her brother like this, to talk to him in an environment where not everyone else is around is really nice. She just wishes it could’ve happened under different circumstances, that it didn’t have to happen because she wanted a break from her _actual_ flatmate.

Thankfully, though, Rin doesn’t bring it up during dinner, which Gou feels like Makoto must’ve told him not to. Instead, the three catch up on what’s been going on in their lives, and Gou realises just how little time she spends around Makoto and Rin the more they talk and have to catch up on.

“Rin,” she says as he comes out from the bathroom, heading to the bedroom. She’s sitting on her futon, having showered before the other two, a towel still around her neck. “Thanks again for this. For letting me stay.”

Rin walks over and sits down next to her on the futon, slightly ruffling her towel-dried hair. “It’s fine, you know you’re always welcome here.”

“Yeah,” she says, exhaling a slightly trembling sigh. It’s definitely been a long and exhausting day, she can tell by how everything just comes off her now at the end of the day when she’s about to go to bed. Maybe it’s naïve of her to think that it’ll get better the next day, and even better the day after that, but it’s probably the best thing she can do to keep herself from going back home. Knowing that things most definitely aren’t solved on the home front yet, Gou knows this is for the best, and that she’ll just have to give them both some space.

Of course, Gou’s distress doesn’t go unnoticed by her brother, who wraps an arm around her shoulders, prompting her to lean on his shoulder. Gou does lean against him, and he gently pats her head.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She clears her throat, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine, it’s just because it’s all still so new. Thanks, though.”

“Sure. We’re here if you want to, though, okay?”

Gou smiles to herself. “Okay. Thanks, Rin.”

“Anytime. Now get some sleep, we all have to work tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Gou sits back up again, and Rin gets up, offering her a small, reassuring smile before he disappears into the bedroom. She crawls in under the duvet and turns off the lamp Makoto had set out for her on the coffee table by her futon, closing her eyes in an attempt to at least get _some_ sleep in before work.

 

* * *

 

“Are you absolutely sure about this? It’s such a shame to get rid of it!”

Gou rolls her eyes, and is aware that it’s visible in the mirror in front of her. “I’m absolutely, positively, _definitely_ sure.”

Why should it matter to Chigusa what she wants to do? Sure, they’re best friends—but it still isn’t really any of Chigusa’s business. Besides, she  _is_ getting paid for it, so Gou doesn’t think she has any right to whine about it at all.

“Really? I mean, I’m just asking because there’s no turning back.”

“There is, because it’ll _grow_ back, at some point. Now get to it or I’m gonna do a Britney; I know you’ve gotta have razors lying around, electric or not.”

The sound Chigusa makes is one akin to that of a dog’s whine, but Gou doesn’t budge. Of course she won’t budge, she’s wanted this for a while, she just hasn’t gotten around to it. It’ll be a nice change, and another step to actually looking her age. The amount of times she’s had to show her ID at the grocery store when getting alcohol since she turned twenty is ridiculous. At first it was flattering; the fact that people thought she didn’t look her age. But now that she’s almost twenty-five, it’s gotten beyond tiring. Hopefully a haircut might help.

Her decision had finally been made earlier that morning when Gou was standing in front of the hallway mirror, putting up her hair in the usual high ponytail people have come to know her by. At first, she started doing it because her hair started getting so long it was in the way, but she never really wanted to get it cut short. Now, she’s gotten tired of how it’s _still_ somehow in the way despite almost always being in a ponytail behind her head, and has decided to do something about it.

The only thing is, she knows pretty much everyone around her will be against it—Chigusa is a good, first example of it. She hasn’t told Makoto or Rin about her plans seeing as she’d decided on it sort of on a whim as she left work. And now she’s sitting in the middle of Chigusa’s kitchen with a black cloth draped around her to prevent hair from getting all over her clothes as she’s going to get it cut. Short, but not _too_ short. Just to the point where there’s an actual _change_ , which is what she wants. Something different, new, and a little more appropriate for her age.

It feels strange that she’s going to turn twenty-five soon, like it wasn’t all that long ago that she’d graduated from university, even though that’s more than just a couple of years ago at this point. Many things may have changed since high school and since she first met Chigusa, but a lot of it has stayed the same, which she’s glad for. Some things aren’t _meant_ to change, and that’s completely okay in her book.

While Chigusa _still_ seems hesitant about cutting her best friend’s hair, she does begin cutting Gou’s hair without really saying anything else about it. Gou knows Chigusa does a great job, because she’s always gone to her before for a trim of her hair or just the bangs every once in a while, and she’s even seen Chigusa work on other people. And while she can’t deny the slight feeling of nervousness at the pit of her stomach, the excitement is far greater.

 

* * *

 

Makoto had given her a spare key the same evening she moved in, so Gou easily lets herself into their apartment when she comes back from work, as always announcing her return. There’s no one in to welcome her back, though, so she just shrugs and walks in to sit down on the couch to watch TV after shedding her jacket and boots. It’s becoming winter fast, but that’s a given seeing as it’s already well into the first week of December. In a way, it kind of surprises Gou how they don’t already have heaps of snow all over town, but she’s grateful for it being delayed.

It feels weird to be by herself in an apartment that isn’t her own even if half of it belongs to her brother. Their place is about the same size as the apartment she shares with Haruka, but there are some structural differences, most notably in the kitchen, which is bigger. It’s definitely cosy, though, and it’s very apparent that Makoto was in control of most of, if not all, the decorating that went into the place. Rin has his good sides, but he definitely doesn’t have a good eye for decorating.

Rin told Gou that she isn’t allowed to cook since she’s a guest, and while she doesn’t plan on obeying him _all_ the time while she’s living there, tonight she decides she’ll do as he says and just be patient. It doesn’t really help Gou to feel more at home which they’d told her to, but she hopes it’s just for the first few days and that the guest-rules will become ineffective soon. Mostly because she wants to actually help around the flat, since she’d become restless otherwise.

Pulling the blanket on the couch over her up to her chin, Gou flips through the channels on the TV until she finds the cooking channel where there’s currently a show on about desserts.

“If only Makoto were here right now,” she mumbles to herself, a small smile gracing her lips. They both have a sweet tooth, which is something that’s always shut Rin out whenever they’ve gone out for coffee, because both Makoto and Gou always end up getting a pastry or sharing a slice of cake.

As if somehow having been summoned, Makoto’s the one to come home first out of the two, and he calls out the usual ‘I’m home’ when coming in through the door.

“Welcome back,” Gou calls out. “Funny thing, I was just thinking about how you should watch this. Or maybe not, unless you want to pester your boyfriend about him buying the necessary ingredients on his way home.”

“What’s with the ambiguity?” Makoto asks, laughing. “Food-related, obviously.”

“ _Cupcakes_.”

She hears a surprised noise coming from Makoto, and then there’s the sound of running feet behind her. She feels Makoto kissing her on the top of her head before he comes to sit down, and then he gasps loudly.

“Gou!”

“What?”

Gou looks to her side, and he’s pointing at her with an almost frightened look on his face. “You… you cut your hair. _Short_.”

She raises an eyebrow in amusement at his reaction. “Technically _Chigusa_ cut my hair, but yes. What, you don’t like it?”

Makoto fervently shakes his head. “No, I do! It looks amazing, it just really caught me off guard. _Wow_ , Gou. You look so different like this, but… like I said, I really like it.”

“Thanks. I got tired of what I had, so I got rid of it. Not only the ridiculously long hair but most of my bangs, too. Constantly having to blow them out of my face got tedious.”

“It only took you a few years,” Makoto laughs. “Speaking of years, and I know this is a bit of a stretch, but do you have anything you wanna do for your birthday? You’ll only turn twenty-five once, you know.”

“Ha ha,” Gou says sarcastically. “I’ll only turn twenty-four once, too, that’s how age works. I don’t know, I’m just thinking I’ll stay in and order Chinese or something.”

To be honest, Gou isn’t all that excited about celebrating her birthday. It stopped being fun after she turned twenty, and now they’re just arbitrary numbers and more candles on top of a cake she’ll only have once a year. She’s perfectly fine with being a hypocrite and getting excited about _other_ people’s birthdays, however.

“That doesn’t really sound all that fun,” Makoto replies, sounding very disappointed. “You sure that’s what you wanna do for your twenty-fifth?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she says, laughing. “Order food, watch a film or play games. Sounds like a perfect way to spend a birthday in my opinion. Besides, I’m pretty sure Chigusa’s gonna drag me out of the house for a night out either the day before or after, so I’d rather not have two of those nights in a row.”

Makoto sighs in defeat, shrugging. “If you say so. I’m still gonna get you a birthday gift, though. Mostly as revenge because you got me one when I didn’t want any.”

The two of them spend the rest of the late afternoon watching food shows before Rin comes home and causes a larger commotion about Gou’s haircut than Makoto had when he first came in through the door.

“You look so _different_ ,” he says, and Gou rolls her eyes, giving Makoto a pointed look.

“Wow, you two really _have_ been dating forever.”

“What?”

“I said the same thing,” Makoto explains, smiling sheepishly.

 

* * *

 

The twelfth of December arrives, and Gou is awakened by both Makoto and Rin with breakfast on the bed. Since it’s a Saturday, neither of the three have work, so they’ll be able to spend all day together, and she’d let them know that what she wanted was to play games, order food, and just hang around the apartment. It had taken both Makoto and Rin a while to accept it, but thanks to Gou's persistence, the two dropped the subject eventually. Hey, if it's her birthday, why shouldn't she be the one to decide what to do?

Gou had been informed the night before that Chigusa and ‘the girls’ wanted to take her out that evening, and since Gou’s rarely able to say no to her best friend, she’d told Chigusa that she’s free. Good thing she has all day to prepare for whatever they all have planned for her.

“So how does it feel?” Rin asks, sitting down cross-legged on her bed.

“How does what feel?”

He sighs exasperatedly “Being twenty-five, of course!”

“Not that much different from yesterday, really. It’s just a number!” she laughs.

Just as they’ve finished eating breakfast, Makoto insists on her opening their gifts. He reminds her of a little kid sometimes, and it’s hard to believe he’s supposed to be older than her. (To be fair, that goes for most of her friends, and it isn’t because she sees herself as ‘better’ than them—it’s just a fact.)

Makoto’s gift comes in a neat little jewellery box, and it’s a thin silver necklace with a little leaf pendant. Gou’s current necklace is one she’s had for years, but to be perfectly honest with herself, she isn’t too fond of it anymore. She wears it mostly out of habit, and is more than glad to swap it out with the one she’s been given as a birthday gift.

“Do you like it? I wasn’t sure of what to get you, but I figured you might like a necklace.”

Gou smiles, and pulls Makoto towards her for a hug. “I love it; it’s really pretty. Thank you, Makoto.”

Rin’s present is considerably larger, and it’s _very_ soft. She could use the wrapped bundle as a pillow if she wanted, which right now is pretty tempting seeing as she’s still tired. But she tears open the present and reveals a celeste blue robe with white polka dots.

“It even has a hood,” she says, smiling and hugging it close. “This is exactly what I need, Rin. Thank you.”

“I knew it,” Rin replies, grinning triumphantly. “You probably still have that one Mum gave you a bunch of years ago.”

“Well, if it still fits and doesn’t have any holes in it, of course I’m gonna use it!”

She insists on helping Rin clean up after breakfast, and then the three take turns using the shower. Thankfully to her, they aren’t showering together while she lives there—the last thing she wants is to hear her own brother going at it with his boyfriend in the shower she uses, too. Besides, she isn’t going to live there _forever_ , so they aren’t making a big sacrifice, anyway.

Spending her birthday with Makoto and Rin is probably the best way to go about it, in her opinion. They’re both so easy to be around, and despite Rin being her older brother, the two have a strong bond and very seldom fight about things. It’s a thing that comes with age, she figures.

It’s really strange to think back to the time when Rin had just come back home from Australia and pretended not to know anyone who didn’t attend Samezuka with him. Even his own sister. So many things have changed since then, not just between the two siblings, but between all of them. Gou’s really glad they’ve all stayed in contact and such close friends over the years, because they’re all really the best friends one could have, Chigusa and the others included.

After a day full of video games, Chinese takeout as she’d wanted, and a lot of laughter that she feels might have given her quite a workout, Gou makes herself ready for whatever her friends have planned for her that evening. When she’s in the middle of doing her makeup in front of the bathroom mirror, her phone goes off out on the coffee table.

 **Chigusa** : _still at ur bro’s place? also, ready soon?_

 

She smiles at her phone, shaking her head.

 **You** : _y & y, 5 mins. on ur way?_

 

“Do you have _any_ idea as to what’s happening tonight?” Rin asks her from the couch.

“Not a single clue. Should I be scared?”

Rin snort-laughs. “You tell me, they’re _your_ friends. I hope they at least throw you in a cab at the end of the night so you’ll come home safe.”

That’s at least something Gou knows she can be sure of, which is a relief.

 

* * *

 

It turns out to be a dinner out at a high-end shabu-shabu restaurant in the fancier downtown part of Iwatobi, followed by ‘a couple of drinks’ at a bar somewhere, according to Azusa. Gou _knows_ it won’t just be a couple of drinks, but doesn’t say anything. At least it’s for free.

Even though Gou had originally said she wouldn’t want to do anything special on her birthday, she’s glad that this is how she’s spent it so far. With good friends, and with her brother whom she doesn’t get to see very often as is these days. When she’s reminded of the fact that there’s one very important person missing from this picture, her heart aches, and she attempts to drown it out with alcohol.

“One more?” Chiaki asks. Gou nods immediately, and Azusa cheers before ordering them another round of shots.

Before downing her tequila, Gou throws the salt over her shoulder and squeezes the lemon into her hair, gaining laughter from all of her friends.

“Savage,” Chigusa snorts, leaning towards her over the table. Gou flinches when her phone vibrates in her purse she keeps in her lap, and when she’s managed to fish it out to look at her display, she regrets having not saved it for when she’s home again.

 **Haru** : _happy birthday, gou. i hope you had a good birthday. tell makoto and rin i said hi. love you_.

 

It feels like someone’s dumped a bucket of ice cold water over her head, and she doesn’t feel drunk at all anymore, more alert than someone who’s had four shots of tequila probably _should_ be.

“Something wrong?” Chiaki asks, and Gou looks up.

“I… er, I need to go to the restroom. Be back in a bit.”

Even if she might not feel like it, her legs tell her she’s still very drunk as Gou stumbles away towards the restrooms. She manages to make it into a stall, lock the door and slide down onto the floor before she opens her message inbox again. Apparently, Sousuke’s sent her a text message earlier, too, without her having noticed, wishing her a happy birthday. Only one person could’ve told him, and it makes it even more difficult for Gou to reopen Haruka’s message.

 _Love you_.

There’s a feeling of something being pierced into Gou’s chest as she reads it over and over. She isn’t really surprised Haruka remembered her birthday, because he remembers _everyone’s_ birthday, probably even that of his former boss. The fact that he still wished her a happy birthday, still reached out despite the way she’d left him— _that’s_ what has her reacting so strongly. And she feels bad, because she knows she probably overreacted in moving out when he’s the one having the most problems, not her.

She begins by responding to Sousuke’s message, seeing as that’s a whole lot easier. But then there’s just Haruka’s message left, and she takes a deep breath before she begins typing her reply. She doesn’t know just _how_ to respond, seeing as she’d been properly pissed off with Haruka the last time they talked. Maybe being at least a _little_ friendly is a good idea.

 **You** : _thank you, i did have a good birthday. i’ll tell them you said hi. love you, too_.

 

It surprises her just how much energy it takes to write such a short response. She doesn’t have much time to think about it, though, because she receives a phone call just seconds after sending. The name she sees on her screen surprises her, and it takes her a moment to actually answer.

“Hello?”

“ _Gou-chan, happy birthday_ ,” Kisumi says on the other end, and that’s all it takes for her to break down crying. “ _Wait, hang on_ — _what’s wrong?_ ”

“Nothing,” she sniffles, trying to gather herself again. God knows she doesn’t need anyone coming in and asking her what’s wrong. “I’m… really glad to hear your voice. Thank you.”

“ _Oh. Well… I’m glad? Are you out partying? Am I calling at a bad time?_ ”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just let me get to a more secluded place,” Gou responds, and gets up from the floor. She might do well with some fresh air, and that’ll give her time to talk to Kisumi a bit, which she feels like she hasn’t in _ages_.

“ _Okay_.”

On her way out, Gou makes a quick stop by her group’s table, letting them know she’ll be back soon. Chigusa gives her a thumbs up, and then Gou squeezes her way past a few people towards the exit. A lot of people have started to leave, shuffling past her as she walks to the side of the building and leans against the wall.

“Sorry about that. How are you?”

“ _Good, good._ ”

“… Better?”

Kisumi laughs. “ _Yeah. Sorry about all that, I… really didn’t mean for you to get involved with all of it_.”

“It’s fine,” she says. “It’s just one of those… things that come with friendship, I guess. Besides, I probably overreacted with Haru in leaving and everything, when he probably needed me the most.”

“ _I don’t think anyone can blame you, not even Haru. If you didn’t know, we did have a talk, him and I. And… well, I talked to Sousuke, too._ ”

“Seems you did,” Gou replies, slightly impressed by how Kisumi isn’t referring to him as 'Yamazaki' anymore. Things have certainly happened in the time she’s been gone, and it seems like some of it’s been good. “So how did things go?”

“ _Good. Well, we still don’t really know what Haru wants to do. Not that I’d wanna pressure him or anything, but we’re just being patient, I guess._ ”

Gou sighs. It’s obvious that Haruka’s been trying to solve things, and that he’s _still_ trying. While Gou had her own reasons for not wanting to be stuck in the middle of all of this, being the one they all come to talk to regarding these issues, she _is_ pretty much the only one they can talk to about it. And some things are just those you’ll have to put up with as a friend, she realises.

“But you and Sousuke are okay?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Kisumi replies. “ _We’re hanging out a bit and such, actually getting to know each other. Which is nice._ ”

“I’m glad. He’s really a good guy, so I’m glad you’re able to get along.”

“ _Me too_.”

Gou takes a deep, slightly trembling breath, closing her eyes. “I'm thinking… maybe I should move back home. Not necessarily because I feel bad for Haru or anything, because he _did_ sort of set himself up for it with not dealing with his issues. But because I miss him, I really do.”

A few stubborn tears fall down her cheek, and she angrily rubs them away with her hand. While Haruka hasn’t really handled things well, she can’t say she’s done any better in running away when one of her best friends needed her support the most. There are some cases in which you’ll just have to put yourself aside in favour of being there for a friend, and really, Gou knows she should be glad _she_ isn’t the one with romance issues.

“ _I can tell_ ,” Kisumi says, his voice as understanding and gentle as ever. Gou can’t help but smile and feel a lot better just by talking to him, and she’s glad he called. “ _So how was your birthday, anyway?_ ”

“It was good. I hung out with Rin and Makoto all day, but that’s all I wanted. And now I’ve been dragged out of the house for an evening full of good food and… way too many shots.”

Kisumi laughs. “ _Just make sure you get home safe, okay? Then I’m sure Makoto’s gonna take care of you all day tomorrow, if Rin will let him_.”

“I bet,” Gou smiles to herself. “I should probably head back inside. Thanks for the talk, Kisumi. We should hang out again soon.”

“ _Anytime, princess. And I agree! We’ll talk about it during the week and set something up. Now go in and have fun, enjoy the rest of your birthday_.”

“I will,” she says before the two hang up. She collects herself, taking a few deep breaths to properly calm down from her sudden breakdown, and then heads back inside the bar. She knows that the more she drinks and the later she’ll stay out, the more happiness she’ll be stealing from tomorrow. But if it’s for her birthday, which thankfully only happens once a year, she figures it’s worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> re: gou's tequila thing - my dad does that, so i stole it from him. _savage_.


	10. sousuke | jackpot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto totally doesn't threaten a man, and Sousuke and Kisumi consider some options.

“I should’ve known you were one of those ‘more sugar and milk than actual coffee’ kinda people.”

Kisumi snorts in offence. “I should’ve known you were one of those ‘black and nothing else because I’m boring’ kinda people.”

“It’s _supposed_ to be like that. You enjoy it as it comes out of the coffee machine, you don’t alter it to the point where it doesn’t even _taste_ like coffee anymore. Coffee is coffee, nothing else.”

They leave the coffee shop and start heading back to Kisumi’s apartment building. The coffee Sousuke now carries between his hands to keep them warm has been paid for by Kisumi, ‘as a way to at least _start_ repaying Sousuke for lunch that one time.’ And while Sousuke thinks it’s kind of weird for Kisumi to be so hung up on something Sousuke himself finds an unimportant detail, he does appreciate the gesture. And hey, if it’s just a _start_ , then that means he’s got more good, _free_ , things coming his way.

Their warm breaths create clouds in the cold winter air, and the snow crunches beneath their feet when they walk. Sousuke _hates_ winter, and has always vowed to himself that he’ll move out of the country before the next winter. Even so, he’s now twenty-six, and still lives in the country he was born in.

He tells himself it’s a financial thing, but there’s probably something else behind it, too, that he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

“I hate snow,” he grumbles. Kisumi laughs next to him.

“It’s pretty, and it also makes everything look brighter. I prefer snow to rain.”

Sousuke turns to look incredulously at him. “Are you insane? Wow. We might not have that many things in common, after all. I should just leave you right here and go back home.”

Kisumi jokingly bumps into him from the side. “You wouldn’t.”

He’s right; Sousuke wouldn’t.

When they finally come back to Kisumi’s apartment, Sousuke’s quick to shed his jacket and shoes before he walks in and sighs deeply in relief. “Next time, you’re going out and getting coffee _for_ me. I’ll even pay you.”

“Whoa there, Yamazaki,” Kisumi says, following him into the living room. “Are you saying you’re willing to pay me for my services?”

Sousuke sits down on the couch with a groan. “Please don’t put it that way. I’m just saying I’d let you keep the change.”

“Generous,” Kisumi snorts. “Another round, I’m guessing?”

“Hell yeah, I’m not gonna give up until I have more victories than you.”

Laughing, Kisumi puts his coffee mug on the table before he goes to turn on the TV and gaming console.

Ten minutes later, Sousuke finds himself swearing under his breath, and Kisumi’s sitting next to him with a triumphant grin plastered all over his face. Of course. He’d been dumb to think it’d be possible for him to turn a two-to-four victory around when one of them had been pure luck. He has to admit that, because that’s really all it was.

“You have younger siblings,” he concludes. “There’s no other reason.”

“’Course I do,” Kisumi replies. “A younger brother. We played games a lot as kids, and still do every now and then.”

“Figures. Fine, you win; I’ll get my ass outside next time we need coffee.”

Kisumi puts his controller down on the table in front of him and leans back against the couch. “I should really just buy myself a coffee machine. Would probably save me money.”

“With the kinda shit _you_ drink that you have the audacity to call ‘coffee’, you’d probably get diabetes within six months.”

“Very funny,” Kisumi replies . “At least I don’t drink bitter coffee. You know, I think the way you drink your coffee reflects your personality. I drink sweet stuff, you drink bitter coffee without anything added to it. Makes perfect sense.”

“Fuck you too.”

Sousuke gets up from the couch, heading towards the bathroom while Kisumi goes to discard their long since emptied coffee mugs. To be quite honest with himself, he doesn’t really know just how the two ended up like this, but he isn’t going to complain. Kisumi’s easy to hang out with, and it doesn’t require a lot for him not to tear his hair out in sheer boredom. Combined with the others he’s gotten to know since moving to Iwatobi, it’s a nice change from the people he knew in Tokyo, that’s for sure.

He returns to sit back on the couch where Kisumi’s made himself almost _too_ comfortable, his legs taking up pretty much the rest of the couch, and instead of a video game on the screen, now there’s some TV show Sousuke’s only seen glimpses of in commercials but has zero interest in.

“Move,” he says, and Kisumi smiles sweetly at him.

“My couch.”

“Alright, then I’m leaving,” he says, and begins to turn around only for Kisumi to grab him by the hem of his shirt. He grins to himself. “Then move.”

Kisumi does as he’s told and sticks his tongue out when Sousuke sits down again. He puts his legs down across Sousuke’s, but Sousuke doesn’t bother arguing about it and just leaves them there. Just this once.

 

* * *

 

The first few days after Gou had moved out of her and Haruka’s apartment, she’d been pretty much a walking ghost. At least to Sousuke, who could see the very faint, dark rings under her eyes she’d attempted to cover up with foundation. She hadn’t been her usual, cheery self, either, but it was evident that she was trying to keep up a front. Thankfully, it’d gotten better over the span of a few days, and their lunches became less and less awkward.

“You look better,” he thinks out loud, and she looks up from her plate, clearly confused as to what he’s talking about all of a sudden.

“What do you mean?”

Sousuke clears his throat and begins his second attempt at making conversation. “I mean, you look like you’re doing better.”

It takes her a few seconds to connect the dots, but then she smiles a little. Probably the most she’s smiled in a few days. “Yeah, I guess I am. Does he still live with you?”

Sousuke shakes his head, swallowing his last bite. “He moved back the other day. Said he needed some space and stuff, to think.”

Gou raises her eyebrows in apparent surprise. “I thought he didn’t wanna be alone.”

“Maybe he realised it’s what he _needs_ rather than _wants_. I have no idea, but if that’s what he wants, then that’s fine with me.”

In the beginning, it’d been half a lie, because it _had_ been kind of lonely without Haruka living in his apartment anymore, despite their cohabitation only having lasted for just over a week. It took them less time than Sousuke would’ve expected to get accustomed to each other, and as soon as they’d somewhat settled down, Haruka moved back home.

Sousuke knows it was for the best. Haruka has yet to make up his mind on whom he wants to ‘choose’, and it’s unfair for Sousuke to have Haruka living in his apartment, essentially hogging Haruka to himself. He may play foul in some ways, but there are limits to just _how_ foul he keeps his game. He doesn’t really have a reason to antagonise Kisumi, seeing as he hasn’t done anything outright offensive. They’re adults, and should probably act as such, even in a situation like this when they're both after the same person.

Coming back to his apartment, Sousuke checks the mail before going inside. The sound of the door next to his opening makes him flinch, and when he sees an unknown person walking out of Haruka’s and Gou’s apartment, he raises his eyebrows in surprise and curiosity. The other man notices him, too, and he stops right outside after closing the door.

“Hey,” Sousuke offers lamely. “Friend of Nanase’s and Matsuoka’s?”

“Yeah,” the man confirms. “Makoto.”

The name clicks in Sousuke’s head, and he walks over to take Makoto’s hand. “Yamazaki Sousuke. So you’re Nanase’s best friend?”

Makoto smiles stiffly. “Indeed. So you’re the guy Haru’s with. Or one of them.”

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“He’s been a mess for a while now. I’m not an idiot, Yamazaki—“

“Sousuke,” he corrects, and Makoto rolls his eyes. Whatever Sousuke’s done to deserve this kind of sudden, cold treatment, he has no idea. At the same time, he isn’t just going to shrug at it and walk off; he’s dead set on finding out what the hell this guy’s beef with him is.

“I know it’s partly because of you. And I’m not saying this to put all of the blame on you—“

“—though it sounds like you are,” Sousuke interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. “But do go on.”

“I’m just saying I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Is this a threat?”

“No,” Makoto replies, and while Sousuke knows that's a blatant lie, Makoto's scarily calm exterior and tone of voice _could_  easily tell him otherwise. “It’s a warning, more or less. You have as much responsibility as them to sort this mess out.”

“Which I intend to do.”

“Good, that’s all I wanted to hear. Sorry to come off so arrogant, I guess I'm just wary because of what's happened recently. Not just with Haru, but Gou, too.”

Sousuke actually laughs at that, which surprises even himself. “’S fine, I’m not really scared or anything. And I get that. I get that you’re defensive when it comes to them, that’s a given. But I really like Haruka, and I’m gonna do my bit in getting this shit solved. I do hope you know that it’s mostly up to him now, because both Kisumi and I have talked to him.”

Makoto raises his eyebrows for a second, and then he smiles a little. “I see. I’m sorry, I really _was_ rude. I’m just looking out for their best, as their friend.”

“Like I said, I get that. You don’t have to apologise.”

“If you say so.” Makoto stretches his hand out again. “Let’s start over? I hope we can become friends.”

Sousuke smiles back, shaking his head. “You’re a strange guy, but I like you. Sure, that’d be nice.”

 

* * *

 

“So I met Tachibana the other day. Or _Makoto_ , I guess.”

“Really. How’d that go?” Kisumi asks, coming back from the kitchen with two new beer bottles.

“Thought he was gonna bite my fucking head off at first, but we talked things out. Guess we’re on friendly terms now, though I obviously still don’t know him.”

“Huh,” Kisumi hums. “You should get to know him. He’s a nice guy, just defensive over Haru.”

Sousuke snorts before he takes a sip. “Yeah, I got that part down _real_ quick, let me tell you.”

He realises that his first guesses about Makoto had been right. Makoto’s apparently a holy saint with a smile so bright that it could compete with the brightness of a thousand suns, and he’s someone who looks out for his friends, looks out for them and sees to it that they’re always happy.

Thing is, he _didn’t_ know beforehand that Makoto can get downright _scary_  when he looks out for his friends and wants them to be happy. Predator is probably the wrong word to use, but Sousuke doesn’t think it’s that far off.

“Sounds like he scared you a little, huh,” Kisumi laughs.

“Did _not_. I’m not scared of him.”

Kisumi shrugs. “He’s like a sheep trying to dress himself up like a wolf, but the costume’s too small.”

Sousuke snort-laughs at that. “Interesting metaphor.”

“So,” Kisumi says, leaning over with his arm over the back of the couch. “Video games are fun and all, but I’m getting bored.”

“Figured as much,” Sousuke says, eyes still half-focused on the TV in front of them, which at this point just shows them a menu screen. His view is soon blocked when Kisumi crawls over to sit on top of him, however, and he leans back a little, slightly taken aback by the sudden action on Kisumi’s part.

“I know you’re not dumb,” Kisumi says, leaning in and grasping at the front of Sousuke’s shirt. “You don’t want to play games anymore, either. You know what I want, and I know you want it, too.”

A frustrated hiss escapes Sousuke before he pulls Kisumi down, capturing his lips in a kiss. Kisumi lets the fingers of his free hand tangle in Sousuke’s hair, pulling a bit, and making Sousuke moan against his lips.

“I fucking _hate_ you for that line, Shigino,” Sousuke says between kisses.

“Which one?”

“The one about playing games. Asshole.”

“Admit it was clever.”

“It was _dumb_ , that’s what it was.”

… and maybe a _little_ clever. But of course, he isn’t going to admit it out loud, because one of the things Sousuke picked up within the first few  _days_ of hanging out with Kisumi, it’s that feeding this guy’s ego is a very bad thing, and it’d be like pouring gasoline over a raging fire. How the hell he’s gotten himself involved with a guy like this is beyond Sousuke, but he isn’t really going to complain about it, either.

“Hang on,” Kisumi says, this time being the one responsible for breaking their kiss. “Don’t have any condoms or lube here.”

“Then go _get_ some,” Sousuke fires back, impatient. “Unless you wanna move to your bedroom or... bathroom, if you're into that sorta thing.”

“Sofa’s fine,” Kisumi shrugs. “Back in a sec. Hey, what's wrong with having sex in bathrooms? You ever had sex on top of a tumble dryer while it's running? _That's_ what I call exciting sex.”

“Just go,” Sousuke groans, realising far too late he really needs to shut up in certain situations, this being a prime example.

Kisumi’s off him within a second, and Sousuke leans back against the armrest of the couch with a sigh. He glances down at the bulge in his jeans and whines internally at just how badly he needs to get out of these stupid trousers. He may not be superficial, but he’d definitely be crossing a line if he were to walk all the way over to someone else’s place wearing just sweatpants.

He wonders to himself if he should think things are moving too fast, as this is the second time in the span of only a few months, that Sousuke’s had sex with—or been _about_ to have sex with—someone not too long after having first met them. The thing is that neither Haruka nor Kisumi have seemed to have that issue, so maybe he doesn’t need to worry about it, either. Maybe it’s what normal people do, but he’s never really considered himself ‘normal’, whatever that signifies.

“Sorry for the wait,” Kisumi singsongs as he comes back to once again sit on top of Sousuke in that direct, honest way of his that Sousuke up until now has only gotten to experience in the way he talks and sometimes playfully bumps their shoulders together. Kisumi’s had his sights set from the beginning, Sousuke realises.

Well, that might make this a _whole_ lot easier.

“This was _not_ … what I’d expected when I practically— _ah_ —jumped you a few minutes ago.”

Sousuke takes his mouth off, looking up. “You want me to stop?”

“ _God_ no, I’m just saying I’m surprised. Pleasantly so.”

He hums before taking Kisumi’s dick into his mouth again, letting his tongue get familiarised with the tip, the vein on the underside, with how Kisumi tastes in his mouth. A blowjob is a really good way to get to know someone, if anything. Actually getting _fucked_ is probably ten times better, but for now, Sousuke’s patient.

Kisumi’s fingers are in his hair again, and Sousuke lets them be there. Not that he has a fetish for hair-pulling or anything, but he kind of enjoys the slightly tingling feeling whenever Kisumi tugs a little too hard on the strands of his hair. His cheeks hollow out when he slowly pulls Kisumi’s cock nearly all the way out, and then he lets it slide right back in at the same slow pace.

“Get up; I want to fuck you,” Kisumi says, and his hand in Sousuke’s hair is gone.

“Thought you’d never say it,” Sousuke says, almost sighing in relief before getting up from the floor. He groans a little at the slightly sore feeling in his knees, thinking that maybe they _should’ve_ done this in the bedroom, after all. Not that he’s going to go through the effort when they’ve made it this far, anyway, seeing as they’ve already gotten started and Sousuke _really_ doesn’t want any interruptions at this point, or he'll have time to think twice about this.

Kisumi instructs him to lie down on his back, and Sousuke’s thankful they aren’t doing it the other way around because of how exposing of a position that is. At this point, though, there’s really no reason for Sousuke to doubt Kisumi, but maybe it’s something that comes with having sex with someone new, even if it most certainly isn’t their first time in general.

He tilts his head back and moans breathlessly when Kisumi shamelessly dips his tongue into Sousuke’s asshole as he holds Sousuke’s legs over his shoulders as if to keep him in place. Of course, it isn’t as if Sousuke’s really _going_ anywhere, especially if this is the kind of treatment he gets if he stays put.

A finger is added with Kisumi’s tongue, and Sousuke feels how Kisumi’s toying with his asshole, slowly but surely both driving Sousuke up the wall and stretching him at the same time.

“Kisumi, stop being a goddamn tease. Fuck me. Now.”

Kisumi looks up, and he grins. “A sore loser _and_ impatient when it comes to sex. I may have hit the jackpot with you, Sou.”

Sousuke manages a snort. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me you’ve fallen for me, I’m sure of it.”

“Oh, I just might have.”

It’s funny, Sousuke thinks, just how many sides there are to Kisumi. He can be annoying but still not to the point where Sousuke would actually stop hanging out with him. He can be immature like a child, but also mature to the point where Sousuke feels like _he_ might be the child. He can be cheeky, actually _funny_ , incredibly sexy, and also absolutely fucking amazing in bed. Or on a couch.

Who would’ve thought.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Sousuke moans loudly, unconsciously digging his nails into the skin on Kisumi’s back. “You’re _good_ , Shigino.”

“You’re not so bad, either, Yamazaki,” Kisumi replies, smiling despite his slightly furrowed brows. He alternates between being a tease—slow but still deep thrusts that shouldn’t even be _called_ thrusts—and being absolutely ruthless, where he slams nearly mercilessly into Sousuke to the point where he just knows he won’t be walking properly for a few hours afterwards.

Sousuke comes first, and he’s surprised at just how much stamina Kisumi has after he’s done, because he keeps going for a good minute or so before finally coming, and then collapsing down on top of Sousuke. He lets silence fall and allows for them both to recover for a bit, but then it all sets in, and he laughs.

“Sorry if this is too much information or anything, but this… is pretty much the same way it went for me and Haruka.”

“Really?” Kisumi asks, and it doesn’t seem like he’s bothered by it, thankfully. “You managed to seduce him with video games?”

“A film, actually. ‘Course, we probably watched the first ten minutes before we ignored it in favour of sex. He knew all along I didn’t invite him over for the film. Of course he did.”

“Right? He’s disturbingly sharp. Good idea, though. There isn’t a lot that beats good sex, and we both know Haru equals good sex.”

Sousuke exhales, still smiling a little. “Yeah.”

He wonders just how Haruka would react if he found out the two people he’s in love with had sex with each other. It sounds like something people would do as a revenge act, though that was _definitely_ not on their minds when they jumped in bed—or on the couch—together. It’s a strange feeling, because even though Sousuke technically hasn’t cheated on Haruka, it almost feels like he has. At least he’s gone behind Haruka’s back, and he knows he’ll have to come clean about it very soon.

“Hey,” he continues, “did you mean what you said earlier?”

“About what?”

“The thing about you possibly having fallen for me.”

Kisumi lifts his head off Sousuke’s chest and props his chin up on his hand, elbow on the couch. “Yeah. Does it scare you?”

“No,” Sousuke answers honestly, “’cause like you, too. I’m just wondering how that’s gonna change things. You know, with Haruka and everything.”

“Good point,” Kisumi says, and lies back down again, but Sousuke doesn’t miss the smile on Kisumi’s lips before his face disappears from Sousuke’s vision. Kisumi lazily draws circular patterns on his chest, and it’s _almost_ soft to the point where it tickles. “Well, we should talk to him and see what he says. Honestly, though? I don’t think he’d mind. If anything, isn’t this the perfect scenario for him? He could get us both, wouldn’t have to pick, and everyone would be happy. If you’d want that, of course.”

Sousuke’s never really thought about the possibility of being in a relationship with two people at once. And the more he thinks about it now that Kisumi’s planted that thought in his head, the more it makes sense and is actually an appealing thought to him. Kisumi’s right—it _would_ essentially solve things, at least mostly, and Haruka wouldn’t need to choose, considering the fact that Sousuke and Kisumi obviously are interested in each other, too.

“I’m not saying no,” Sousuke says, “but do you really think it’d work? I mean, all _three_ of us?”

Kisumi shrugs. “Why not? Yes, it’s probably gonna take a while to get used to it, and maybe we’ll have to deal with problems like jealousy and whatnot. But if we really wanna do it, why not?”

Sighing, Sousuke drapes an arm around Kisumi, pulling him closer. “Guess you’re right. Well, I did say I'm not saying no. So I guess that means I'm saying yes.”

“We should talk to him. Make things easier on the poor guy, he’s probably still trying to figure out whether to dump your or my ass. Hopefully he’s been considering the former option.”

Sousuke snorts. “I can already tell this is gonna be oh-so amazing.”


	11. haruka | three's definitely a crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka regains his other half, and learns a new term.

“Nanase-san,” one of the waitresses calls out to him as he’s just about to leave the kitchen. “Tonight’s tips.”

He nods and takes the little bundle of notes from her. “Thanks. Good work tonight.”

“You too!”

She disappears out into the restaurant again, probably to clean up around the tables, and Haruka continues towards the exit. His feet are aching a bit, and he knows he’ll have to buy himself a new pair of work shoes soon. Especially considering the fact that he’s been using the same pair since the first day he walked inside that kitchen a few years ago.

There’s a thick layer of snow on the ground as he walks back to the apartment building; most of it’s new since he’d walked into the restaurant around four that afternoon. He knows he still has a long winter ahead of him, seeing as it’s just a few days until Christmas, and then even after the new year begins, there’ll be at least another two months of snow. Haruka shivers at the thought and pulls the top his jacket up over his mouth and nose in an attempt to be if even just a _little_ less cold.

Some people have already hung Christmas decorations in their windows, Haruka sees on his way into the building. He’s never been one to care for holiday decorations himself, so Gou’s been the one to take care of that. Haruka thinks to himself that this might be the first year since they moved in that they won’t have any decorations up, and it makes his chest ache a little.

Unlocking the door and walking inside, Haruka immediately notices that something’s different. There’s a pair of boots on the shoe rack that haven’t been there in weeks, and the door she’d left ajar the day she’d moved out is now completely open. Despite his stunned state, Haruka manages to shed his jacket and shoes before he walks into the apartment on numb legs and feet. The living room’s empty, he finds, same as the kitchen. He wonders if it’s really okay for him to walk inside Gou’s room. What if he’s just hallucinating? What if it’s just—

“Haruka,” he hears, and turns his head. Gou stands in the doorway to her bedroom, and Haruka's breath hitches in his throat.

—a dream?

He opens his mouth to say something, but whatever that something is, it only comes out in a weird, wordless stutter, and then his tears fall. For a second, Haruka wonders if it really _is_ Gou, because the first thing, the most _obvious_ thing he notices about her is that her hair is a lot shorter than it was before she moved out. She looks so _different_ , but he knows it’s Gou, _his_ Gou.

She repeats his name in a relieved sigh as if the first time she said his name was just to make sure it was really him, maybe she thought she was dreaming, too. And then she jumps into his arms, crying much like Haruka himself. The fact that Gou says  _Haruka_ and not the nickname she always goes by otherwise doesn't even bother him now, doesn't make him feel uneasy as it did the day Gou moved out and Haruka felt like the world was ending. Gou's here now,  _with him_ , and he knows she's here to stay. Not just because he sees her bags on the floor, but because he feels it. He feels it in her embrace, an embrace that welcomes him back into her life after everything that happened, after everything he said.

His first instinct may have been to just let her jump into his arms and keep her there, but now he wonders if it's really  _okay_ for him to let it happen like this. If he deserves it after what he did, what he said, and what he put Gou through. Gou, who wasn't even  _part_ of this to begin with, and still had to go through all of this and take on a burden way too heavy for anyone to carry.

But Haruka decides to take matters as they come, and embraces her back, takes in her scent, closes his eyes and thanks every deity he can possibly think of now that she’s finally back. He'll deal with the guilt and lingering feelings of sadness later, when he's gotten to welcome Gou back home and gotten a chance to take it all in.

“I m-missed you,” he sniffles into her hair, and Gou laughs despite her own crying and hiccups.

“I missed you, too. I’m sorry.”

Haruka shakes his head. “I’m the one who should be. I was—I was… such an ass. And a coward. I’m sorry, Gou.”

“Not that I necessarily disagree, but I was an ass and a coward, too. Come on, let’s go actually sit down or something—I’m sure you don’t wanna stand like this forever.”

He lets Gou down, and the two go to sit down on the couch. Normally Haruka would say they’re sitting too close, but he can definitely do with Gou’s closeness, especially now. It still feels like it might not actually be happening, and that this is another one of those cruel nightmares he has every now and then that try to paint a perfect world before his eyes before washing it away and laughing him in the face.

“Are you back? Like, _really_ back?” he asks, because he has to, he needs to know if this happiness is warranted or not. If it’s just her coming back to tell him she _isn’t_ moving back.

“Yeah,” she says. “I’m home.”

Gou _feels_ real, when she brings a hand to Haruka’s face, and wipes away his tears with her thumb. It slowly occurs to him that this is actually happening and that he isn’t dreaming. He takes a deep, slightly trembling breath as he calms down. He’s crying after all of these years in what feels like an emotional drought, but the fact that he’s crying out of happiness feels good. Takes a lot of stress off his shoulders that’s been weighing heavy for too long.

“Welcome home,” he replies. “Can I ask… why?”

“Because I missed you, and because I know I was an idiot, too. I shouldn’t have just up and left you like that when you probably needed me the most.”

Haruka frowns, and he takes the hand Gou still has on his cheek between his own hands. “I never blamed you for that. I deserved it, because I ran away from my problems, and still managed to drag you into it.”

“Because I _wanted_ to, Haru,” Gou points out. “I wanted to try and help you, and I guess I got frustrated with myself when I couldn’t. Sure, your situation with Sousuke and Kisumi definitely didn't help, but it wasn't the sole reason I moved out.”

He can’t help but laugh a little, and Gou’s surprised reaction is expected. “If it wasn’t for you chewing my head off about this entire thing, I’d probably still try to run away from everything. Unless Rin came over to kick my ass.”

Gou snorts. “Yeah, that wouldn’t happen.”

“That’s what I meant.”

She leans her head on his shoulder, and the two sit in silence for a good few minutes. He knows they both still have so much to talk about and catch up on, but this isn’t a silence during which neither of them know what to say. It’s two really good friends reuniting, and taking it all in, letting themselves take the time they want and need.

“Have you gotten any closer to figuring out what you wanna do?”

The question catches him off guard, because Haruka had expected the two to not talk about this, at least not today when they’ve only just reunited for the first time in weeks. He definitely hadn’t thought they’d be talking about this so soon, partially because the issue had been repeatedly shoved in Gou’s face without Haruka having to actually _say_ anything about it.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I can’t choose. I’m just… prolonging having to tell them that. I don’t want to choose just one of them.”

Gou sighs. “I’m sorry, Haru.”

“It’s fine. It was my fault, anyway—I should’ve just been a boring monogamist to begin with.”

“Don’t let Rin or Makoto hear you say that,” Gou laughs.

“I won’t,” Haruka says, smiling, but his smile doesn’t last very long. “It’s gonna be really awkward living next door to Sousuke after all this, huh.”

“Maybe. Do you think he’d get angry?”

“Probably not. It’s still gonna be awkward meeting him outside the apartment and such, and I don’t know if we can go back to being friends.”

Gou snorts. “I’m sorry, but when were you two ever friends?”

“... Point taken. God, that just makes it so much worse.”

But then there’s Kisumi, too, and while they don’t live close to him, Haruka knows it’s impossible for him to _not_ bump into Kisumi somewhere in town. Iwatobi isn’t big, and they _do_ know the same people, hang around the same parts.

“Why did it have to be _Kisumi_ , though?” Haruka groans, leaning his head on Gou’s.

“I don’t know. Your usual luck?”

He scoffs. “Yeah, sounds about right. Listen, I’m… sorry for what I said before you left. The thing about how you don’t understand romantic feelings and—”

“—don’t have the right to lecture you on it,” Gou finishes, and Haruka winces at the harshness of those words. He knows that’s exactly how he worded them, and the fact that Gou remembers them so well after so many weeks proves that it must’ve hit her pretty hard. Of course, he doesn't blame her since he knows he'd react the same way, if not worse, if he'd been in her position.

“I’m sorry,” Haruka says. “I was angry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Well, you’re right. I _don’t_ understand romantic feelings, and maybe I don’t really have the right to lecture you on how you should go about things of that nature.”

“You know I value your opinion,” Haruka responds. “And I’m really glad you care so much.”

“Well, good,” Gou says, “because I’m not about to stop even if you tell me to.”

Haruka smiles to himself. “Sometimes it’s a good thing you’re so stubborn.”

That evening after they’ve said goodnight and headed into their separate bedrooms, Haruka crawls in under his duvet and lets out a sigh in relief. Things aren’t back to normal _yet_ , but just knowing that Gou’s back is going to help a lot in terms of getting him to sleep. Even though the two had just spent the rest of the evening ordering in and watching TV after their talk, that was exactly what Haruka needed, and he knows Gou probably didn’t need much more than that, either.

The apartment is quiet when Haruka gets up the next morning around nine. It’s quiet, but peacefully so rather than dead silent. He quickly freshens himself up in the bathroom before taking on the task of making breakfast. He knows she’s going to protest, but Haruka really wants to make it up to his flatmate for the past few weeks, and breakfast might be a good start.

Makoto had been worried that when Haruka started working at the restaurant, he’d get tired of cooking outside of work and just start eating takeout more often. Thinking back on it now makes Haruka snort—if anything, it’s made him want to cook even _more_ , because he’s realised just how fun it is to cook. And seeing as he lives with someone else and cooks for them, too, that makes it even better.

The biggest thing Haruka notices is how he’s in a good mood. He might not necessarily be skipping around the apartment, but his movements aren’t sluggish, he doesn’t glare at the frying pan, and he knows that now he won’t have any leftovers as he would have up until yesterday when Gou came back home. He’s gotten used to cooking for two people, and whenever he’d have leftovers, he’d either bring it to work or tell himself he’d eat it _after_ work instead.

Needless to say, that rarely ever happened, and Haruka found himself having to throw away the extra portion after a day or two in the fridge.

He doesn’t notice when Gou tiptoes out of her bedroom, and flinches when she speaks up.

“Morning,” Gou says, voice still scratchy from sleep. “Oh my _god_ , I’m so hungry.”

“Good,” Haruka replies, “because breakfast’s just about done.”

Haruka finishes frying the fish in the pan, turns off the stove and plates them both fish, rice, vegetables, and then ladles miso into two bowls. When he turns around to start putting stuff out on the table, he sees Gou standing by the kitchen counter in what looks like dumbfounded silence.

“What?”

“Are you… are you wearing my shirt?”

Haruka raises an eyebrow, looking down at the yellow crop-top he’s wearing. “Yes? You gave it to me because you were tired of it. Of _course_ I’d wear it.”

Gou smiles, shaking her head. “I didn’t know you were a good girl. It almost looks like a sports bra on you.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly gotten tired of seeing my muscles.”

She snorts. “That effect wore off _years_ ago, Haru. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I got used to it.”

“You hurt my feelings,” Haruka says in his usual deadpan voice. “Also, I’m _always_ a good girl, you know that. Go wash your face; breakfast’s ready.”

He watches Gou roll her eyes before dragging her feet into the bathroom, and he goes to put their plates and bowls down on the table. Looking out the window by the table tells him it’s probably a good idea to stay inside with all of the snow on the ground, and he sighs. A new year is right around the corner, and that also means he only has a few more months left in icy, snowy hell.

Better times are coming.

 

* * *

 

“Haru…”

“Let me sleep.”

“Your phone’s ringing. It’s loud.”

Haruka grunts in disapproval and slowly opens his eyes. When and how they fell asleep is beyond him, but he figures that terrible film had something to do with it. His phone’s buzzing angrily on the coffee table next to him, and he lazily stretches out a hand to grab it. He squints as he looks at the bright display to figure out who’s calling him, and when he sees the name on his screen, he sits upright like an arrow faster than he probably should have.

“Kisumi,” he breathes. Gou sits up as well, though not as fast as he had, and her eyes widen in surprise.

“Well? Answer it!”

Still perplexed, Haruka clears his throat and answers the call. “Hello?”

“ _Haru, hi! How are you?_ ”

He rubs the last traces of sleep out of his eyes and stretches his upper body a bit. “Good, I suppose. How… how are you?”

“ _I’m doing good, too. Listen, are you free tonight?_ ”

Wasn’t Haruka the one who was supposed to get in touch first? Not that he knows _when_ he’d do such a thing, but the fact that Kisumi’s taken the initiative and seems to want to talk makes Haruka’s heart beat faster with uneasiness. “I… yeah, I’m free. Why?”

“ _Can I come over?_ ”

He doesn’t even know if what Kisumi’s going to want to talk about is good or bad, but Haruka can’t help but think it _is_ bad and that he should’ve been the one to take contact at first, after all. But how was he supposed to know? He’s been so self-absorbed these past few weeks there wouldn’t have been a way for him to be aware of what the hell’s been going on around him. Especially since he’s been avoiding both Sousuke and Kisumi like the plague.

“Yeah,” he hears himself answering. “Yeah, that’s fine. Come over whenever you want, we’re—I’m home.”

“ _’We’? Is Gou back?! Ah, I’m so relieved. I’ll be over soon!_ ”

He sounds _happy_ , which confuses Haruka greatly considering the fact that Kisumi wants to come over most definitely for a talk with a capital T. Maybe it’s been so long that Kisumi no longer harbours any feelings for Haruka and has decided to give up and move on?

“Haru,” Gou says, placing a hand on his leg as if to stop his train of thought from derailing further. She’s always been scarily good at reading him, but maybe that’s a given considering the fact that they’ve lived together for a couple of years. “It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Keep an open mind and stop assuming the worst, okay? He sounded happy, so I don’t think he’s coming to bring bad news.”

He nods stiffly and lies back down. “Do you think I need to change out of my sweatpants?”

“Since when did you start caring about these things?”

“Maybe I _should_ start. Look presentable, or whatever.”

Gou lightly flicks him on the forehead, and gets up from the couch. “You’re fine. I bet he’s gonna get a good laugh out of that crop-top, though.”

She disappears out of Haruka’s sight, but he soon hears her scrambling about in the kitchen. Even if Gou tells him not to think negatively about what’s going to happen soon, he can’t help going over possible scenarios in his head as he has nothing else to do before the doorbell rings. He still doesn’t want to choose between them, and knows he’ll have to tell them that, that he’ll probably just have to end up choosing neither.

“Ugh, _fine_ ,” Haruka says in exasperation as he gets off the couch and marches into his room, squirming his way out of the crop top on the way. He grabs the first t-shirt he sees in his wardrobe, throws the crop top on his bed and heads back out, only to frown at what he sees. “What’re you grinning at?”

Gou snorts at him as she goes back to sit down on the couch, a cup of tea in her hands. “You’re cute. I like the ‘good girl’ shirt better, though.”

“Really funny.”

She gets up from the couch just as Haruka sits down, and stretches her upper body with a yawn. “I’m gonna give you guys some space, so I’m going out to see Azusa. She owes me coffee, anyway.”

“Oh,” he responds, and he can’t deny the slight feeling of panic at the thought of not having Gou around for this. But he watches her go inside her bedroom for a bit and then come back out fully dressed a few minutes later.

“You’ll do fine. See you soon,” she says with a kiss on his forehead, and then she’s out the door. Haruka pulls his legs up and rests his chin on his kneecaps. How would he prepare himself when he doesn’t even know what he’s got coming? Even if he did, Haruka’s absolutely sure he wouldn’t be able to handle it much better. His high school voice tells him to run while he still can, and a fabricated voice close to his own age tells him that running won’t solve his problems. And he knows this is the voice he’ll have to trust in the end, even if it is new and still not quite his own.

When the doorbell rings, Haruka nearly jumps to his feet off the couch, but his legs are like two overcooked noodles as he walks out into the hallway to open the door. The mere sight of Kisumi on his doorstep nearly knocks the air out of Haruka’s lungs, but probably in the wrong way, and he has to take a deep breath through his nose to try and gather himself.

“Hey,” he says lamely, thankful that his voice doesn’t tremble. “Come in.”

Kisumi smiles, and walks inside as Haruka closes the door behind them. Haruka’s caught completely off guard when Kisumi pulls him into an embrace, but despite the first few seconds of shock, Haruka soon returns the hug.

“Missed you,” he mumbles. ”’m sorry.”

Kisumi laughs, and Haruka feels him shake his head, and then Kisumi pulls apart. “Haru, don’t apologise. You didn’t know this was gonna happen. I should apologise to _you_ for kissing you that time. Probably didn’t make things easier.”

“It didn’t,” Haruka admits, “but I like kissing you.”

“I’m glad,” Kisumi says. "Likewise."

He looks a lot better now than he did the last time they talked a few weeks prior, and while that in and of itself is a relief, the fact that the last time they talked _was_ weeks ago makes Haruka feel bad.

“Do you… wanna sit? Or something?”

_Is this a conversation I should be sitting down for?_

The two go to sit down on the couch, and Haruka almost immediately, unconsciously, interlocks his fingers in his lap. There’s a bit of distance between the two on the couch, and it’s enough to make Haruka even more nervous than he already is.

“I don’t know how to start this,” Kisumi says, and Haruka prepares for the worst, looking down at his hands. “But er, I’ve… been hanging out with Sousuke these past weeks. A bit, actually.”

Haruka furrows his brows in confusion, still not looking up at Kisumi. “What?”

“It’s… I’m trying to come up with a way to say this without making you upset or anything. It’s not working very well,” Kisumi says, and he pauses. When he does, Haruka finally gathers the courage to look up, and then he still doesn’t get to meet Kisumi’s gaze, since it’s directed elsewhere. “I like him. And I know you’re gonna laugh and tell me I’m too self-confident when I say he likes me too, but he does.”

A few seconds of silence pass, during which Haruka doesn’t know just what to say or how to react. He doesn’t even understand what it means, both for himself and for them. Are they dumping him in order to date each other? Has it really been so long that the two instead ended up seeking solace in each other and found a lot more?

“Okay,” he says. “And?”

“’And’?” Kisumi repeats. “Aren’t you at least gonna react to it so I know how to continue?”

“I don’t know _how_ to react. So… you guys are dating?”

Kisumi frowns. “No. There’s—“

But he doesn’t get to finish his sentence, since there’s yet another ring on the doorbell. Now that Gou’s left the apartment and Kisumi’s here, there’s really only one other person who would come over, and the realisation makes Haruka’s heart skip a beat, and he finds it a little difficult to breathe.

“—something we want to talk to you about. That’s probably Sousuke,” Kisumi says, shooting Haruka an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I sort of told him we were both going to talk to you today. But I wanted this out of the way first, just between the two of us. I hope you’re not mad? I really didn’t know how else to go about doing this.”

If anything, Haruka is a mess of feelings that are anything but angry. Maybe he’s jealous, he doesn’t really know since the surprise and speechlessness is bigger than anything else. It feels like he kind of is, because how the hell are Kisumi and Sousuke so close after just a few weeks? What’s going to happen to _him_ now that they’re apparently really good friends and have romantic feelings for each other?

As his train of thought continues to go off-track, Haruka gets up to open the door for the third, and hopefully last, participant in this conversation. Talking to Kisumi like this is already mentally draining and stressful, and adding Sousuke into the mix is most certainly not going to help things get easier. Not knowing what the two of them are going to talk to him about isn’t making Haruka less nervous, either.

“Hey,” Sousuke greets him as Haruka opens the door. He almost looks like he’s just gotten dropped off in a random location and has no idea of where he is or what he’s doing here, and he scratches the back of his neck while clearing his throat. “Been a while.”

Haruka nods stiffly. “Yeah. How… how’ve you been?”

“Good, good. Missed you.”

A feeling of guilt stabs Haruka in the chest, and he exhales somewhat shakily. “I missed you, too.”

He’s almost tempted to hug Sousuke, but instead just lets Sousuke into the apartment before closing and locking the door behind them. He half expects Kisumi to come out and jump straight into Sousuke’s arms now, with everything Kisumi had told him, but when the two go into the living room to join Kisumi, they only share short, simple greeting phrases. Maybe the tension’s getting to them, too.

Haruka has no idea what to do with himself as he sits down on the couch next to Sousuke and Kisumi, and as a result, he ends up fidgeting with his hands and looking away.

“This isn’t easy to talk about,” Sousuke begins, “because for one, I’m still kind of unsure of how this would all work out. But I want to try it, Kisumi does, and… we want to—“

“Can you just tell me what it is?” Haruka half bristles in stress and frustration. Both Kisumi and Sousuke look at him in shock before they share a look, and then Kisumi takes over the reins.

“We want to try out a polyamorous relationship.”

“Poly… what now?” Haruka asks.

“Told you it wasn’t gonna be easy.”

“Sou,” Kisumi gently scolds before giving Sousuke a pointed look. Haruka can’t stop thinking about how _weird_ this entire situation is, but he tries to put it aside to let Sousuke and Kisumi talk instead. “A polyamorous relationship is where there are more than two people involved. That’s… pretty much it. It's basically polygamy as opposed to... well, monogamy, of course.”

“So I’m _not_ out of the equation,” Haruka says as something right between a statement and a question. “You want me in on this, too.”

“Of course we do!” Kisumi says as if he’s really surprised Haruka had counted himself out, and he scoots closer to Haruka, takes his hand, as if to emphasise what he’s trying to say. “I want to be with you, and Sou obviously does, too. And… well, I told him I thought this could be worth a shot. Because I like him, too. Wait, did you really think we  _wouldn't_ want to include you?”

Well, if anything, this would certainly solve Haruka’s problem of having to choose between them or just not choosing at all. It’s almost _too_ convenient, too good to be true, and that’s why Haruka’s still hesitant about the entire thing.

“Could you blame me if I did?” Haruka asks back. “With how you two talked about this, talked about how you two found each other and stuff. And how I wasn't really included in any of it until, well, _now_ , apparently.”

“If you would've let me  _finish_ , you would've definitely been included,” Sousuke points out, and Haruka feels bad, because of course that's where the biggest problem lies. He gets annoyed easily and jumps to conclusion like he's a goddamn parkour expert, but he  _isn't_ , so instead he ends up falling on his ass and making a fool of himself. This is a very good example of such a situation.

“Listen, Haruka,” Sousuke continues almost hesitantly, “if you want time to think about it, we get it, and would be glad to give it to you. There’s a lot to take in, and… well, if you don’t want this, then—“

“Are you _kidding_?” Haruka asks, raising his eyebrows. “This is too good to be true, that’s why I’m asking. Well… there _is_ one thing. Pretty big issue, really. What about jealousy?”

It has to be asked, really; people in monogamous relationships experience it, and Haruka figures it’s got to be a bigger concern when it’s a relationship involving _more_ than two people. He has to be honest with himself—polygamy isn’t the norm and probably won’t be for a while, and as long as mankind has an ugly habit of getting jealous even over the smallest and most insignificant things, things won’t change.

“We thought about that,” Kisumi replies thoughtfully, “and honestly… there’s really no way to know beforehand. It’s a matter of knowing we’re all in this together, and in _theory_ , everyone should mean equally as much to each other. Reassurance is key, I guess.”

Haruka leans back against the couch with a sigh. It’s a lot to take in, sure, but it’s far better than he could’ve ever expected, really. Who would’ve thought that those two would come up to him and suggest polyamory? Not Haruka himself, that’s for sure.

He’s still really curious to find out just how they got together in the first place seeing as they’d really only met once before, to Haruka’s knowledge. Of course they’ve met afterwards seeing as this thing happened, but it’s the how, when and why that Haruka wants to know about.

Maybe in time, he figures.

“How did _you_ agree to it?” Haruka asks, baffled, looking at Sousuke. “I thought you were the possessive type.”

Sousuke snorts. “Really, me? I’m not possessive, I don’t own anyone. ‘Sides… this guy has some really weird convincing powers. I don’t know how he does it, but he got me into the idea. And I’m glad he did. So are you okay with it?”

“Yeah... I guess,” Haruka responds. “It’s gonna take time to get used to, but I don’t mind it.”

“So now that you’ve decided,” Kisumi says, jokingly bumping Haruka in the side, “tell me who you were _going_ to pick. It was me, right?”

Haruka eyes him from the side and scoffs. “You wish. No, I… actually hadn’t planned on choosing either. I couldn’t do that to either of you. So I guess you saved both yourself _and_ Sousuke.”

Kisumi groans. “I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I? I could’ve had a chance to have you all to myself, Haru! Why did I have to suggest this?”

“Guess you really fucked yourself, Shigino,” Sousuke joins in, getting off the couch. Kisumi jumps up and holds him back from behind, standing on his toes and putting his mouth near Sousuke’s ear.

“I don’t have to fuck myself when I’ve got two people who can do it for me,” he purrs, perfectly audible for both Sousuke and Haruka, the latter laughing at the other two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a very obscure reference to the oc in here. ten points if you can spot it. seriously, it's REALLY obscure.
> 
> haru wearing gou's "good girl" shirt was [MADE INTO ART](http://agaricals.tumblr.com/post/142597011892/popnographic-made-a-post-today-it-resonated-with) a while back because i was whining about how much i wanted to see it happen. writing it into fic only does so much. thanks [agaricals](http://agaricals.tumblr.com) for being gr8 & making dreams come true. ❤


	12. haruka | sacrifice and acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka talks to Makoto and Rin about his new relationship, and Gou revisits her past with him.

There’s a finger poking him in the cheek when Haruka’s slowly dragged back to life. He opens his eyes, and the first thing, or person, he sees is Gou.

“Hey,” he says, squinting a bit in the light of the room. “When did you get back?”

“Late last night.”

The last thing Haruka really remembers from the day before is saying goodbye to both Sousuke and Kisumi, heating up some miso soup in the microwave, and then taking a shower. Either Gou must’ve dragged his exhausted ass into his bedroom or he must’ve done it himself, the thing is that he just doesn’t remember it. It had been a very emotionally taxing day, but he’s really happy with the outcome of everything.

It almost feels like it _didn’t_ happen, that he’s still got to talk to both of them. Haruka’s so sure it actually didn’t happen and that he’s just dreamt all of it that he sits up in bed and immediately grabs his phone, making Gou flinch in surprise next to him. Haruka calls Sousuke without even checking what time it is, and when Sousuke answers the phone, he understands it must still be pretty early in the morning.

“ _Yeah?_ ” he hears a scratchy voice greet him.

“Sousuke,” Haruka says, “tell me yesterday happened.”

“ _What are you talking about? Of course it did. What did you think?_ ”

Haruka slowly leans back against the headboard and sighs. “It feels like it didn’t. So you guys actually came over?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Sousuke clarifies as if talking to a small child, “ _we came over to your apartment to talk. And all three of us are now officially dating, as weird as that still sounds to me. No offence, of course_.”

“No, I agree. I don’t… mind it, though. Obviously. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going insane. Okay, sorry for calling so suddenly. And for waking you.”

“ _’S fine_ ,” Sousuke laughs, and his husky laugh sends a chill down Haruka’s spine. He’s barely even _awake_ , how is this allowed? “ _Talk to you soon._ ”

The two hang up, and Haruka looks at Gou who stares back at him with eyes ready to incinerate him at any moment’s notice. “Boy do I have a story for you,” he says. “Breakfast first.”

 

* * *

 

Gou keeps bouncing around him in impatient anticipation as Haruka cooks them both breakfast, but Haruka isn’t going to budge. He insists on talking about things that aren’t at all related to what happened yesterday, such as what their plans for Christmas and New Years are.

“I don’t actually care,” Gou says. “Christmas isn’t even a Japanese tradition.”

“Okay, you’ve _definitely_ hung out too much with Sousuke,” Haruka declares as he slides the last piece of mackerel onto a plate. “Makoto would be absolutely heartbroken if he heard you say that.”

Gou snorts. “We’re obviously going. I’m just glad we aren’t doing a gift exchange this year, because I don’t see the point. Birthdays are enough, and mine wasn’t all that long ago, same with Makoto. Not to mention my brother whose birthday’s coming up.”

“In two months,” Haruka points out, and Gou waves at him dismissively before starting to scoop rice into bowls, which Haruka doesn’t even bother protesting. He knows it’s a battle he won’t win even if he tries his best.

“You know what I mean. Come on, let’s eat and then talk about whatever it is you’re hiding from me.”

Haruka sits down on his chair with his food, and Gou joins him, _not_ looking like a kid excited to open their Christmas gifts, but more like a mother expecting her kid to explain what the hell is going on. Sometimes, Haruka feels like this comparison isn’t far off.

“Sousuke came over after a while yesterday, I’m guessing to aid Kisumi. They want to try out a poly… something relationship.”

Gou doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and just blinks slowly at him. She takes a sip from her glass of water, and then clears her throat. “Polyamorous. So all three of you?”

“Yeah,” Haruka says. “You don’t sound very surprised.”

“I am, which is why I’m lacking the right expression. Who suggested it?”

“Kisumi, at first. And apparently he managed to convince Sousuke, which honestly is the bigger obstacle if choosing between him and me. I mean, really—this is as good as it gets for me. I don’t have to choose, I can have _both_ of them, and I don’t have to tell them I won’t choose any of them.”

Gou nods once, though she still doesn’t look convinced. “I guess, but are you _really_ okay with it? I mean, there’s a bunch of things that could come up in a relationship on top of the things monogamous people experience.”

“I know. I guess… we won’t know unless we try. Actually, Kisumi’s the one who said that, but I agree with him. Things are obviously going to happen, but we’ll just have to work our way out of it like everyone else has to. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.”

“Huh,” Gou says, now looking impressed more than anything, which isn’t really something Haruka would expect to see after what he’s just said. “Well, I guess you’re right. I’m just really surprised at how you’re so optimistic about this. It’s like… you know when people buy new clothes in a style that isn’t really them, but you don’t know if it suits them? That’s how I feel about your newfound optimism right now.”

Haruka glare at his flatmate in offence, tempted to flick the rice on his chopsticks in her direction. “Funny. I _can_ be optimistic, you know.”

“But you’re mostly a realist.”

“Are you telling me it’s wrong to try and think positively about this?”

Gou laughs this time, shaking her head. “I’m just messing with you. I’m glad, of course. You deserve to be happy, and I know they can make that happen.”

“Together?”

“That’s the interesting part.”

 

* * *

 

“This is our first Christmas together, and Sousuke’s being a butt. I can’t believe him.”

Gou rolls her eyes, lightly smacking Kisumi on the arm as they walk inside the lift up to Makoto’s and Rin’s apartment. “He’s visiting _family_ , Kisumi. He said he hasn’t seen them in person in nearly a year, so it’s probably a good thing. At least he’ll be here for New Year’s.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Kisumi pouts, and Haruka raises an eyebrow at him.

“So I’m not good enough for you, is that it?”

“No! I mean, yes, of course! But it’s our first—“

“I know,” he interrupts, sighing. “Maybe next year.”

Kisumi and Haruka have decided to not tell Makoto and Rin about their relationship until New Year’s, partly because Sousuke’s going to be there, too, but also because they don’t want to take the focus off the Christmas celebrations.

While Kisumi and Sousuke had gotten used to it all pretty quickly, Haruka still has to tell himself a lot that it’s okay and that the others won’t be jealous if he decides to be romantically affectionate with one of them. It’s a slow process, but at least he’s moving forward rather than standing still or walking backwards.

“Ah, my favourite people,” Rin says as he opens the door, grinning widely. “Oh, Haru, you came!”

Haruka smiles sarcastically as widely as he can, making sure to bat his eyelashes at his friend as he walks in. “Nice to see you, too, Rin.”

As can always be expected of these two, the Matsuoka-Tachibana apartment is decorated from the ceiling down to the floor, leaving very few spaces empty. Haruka knows without asking that Makoto’s done most of it, and if Rin’s participated, it’s been done with a heavy sigh, and Rin also probably rolled his eyes at least once. Haruka can’t really say he’s all that different, though, since Rin’s sister slash Haruka’s flatmate stands for the decorating around their apartment.

Rin, however, has cooked dinner, which is to be expected since Makoto _still_ can’t cook.

“I can _so_ cook. Like, noodles.”

Gou snorts into her glass, setting it down on the table again. “You’re almost thirty years old and the only thing you can cook are _noodles_. Honestly, Makoto, and you call yourself a man.”

“Shit, we’re almost thirty,” Rin says, as if it _hasn’t_ occurred to him before. Haruka and Kisumi exchange a glance, and while Kisumi laughs, Haruka rolls his eyes.

“I’m a man!” Makoto protests, before he grins smugly. “Your brother would agree on _that_ , at least.”

“Okay, topic change!” Gou exclaims, clapping her hands once. “New Year’s. Are we going to the shrine?”

At this point, all Haruka can do is just tune them out and finish his meal, which won’t take long. He’s been surprised to find that Kisumi _hasn’t_ tried to flirt with him under the table, but maybe even Kisumi can learn what to do and what _not_ to do among people. And especially at Christmas dinner.

“Don’t freak out,” he mumbles to Kisumi when he’s made sure the others aren’t paying attention to them anymore. “But I’m gonna talk to Rin. And tell him about… well, us. And Sousuke.”

Kisumi raises an eyebrow. “He hasn’t even _met_ Sousuke. But okay, fine. Are _you_ gonna be okay, though? Talking to him, I mean.”

Haruka shrugs. “I should be. Rin’s gonna met him at New Year’s if we’re doing a thing together this year again, but either way we’ll rope Sousuke in for one of these meets soon. I’m sure he wants to meet Rin, too.”

“Yeah, the guy who not too long ago wanted to _punch_ Sou. I really wanna be there for their first meeting,” Kisumi says. “What about Makoto?”

“I don’t know. Soon, though. I really just wanna do this alone; I feel like it’d be easier. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. As long as they find out, I can’t complain.” He takes Haruka’s hand under the table, the first time they’ve actually _touched_ since walking inside. “You gonna be okay?”

Haruka nods once, squeezing Kisumi’s hand back a little. “Yeah.”

So his heart's beating a _little_ faster than normal, and he may struggle just a little bit with breating, when Haruka uses a made up sign language to let Rin know he needs to talk in private. So when Rin and Makoto are done doing the dishes, Haruka goes out into the living room to wait for Rin, and in nervous waiting, he taps his foot against the floor. These things will _never_ be easy, no matter how many times he has to dive right into a confrontation or a discussion he really doesn't want to have.

“What’s with the seriousness all of a sudden? You’re making me worried here, Haru.”

Haruka nearly snorts at that as Rin cocks his head in the direction of the couch. If anyone should be worried about the outcome of this conversation, it’s him. The two sit down, and he sighs.

“You’ll have to promise me not to freak out loudly. I’m gonna talk to Makoto soon, but I want to talk to you separately about this.”

Rin nods slowly, probably realising this isn’t a time to be joking around. “Okay. What is it?”

“I know you haven’t met him, and I feel sort of responsible for that, but… I’m dating Sousuke. My neighbour.”

“You are? Wait, what?”

Thankfully his reaction isn’t _loud_ , at least that’s something to be thankful for. “That’s not everything,” Haruka continues, fearing that _this_ might be the time when Rin won’t be able to keep his voice down. “We’re both dating Kisumi, too. It’s a… polyamorous relationship.”

He dares look at Rin, but not lift his head completely to do so. He sees clearly that Rin’s shocked and confused, but he doesn’t seem angry, at least. Maybe Haruka’s underestimating his childhood friend, he doesn’t know, but with someone like Rin, he’s always figured it’s better to expect the worst, because if he does, he can’t really be disappointed.

“Let me make sure I got this right,” Rin says. “You’re dating your neighbour. And also Kisumi. And this other guy is in on that, too?”

“Yes. And Kisumi’s obviously in on it as well. Don’t blow up on _me_ about it—they’re the ones who suggested it.”

Rin shakes his head, but he still looks as confused as ever. Not that Haruka can blame him, really. “I’m not gonna blow up on anyone, it’s just… kinda new to me. Well, at least the kind where you don't get  _married_ to two people at once. Or more, however  _that_ would work. But you… you’re okay with it?”

“Yeah,” Haruka replies. “It’s better than what I’d originally thought. It’s still a little new to all of us, but… we’re adjusting. And so far things are going well.”

Okay, so he apparently underestimated Rin by quite a bit, because the way he’s reacting right now wasn’t even on Haruka’s list of possible reactions, if he even _had_ such a list. He might not know what Makoto’s going to think about it, but he’s a lot easier to talk to when it comes to serious matters, so Haruka’s a lot less worried when it comes to him.

“In that case I’m glad for you,” Rin says, and he sounds like it, too. Relieved, almost. “You look happier, actually, and now I guess I know why.”

Haruka feels like he can calm down a little, and he leans back against the couch. “Thanks, Rin.”

“So when are you gonna tell Makoto?”

He shrugs. “I was thinking New Year’s, if you guys wanna do something then.”

“Sure,” Rin says. “Don’t wanna break a tradition, do we? Besides, if that means I get to meet this new boyfriend of yours, that’s all the more of a reason to meet up.”

“Don’t beat him up, though.”

"Haru, I'm not gonna—" Rin cuts himself off as he realises, and sits up straight before he stares at Haruka as it dawns on him. “Who told you about that?”

“ _Please_ , Rin, don’t tell me you’re that stupid. I live with your sister, for god’s sake. Kisumi knows, too.”

“Gou!” Rin bellows out into the kitchen behind them, and Haruka muffles a laugh into the back of his hand.

 

* * *

 

Haruka notices almost immediately upon coming in through the door that something isn’t as it should be. Of course, he can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. It could be work-related, maybe it has something to do with one of her friends, it could be anything. And guessing is out of the question, so Haruka hopes she’ll want to _tell_ him what’s wrong.

She’s sitting on the couch when he comes in, and half-heartedly welcomes him home. Haruka figures he’ll give her a little time as he goes in to get changed into something a little more comfortable, and in the meantime, he decides to call Sousuke.

“ _Hey, Haruka._ ”

“Hey. You busy?” he asks, managing to pull a t-shirt over his head with one hand holding his phone to his ear.

“ _Well… depends on what you mean by busy. I have company._ ”

Haruka doesn’t have to guess who’s visiting. With his phone pressed between his ear and shoulder, he finishes getting dressed, and leaves his bedroom. “I assume Kisumi’s talked to you about New Year’s?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Sousuke says. “ _I’ll come. I mean_ — _don’t laugh, you ass! I’ll be there_.”

Haruka rolls his eyes, smiling a little, as he sits down next to Gou on the couch. He’s just come home from work, and is exhausted from a long day of just standing and walking around with very little sitting. “Good, just making sure.”

“ _Are you at home?_ ”

“Yeah, came home not too long ago.”

“ _Come join us, Haru!_ ” he hears Kisumi begging in the background, and he snorts.

“Tell Kisumi I said no. I have a mistress to shower with my attention.” As he probably should’ve expected, Gou doesn’t smile at his comment. “I have to go. Tell Kisumi I said hi.”

“ _He already knows. Talk to you soon_.”

He puts his phone down on the table in front of him, and moves a little closer to Gou, but leaving a little space between them. “Everything okay?”

“Do you remember Ayane? The girl I lived with at university?”

Gou makes this sound like a casual conversation, but Haruka knows that isn’t what this is going to be. It’s her way of building up to what she  _really_ has to say, and as to what that is, Haruka has no idea. It makes him think that maybe he should’ve been more observant, somehow.

“Yeah,” Haruka says.

 “We had sex a few times. First two times drunk, and then it was ‘excuse sex’. Like, ‘I’ve had _such_ a bad day, help me get in a better mood’ kind of sex. And then we ran out of excuses, and then she said she was love with me. Do you wanna know what I did?”

Haruka _knows_ what Gou did, but he never knew why. He sighs through his nose. “You moved into another flat.”

“I moved into another flat,” she confirms bitterly. “I ran, basically. Instead of just telling her I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, because I liked her, obviously. But not in the same way that she liked me.”

The distance between them feels weird, but Haruka wonders if it’s really such a good idea to scoot closer. He sees that she clearly needs it, but probably doesn’t _want_ it. Not right now.

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“What do you mean?”

Gou exhales slowly, still not looking at him. “You remember when you told me I don’t understand romantic feelings—“

“Gou…”

“It’s fine, Haru. Because you’re right. I don’t, and I don’t _want_ to. Romance sounds scary, and any time anyone’s ever tried approaching me romantically, I’ve ran. I’m fine with sex, but I’m not okay with romance. Is there something wrong with me? Does that make me a slut?”

He flinches, and lowers his eyebrows into a deep frown. This is one of those moments where Haruka wishes he was more vocal about what he himself thinks of Gou, how he sees her. Maybe it won’t help all that much, but at least it’s better than not saying anything.

Rin is often not shy at all about letting Gou know how proud he is of her, and how much he loves his sister. But they’re _family_ , and it’s a different kind of bond than what Haruka has with her. So maybe that’s just another thing he needs to work on, if only to at least _try_ to brighten Gou’s day.

“You’re not a slut,” he says. “If you are, then I am, too.”

“At least you’re dating them,” Gou responds, rolling her eyes.

“There was a time when I didn’t, and I know you remember that. So you’re a little different from your friends who have boyfriends, who wanna get married and have kids. Is that a bad kind of different? No.”

“But I’m still sleeping around, and that’s what people’s definition of a slut is.”

This time, Haruka's brave enough to close the distance between them and drape an arm around Gou’s shoulders. “You have no idea how much I wish people would stop being so stingy about sex. It’s just sex, nothing else. Making love is different, but sex is just sex.”

“I’m so glad you get me,” Gou says, laughing a little. “And no offence, but I’m glad you’re gay.”

“Me too. Women are complicated.”

Gou punches him lightly in the side. “It’s just… I talked to Chiaki today, and she told me she ran into Ayane the other day by the train station.”

“Does Chiaki know?”

She sighs. “Yeah. And it just… made me think about things. Because I normally don’t, which is great. I don’t really have to worry about romantic feelings and relationships, but maybe that’s what makes me weird. So many people I know are getting married, having kids… and I’m not. I don’t want to. Maybe it’s just because I’m nearing my thirties, and _that’s_ why I’m suddenly thinking about it.”

“You don’t have to wanna get married and have kids,” Haruka says. “Not everyone does, you know. You’re not the only one, I promise.”

Gou manages a little laugh, and she leans her head against Haruka’s shoulder. “Normally I’d be offended by hearing I’m not the only one. I know I’m probably not, but sometimes I just _feel_ like I am.”

While it hasn’t been in the same way at all, Haruka sort of knows how she feels, but he doesn’t say it.

“Thanks, Haru,” Gou says, and Haruka turns a little to kiss her on the head.

“Anytime.”

 

* * *

 

This time, with Sousuke included, the group gather to celebrate Christmas up by the shrine. The first New Year’s they’d spent there after Haruka had moved out of the house had been a little hard on him, but not in the way that he missed the house or anything that he left behind with it. He almost felt like he hadn’t accomplished anything in being back in this part of Iwatobi, revisiting an area just a minute away from where he grew up, mostly by himself.

“I’ve gotta admit,” Kisumi says, walking next to Haruka, “I kind of miss your old house.”

Haruka rolls his eyes. “That makes one of us.”

“I know, I know—I guess it’s just nostalgia talking. Don’t tell your mother, but I like your croquettes better than hers.”

“I’m _so_ flattered,” Haruka deadpans, and Kisumi jokingly bumps his shoulder against Haruka’s.

They’re walking in the very back of the ‘line’, Gou and Sousuke in the front lively discussing something, with Makoto and Rin close behind. Rin’s first meeting with Sousuke had been a surprisingly good one, up until when Kisumi had to mention Rin’s initial plans of punching Sousuke. Still, they got off on a good start, and Haruka feels optimistic that Sousuke won’t have any trouble to get into the ‘group’.

There are a few people outside the shrine when they arrive, but their wait isn’t a long one before they get to come up to the shrine and pray for the coming year to be a good one. When they’re done praying and ringing the bell, the six of them get in line to buy an omikuji each.

“So what’s your history with these, if I may ask?” Sousuke mumbles into Haruka’s ear. He shrugs.

“Usually bad luck. You?”

“Same. What’s up with that?”

“Stop spoiling the surprise,” Makoto says behind them, and Sousuke smiles.

Unsurprisingly, Haruka’s slip reveals a regular curse, and it makes Sousuke laugh from where he peeks at said slip over Haruka’s shoulder.

“Man, you weren’t kidding. I got a half-curse, which is an improvement from previous years. Romantic relationships, though… that’s—”

“—accurate.”

“Ass,” Sousuke replies.

All of them share their fortunes, and then all they have left to do is buy a few snacks and drinks to have on their way back home. Haruka just  _really_  wants to talk to Makoto before they leave, so he decides on taking Makoto up to the viewpoint where they usually watch fireworks during obon. He does feel a little bad to pull Makoto aside from their little group when they’re all talking and getting along, but if he doesn’t do this now, he knows he’ll keep putting it off.

“Something wrong?” Makoto asks. Haruka shakes his head.

“No, nothing wrong. I just need to talk to you. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” Makoto says. “We’ll be back soon—could you guys get us some stuff from the stalls in the meantime?”

Rin looks like he’s about to protest, but Haruka sees the realisation hit him, and then he nods. “Alright.”

When the others begin walking down towards the stalls, Haruka and Makoto continue up the hill to the viewpoint overlooking the Iwatobi bay area. It’s the best spot in town to watch fireworks, but because it’s New Year’s and there _won’t_ be any fireworks, there aren’t any people around. When they arrive, it’s just the two of them around, and it reminds Haruka of a different time they’d been up here for a completely different reason. Sometimes, Haruka considers it to be a miracle that he still lives in Iwatobi considering the many bad memories he has here, but he knows the good ones probably outweigh them.

The two of them walk up to the railing, and Haruka looks out over the ocean. The sky is completely black, but thankfully Iwatobi is illuminated by lanterns and streetlights, making it still look vivid and beautiful just like it's supposed to be.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I kinda talked to Rin about this before you. I wanted to do it separately, because it’s… I don’t know. Easier, I guess.”

“Oh,” Makoto says. “I’m not really insulted or anything, I don’t mind. Is something wrong?”

“No,” Haruka replies, and he smiles a little. “No, everything’s fine. Good, actually. I talked to Kisumi and Sousuke before Christmas.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I had originally decided I wasn’t going to choose between them, but then… well, Kisumi came to me with an option I hadn’t considered. Well, I probably _had_ , but it’s one of those things you just kind of think about before you laugh at how ridiculous it sounds.”

“Is it bad?”

“Too good to be true, maybe,” Haruka says. “We’re… going to try out a polyamorous relationship. All three of us.”

It all still sounds weird to Haruka, especially coming from his own mouth, but he knows it’s just a matter of getting used to. And then there’s obviously the issues he discussed with Kisumi that _might_ come up at some point or another, but he doesn’t know that yet. It’s a big risk to take, and while Haruka usually isn’t one to take risks, he’s willing to do it for two people he really cares about.

“Poly  _what_?”

Haruka laughs at that. “You know, I reacted the _exact_ same way when they told me about it. It means I’m dating Sousuke, and I’m also dating Kisumi. And… well, obviously, they’re dating, too. It’s literally a triangle, with all sides connected.”

Makoto turns to face him, and Haruka mirrors the action. His best friend’s expression spells out shock, as was to be expected, and he opens his mouth once to try and say something, but closes it again like a fish coming up for air. Then he tries again after taking a deep breath. “… you’re dating both of them?”

Haruka nods. “I know it sounds weird, and maybe you don’t think it’s a good idea. But I do, and they obviously do, too. We’re… going to try it out, at least. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t—but we won’t know unless we try.”

Since they got there a few minutes earlier, only a handful of people have come to join them up by the viewpoint, and it’s peaceful and quiet around them still. It had taken Haruka a long time to not associate this place with bad memories, and instead look back at it as the two of them growing up, at least partially.

“How did _Rin_ take this?” Makoto asks. “I know you’re always kinda scared to talk to him about serious matters because of how he tends to react.”

Haruka laughs a little, shrugging. “Yeah, I know. Well, obviously he didn’t _yell_ , or you would’ve heard it back at Christmas.”

“ _That’s_ how long he’s known? Surprised he hasn’t said anything.”

“Yeah, me too. No offence, Rin,” he says over his shoulder to a Rin that isn’t there, and Makoto laughs at that. Haruka likes the sound of it, and lets his shoulders down with a slow exhale.

“Well, while I’m not really surprised Rin took it well, since he _does_ care about you—whether you want to believe it or not—I’m surprised he managed to stay so quiet about it.”

Haruka raises an eyebrow and scoffs, but he’s still smiling. “You and me both, Makoto.”

“And to think Sousuke and Kisumi wanted this. Who would’ve thought?” Makoto asks, sounding genuinely shocked, which Haruka finds kind of amusing.

“ _I_ definitely wouldn’t have. They apparently got really close during the time I’d been… well, avoiding them. Maybe that was to be expected, I don’t know. I’m glad, though.”

“Yeah. I’m glad for you,” Makoto says. “I know you’re happy living with Gou, but this is a different kind of happiness, I guess. And you really deserve it.”

Haruka rolls his eyes, turning to look out over the water again, leaning against the railing. “You sound like my dad giving me away to a guy I’m getting married to.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Makoto replies, laughing. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Speaking of which… would you wanna get married?”

Haruka glances at Makoto from the side for a second before he returns his gaze to the ocean. “No. I’m not a marriage kinda guy. I’m guessing you were thinking about the whole polyamorous thing.”

“Yeah,” Makoto replies. “So never?”

“Never,” Haruka confirms with finality in his voice. “I’m happy with the way things are.”

Makoto hums, and while he doesn’t sound all that surprised, he doesn’t sound disappointed, either. Haruka considers that at least somewhat of a good thing.

There’s a silence that follows, which Haruka uses to build up to what he wants to ask Makoto next. He knows it’s a sensitive subject, but they haven’t talked about it in a long time, and things _might_ have changed since. Usually, he wouldn’t be so inquisitive about such personal matters, but having been around people like Rin, Gou and Kisumi for so long has certainly led to them rubbing off on him. Of course, Haruka _does_ care deeply for Makoto, but he feels like there’s a line that goes between general concern and being outright intrusive.

“What about you two?” Haruka continues. “Have you talked about getting married? I know you’re the type. Getting married, having kids and all of that.”

Makoto doesn’t respond for a few seconds, and when Haruka looks at him, the smile on his face is a bitter one. “We have, but only a couple of times. He’s… not like me in that regard. Rin isn’t someone who settles down, and it still surprises me to this day that he’s still with me, living and working in Iwatobi when he could be elsewhere. He’s like a bird; not supposed to be caged, supposed to be free. I don’t want to tie him down with marriage and kids. And with him working in the police force now after a career in professional swimming… he doesn’t have _time_ for kids.”

“Have you asked him if he actually _wants_ any of that?” Haruka asks, and Makoto shrugs.

“I have, but he doesn’t really like giving me straight answers. I think it’s because he’s afraid of hurting my feelings.”

Haruka frowns. He knows they should’ve headed back a while ago, but he also doesn’t want to just leave things when they’re still in the middle of a conversation. He knows Gou will understand even if he doesn’t send her a message, and decides to let go of the thought.

Most of the time, Haruka thinks of Makoto's and Rin's relationship as a stable one. They rarely ever fight since they share the same opinion on most matters, but when they do, Makoto's  _still_ prone to running away from confrontations, and Rin tends to blow things way out of proportion and even blame everyone but himself when he's at at least partly at fault. It doesn't happen often, but Haruka  _has_ heard from them both when it has a few times, and if anything would threaten to shake the foundation of Makoto's and Rin's relationship, something like marriage and kids would definitely be it.

But Makoto also has a habit of saying he's fine with things even if he isn't. He lies with a smile on his lips and it drives Haruka up the wall to this day, but it's just one of those things Makoto just hasn't either  _bothered_ to try and fix, or it's something he's still working on. As long as people around him are happy, Makoto's happy, even if he'll have to sacrifice a thing or two as a consequence.

“Are you okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Giving up those things for him.”

He wonders how and _when_ he’s become the more talkative of the two, but guesses it might just be because of the situation. Of course he’s going to worry about his best friend, of course he’s going to ask Makoto if this is really what he wants, because Makoto always puts everyone else’s needs above his own. Like the issue where Makoto lies with a smile on his face, this is something that also seems to lie in his nature. Even after all these years, there are a few things that just won’t change about him. Sometimes it’s a good thing, but there are some cases where Haruka finds it to be more of a disadvantage to Makoto rather than the opposite.

“Yes, I’m okay with that,” Makoto confirms, and Haruka has to resist the urge to raise his voice in the frustration that quickly bubbles up within him.

“You make it sound like it isn’t a big deal to give up having kids and getting married.”

“That’s because it isn’t, at least not in comparison to Rin.”

They may be best friends, but there are some things Haruka will just never understand about Makoto, and this is a prime example. He sighs in resignation, and he’s sure Makoto probably doesn’t want to talk about it more than he has to. It’s obviously a sensitive topic, and Haruka almost regrets having asked in the first place. But knowing Makoto, if he _really_ hadn’t wanted to talk about it, Makoto would’ve changed the subject, anyway, and Haruka would've had no other choice but to let him.

“Makoto…”

“I’ll be fine, Haru. Really. It’s… a small price to pay.”

Haruka sighs. “If you say so.”

“We should probably ask where the other are, they’ve probably already been down by the stalls.”

“Yeah,” he replies. There’s no use in continuing to talk about this since it’ll probably just make things worse, even if Haruka’s intent is the opposite. And since he doesn’t quite know how to deal with it, not wanting any of the things they’d just discussed, Haruka knows all he can do is take a step away and leave it.

Haruka texts Kisumi and lets him know they’re allowed to come up and join them for the fireworks show, and it doesn’t take them long to show up with both snacks and drinks for everyone.

“Everything okay?” Sousuke asks Haruka, and he nods.

“All good.”

“You guys hungry?” Gou asks, showing a white plastic bag, and Haruka beelines over to her, which makes her laugh. “Guess that’s a yes.”

“What’d you get?”

“There’s sweet rolled omelette, candied chestnut with sweet potatoes—“

Haruka groans, interrupting Gou. “Sweet stuff, I should’ve known. I prefer festival foods.”

“Don’t despair just yet, Haru,” Kisumi singsongs. “We got chicken and veggies, and also sushi, too.”

“Fine,” Haruka grumbles, and Sousuke looks over at Rin, sighing audibly.

“Has he _always_ been this picky with food?”

Rin and Makoto share a look, and then Rin laughs. “You have a lot left to learn about your boyfriend, Sousuke. Well the _shortest_ one.”

Haruka glares daggers in Rin’s direction, but quickly loses interest in what’s going on as food is currently more interesting and important to him. Thankfully at least Kisumi seems to be on his side this time as they begin walking back home, snacking on various foods.

“We can’t lose Sousuke to them,” Haruka says. “You have a responsibility in trying to keep him in our garden.”

“Are you equating our boyfriend to a dog?”

Haruka turns his head to look at Kisumi, but he doesn’t say anything, because he knows he doesn’t _need_ to.


	13. haruka | without a hitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka experiences something new.

The first thing Haruka notices when he wakes up is that there’s _space_ behind him, and he can move around a bit in his queen-size bed. The second thing is that Kisumi’s sharp chin is digging into his skull, and he fears he might’ve been drooled on. Good thing he’s getting a shower first thing when he gets out of bed.

Neither of them obviously have work with the New Year’s holiday going on until the fourth, so it isn’t as if Sousuke’s gone off to the hospital or anything. Haruka feels his fingers itch for a pen or a paintbrush less than two minutes after waking up, and he realises he hasn’t actually been painting or drawing in a while. It’ll be a good way to spend the day at least, he figures, so he gets out of bed as quietly as he can to take a shower.

“Welcome back from the dead,” Gou greets him from the living room when he walks out, and he flinches at the sudden sound of her voice.

“ _Jesus_ , you scared me. Where’s Sousuke?”

“Rin dragged him out of bed about an hour ago. Well, figuratively. Surprised you didn’t notice his phone going off.”

Haruka frowns. Now Gou’s remark about being back from the dead makes sense; there’s no way he _wouldn’t_ have noticed Sousuke’s phone ringing and then him leaving. “Dragged him out for what? To finally kick his ass?”

Gou snorts into her mug. “Oh, I wish. Don’t tell Sousuke I said that. They went down to the communal pool, apparently.”

Haruka hums. “Glad Rin didn’t try to bring me.”

“I think you owe Makoto thanks for that.”

“I probably do, huh.”

He takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth, and then goes out to make breakfast, only to see that there’s already breakfast in Tupperware containers on the kitchen counter. “Did you make this?”

“Of course I did,” Gou replies. “There’s enough for the both of you.”

Haruka walks over to her with a towel still around his shoulders, and kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks.”

When he’s plated up food both for himself and Kisumi, the sleepyhead he calls a boyfriend finally decides to drag his feet out of the bedroom and into the living room where Gou sits on the couch.

“And there’s the last one. I expected this from Kisumi, but _you_ , Haru?”

Haruka shrugs. “Sometimes I just need to sleep in, it’s not that big a deal. There’s breakfast out here after you’ve showered,” he directs towards Kisumi, who offers him a sleepy smile, and he yawns as he walks into the bathroom.

“I take it back; _he’s_ the zombie,” Gou says as she gets up to go sit opposite Haruka at the table instead. Haruka snorts.

“I’ve been promoted from a zombie to an actual living human? How flattering.”

Gou smiles sarcastically, supporting herself on her elbows. “So how was sleeping in the same bed as _two_ people last night?”

“It would be okay if Kisumi could actually sleep like a normal person. I think I have bruises, didn’t really check but it sure feels like I do. Oh, and Sousuke is a human furnace I'll definitely benefit from during the winter months. Gladly we didn’t sleep in Sousuke’s bed, his is smaller.”

“Wouldn’t know.”

Best case scenario, Haruka figures, would be that if they decide to sleep together all three of them, they should do it at Kisumi’s place. His bed is the same size as Haruka’s, but at least that’d give Gou more peace and quiet. He knows she probably isn’t too fond of having _three_ men sleeping in the room next to hers, so he makes a mental note to talk to the others about this.

Kisumi emerges from the shower, and the first thing Gou does when she sees him is laugh, which surprises both men, Haruka’s hand still mid-air holding his chopsticks.

“What?”

“You… you just look so different with your hair down like that. You shrunk in size. I bet you’re a _lot_ shorter than Makoto now, and not just a little.”

Kisumi huffs. “Thought you guys loved me. This is bullying.”

“I should tell Makoto to start spiking his hair,” Haruka mumbles, and Gou laughs again.

“Give the man an electric guitar and a microphone while you’re at it; I can handle the eyeliner.”

Haruka hums, smiling. "Seriously, I think he'd have the voice for it, if nothing else."

After a light breakfast and his hair having returned to its normal state, Kisumi washes up as thanks, gets himself dressed and heads out for a lunch with his brother, who’s apparently back in town for New Years. Haruka and Gou resort to parking their asses on the couch and watching TV.

It feels like they haven’t done this in forever, Haruka realises. Just hanging out doing nothing more than watching TV, not needing to fill the silence between them with meaningless small-talk or anything. He’s glad that they were able to go back to the way things used to be, even if it isn’t _exactly_ like back then. Haruka would even say that it’s better than back then, because now they’ve at least combed out a few knots in their relationship.

Sousuke and Rin return around noon, and the four go out for lunch at a nearby sushi place, one of the few restaurants keeping open during holidays. It’s evident that Sousuke and Rin have bonded pretty quickly, and Haruka only sees it a good thing, finds it relieving. Since the two got off on the wrong foot even before having _met_ , this is a good development.

The New Year weekend ends, and they all return to work, to ‘real life’, as Kisumi had put it. Being back in the restaurant kitchen feels a little odd, but Haruka does appreciate the hustle and bustle that comes with it. While he does enjoy just lying on the couch with Gou and watching TV, there’s little that can beat coming home after a day at work feeling like he actually _accomplished_ something.

He slowly lets himself get accustomed to Sousuke and Kisumi, having both of them around at the same time, being allowed to _be_ with them at the same time. To think that there was an option for him to date them both, to care for them with an equal amount—it’s the best kind of relationship loophole Haruka could’ve ever hoped for. And despite their slightly inconvenient living situations for such a relationship, they make it work. They don’t sleep together all three all that often, which Haruka’s actually kind of glad for.

“What if Rin takes him away from us? They hang out a _lot_ , you know,” Kisumi mumbles into Haruka’s hair. Haruka scoffs.

“Makoto would be devastated, and Rin is a wimp. He’d never be able to do that to Makoto, let alone _want_ to.”

“You’re right; nothing to worry about. Maybe we should ask them to join in on our little arrangement? I have to admit… I’m curious about what Makoto’s like.”

Haruka raises his eyebrows, tilting his head back to look up at Kisumi. “You two are enough for me to handle—do you expect me to take on Makoto and Rin _too_? Think again. Leave them be, they’re perfectly fine where they are.”

He thinks back to what he and Makoto talked about back at New Years, how Makoto essentially gave up on a dream in order to fulfil another one. Haruka’s never really experienced anything like that before, so he can’t say he knows how Makoto feels. But he _does_ know that this is typical of Makoto to do. To put other people’s needs before his own, to basically count himself out of the equation of happiness most of the time. Considering other people’s happiness as his own… it’s just one of those things Haruka will never understand about his best friend no matter how hard he tries.

“I know; it was a joke. Mostly. They’re the power couple that’ll outlive us all, I’m sure of it.”

“You’re not very confident in us, I see,” Haruka replies as he takes Kisumi’s hand and kisses his knuckles, and Kisumi shakes his head fervently.

“Of course I am! I’m just saying… those two have been through a lot, and they’re still together, stronger than ever.”

Haruka hums, deciding not to say anything. He looks up at the ceiling fan that isn’t in use, at the motionless fan blades, and thinks about how much they resemble winter as a whole. Nothing lives, moves, breathes life into things. And yet he’s currently feeling happier than he has in  _years_.

Strange how that works.

 

* * *

 

“After all this time, I’ve never even _been_ in your car. Explain.”

“What, did you expect us to have sex in here or something?” Sousuke snorts.

Haruka gives his boyfriend a tired look. “Look, I may have sex on couches and the occasional washing machine, but a car is a bit… too much. ‘Sides, I’m not an exhibition—you know what, this is beside the point. Do you use the car park behind the apartment building?”

He’s just been picked up from work; Sousuke having just headed from work himself. Gou doesn’t get off work for another hour, and apparently she’d just told Sousuke to go instead of wait around for her like a dog. Haruka liked that comparison, especially hearing Sousuke grumble it out.

Haruka normally doesn’t mind the ten minute walk he takes to and from work unless it’s cold and thick snow on the ground, at which point he just takes the bus instead. But it’s a nice bonus having a boyfriend who owns a car who can pick him up when their work schedules don’t clash, which isn’t all that often to begin with.

“’Course. Costs me about four thousand a month to park here, so it’s not bad. Like hell I’d _walk_ all over to the hospital and back. Or worse, take the bus.”

Haruka rolls his eyes and leans back against the seat. “It’s a nice car. Expensive?”

Sousuke shrugs. “Dunno, probably not. Got it from my old man as a graduation gift, but it feels like it was more of a way for him to get rid of another one of his vehicles. Can’t complain, it takes me wherever I need to be.”

They don’t know that much about each other’s families, Haruka realises. It isn’t something he’d normally bring up since he doesn’t _think_ about his family all that much. And it might just be him projecting his own image of his family, but he has a hunch Sousuke doesn’t get along all that well with _his_ family, either.

“Oh, I talked to Kisumi during lunch today,” Sousuke says as he’s parking outside their building. “He wants us over for dinner.”

“All of us? Or just you and me.”

“Just us.”

Haruka hums. “Sounds like he wants sex.”

Sousuke laughs at that. “Probably does. We going?”

“Sure, I could do without cooking tonight, anyway.”

“And you wouldn’t say no to sex.”

“Of _course_ not. Thanks for the ride.”

He sees Sousuke grin in the corner of his eye and immediately regrets thanking him. “Don’t thank me yet, Haruka.”

“Asshole, I knew you’d say that.”

It almost feels like he’s about to go on a date with the preparations he makes, even if it’s just taking a bath and getting dressed a _little_ nicer than his usual stay-at-home wear. The only time Haruka recalls having been over for Kisumi’s for food was having take-out after sex. Things are so vastly different now from then, and he knows just from what Gou’s told him that he _won’t_ be treated to chow-mein or sushi tonight… unless it’s homemade.

He meets Sousuke by the lift at a quarter to six after Gou’s ran her fingers through his hair like a makeshift hair comb a hundred times, like it actually _is_ a date, and his heart _does_ skip a beat at the sight of his boyfriend. It feels so different from when they usually meet, like he’s falling all over again, and he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know _how_.

“You look good,” he says, but he can’t help but imagine pushing Sousuke up against the wall inside that lift and letting his fingers explore the skin under his button-up shirt. _He probably smells good, too_.

“Thanks. And likewise,” Sousuke says, taking the few strides to close their distance and pulling Haruka towards himself. He plants a kiss on Haruka’s head, and Haruka sighs in contentment. How about that; Sousuke  _does_ smell good.

Sousuke leaves his car in the car park for the evening, and the two take a taxi over to Kisumi’s instead of walking the fifteen-minute walk over there. Haruka normally doesn’t consider Iwatobi that big of a town, but when it comes to making his way to and from Kisumi’s apartment, it’s a completely different story.

Kisumi, of course, greets the two with a smile brighter than the sun that makes Haruka squint _again_ , and he kisses them both on the mouth. Something Haruka _still_ has to get used to.

“Glad you could make it,” Kisumi greets them. “Come in!”

“You know,” Haruka murmurs to Sousuke as Kisumi lets them in before returning to the kitchen, “I used to see Kisumi’s ultra-happiness as something annoying most of the time. But now I realise that we probably need that.”

“Because you and I aren’t even half of what he is,” Sousuke fills in with a snort. “Yeah, sounds about right. We could definitely use it.”

They walk into the living room and sit down on the couch, making themselves right at home as they listen to Kisumi humming by the stove, Sousuke barely able to contain his laughter. Kisumi _is_ chock-full of happiness, more so than Haruka’s experienced during the entirety of his childhood, and he’s glad for that, even if it _can_ be annoying sometimes.

“Man,” Sousuke sighs, the laughter threatening to spill through his lips apparently having died down. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast… I’m so hungry I could—“

“—eat a horse? Sorry, that ain’t what we’re having tonight,” Kisumi interrupts as he emerges from the kitchen. “Why don’t you come in and see for yourself?”

“That was fast,” Haruka says, raising his eyebrows in slight wonder and shock. Kisumi waves him off.

“Oh, silly, I’d been cooking for a little bit _before_ you came.”

They’re seated at Kisumi’s kitchen table, which is a white, round table accompanied by chairs dressed in black cloth with _really_ soft cushions. Kisumi pours them red wine, which Haruka didn’t even have to _guess_ they’d be served, because he could smell the tomato sauce and the basil the second he walked into the apartment.

So _this_ is what Gou’s been raving about. Haruka’s never actually _had_ Kisumi’s food before, which kind of makes him feel bad since Kisumi’s eaten his food before. The only thing Haruka really did here before they started dating was to have sex with Kisumi and then leave. But now he’s here for dinner, to just _hang out_ with Kisumi, and things are just in general completely different from back then.

He wonders if he could even say they’ve _matured_ a bit since then.

There’s pasta, what looks like homemade meatballs, tomato sauce, and basil plated neatly in pasta bowls in front of them, and the amazing smell of it makes Haruka’s stomach rumble. Sousuke’s quick to try the food out, and the sounds that come out of his mouth are moans that sound more genuine than any of the sounds Haruka’s ever heard from him in the bedroom.

“I really have to step up my sex game,” Haruka mutters before he shoves a fork full of pasta into his mouth. He raises his eyebrows _again_ , and can’t help but hum in contentment. Kisumi laughs.

“Glad you like it.”

“Just told Haruka I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast,” Sousuke says before taking a sip from his glass of wine. “And I’m glad that this is my lunch slash dinner. Really.”

“Guess you’ll have to keep me around, then,” Kisumi jokes, and Haruka snorts.

“So how come you’re so good at cooking Italian?” Sousuke asks. Haruka’s eyes widen when he glances down at Sousuke’s already half-empty bowl.

Kisumi shrugs. “Dad used to own a restaurant, sold it off when he retired since no one else in the family wanted to take over after him. I got my knowledge from him.”

Haruka’s still so goddamn sure they’re all gonna be having sex by the end of the evening that he’s constantly surprised when they _aren’t_ stumbling into Kisumi’s bedroom while making out on their way inside. How would that even work with _three_ people? He feels bad that this is what he’s expecting when he’s around Kisumi—not that his last encounter with Kisumi had gone much different from the ones pre-relationship—but it’s something that’ll probably change with time.

Not that Haruka _minds_ the sex, of course.

He _does_ enjoy just sitting there listening to Sousuke and Kisumi talking, occasionally jumping in with something of his own. It gives him an opportunity to get to know Kisumi like he hasn’t before, even before they became friends with benefits, and the same thing goes for Sousuke.

“So tell me your secret,” Kisumi says as he leans closer to Sousuke on the couch. “You’re a swimmer, right?”

Sousuke’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “How’d you know? I mean, I _used_ to be a swimmer, but how?”

Kisumi claps his hands once in excitement. “I knew it! It’s the muscles.”

“He does have _amazing_ back muscles,” Haruka sighs. “It was obvious.”

“Guess you're right, Haru; I should've known. So, _was_ a swimmer?” Kisumi continues. “You two might be even _more_ similar than I originally thought. Care to share?”

Sousuke downs the rest of the wine in his second glass, shrugs, and leans back against the couch. Haruka takes the opportunity to lean against his shoulder. “I was on the swim team throughout high school, but when people started nagging about going professional and applying for sports scholarships so I can get a full ride at whatever university I wanted to attend… I realised it wasn’t what I wanted to do, so I went down a different route instead. That’s it, really.”

Kisumi hums, and gets up from the couch. “So we’re the weird half of the group who _didn’t_ pursue anything similar to what we did in high school, whereas Makoto, Rin and Gou-chan actually went through with it. Well, to be honest, basketball probably wouldn’t have been fun in the long-run for me, either. I’ll be back in a few—just want to take care of the dishes now so I won’t have to do that tomorrow.”

 _Priorities in order_ , Haruka thinks approvingly. When Kisumi disappears into the kitchen, Haruka feels Sousuke shift a bit, and he turns his head to look up. “So what happened to _your_ swimming career?”

Haruka blinks slowly, and then sighs before slowly sitting up. The wine is only just now setting in, and he’s glad he’s sitting down. “Long story. I used to like swimming, got pressured by _everyone_ around me to pursue a dream I didn’t have, and then I just decided I didn’t wanna have anything to do with competitive swimming ever again. Still don’t.”

Sousuke runs his fingers through Haruka’s hair. “Sorry ‘bout that, must’ve been tough.”

“The _decision_ wasn’t tough to make, but dealing with everything else was. I got out of it at the right time. It wasn’t for me, but it was for Rin.”

“So I’ve heard.”

They let the somewhat heavy air between them dissipate as they listen to Kisumi humming to himself in the kitchen again. It’s a weird but adorable habit, Haruka thinks, and when he glances up at Sousuke, he detects a very tiny smile tugging at the corners of Sousuke’s lips.

Kisumi returns from the kitchen, sitting down next to Sousuke on the couch. As he’s placed his wine glass down on the coffee table in front of them, Sousuke leans over, and kisses him slowly. Haruka holds back a laugh at Kisumi’s slightly shocked expression.

“Thanks for dinner, Kis.”

 _Now_ he gets it. “Oh, you’re welcome, Sou.”

“Me too,” Haruka slurs, and sits up properly to get off the couch. Sousuke snorts.

“You doing okay?”

 _If_ he is. Haruka knows what he’s doing, that isn’t the problem. The wine might help him achieve what he’s ultimately trying to do, sure—but he’s perfectly aware of what’s going on. He’s been patient since he walked inside Kisumi’s apartment, but all he can think about now is _really_ wanting a good fuck. So before Kisumi has the chance to ask him what he _is_ doing, Haruka wobbles over and straddles him, putting his hands down on either side of Kisumi for support.

“Hi, Haru,” Kisumi smiles widely, his voice sounding like a sigh of relief. “Good to see you.”

“Thanks for dinner,” Haruka replies before he leans in and kisses him, immediately tasting wine and feeling like it might make him completely drunk. Not that he’d mind, of course.

Kisumi’s quick to reciprocate, and he places a hand on Haruka’s hip, keeping him in place. He gasps into Haruka’s mouth when Haruka decides to give a slow but hard thrust against an already growing erection in Kisumi’s trousers. With the fingers of one hand tangling in the curls he finds on the nape of Kisumi’s neck, his other hand reaches in between them to unzip his boyfriend’s jeans.

“Haru,” Kisumi moans against his lips. “Don’t you think we’re being a little rude?”

Haruka breaks the kiss, looking over at Sousuke, and then turns back to Kisumi. “If he wants something, all he has to do is ask. Why are you wearing jeans? Didn’t you invite us over for sex?”

Kisumi smiles innocently. “Was it that obvious?”

Sousuke puts a hand behind Kisumi’s head and pulls him close, not dignifying him with an answer—at least not a verbal one. Haruka takes the opportunity Sousuke gives him to slide off Kisumi and get down on his knees in front of him instead. Thankfully there’s a carpet under his knees to save him from having sore knees in the morning.

“Next time, I cook,” he says as he pulls Kisumi’s cock out and gives it an experimental lick at the tip. Kisumi jumps a little, but he stays put, and the little noise he makes is muffled against Sousuke’s lips. “Because now I know what to expect as thanks for dinner. And I’ll be wearing sweatpants.”

While Haruka’s slowly sucking Kisumi off, he feels fingers twist in his hair, and he lets his eyes shut as he swallows Kisumi deeper.

“Fine w— _ah_ —with me,” Kisumi gasps. “Sou… I want to fuck you. Really bad.”

Haruka takes his mouth off Kisumi’s cock, glaring up at him, though he _is_ kind of glad Kisumi decided to include Sousuke, after all. “Don’t you dare leave me out of this.”

“I’ll get you off, don’t worry,” Sousuke says. Just get me a pillow.”

Haruka wonders to himself how he’s never partaken in a threesome before, how he’s never experienced something as wonderful as seeing Sousuke between himself and Kisumi, on all fours on Kisumi’s living room carpet with a pillow under his knees as he’s giving Haruka one hell of a blowjob whilst being fucked from the behind by Kisumi.

Usually being full of unrealistic and outright weird ideas, Haruka really has to give it to Kisumi this time, because while this isn’t something he could’ve ever come up with himself, he’s glad someone else did.

He runs his fingers through Sousuke’s hair, and Sousuke moans around his dick, causing small vibrations that in turn send a chill down Haruka’s spine. “You really are a man of your word, Sousuke,” he breathes. “You’re… really good.”

Sousuke hums in response and quickens his pace a bit, but then he moans loudly and takes his mouth off far too soon. Haruka doesn’t understand _why_ until he notices Kisumi’s leaning closer to him, putting a finger under Haruka’s chin to bring him in for a kiss.

“ _Shit_ , Kis,” Sousuke wheezes. “If you’ve got more coming, you’re not human.”

Kisumi laughs softly against Haruka’s lips. “All out of dick. You okay?”

“Oh yeah, not complaining,” he replies before he takes Haruka’s cock in hand. “Fucking _great_.”

It culminates with three men lying sprawled out on Kisumi’s living room carpet, gasping for air like two of them _don’t_ still have swimmers lungs despite it having been years since either of them swam competitively, and actively used said lungs to that extent. Kisumi surprisingly enough recovers before the others, and he gets up to dispose of his condom. He comes back and bends down, still completely naked, to kiss Sousuke on the top of his head. Well, that's what he _aims_ for, but he ends up kissing the side of it instead.

“I’d say that went off without a hitch,” he says, and Haruka barely musters a snort from where he lies with half his face down in the carpet.


	14. kisumi | doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisumi thinks about quitting his job, and Makoto makes him realise that his worries aren't as unimportant as he thinks they are.

Sometimes he thinks about quitting his job. It’s mostly a tickling thought, one that only flirts with him briefly before it either fucks off on its own before he has a chance to realise what it is, or he’s chasing it out the door himself. He’s almost thirty, and while that isn’t _super_ old, at least to himself and many around him, Kisumi knows it’s probably a little too late for him to change his mind, switch gears and dive into a different business.

PR keeps him on his feet. Keeps him from becoming a social recluse, which in and of itself is a recurring and tempting thought, and it does pay his bills every month, giving him enough to not have to eat instant ramen for dinner. But he wonders if it’s really what he wants to do with the rest of his life, sometimes. Wonders if maybe his dad had been right about ‘food running in his veins’. He does _like_ cooking, enjoys cooking for others more than he does for himself, and it gives him far more freedom than working with the press and writing news releases does.

He does enjoy it. But _sometimes_ , Kisumi thinks about quitting his job and doing something else for a living. Boy, would his father react in a negative fashion if he were to actually go through with it; not like he hasn't already disappointed his father in not taking over the restaurant. His father said it was fine, but Kisumi knows deep down it really wasn't. He'd rejected an offer that was more of a request, a stretched out hand asking for help, and Kisumi had simply rejected it in favour of doing his own thing.

“I don’t wanna say ‘I told you so’, but I’m gonna anyway. Backup plan, I called it.”

Kisumi smiles, shaking his head. “I’m not saying it’s for _certain_ , Gou. It’s just… something I think about every now and then. Maybe a little more often than that.”

Gou sips on her drink before setting it down on the table again, but she looks optimistic as ever, still. It suits her, this kind of optimism, now that they've both gone through a lot that resulted in their most common perspective being the opposite. Right now, though, Kisumi wishes she'd just be realistic instead, tell him he's an idiot for thinking about quitting his job and doing something else when this is all he knows now. “Well, if you _do_ decide to quit and get into the restaurant business, maybe you could try and get a job at Haru’s restaurant? I’m sure he could work you in somehow.”

“You know the saying how you shouldn’t work with your significant other or you’d go insane, or however that goes? Sure we aren't married, and maybe _I_ won’t be the one to get tired, but Haru probably would.”

“Don’t say that,” Gou chides, and lightly slaps him on the arm. “It’d make work less tedious. For the both of you, I think. Or you could look elsewhere; I’m just saying your chances might be bigger at Haru’s restaurant since you know one of the people who work there.”

Like his thoughts about leaving the public relations business, Kisumi keeps Gou’s words tucked in the back of his mind. He doesn’t consider it important enough to the point of talking to Sousuke and Haruka about it, so he doesn’t.

There’s a lot to take into consideration regarding a change of career; not just the obvious thing like how vastly different those two careers are from each other, but salary-wise and the work environment he’d be put in. He can’t really complain about his current work environment, but he feels like he’s gotten used to it, like he could use a change of _scenery_ , if anything.

Haruka greets him into an apartment where Gou isn’t around, and the opportunity that presents itself to him is one Haruka takes before Kisumi’s fingers even manage to grace it. He’d been on his way home from work when he decided to get off his bus four stops earlier, and pay a surprise visit to Haruka. While he doesn’t mind planning things ahead, like calling and making sure people are actually free, he finds being spontaneous more fun.

“Did you know Sousuke stress-smokes?”

Haruka hums. “So _that’s_ what that was. Do you know why?”

Kisumi shrugs. “He only admitted it to me the other day. I think he’s ashamed of it, so I didn’t snoop further. Only happens every once in a while, though.”

“Not that I mind. Do you?”

“Nah,” Kisumi says, and sits up in bed. He hadn’t even considered it up until Sousuke had come clean to him about it, but only because Kisumi took for granted that it was because others smoked around him, and that the smell of smoke clung to his clothes as a result. “He’s a grown-ass man, he can do whatever he wants. As long as he isn’t doing drugs and keeps it on a ‘strictly when stressed’ level, I’m fine with it. Don’t really wanna kiss an ashtray, if you know what I mean.”

Haruka scoffs, but Kisumi sees him smiling. “Yeah, I guess I’m of the same opinion.”

He finds the openness of their relationship liberating, in a way. How they’re all allowed to do whatever they want within reasonable, but not strict, limits. It’s really all about trust, Kisumi figures. The biggest surprise to him had been Haruka being completely okay with the idea of being tied down to someone, even if it’s _two_ people.

Haruka’s always been one Kisumi saw as a free person, as someone who was his _own_ person. Kisumi knows that’s mostly because of his negligent upbringing with his parents being absent for the majority of his childhood, but it also probably has a lot to do with personal growth, too.

 

* * *

 

Deadlines keep Kisumi working late the entire last week of January, and he’s glad Rin had called out a ban on giving him something for his birthday, because Kisumi wouldn’t have had time to get him something, anyway. From what he’s heard from his boyfriends, it seems like they actually obeyed Rin and didn’t get him anything, either.

Rin’s birthday falls on a Friday, so Kisumi decides to clock out an hour earlier than normal so he can have time to at least _chill out_ a little at home before heading over to Makoto’s and Rin’s. He normally doesn’t take the time to take a long bath, and when he sinks into the tub of hot water that fogs up his bathroom mirror, Kisumi sighs in relief and promises himself he’ll do this more often from now on.

When he’s in the bath with nothing else to do, his mind drifts towards quitting his job again. He thinks about the freedom it’d give him, but also worries that it might be too _much_ of it. He often spends late evenings and nights working on press releases and other boring, text-heavy things that take far more time than they should, so imagining himself without it is definitely strange. At the same time, Kisumi can’t deny that working in a restaurant with more creative freedom _is_ tempting; a nice thought, if anything.

After deciding on a white and red-striped three quarter-sleeve shirt, Kisumi chooses a black knitted sweater to go with it, and then he makes a call to the one person he knows who would actually answer her phone, to see what her status is.

“ _Just leaving the apartment_ ,” Gou informs him as he’s doing the same thing, locking the door behind him before he heads down the stairs. “ _Any word from the others?_ ”

“Nothing,” he says. “Does Haru work tonight?”

“ _No, unless he’s been forced to stay. I’m sure he’d let us know, though. I’ve been on his ass about that several times, so he knows to properly stay in touch._ ”

Kisumi laughs. “I’m glad _that's_ changed over the years. When are you gonna be there?”

“ _Ten minutes at most. Meet me outside_.”

It takes him a little _more_ than ten minutes since his bus gets stuck at one point, but Gou is definitely waiting for him outside Makoto’s and Rin’s building when he half-jogs up to it.

He flashes Gou an apologetic smile and kisses her on the cheek, slightly out of breath. “Did you wait long?”

“Thankfully no. Come on, it’s cold.”

They’re the first to arrive out of the four guests invited, and are seated in the living room with Makoto being their so-called entertainer while Rin slaves away in the kitchen. If Kisumi didn’t already know they’re here to celebrate Rin’s twenty-seventh birthday, he’d just mistake it for a regular dinner with the lack of gifts and birthday-esque decorations around the apartment.

When all six are gathered, dinner finally commences, mostly to Makoto’s delight who hadn’t had enough time for lunch.

“You know,” Sousuke says, “you’re not supposed to cook on your own birthday, Rin. You should’ve let any of us do it.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “So you’re an old-fashioned guy, huh. I’m cooking because you’re my guests, and because I still don’t trust my boyfriend enough to cook for me. Or us.”

“You’d think he doesn’t love me,” Makoto says to Sousuke sitting next to him in a loud whisper, and Sousuke snorts into his glass.

“What about your mother?” Kisumi asks. “Doesn’t she want to celebrate your birthdays?”

“Oh, we will. Gou and I are going over to her house tomorrow evening when _she’ll_ actually cook. So I don’t _always_ cook.”

Gou lets out a dry laugh. “Not always, but eight times out of ten, the other two times reserved for the ladies in your life.”

It’s nice to have everyone gathered like this, hanging out, especially now that Sousuke’s a part of the group, too. Since they don’t get together that often, it makes occasions like these all the more special. There was a time when gatherings like these were far more unlikely, at least where Kisumi himself would be included, so that probably factors into why he treasures these moments so much.

“So who sleeps in the middle? It’s gotta be Haru, right?”

“Why, because I’m the smallest?” Haruka asks from where he sits in Sousuke’s lap, glaring daggers at Rin, who grins in response. “I _did_ , but only because Kisumi would kick me out of bed otherwise. Keeps me safe.”

“Hey!” Kisumi protests, bumping his shoulder against Haruka’s. “I can’t help it if I have vivid dreams.”

“He's like a dog chasing rabbits,” Sousuke says while trying to suppress a laugh, but it doesn’t work out that well for him, and within seconds, he, Makoto, and Gou are all laughing.

 

* * *

 

Kisumi gets a one-day breather on the eleventh, which is a holiday when he doesn’t have to work. The same goes for his boyfriends, so when he’s out of the shower and has had breakfast, he gives Sousuke a call. It’s a nice day out, so if anything he’d like to just get out and maybe have lunch somewhere.

“ _Kisumi?_ ”

“Sousuke,” he singsongs, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Grab Haru, let’s go out and have lunch or something. Enjoy the day off.”

“ _Oh. That’s… I’d love to, but we’re in the middle of watching a film right now. Actually watching a film, that is. Haruka’s choice. You could come over and maybe we could go out after, though?_ ”

The smile falters a bit, and Kisumi swallows a sigh. “No, you two have fun; I’ll go bother someone else. Talk to you soon.”

He almost thinks he hears Sousuke saying something before he hangs up, but he shakes his head and tells himself he’s just imagining things. He has just enough time to put his phone down in his pocket again before it rings, and he raises his eyebrows in slight shock and surprise.

“Hello?”

“ _Kisumi, hi! I called a minute ago, but the line was busy. Please tell me you’re free to relieve me of my boredom today_.”

Kisumi can’t help but laugh at the irony, but he keeps his laugh short. “Makoto, I would _love_ to. Do you wanna start out with lunch?”

The two meet for lunch at a little restaurant down by the beach. The area is pretty much dead since it’s still cold outside, but there are a few people inside the restaurant when they arrive.

“This was a good idea,” Makoto says, humming in contentment as he sips on his soup. Kisumi nods.

“It was. So why are you all alone today? Where’s Rin?”

“He and Gou-chan decided to visit their father’s grave now that the snow’s finally melting and the grave site won’t be covered in snow. What, are you saying I’d only hang out with you when Rin _isn’t_ available? I’m hurt, Kisumi.”

Kisumi smiles. “Of course not.”

Over lunch, they talk about anything and everything going on in their lives right now. Kisumi realises this is probably the first time in _forever_ that they’ve done this, just him and Makoto. He wants to blame their clashing work schedules, but knows that more than that is responsible for their lack of one-on-one interaction, even after high school ended so many years ago.

He remembers just how much he and Makoto actually have in common, something he didn’t think much about during high school or even before that when they’d been doing different sports as after-school activities. Being an adult also gives him a better perspective on things as he’s more mature. Or so he’d like to _think_ he's become, at least.

Makoto invites Kisumi over to his and Rin’s apartment for a bit after a rather long lunch, and since Kisumi doesn’t have anything better to do, he’s more than glad to accept the invite. On their way over, he considers calling Sousuke and Haruka to see if they’ve finished watching their film and maybe Haruka’s changed his mind about not leaving the house all day, but then he ultimately decides on leaving his phone in his pocket.

“What were the others up to again? Actually, I don’t think I asked.”

Kisumi leans back against the couch and sighs. “They were watching a film when I called, and Haru didn’t wanna leave the apartment all day.”

“Well, why didn’t you join them?” Makoto asks as he comes back with a beer bottle in each hand. Kisumi takes one of them with an appreciative nod, but he doesn’t know just what to say in response, because while he _does_ know the reason why, he doesn’t want to tell Makoto. How silly _is_ his reason, though? He’s probably overthinking things, anyway, and knowing how much of a worrier Makoto can be, Kisumi doesn’t want to tell him something that might just be his imagination after all.

So he shrugs, and smiles. “We don’t always have to be together all three just because we’re dating. I wanna hang out with my friends every now and then, too, you know?”

Makoto smiles back, but Kisumi sees that he isn’t buying it, and his heart sinks in his chest. He’s a terrible liar; he should’ve learnt this back when this exact same thing happened with Gou. He knows he’s got scarily perceptive friends, and boyfriends, and that it’s really idiotic for him to try and hide something from them when they’ll easily dig it out of him anyway.

“I noticed it on Rin’s birthday, too, but I didn’t wanna say anything since it isn’t really my place to do so. But I care about you, and we’re friends, so I’m gonna ignore that now. You feel left out… right?”

Kisumi swallows hard, and his smile fades slowly from his lips, straightening them out into a thin line. Why did this happen again? Why did he  _let_ it happen again? Even if he knows they’ll find out, Kisumi tries his very best to keep things like these away from his friends since it doesn’t really concern them, and he doesn’t want to cause unnecessary worry. And yet the same thing always happens.

“It’s fine,” he lies. “I’m sure it’s just temporary, like a honeymoon phase. I mean, we only just recently started dating.”

“Kisumi, it’s been two months from what I’ve heard. That isn’t ‘recently’. And yes, I get that since you’re dating more than just one person, things are vastly different from, say, the relationship I have with Rin. But the honeymoon phase should include you, too.”

Kisumi can’t help but admire how much Makoto’s grown since they were in high school, when Makoto was still terrified of confronting Haruka when he knew he so desperately needed to. Makoto and Rin dating has obviously led to the both of them changing, and as far as Kisumi can see, it’s nothing but good changes.

He laughs bitterly, and looks down at the bottle he holds between both hands. “I don’t wanna cause a rift between us since, to me, things are still so new. You make it sound like two months is a long time, but to me, it hasn’t been that long. We’re still figuring things out, and I get that maybe two people can get a little extra attached to each other. It’s just something that probably comes with these kind of relationships.”

“ _Probably_?” Makoto echoes in disbelief. “Kisumi, you need to talk to them. Communication is the most important thing you’ll have in your relationship. Trust me as someone who hasn’t always been good at it myself.”

‘Makoto learnt from his mistakes’ is what Kisumi gets by listening to what Makoto isn’t telling him. He shakes his head, sighing. “I don’t know how to talk to them about that without sounding like a dick. Like I _don’t_ want attention.”

“But you do. Why shouldn’t you sound like you want it? If you want to, I could talk to them. Or Haru, at least, since I still don't know Sousuke all that well, at least not as well as I know you and Haru.”

Looking up, Kisumi raises his eyebrows. Makoto’s looking back at him, and his expression is kind, honest. The same Makoto that Kisumi’s always known, but wiser, more mature. While he still doesn’t know Sousuke nearly half as well as he knows Haruka, it’s probably bad that he has no idea how Haruka would react if confronted about this.

“I… I don’t know,” he says. He empties his bottle of beer and puts it on the table in front of him before he leans back into the couch. “I know I sound like a kid saying this, but I really don’t want them to be mad at me. Things were going so well, you know?”

Makoto rolls his eyes. “Yeah, _were_. I’m just looking out for you, Kisumi. Offering help if you need it.”

He may need it, but Kisumi won’t really be the first one to admit he _wants_ it, even if he does. It’s something he thinks he should be perfectly capable of dealing with himself, yet here he is venting to Makoto about it like he can’t. And maybe he _can’t_ actually take care of it himself, knowing how scared he is of how his boyfriends would react.

“You know,” Makoto continues before Kisumi has the chance to talk, “you sort of remind me of myself. No offence.”

Kisumi snorts. “’No offence’? I see your self-loathing didn’t disappear over the years, even if some of your other bad habits did.”

Makoto waves him off dismissively. “I mean… you’d rather choose to suffer in silence by yourself rather than talk about it. Tell people you’re fine even if you aren’t. That kind of thing.”

“Maybe it’s something older siblings do.”

“Could be,” Makoto agrees. “So would you let me talk to Haru? I won’t throw you under the bus or anything, just tell him I noticed things at the dinner last week. It wouldn’t be a lie, at least.”

At this point, there’s no way Kisumi could really say no, because if he knows this ‘new’ and more mature Makoto right, Makoto won’t take no for an answer now that he knows more than he did before he confronted Kisumi. Even if it _is_ about his best friend, apparently.

“Okay,” he says. “I’d… love your help. Thanks, Makoto.”

“Anytime, Kisumi.”

Even though Kisumi hadn’t planned on telling Makoto about this today, let alone anyone at all _ever_ , it’s a slight comfort knowing there’s at least someone who cares.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days pass where Kisumi's very tempted to text or call his boyfriends, but in the end forces himself not to. In return, he receives nothing. He wonders what they're up to when they aren't at work, if they spend more time at Haruka's place or Sousuke's. Maybe Sousuke took Haruka home to Tokyo to introduce Haruka to his family, taking a step further in the relationship Makoto tells Kisumi he should be a part of, but doesn't feel like he is.

Instead, Kisumi immerses himself in work at a workplace he's starting to feel more and more disconnected from, doing stuff he isn't very passionate about anymore. He may like the pace and that it usually keeps him moving and not letting him be idle, but Kisumi thinks he may seek a different kind of fast-paced workplace. The restaurant idea is once again tempting, a tickling thought, but he doesn't think it's such a good idea to throw all of this away to jump into something he has no professional experience with. Kisumi cooks for  _fun_ , enjoys cooking at home for himself and people he cares about, but wonders if he'd really enjoy doing it for a living, for people he doesn't know, and for several hours on end.

He returns home from work on a Wednesday evening when he's barely had time to sit all day, and slumps down on a chair by his kitchen table with his mail in one hand, letting a sigh rush past his lips. Most of it's junk that he'll just throw out without giving it a second glance, then there are a few bills. The usual, really. Nothing ever changes.

Kisumi's thoughts inadvertently drift to Sousuke, to Haruka. Makoto's words echo in his mind, and instead of calling either of his so-called boyfriends, Kisumi calls Makoto. Maybe he'll have to regret this in the end, but Kisumi's tired of sitting around doing nothing, letting things slip through his fingers.

When Makoto picks up the phone and Kisumi hears his gentle, friendly voice greet him, Kisumi fails to keep himself together, but thankfully, Makoto stretches out a hand that Kisumi wills himself to take, and while his heart jumps in his chest as Makoto says he'll talk to Haruka and Sousuke, all Kisumi can do is acknowledge and accept. He knows Makoto will do his best to not step out of line, but he doesn't know how Sousuke and Haruka will react.

Only time will tell, he assumes, and knowing Makoto, there won't be much of it before they're given a chance to sort things out or break it off. Kisumi knew from the beginning that issues like these were likely to surface in a relationship such as the one he has with Haruka and Sousuke, but he had no idea it would feel like this, that it'd hit him so hard. What doesn't surprise him is that he's the one left out, because that's the way it's always been; back in elementary when all of the people he considered his friends left him to join the swimming team instead of his basketball team. In high school, when he attended a school far away from the others, and they never made an effort to make the distance seem smaller.

Nothing ever changes. Kisumi knows this, yet he's once again been a fool in thinking that maybe this time around it would be different.


	15. gou | permanence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gou talks to Rin about an idea she's had for a while, and meets someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a long one. well, depending on how long chapters you're used to reading. i'm not used to writing chapters of this length, so.

With spring _finally_ having arrived in Iwatobi, Rin and Gou’s trek up to their father’s grave is actually enjoyable; the sun’s shining and slowly warming them up, the seagulls have started coming out in large flocks, screeching constantly down by the beach where there are a few people walking or standing and admiring the view of the endless ocean stretching out in front of them.

Gou remembers how in years past, she and Rin barely ever spoke when they went to the grave. Not on their way there, not even on the way back. Things are so different now when they’ve grown up, and they’re talking as if they _aren’t_ headed towards their father’s final resting place.

“You got used to that hair really quick,” Rin says, glancing at Gou from the side. “Sometimes I forget, and when I see you again I have to stop and wonder who the hell you are.”

Gou rolls her eyes, smiling. “I’m glad I cut it. It’s easier to handle, for starters.”

“It suits you. I know… Dad would like it, too.”

“And not freak out like Mum did?”

Rin laughs a little. “I don’t think he would. And she likes it, you know that. Was probably just really surprising, and I don't think even you can blame her for that.”

They finally stop in front of Toraichi’s grave, and Gou kneels down in front of it to light incense sticks. It’s quiet, peaceful, just as it should be. The view from here over the ocean is as beautiful as ever, and Gou knows her father would really appreciate it if he were there to see it with them.

Gou puts her hands together in a short prayer, and barely notices Rin sitting down next to her to do the same thing, but when she opens her eyes again, Rin is there next to her, still praying. She smiles to herself. Things have certainly changed between the two over the years; having gone from being really close to distant both geographically and in their bond to each other, and now they’re closer than they’ve ever been. Things may change between them, but they’ll always be brother and sister.

 _I wish you were here now, Dad. So you could see how far Rin’s come, how far we’ve both come. I know you’d be proud_.

“Well then, Dad,” Gou says as she stands up again. “We’ll come back again soon.”

Rin bows in front of the grave, and then the two siblings start making their way down the hill again.

“There was something I wanted to talk to you about. Tell you, really,” Gou says, and Rin looks at her from the side, but doesn’t stop walking.

“Okay. About?”

She feels a little nervous, though she shouldn’t need to. It’s her own decision to make, and while it _does_ concern Rin in a way, it also doesn’t. Not that she thinks he’s going to get angry or anything, but she still can’t help but be a little nervous about how he might react.

“I’m going to get two tattoos,” she begins. “One in honour of Dad, and one for you.”

Rin’s eyes widen, and this time, he _does_ stop. “What?”

“Do you remember how Dad used to sign off his letters to us?”

It’s something she used to laugh at when she was younger because it was cute, and now she just finds it endearing. Their father wasn’t an artist by any means, but he could draw cartoon jellyfish really well, for some reason. He always drew a little jellyfish at the end of his letters, always signing off with his name below it, and Gou has saved several, if not all, of the letters her father sent and signed with those.

That jellyfish was probably just something he started drawing as a way to try and cheer up his kids while he wasn’t at home with them, but it became a standard signature for him to the point where he nearly signed a contract the same way once. She wonders just how long it had taken Toraichi to draw it; it wasn't ever sloppily drawn, and their family were never artistically inclined, so she imagines he must've put a quite a bit of effort into every single one of them.

“With a jellyfish, right?”

Gou nods, smiling at the memory. “A jellyfish and with 'Dad' in a silly scribble. Remember how I accidentally called him ‘jellyfish’ when he came home one time? He never let it go after that.”

“Yeah, well,” Rin snorts, “the real deal isn’t that nice to look at, to be honest. He if anyone should’ve known that.” His facial expression softens, and he looks almost nostalgic. “So you’re getting that tattooed in his honour?”

“I am,” Gou confirms. It's been an idea tickling her mind for some time now, but when she'd found the thing her second tattoo is based on, she knew this had to become reality. If she's thought about it for so long, it's got to mean she really wants it done.

“And what about the tattoo honouring your big brother?”

“Don’t get too full of yourself,” Gou says, bumping him in the side. “It’s… well, just see for yourself.”

An older couple walks past and greets them as they stop by the side of the road, and the two siblings greet them back. Gou digs out a little note out of her pocket before she gives it to Rin. She watches him read the note, realise what it is and when it’s from.

Rin’s always been a bit of a romantic, and maybe Gou shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d sneak her a little note. But it’s what he wrote that surprised her, because at that point, Rin had only _just_ started mending his relationships with everyone. That she’d be included wasn’t even something Gou could’ve imagined, and maybe that’s why it stuck with her, why she kept it for all these years.

 _The world only comes second to you_.

He’s always had nice handwriting, even when he was elementary school. But the note she’d been given in her second year of high school from her brother is a little different, as if he put extra effort into that short sentence alone. Despite Gou’s efforts to preserve the note, the ink has faded a bit, but at least it’s still legible.

“I can’t believe you kept this,” Rin says, his voice thicker than a few minutes ago. Gou swallows the lump in her throat, willing herself to _not_ cry. She doesn’t have time to respond that, of course she’d keep it, before Rin throws his arms around her, making it impossible for her to speak as her voice is going to drown in Rin’s jacket. “You’re the best, Gou.”

She sniffles—god damn, she _is_ crying after all—and then she smiles again. “Only after you, you sap.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Hey, I learnt from the best.”

 

* * *

 

She almost feels like a kid who was too stubborn to bring her parent in to get a flu shot as she walks into the tattoo parlour, because she has absolutely no idea what she’s doing there despite such a long time of deliberation. The only ones who know are Rin and their mother, but she wants to keep it a surprise for the others. Chiaki knows Gou’s wanted a tattoo for a while, but she probably didn’t expect Gou to actually _get_ one. Or two, for that matter.

It’s going to hurt, that’s all she knows. It’ll hurt, but how _much?_ Not that it matters; this is something she really wants to do, so she’s going to.

Gou walks inside and immediately hears rock music playing vaguely in the background. She almost wants to laugh; it’s _exactly_ like she’s seen on terrible TV programmes where people get insane and huge tattoos. Rock music playing in the background, paintings, pictures of tattooed people, and other decorations up on the walls that practically yell in her face what kind of a place it is she’s walked into.

There’s someone in there being tattooed, but it seems they’re the only one. Maybe this place isn’t so popular, after all. Gou takes some to look around the place as she patiently waits for someone to come help her. Certainly that guy can’t be the _only_ one working there.

A woman about her age walks out from the back after a few minutes, and nods in acknowledgement as she walks up to the counter. “Hey, welcome! Do you have an appointment?”

“No, I’m here for the first time, actually,” Gou says.

“Oh!” The woman squints all of a sudden, leaning closer to Gou over the counter. “Do I know you from somewhere? You look _really_ familiar.”

Gou smiles, a little confused. “I don’t think we’ve met, no. If you live around here, we might’ve seen each other, though.”

“Huh, that’s probably true. Well, I’ve got a lot of time on my hands today as it turns out, so I can help you out right away if you wanna. You got anything with you or in mind?”

Gou pulls out her little note and one of her father’s letters as reference, and the woman smiles as she looks at the jellyfish.

“Cute,” she comments, a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Your dad’s pretty good at drawing.”

“Was,” Gou says before she realises she’s just about to pour out her entire life story to someone she met literally two minutes ago.

The woman looks at her in concern, and then looks down at the letter again. “Ah. I’m sorry.”

She knows she should’ve just said something else, like making a joke or something _without_ letting a stranger know her father isn’t alive. Well, now it’s too late, and Gou’s absolutely positive this woman thinks she’s awkward to be around. Why wouldn’t she?

God, sometimes she talks too much.

“So it’s the jellyfish and this little message, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gou says, breathing out silently in relief at the needed change of subject.

“And where’d you want ‘em?”

“The little message on the inside of my left wrist, and the jellyfish,” she says as she puts her hand on her chest over her heart, “here.”

“Oh,” the woman hums. “I like that. Oh god, I’m so sorry—I’m being rude! Name’s Yazaki Aki,” she adds, stretching out her hand. A little baffled, Gou takes it.

“Matsuoka Gou.”

“Oh my _god_!” Aki exclaims. “Matsuoka… I should’ve known. Rin’s sister! I _knew_ I recognised you, you two are so similar.”

Gou nearly drops her jaw, but then smiles widely. “Yeah, I’m his sister alright. How do you know him?”

“We were in the same school a _long_ time ago. Even in the same swim club. It was him, this kid Makoto, and then Haru—“

“—Nanase,” Gou fills in, the disbelief growing exponentially. “I live with him. We went to the same high school.”

“Holy shit,” Aki breathes. “I don’t wanna freak you out, but this is either fate or some other cheesy crap. Either way… this is _so_ cool.”

“It is,” Gou says, still in a state of half-stunned disbelief.

Maybe it _shouldn’t_ surprise her that she’d eventually meet someone from her brother’s childhood days since Iwatobi isn’t a big town, and most people around here at least know each other’s faces. What does surprise her, though, is that it took this long. Maybe Aki lived elsewhere for a while and moved back?

Aki studies the letter and Rin’s note for a bit, and Gou takes the opportunity to, as discreetly as she can, steal a few glances at the woman right next to her. She’s got light brown hair in a pixie cut, and blue eyes, wearing a light grey tank top, and it’s obvious she’s doing it to show off her massive amount of tattoos covering her arms, shoulders and shoulder blades.

“You know, if you _have_ got the time right now, I could draw these out and we’ll get started as soon as possible. That okay?”

“That’d be great, actually,” Gou replies. “I took today off just in case I’d get an appointment in. Also because I _needed_ time off.”

“That stressful, huh? So what is it that you do for a living?”

“Rehab centre at the hospital.”

“Oh,” Aki says. “Then you must do a whole lot of heavy lifting, huh?”

Gou shrugs. “Yeah, but it’s manageable.”

Aki motions for Gou to follow her up to another table, where Aki pulls out a sheet of paper, continuing to talk and ask questions as she begins the process of scanning and sketching out Gou’s tattoos. Thankfully, Gou’s landed herself a _talkative_ tattoo artist, though she guesses that’s kind of expected of them seeing as tattooing takes time, but at least they aren’t really struggling to find conversation topics.

After everything is said and done, the actual tattoo process begins. Gou can’t deny the sudden increase of her heart-rate, but she tries to stay calm and collected as Aki places the thermal paper against her skin, the first one on her wrist. When she’s taken her shirt off, the second piece of paper is applied to her chest.

Gou _really_ hopes Aki can’t feel her rapid heartbeat beneath her fingers.

“Now that I know who you are and have had a chance to freshen up my memory,” Aki says as she removes the paper, leaving the templates, “I… know about your dad. Never met him, but Rin talked about him a few times. Seemed like a good man.”

“He was,” Gou replies.

“So what’s your brother do for a living now that he’s retired from swimming? Did he move back home?”

“Yeah. He works within the police force now that he’s settled down here again.”

“Oh. That might explain why I haven’t really seen him around. I’m too good to even see a police officer around town. Interesting choice after a career like that, though, I’ve gotta say.”

It is, Gou can’t deny that, but she’s really proud of her brother and what he’s accomplished in life. It used to make her feel absolutely useless in comparison to him, but these days she doesn’t really care. She’s doing what she wants to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Besides, it _is_ pretty nice to stand to the side and have Rin stand in the spotlight where she probably wouldn’t be too comfortable, anyway.

“Right,” Aki says, having prepared the ink for Gou’s first tattoo—the one on her wrist. “You ready? No turning back once you say yes.”

“I’m aware. So, yeah, I’m ready. _Really_ ready.”

“Alright! Don’t flinch if it hurts; you won’t get a refund that easily.”

Gou snorts. “I’ll try my best.”

It hurts, _man_ , does it hurt, but thankfully she somehow adjusts after a while to the point where it’s just slightly uncomfortable. Thankfully, Aki’s keeping up a conversation as she works, and it helps to distract Gou from the needle repeatedly pricking her skin.

She gets to know Aki slowly, and gets to hear her stories about Haruka, Makoto and Rin from when they were kids. While Aki practically breezes through Gou’s wrist tattoo and patches her up afterwards, the second tattoo takes longer, but hurts a little less. While both tattoos are being imprinted on Gou’s skin, the two keep talking, practically never stopping, and it’s amazing to Gou just how much two strangers can have to talk about. Maybe they technically _aren’t_ strangers, considering the fact that they know the same people.

“You know, we should all go out for beers sometime,” Gou proposes. “I’m sure they’d love to meet you again after all these years.”

“Yeah, if they’ll recognise me,” Aki laughs. “I like that idea.” The sound of the ink gun stops, and Gou looks down at her chest where Aki _still_ rests one hand by her now finished tattoo. Maybe Aki’s just too nice of a person to say anything about it, or Gou actually managed to regulate her heartbeat after a while. She _has_ been here for quite some time now, so maybe that’s actually the case.

She doesn’t dare guess, though.

“Alright, that’s it for the tattooing,” Aki says, pulling back. “I’ll just get the ointment and other stuff to patch you up again, and you’ll be good to go.”

Gou takes the chance to exhale a breath she feels like she’s held ever since Aki laid her hands on Gou the first time, which at this point was nearly two hours ago. People usually say getting a tattoo is like going through different circles of hell, and while it _has_ been true for Gou, too, she’s pretty sure her version is vastly different from what other people go through in doing the same thing.

 _The first thing I’m doing when I get back is taking a really cold shower_ , Gou thinks to herself.

“So, you and Haru living together, huh?” Aki asks, gently rubbing ointment on Gou’s chest. If she _could_ be hit by a spontaneous combustion, this would be the perfect moment.

“’S not what you think,” she replies. “We’re just flatmates.”

“Oh, huh—that’s interesting. Why just flatmates, though?”

Gou shrugs. “I see him like a big brother; I couldn’t dream of doing anything like that with him.”

“Not even a crush? I mean, you’ve known him for as long as I have. Not that I ever had a crush on him, but you know.”

“Neither did I,” Gou says. “And even if I did, he’s already taken.”

Aki looks up. “Man, things really changed, huh? Well, that’s probably to be expected… I haven’t seen him or anyone of those guys since elementary. Alright, I _really_ have to meet these guys again, I'm too curious about what they're like these days. You think you could arrange something? Wait.”

She finishes rubbing on the ointment to go put it away and wash her hands, returning with a bunch of stuff to patch up Gou’s tattoo with, and a pen. “Here’s my number,” she says as she takes Gou’s wrist that isn't tattooed, and scribbles it down. “Call me.”

 

* * *

 

She’s been told not to scratch her tattoos, to not wear tight clothing, constantly moisturise her tattoos, and an entire list of other things she must and can’t do. Aki had rambled out all of these things to her, sure, but Gou’s really glad she got a physical list to look through if she forgets something. Which wouldn’t surprise her if she did, because there’s a lot of things to think about within the next few days and upcoming weeks.

When she comes home, she’s still wearing the protective wrapping from the tattoo parlour, which she can actually shower with. So a cold shower it is, and she spends most of it with her forehead leaning against the wall and just letting the cold water continuously, and aggressively, pelt her skin. It doesn’t take long before she realises it’s _too_ cold, though, so she makes quick work of washing up before she gets out again.

Haruka comes back home around five, having finished a lunch shift, and Gou can barely contain her excitement to show him as he walks in through the door.

“I’m home,” he sighs.

“Welcome home. How was your day?”

“Same old, I guess.” She hears him shuffle around in the hallway before he trudges inside the living room to sit down next to her on the couch with an exhausted sigh rushing out of his lungs. “Yours?”

“Eventful,” Gou replies, and Haruka looks at her with a slight frown.

“Care to be more specific?”

Gou rolls up the sleeve on her big hoodie to reveal the plastic wrapped around her wrist, through which you can see the text even though the lines are surrounded by an angry red one. Haruka looks at it for less than two seconds before he gasps.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Oh my god,” Haruka almost whispers. “That’s… you… you got a _tattoo_.”

Gou snickers. “Two, in fact. The other one’s right here,” she points, “but I’ll show it to you in a few days when it’s not bandaged up and fucking painful.”

Haruka carefully takes Gou’s hand in his and examines her wrist tattoo up close. “So, I see what it says, but… what is it?”

“Rin gave me a note with this text in my second year of high school, at the very beginning of it. I think it was a way for him to apologise, even though he already had… a few times.”

“So you saved it since then? I’m… surprised. But this is also really sweet, and not something I’d expect Rin to do.”

Gou laughs. “Yeah, neither did I back then.”

“I meant, like,  _ever_.”

“Funny,” she says. “My other tattoo is… well, you’ll see when I can take this bandage off.”

She wonders how Haruka would really react to seeing her have something dedicated to a parent, seeing as Haruka hasn’t had a good relationship with either of his parents for as long as he can probably remember. She has no idea just how sensitive of a subject it is, still, seeing as they don’t really talk about his parents.

But of course, Gou knows Haruka’s going to see her tattoo and ask what it is and what it means, so for now she’ll just have to try and think of a way to tell him without dredging up too many bad memories.

“Did it hurt?”

“Like hell for the first little bit, yeah,” Gou replies, grimacing. “But you do get used to it.”

She looks down at her tattooed wrist and again resists the urge to scratch it, when she remembers the number on her other wrist. “Oh, I have to tell you something. You’re gonna freak out.”

“What is it?” Haruka asks, almost looking worried. Gou smiles.

“I met someone you used to go to school with; she was my tattoo artist. Does the name Yazaki Aki ring a bell?”

Haruka frowns again, appearing in thought for a second, before his eyes widen in realisation. “ _That_ Aki?! You’ve gotta be kidding.”

“I’m completely serious. She ‘recognised’ me because I look like Rin after I told her my name. She also wants to meet all of you guys, go for a beer or something.”

Haruka sits up straight on the couch, curiosity painted all over his face and posture. “Talk to me. What's she like?”

So Gou talks about Aki, someone she didn’t know at _all_ before she walked into the tattoo studio, and someone who Haruka knew in the past. It’s strange, certainly, but also very interesting, and it further proves just how small of a town Iwatobi is. Or it just tells her that people just don’t, or can’t, leave Iwatobi even after having lived there their entire lives.

She sends Aki a text message that evening before she heads to bed, asking if Aki’s free to go out for drinks that upcoming Saturday, and receives a response just a few minutes later that confirm that Aki’s indeed free that evening.

 

* * *

 

“Sousuke. Hey, Earth to Sousuke. Wow, _someone_ didn’t get enough sleep.”

She’s waving a vaccine brochure in Sousuke’s face to make him snap out of whatever daydream it is he’s having, and Sousuke finally refocuses his gaze on her instead. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you done soon? I’m hungry,” Gou says with a slight frown as she points to the clock hanging on the wall. The other receptionist has just come back from lunch herself, so it isn’t as if Sousuke _can’t_ go.

Sousuke looks up at the clock and nods. “Right, sure. Let’s go.”

They grab their jackets and head out the doors, walking towards their regular lunch restaurant. Gou glances at Sousuke on the way there, but chooses to save her questions for when they’re seated with food in front of them, because right now, that’s her top priority. Neither she or Haruka had enough time that morning to cook a proper breakfast since they chose to sleep in instead, so they just made toast and scrambled eggs before they both hurried out the door.

So when Gou finally gets to bite into a piece of salmon, she lets out a sigh in relief, and Sousuke snorts at her.

“You’ve got no one to blame but yourself for not having enough time in the morning for an actual breakfast.”

Gou gives him a tired look. “You’re not really one to lecture me on these things. Now, tell me what the hell’s going on with you—you’re even more out of it than usual.”

“Ha ha.” He sighs, resting his chin on a palm. “Makoto texted me last night, saying he needed to talk. So we’re gonna meet today after work. It sounded serious, but I have no idea what it could be.”

“Weird,” Gou replies, frowning in confusion. “What kinda serious thing could he have to talk to _you_ about?”

“That’s the thing—I have no idea. And I mean, yeah, we got off on the wrong foot, but we’ve become pretty good friends. Or so I’d like to think.”

Gou hums. “Then it might not be him having a beef with you, so that’s something you can rule out. Don’t freak out so much about it, it’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

Sousuke doesn’t seem _too_ happy with that response, but he shrugs and lets it go. Gou’s really surprised to hear this, though, as she has absolutely no idea what this could be about. Haruka hasn’t said anything, so that means he doesn’t know, either. She knows it isn’t any of her business, so Gou knows better than to pry and ask around.

After work, Sousuke drops her off outside the apartment. When she walks in, Gou notes that the apartment’s empty, even though it’s way past the end of lunch service and Haruka _should_ be back. It occurs to her only then to check her phone, which has been in her pocket and basically forgotten since she went into work that morning. Haruka probably rubs off on her more than she’d like.

As she’d almost expected, there’s a text from her flatmate in her inbox.

 **Haru** : _going over to makoto’s after work w/ ssk. probably back before dinner_.

 

Gou’s confusion comes back with a vengeance as she reads the message from Haruka. Sousuke hadn’t mentioned that Haruka would be going with him to see Makoto, but maybe he didn’t even know until after lunch. Now it sounds even more serious than Gou had thought it was when she talked to Sousuke about it, and she can’t help but want to know what it is Makoto could have to talk to the both of them about. Unless Kisumi’s there, too? Gou shakes the thoughts out of her head; unless they talk to her about it first, it doesn’t concern her.

She decides to take a bath since Haruka isn’t home, anyway, and takes her time in the tub before she gets dressed and begins making dinner for herself and Haruka. Most of the time, Haruka insists on cooking; not because he doesn’t particularly like Gou’s cooking, but because he feels like she owes it to her. Gou, on the other hand, feels the same way towards Haruka, so it _does_ end up with them squabbling about who’s going to cook dinner a lot.

Though, most of the time, Haruka wins. Of course.

It takes longer than she’d expected for Haruka to return home, so Gou eats by herself while watching TV, leaving Haruka’s share on the kitchen table. She still doesn’t want to call or text him since it might just take them longer to talk about whatever it is they have to talk about. She tries to think back on anything that could’ve caused Makoto to want to talk to both Haruka and Sousuke, but in the end, she can’t figure it out.

When she’s in the middle of washing up after dinner, the door to the apartment unlocks and opens. It’s almost eight, which is way later than Haruka got off work, and when Gou comes out to greet him, he looks like he’s taken on an extra shift.

“Haru?” she says cautiously. “Are you okay?”

He looks up at her, and she immediately notices that he’s on the verge of tears; eyes shiny and his lip trembling ever so slightly, as he's still trying to keep it in to the best of his abilities. She drops everything and immediately goes over to take him into her arms. “Do you want to talk about it?” Haruka shakes his head, and Gou sighs quietly. “Dinner?” Same response. “Alright, come on,” she says, and leads him towards his bedroom.

She helps an almost catatonic Haruka into bed before she quietly slips out of his bedroom and takes care of his dinner; putting it in tupperware and then into the fridge. If anything, he’s got lunch tomorrow, but Gou’s worried he might not have eaten anything since lunch today. There’s no way he _isn’t_ hungry, but if he isn’t in the mood to eat, there isn’t much Gou can do about it.

This situation sort of reminds her of what happened in high school when Makoto and Haruka had a fight. Rin had told her that he’d been greeted by a sleep-deprived Haruka at the door when he’d come to bring Haruka to Australia. To this day, Rin still regrets how he went about doing so, even though Haruka’s long since forgiven him. Several times.

The major difference between that time and what’s happened right now is that Gou basically knew nothing about what happened in high school, and while she doesn’t know what the cause of Haruka’s depressed state is this time, at least she’s a lot closer to him and the others involved.

Gou’s just about to fall asleep when she hears her door open again, so she turns her head. “Haru?”

He still doesn’t say anything, but quietly walks up to her bed and crawls in under the duvet. For the first little bit, she doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, but then Haruka embraces her from behind.

“I’ve been an idiot,” he mumbles. “I feel like I’m the worst person ever.”

Gou lowers her eyebrows into a frown. She hears on the slight wobble in his voice that he's been crying, and it makes her heart ache. “What did Makoto say?”

“I’ve—we’ve been… neglecting Kisumi. Leaving him out. We didn’t… mean to do that, it just happened. And he took it really hard.”

“Sounds like you did, too,” Gou replies in a gentle voice. “Have you talked to him, too?”

“Yeah… he was there. Of course I apologised and everything, and he said it’s fine as long as we… we think about it from now on. But I still feel bad. I can’t believe we did that to him. That _I_ did.”

Gou turns around to properly face Haruka, and embraces him again. Haruka stiffens, but quickly calms down. “I don’t have any experience of dating to offer any useful advice, but… I can’t imagine it being easy. Neither of you’ve done this before, and while I do understand that Kisumi got hurt… you couldn’t really help it.”

“Just because this is all still new to us? Yeah, sure, but it’s _Kisumi_. He was the one who suggested this thing to begin with. How could I leave him out?”

“You _both_ did,” Gou corrects, trying to sound like she isn't blaming them, though she secretly does. And how can she not? She cares for all of them a whole lot, and she knows how hard Kisumi can take things like these, and this probably wasn't any different from the last time Gou had to comfort him regarding an issue with his love life, or as it was back then, lack thereof. “And it wasn’t on purpose, right?”

Haruka shakes his head. “Of course not; I love him, too.”

Gou smiles; this might be the first time she’s heard him say such a thing about someone in a romantic manner. Haruka’s told Gou that he loves her a handful of times in the time they’ve lived together, sure—but he’s never been like _this_ with anyone.

“Have you told him that?”

“Told him what?”

“That you love him,” Gou fills in. “Obviously, if you _love_ him, you’re serious about this. It was an honest slip-up, really.”

Haruka shifts a bit, seems to mull over her words. Maybe come up with an excuse to dismiss them; it wouldn’t surprise her. “He eventually said so, too, but I still can’t help but feel like shit for doing that to him. It’s like high school all over again.”

“Haru…”

“I know it isn’t,” Haruka interrupts. “But it kinda reminds me of how I treated him back then.”

Gou slowly rakes her fingers through Haruka’s hair, and she both feels and hears his shaky breathing slowly return to normal. “Things are different now. So you made a mistake, but all you can do now is make sure you won’t do it again and make it up to him. Use your noggin.”

Haruka actually snorts at that. “You make it sound like I regularly don’t.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you do.”

“Thanks.” He sighs, and returns her hug. “I mean that, though. Thanks, Gou.”

“Sure, Haru.”

 

* * *

 

She stares at herself in the mirror as if she’s mad at herself, but really, she isn’t. If anything maybe she’s mad at herself for lacking creativity in terms of what the hell to do with her hair now that it hasn’t been long in months. It’s been months, but she still finds herself stumped at times, not knowing what to do about it to make it look a little different.

In the end, Gou gives up with an exasperated sigh and settles with just brushing through it and making sure her fringe is in place. Haruka comes out to join her, and he pats her on the top of the head.

“I thought you were happy with it.”

“I am, it’s just… not much you can do with it, you know? It just hangs there. Sure, it’s not in my way anymore like it used to be unless I put it up in a ponytail, but still.”

Haruka shrugs. “You can put it up in a very tiny ponytail, still. I mean, it _does_ reach your shoulders, just about.”

“Mmm, not something you’d wanna do for a night out. Whatever, I’ll just leave it. I have to live with my decisions, and I _do_ like it. It’s just times like these where I wish I was more creative.”

He hums, and then takes a little portion of her hair to the side in his hands. “How about a little braid on the side? I do have one of Rin’s thinner hair bands around my wrist I could use. Don’t ask me why, I don’t remember. He probably doesn’t miss it, anyway.”

Gou laughs. “Cheap option for a bracelet. Yeah, that’d be nice. See, at least you _have_ ideas.”

This is pretty much the last thing Gou has to do before she and Haruka can leave the apartment and head out to meet the others. She normally isn’t too fussy about the way she looks; only uses mascara and a thin layer of foundation at work to mask the fact that she looks like death himself—herself?—otherwise. The only time she _does_ care is when she’s going out to dance or drink with friends, and not because she’s looking to get laid.

Not that there’d be anything _wrong_ with that, necessarily—that’s just an added bonus. _If_ it happens.

Finally, as Haruka’s tied her brother’s hair band around the end of the small braid on her side, the two leave the apartment and start walking downtown. Gou’s put on a liberty blue, almost violet, dress that goes right above her knees and has thin shoulder bands. So maybe her black leather jacket doesn’t quite match, but who cares?

Aki’s waiting outside of said club when they arrive, and she quickly stomps her cigarette butt into the ground as they approach her. If it’s because she’s ashamed of being seen smoking or out of consideration for others around her, Gou doesn’t know.

“Hey, you slowpokes,” she says, greeting Gou with a hug. “And _Nanase_ … long time no see.”

“It really _is_ you,” Haruka replies in slight shock as Aki hugs him, too. “You’ve… changed a lot.”

Aki snorts. “Well, twenty years or so would do that to anyone, I bet. Do you wanna stand out here and wait for the rest or go inside?”

“They’ll find us,” Gou assures. They’ve been here so many times at this point that it’s basically become their standard hangout spot, and Gou’s been here a couple of times with her girlfriends, too. Drinks are reasonably priced and the atmosphere is great, which is all they can really ask for.

The three of them go inside to grab a table, with the possibility to extend with another table and a few chairs to accommodate all seven of them. They’ve never had this large amount of people out at once, so it’s definitely going to be interesting, not only in regards to what they’ll all be talking about that evening, but also how they’re all going to be able to sit near each other.

Sousuke and Kisumi arrive together, which is a nice thing to see; Gou knows Haruka thinks the same thing, because she does notice a slight upturn of the corners of his mouth as he sees them walk in through the doors. They order their beers and come over to greet Aki, and then sit down to wait for the remaining two.

“Gou-chan, you didn’t tell us you got a tattoo. Two, even!” Kisumi complains, his thumb carefully running over Gou’s wrist tattoo. “I’m hurt that you’d keep this from us.”

Gou rolls her eyes. “I wanted it to be a surprise, obviously.”

“I really like the jellyfish,” Sousuke says. “Did you say Yazaki tattooed these? They’re really well done.”

“I did,” Aki replies. “Thanks. And please, just say Aki. I hate formalities.”

Sousuke smiles, nodding approvingly. “We’re on the same page, then.”

There’s a distinct change in atmosphere between Haruka, Kisumi and Sousuke, Gou notes. It’s obvious they’ve talked, and that things went pretty well, because they’re pretty much back to the way things used to be. Gou just hopes their affection showed towards Kisumi tonight isn’t there just because they’ve been told by Makoto to pay more attention to him. If she knows them right, though, they’re probably just making up for what they didn’t do before.

Almost twenty minutes after the others had arrived, Makoto and Rin walk in through the door, Makoto apologising profusely on the behalf of both of them. When Aki gets up to greet them both, Rin visibly drops his jaw, and Gou can’t hide her wide smile.

“Yazaki-san—I mean, Aki!” Rin blurts. “Wow, it’s been so long.”

“Your brother,” Aki says as she turns to Gou with a tired expression, “hasn’t changed a bit. Did you know he used to call me ‘Yazaki-san’ back in middle school?”

Gou laughs at that. “I had no idea he was capable of using honorifics to begin with. This is completely new information to me.”

“Hey! I can _so_ use them if I want to.” Rin protests. “Even back then!”

 

* * *

 

It’s a little chaotic in the beginning when Makoto, Haruka, Rin and Aki all try to catch up on lost time, as well as letting Aki befriend the others, but it soon enough calms down to the point where people split up in smaller groups and occasionally jump in between.

“So you just met her at the tattoo studio?” Kisumi asks from where he lies down with his upper body on the table, drawing circles using the condensed water from one of their bottles. “Fate works in strange ways.”

“It does,” Gou agrees, “but at the same time—this is Iwatobi. We were probably going to bump into her one day, anyway. We probably have, we just wouldn’t know.”

“Surprised Haruka hasn’t,” Sousuke mumbles.

“He didn’t even _recognise_ her when we met up outside earlier. He probably _has_ seen her before.”

As had been expected from the beginning, Aki’s talking to Makoto, Rin and Haruka, and has been for probably the past twenty minutes or so. Gou’s taken the time to catch up with Kisumi and Sousuke in the meantime, which she’s really appreciated. Gou may see Sousuke at work pretty much every day, but she hasn’t really seen Kisumi all that much recently, so she definitely appreciates the time she gets to talk to him tonight.

A few too many beers for Rin later, Makoto makes the wise decision of taking him home. The childhood friends exchange numbers and promise to hang out again, and Gou waves goodbye to her drunken brother and his boyfriend as the latter practically carries Rin out the door to a waiting taxi.

“To think those two would end up together,” Aki says as she watches the door close behind them. “Honestly, if anything I thought Rin would end up with Haru.”

Haruka stares at Aki, looking beyond offended. “Do I wanna know why?”

“It was either Rin or Makoto for you, I figured,” Aki shrugs. “You were so close, that’s all. But fuck, Haru— _two_ people? How lucky are you?”

“He is, isn’t he?” Kisumi coos. Gou shakes her head at them as she smiles.

At some point when Gou's gotten a little more than tipsy yet not drunk, she thinks she hears Haruka ask Aki about getting a tattoo, and it's only confirmed by everyone else's reactions as Haruka wants Aki to be his tattoo artist. It still feels a little surreal to Gou who feels like she  _has_ had enough to drink, after all, so she gets up from her seat to go to the restroom. She’s just on her way out again when Aki walks in.

“You’ve got really interesting and nice friends,” she says. “Like, I haven’t met men this nice in _ages_.”

Gou giggles. “I do. It must’ve been nice to catch up with them again, huh?”

Aki hums. “Yeah. I’ve gotta admit, I missed those guys.”

“I’m sure they’ve missed you, too,” Gou says. “I can’t believe Haru’s getting a tattoo.”

“Yeah, that was a shock,” Aki laughs. “On the other hand, it’s easy to see he’d get influenced by you getting one.”

“I guess that’s true,” Gou agrees. “Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you. See you out there,” she adds, and as she’s about to walk out again, Aki grabs her wrist, pushing her up against the wall.

“Are you in a hurry?” Aki murmurs. “Please say no.”

“No,” Gou parrots, swallowing hard. It’s a miracle she didn’t die on the spot as rapidly as her heart-rate spiked. “Was hoping you’d ask.”

Aki leans in closer, her lips just _barely_ touching Gou’s. Gou feels lightheaded, and it _might_ be because of Aki’s perfume, it might also be because she’s had quite a lot to drink.

“Good; there’s no way I _couldn’t_. I don’t think those guys will miss us for a while. Looked like they had a bit to catch up on.”

Aki finally closes the distance between them and places her lips against Gou’s. It’s a very welcome action; if Gou didn’t know better, she’d probably done the same thing when she got her tattoo. It probably would’ve been _too_ fast of a development, she reckons. But this is definitely something she can get behind.

She reciprocates; nibbles at Aki’s bottom lip and barely holds back a smile when Aki gasps in response, pulling Aki closer towards herself so that they're flush. Someone might walk in at any moment, but it’s probably the least of Gou’s concerns right now. They probably shouldn’t take it further than this, though, since it could get them kicked out, along with the others, too, since Gou knows that her inebriated brother won’t allow Gou to get kicked out of the pub.

“Wanna ditch the guys and go back to my place?” Aki breathes between kisses. “We could always do this again. And hang out with the others, too.”

Gou raises an eyebrow in amusement. “After you.”

(Really, it’s mostly an excuse for Gou to see Aki’s ass in front of her as they leave the place.)

Before Gou has the chance to come up with an excuse for the others, Aki’s got her back. “So, we're leaving. And I’ll see you guys again soon. Really soon; this was fun.”

In the corner of her eye, Gou watches Rin’s face go through several different expressions before he lands on a mildly shocked one. Better than the _severely_ shocked she saw half a second earlier. “What, why? So soon?”

“Rin, please, take a hint,” Haruka mutters. “Have fun, I’m not waiting up. Nice to see you again, Aki.”

“Yeah, you too, Haru.”

“But what’s the sudden—“

“I want to get back to my place,” Aki says slowly and oddly calmly, “and bang your sister. _That’s_ the hurry.”

Now it’s Gou’s turn to stare at Aki in disbelief but also a weird sense of awe. Rin gets up from his chair, but Makoto keeps him in place with a hand around his wrist. Kisumi and Haruka exchange glances before Haruka snorts into his glass, and Sousuke’s just watching everything with a baffled expression without being able to utter a single word.

Sure, Rin is normally pretty slow on the ball in regards to things like these, but the alcohol is just making it worse. A lot worse. Gou actually feels sorry for him.

“Rin, don’t,” Makoto says. “Trust me, this is a fight you wouldn’t win even if you got back up and tried again.”

Rin stares Aki down before he eventually sits back down on his chair, and sighs. “Fine, okay. Go before I yell at you to use protection and make more of an ass out of myself.”

Aki snorts, and stretches her closed fist out towards Rin. “So we’re good? Even if—“

“ _Yes_ , we’re good,” Rin stresses. He does put his own fist up against Aki’s, though, and then the two leave, Rin’s angry pout being the last thing they see before doing so.

Aki can barely hold her laughter in, and as soon as they walk out the door of the pub, she lets it all out. “ _Man_ , your brother’s hilarious. ‘S he always been like that?”

“Yes,” Gou sighs, mortification slowly dissipating. “Don’t mind him, though.”

“Oh, I won’t. I kinda get that, though. Shouta—my brother—used to be the same way when we were younger.”

Gou zips up her jacket, shivering a little. She _really_ hopes it won’t be a long walk. “Are you still in contact with him?”

“Every now and then,” Aki shrugs. “He lives on Kyushu near Fukuoka and barely has time to send New Year’s cards once a year, but it’s no big deal. Oh, and if you were wondering, we’re just about there. _Shit_ it’s cold.”

Gou thanks whatever deities may reside in the heavens as she's slowly losing the feeling in her feet.

After having rounded a corner by a Seven Eleven, they walk up a short street and finally walk into an apartment building Gou has walked by maybe once or twice before. This isn’t really a part of Iwatobi she usually has any business in, as she and everyone else she knows live on the other side, as well as the hospital being in the other direction.

“It is,” she agrees after a few seconds maybe too many. “If I play my cards right, maybe you won’t be cold that much longer.”

Aki hisses through her teeth. “Don’t do that or I’ll push you up against the nearest wall.”

“You're only tempting me to keep going with that kind of threat.”

So maybe Gou can be easy to read sometimes, but if there’s anything Gou’s learnt about in the only two times they’ve actually met, it’s that Aki’s emotions and expressions are so _clear_ , apparent and right up in one’s face. Nothing you can really misinterpret. And the same obviously goes when Gou and Aki finally arrive inside the apartment, because all Gou can see in Aki’s facial expression spells out ‘sex’.

And hey, if that isn’t what she came for, what is?


	16. haruka | colours, branches and roots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka, Sousuke and Kisumi have yet another conversation about their relationship, and Haruka puts his parents' pity money to good use with Aki's help.

It’s very reminiscent of his talk with Makoto back in high school. Makoto wants to talk, as he’s let Haruka, and apparently also Sousuke, know—and Haruka wants to choose flight instead of fight. Which is probably what’s awaiting him when or _if_ he goes over to Makoto’s and Rin’s apartment. ‘When’ is probably more likely, considering who he’s dating and also going to this confrontational meeting with.

Haruka slowly chews on his lower lip, frowning as he curls up against Sousuke, who in turn hugs him a little tighter with the arm he has around Haruka’s shoulders. Sousuke smells like smoke, and Haruka's heart aches a little when he thinks about what that means, because he knows he feels pretty much the same way Sousuke does right now.

“He didn’t tell you anything?”

“No,” Sousuke says. “I know as much as you do. Or little, I guess. Why do you think it’s bad?”

“Why shouldn’t it be? I’ve known him since we could barely _walk_ , Sousuke. Makoto doesn’t jump into confrontations unless he _really_ has to, and that’s something he hasn’t always done.”

“Used to be like you, then. Rather run away from them.”

Haruka laughs humourlessly. “Pretty much, yes. That’s why I know it’s gotta be about something _really_ serious. Like... I've fucked up.”

“Hey, you weren’t the only one summoned,” Sousuke points out. “ _We’ve_ fucked up.”

“We really must have,” Haruka sighs. "Makoto wouldn't call us over for nothing."

It wouldn’t really matter if Haruka tried running away, since he’s in Sousuke’s goddamn car with a seat belt keeping him from running out, and Sousuke’s quick reflexes keeping him from unbuckling said seat belt to do such a thing in the first place. So he instead accepts things as they are, trying his best to prepare himself for something he has no idea what it is.

"Not that I'd claim to know Makoto nearly as well as you do, but I don't think he wants us to come over so he can chew our heads off. I mean, there  _was_ that first time I met him and he tried to sound threatening, but he failed spectacularly. I don't know  _what_ he'd wanna talk about, though."

"Neither do I," Haruka says, looking out the window.

Sousuke finds a parking spot a bit further down the street, and they walk the rest of the way up to Makoto’s and Rin’s apartment building in silence. The worst thing about this is that Haruka’s no longer able to predict what Makoto’s going to say or do. Growing up did a lot of good things, but this is one of those things Haruka wishes he could’ve kept. He still knows Makoto better than anyone else, but it’s obvious they’ve both changed a lot and grown up.

While seeing Makoto as he opens the door makes Haruka’s stomach drop, it’s a relief knowing Rin isn’t around for what’s obviously a very serious conversation. Rin wouldn’t necessarily joke about things or anything, but his ability to speak his often, to Haruka, provocative thoughts would definitely make it difficult for Haruka to stay on track and resist the urge to punch Rin in the face.

Sousuke and Makoto talk as if there _isn’t_ a serious conversation waiting right around the corner, and while Haruka’s glad the two have actually become quite good friends, this obviously isn’t the right time for such things. All he wants is for this to be over with so he can _stop_ developing gastric ulcers and headaches.

“I don’t wanna beat around the bush, so I’ll get right to the point.”

 _Mostly because you still prefer to stay away from conflicts but know you have to deal with them, anyway_ , Haruka thinks. Still, he's glad they aren't going to be tiptoeing around the subject for much longer, as much as he's agonising over what's to come instead of pointless small-talk that would postpone it just a bit longer.

“While I know I’m not the right one to tell you this, Kisumi couldn’t. He’s too scared of losing you both, so I took it upon myself as someone who isn’t involved in it. Kisumi feels neglected, like you’re both kind of forgetting he’s there. That there are three of you in your relationship, and not just you two.”

Haruka frowns in confusion, clenching his fists. “But we _are_ dating him, too. What makes him think we wouldn’t wanna include him?”

“You aren’t _acting_ like it, Haru,” Makoto says in a voice that he probably means to be gentle, but Haruka hears the accusing tone poorly hidden in it, and as much as he hates that it's there, he knows he probably deserves it. “How many times have you hung out with Kisumi exclusively or all three of you since you started dating? How many times have you been with just Sousuke, in comparison?”

He wants to protest, to say that he’s been treating them equally, but it quickly hits him that the last time the three of them ‘hung out’ together was when they had sex. Ever since, Haruka hasn’t been with Kisumi alone at _all_ , and this morning he'd woken up in Sousuke’s bed. Really, it isn’t that difficult for him to figure out now that Makoto’s given him the tools to do so.

“I’m—I didn’t… I didn’t mean to—“

Haruka tries to explain himself, to defend not only himself but Sousuke, too, and he fails because words are never enough for him to convey his thoughts and feelings. What would he say in their defence? That he didn’t mean to? And then what? There’s no way that’s enough to excuse his, or _their_ , behaviour. He feels like he’s right back in high school when he’d pretty much done his best to avoid the loud and in-your-face confrontation from Makoto that resulted in him being dragged off to Australia by Rin 

Even so, Haruka definitely doesn’t regret having told his original plan to fuck off despite his plan B being ‘just sex’. It turned out into something a lot better than just sex, and he _still_ blew it.

“Haru,” Makoto says, and his voice now completely lacks the accusing tone Haruka thought felt like tiny daggers shot into his chest. “I don’t blame you. How can I? I’ve never been in a relationship like the one you have with Kisumi and Sousuke. I’m just saying this because I care about all of you, and because I feel like you need to know this.”

“And because we definitely can do better,” Sousuke fills in, and he sighs. “I feel like such a fucking idiot for not realising. It wasn’t really my intent, you know.”

“I know,” Makoto says. “So tell him.”

Sousuke actually smiles, and Haruka slowly exhales, releasing his fists. It stings a bit when he does, since his nails have dug crescent moons into his palms without him meaning to.

“Thanks, Makoto. For telling us, I mean. We’ll definitely talk to Kisumi and sort this out.”

“Yeah,” Haruka replies. “Of course we will.”

The talk they have with Kisumi is a _lot_ tougher to get through. And of course it wouldn’t be that easy to get through to him; Haruka really can’t blame Kisumi for being suspicious as both he and Sousuke apologise and promise they won’t ever do this again. That they’ll get better since they’re still new to this concept—all three of them. It really doesn’t excuse what they’ve done, of course, but it’s the truth and the best Sousuke and Haruka can do.

“I knew this was a possibility when I suggested it,” Kisumi sighs, “but it still hit me. Hard. And yeah, maybe it’s ironic seeing as I was the one to  _suggest_ the whole thing to begin with, and still ending up being the one left out—“

Haruka inhales sharply, looking away, and Sousuke protests in his stead. “Kisumi, we didn’t mean to.”

“I _know_ that. I know, and I thought I was prepared for every possibility of jealousy and everything that’d normally come with love triangles since we _are_ three in a relationship, but… I wasn’t.”

“So you’re saying you might not want this after all?” Haruka asks before he realises it. He immediately regrets asking even though he _did_ want to, because he isn’t ready to hear the answer possibly being ‘no’. What would he and Sousuke do if Kisumi were to want out of their relationship? Continue dating, or break up? How would they even face Kisumi after a break-up? Is it really fair of them to continue dating each other if Kisumi wants out?

Kisumi shakes his head, and the smile on his lips is a sad one. “I love you too much to _not_ want this, to just throw this all away that we've built and are _still_ building. Of course I want to be with you both.”

Haruka’s heart skips a beat, and he sees Sousuke glance at him in the corner of his eye. “I love you too, Kisumi,” he says. “And I’m sorry. I really am.”

He doesn’t have any excuses. Yes, he’s inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships, but he’s twenty-six going on twenty-seven years old now, and should _know_ the basics even without much experience. Haruka can’t blame the honeymoon phase, either, because as Makoto had told him and Sousuke before they left his apartment the day before, said honeymoon phase should include _all_ of them.

All he really _can_ admit to is that he’s been an idiot. He and Sousuke both. And all they can do from here on after somehow having gotten Kisumi to want to continue being with them, is to make sure he’s as much included as they are in this relationship. It’s so simple, yet something Haruka had _completely_ missed out on.

Sousuke takes the initiative to move closer to Kisumi, to scoot up right next to him on the couch and hug him. “’m sorry. Love you too,” Haruka hears him mumble, and Kisumi smiles.

“I’m glad you do.”

 

* * *

 

It feels weird meeting Aki again. Weird in the sense that almost too much time has passed since they last met at their middle school graduation, but it also feels good. Of course. Aki’s obviously changed like they _all_ have, and it’s interesting getting to know this new Aki Haruka hasn’t been in touch with since back then.

“So when did you move in with Gou?”

“Few years ago,” Haruka answers. “It was mostly because of a financial reason—would save us both a lot of money. And I really needed to get out of that house.”

Aki nods, and Haruka’s glad she doesn’t seem to need an explanation. She doesn’t know the reasons behind Haruka moving out of his parents’ house, and while Haruka _might_ have told her in a different situation, at least she doesn’t ask him of it tonight.

“I bet a lot of people thought you were dating.”

Haruka snorts. “Yeah. Sousuke is one of them.”

“Hey,” Sousuke protests. “How was I supposed to know? I’d known you for literally five minutes.”

“I was technically the one who set them up,” Gou points out. “Since I corrected Sousuke when he thought Haru was my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, yeah—you’ll never stop wanting praise for that,” Haruka says with a roll of his eyes, and Gou bats her eyelashes at him innocently in response.

Ever since Gou got her tattoos, Haruka’s been thinking more and more about getting one of his own. Maybe more, he doesn’t know, but one is a good start. And now as he’s sitting across from Aki whose arms are covered in tattoos, he gets to not so discreetly look at them and think more about actually getting inked himself.

“Hey, Aki,” he says when her conversation with Makoto seems to have ebbed out, “can I ask you something? Like, nothing creepy.”

Aki raises an eyebrow. “This is a creepy question, isn’t it?”

“I just said it wasn’t.”

“You make it sound like it is!” she laughs. “Sorry, go on.”

“Would you be willing to tattoo me?”

He’s aware a little too late that it almost sounds like a proposal, and when literally everyone in their group turns their attention to him, he clears his throat. “I don’t have a design in mind yet, but I figured I’d ask you first.”

Aki looks as surprised as the others when she leans forward on the table a bit. “I… wow. Yeah, I’d love to, of course. I can book you up for an appointment whenever you want, and we can look at some stuff together.”

The two set up an appointment for him on the spot, which is kind of odd considering where they are, but Haruka gets an appointment the following Tuesday at one o’clock, and he takes the entire day off work because he knows he'll probably need it. Haruka may not know just how much it hurts getting pricked by an ink gun a million times per minute, but he's already heard Gou's horror stories, and can make his own guess.

He knew the others would pepper him with questions about it—especially Rin—but since Haruka doesn’t know what he wants to get tattooed yet, he doesn’t say anything about it. From the looks of it, though, he seems to have sparked somewhat of a chain reaction, making pretty much everyone else consider doing the same thing Gou’s already done and what Haruka’s _going_ to do.

Haruka spends some of his break time at work thinking about what he’d want to get tattooed. If he had been about ten years younger, he’d want something that has to do with freedom in some way. Getting a tattoo and having the liberty of choosing literally whatever he wants is a kind of freedom in and of itself, he figures, and really—that whole connotation would probably just make him think back to the time when freedom was a foreign concept to him as much as he wanted to familiarise himself with it, and in the end saw freedom as the exact opposite of what the word actually means.

When he’s heading back home for the day, Aki’s tattoo studio very professionally sends him a text as a reminder that he has an appointment the following day, making it sink in even more that he’s set himself up for this. Sure, Haruka had been inebriated when he discussed this with Aki, but at the same time, he hasn’t been this sure about anything in a long time. Gou was just the catalyst, really, making him finally decide that he has to do this after so many times of briefly deliberating it.

Haruka takes his phone out of his pocket when he’s walked about three minutes away from the restaurant. He almost feels bad about visiting Kisumi, like Kisumi’s going to think he’s just doing it because Makoto scolded them over neglecting Kisumi for the past who knows how long. And while it’s true that it did help to make Haruka realise he’s been an idiot and that he hasn’t been thinking to spend time with _both_ of his boyfriends, he does obviously have a genuine interest in spending time with Kisumi.

He thinks back to when they’d talked, and when Kisumi had been the first one to say ‘I love you’. Haruka’s never said it in a romantic sense to anyone before, despite having said it countless times to Gou and probably also Makoto and Rin at some point. It really hit him when Kisumi said it, seeing that he really _meant_ it, and also knowing that he’s very much intent on sticking with both Sousuke and Haruka.

Kisumi thankfully picks up and talks like he usually does, so Haruka feels at least a _little_ better when he heads over to Kisumi’s apartment for the evening. Haruka notices that Kisumi's surprised when he embraces him, when he keeps Kisumi there for a while. He wants so badly to make it up to Kisumi, to give him all the attention Haruka's solely directed at Sousuke for the past bit. In normal cases you'd say it takes three to tango, but it takes three for a relationship such as theirs, where each person is vital to make things function properly.

And Haruka really wants Kisumi to know how important he is, to both Haruka and to Sousuke. But since he can't speak for Sousuke at the moment, Haruka speaks for himself, acts for himself. He's usually bad with words, so he makes sure to compensate with touch and affection instead. Kisumi reciprocates; kisses him back with a smile on his lips that Haruka can feel against his own, and it makes Haruka's heart race. Even if Kisumi says he's in the clear, that he's forgiven, Haruka won't believe it until he feels he's made it up to Kisumi. And he's probably got a long way to go, still.

 

* * *

 

After a somewhat awkward meeting with a confused receptionist who thought Haruka was their ink delivery guy, Aki finally shows up to guide him into a quieter part of the studio near the back. There’s pictures all over the walls of people’s tattoos—presumably Aki’s work—and then among all of them is a photo of a dog. Haruka assumes it to be hers, too.

“Find your way over here okay?”

Haruka sits down on the chair by Aki’s workbench as she goes to get out a few sheets of paper and pens out. “Yeah, it wasn’t difficult. Are these photos of tattoos you’ve done?”

“Of course,” Aki says. “I don’t want to stare at someone else’s stuff all day or I’ll start to get self-conscious, you know?”

He shrugs. “Fair point.”

“So,” Aki says as she smooths out a sheet of paper in front of her, a regular black pen in hand. “Have you thought of _anything_ you want?”

“This is probably gonna sound a little weird, but… it just makes sense. To me, I mean. I’ve been thinking about something nature-related. Was first thinking of birds, but I don’t think I’d want a bird tattoo, it's too cheesy.”

Aki laughs. “I know what you mean. Tattooed a guy years ago who wanted a cardinal on his shoulder of all things. He came back not even a year later after he’d gotten it removed just to tell me I’d been right to advise him _not_ to get it, but he’d obviously wanted it regardless. Birds aren’t for everyone. So what’d you come up with?”

“A tree,” Haruka says. “On my back, like, a _big_ tattoo that covers the entire thing. And a whole lot of colours on the leaves and branches. Like splashes of watercolour, you know?”

“Oh,” Aki hums. “I like that idea. And the roots coloured, too, right? Like colour seeping down into the roots and into the ground or something. That’d be sweet.”

Haruka nods. “Yes. Orange, blue, pink, green—the entire rainbow and those colours in between. I’m thinking of starting with red and orange down by the roots, and then sort of going by the colour scale as it goes further up. You know?”

Aki immediately begins sketching the outlines of a tree; wide at the base with a few stray roots, getting thinner the further up it goes, and eventually adding a bunch of branches and leaves. Like Haruka had explained to her, Aki colours the roots, the base and the top of the tree along with the branches in all kinds of colours, and it slowly turns out into something probably even better than Haruka had imagined.

When she’s done, Haruka nearly drops his jaw at the sight. It’s interesting, being an artist himself, to see another artist at work and their art style.

“Something like this?” Aki asks. Haruka nods in a state of borderline reverence.

“Keep it like that; I love it.”

“Really? Awesome,” Aki says, grinning widely. “You’re an easy customer, Haru. Most people who come in here without an idea in mind beforehand are _so_ difficult to please. It takes me at least five sketches to get them to be satisfied. You? Just one.”

“Maybe we just think alike.”

“We probably do.”

Aki tells Haruka it’ll take two more sessions after this one to get the entire tattoo finished, but Haruka isn’t backing down. He says it’s okay, and after Haruka’s taken his shirt off and laid face down on the bench, Aki gets to work. He can’t deny being a little nervous, and having heard Gou’s complaints about getting her chest tattoo, he wonders just how bad it’ll be for him getting one all over his back.

Well, if anything, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s way in over his head.

“You ready?” she asks, and Haruka snorts despite his _slight_ nervousness. Slight.

“Normally there would be sex coming after a line like that, but all I’ve got coming my way is pain for the next god knows how long. Yes, I’m ready.”

Aki laughs. “Just stay calm and breathe normally, and it’ll be fine.”

Four hours normally seems like a pretty long time, but since Haruka and Aki spent most of those first four hours of creating his tattoo by talking, it felt like time pretty much flew by. At least to Haruka, but knowing from personal experience just creating paintings, four hours is a pretty long time to spend on something.

“So what made you decide on an entire back piece?” Aki asks as she’s finishing up, and Haruka finally lets himself breathe normally.

“I figured, if I’m gonna get a tattoo, I might as well get something big.”

“Go big or go home, right?” Aki laughs, and Haruka snorts.

“Something like that.”

Haruka’s scheduled to come back three days later when the lines have healed a bit, and Aki’s told him to pay everything when it’s all done and over with. She usually wants people to pay _before_ they start tattooing, but ‘she made an exception for a friend’. Of course, it isn’t as if Haruka  _wouldn’t_ pay after all this even if he wouldn’t be satisfied, but he knows he will be.

“It’s kind of symbolic of how a tree actually works,” Gou says just before Haruka carefully puts his shirt back on. He grimaces a little. “I mean, now there aren’t any leaves or anything, and it’s just a naked tree. You know?”

“And soon there’ll be leaves and stuff all over it,” Haruka fills in. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“This is such a cool idea. It must’ve _really_ hurt, though.”

“Yeah, it did, but I was distracted by us talking for the most part.”

Gou lightly punches him in the shoulder. “You set yourself up for this.”

“Oh, I know.” He sits down on the couch and slowly leans back with a groan. “ _Man_ , I hope I don’t roll over in my sleep tonight. Of all nights, this would be the one where I decide to do that.”

“I accidentally rolled over on my stomach the first night. It was _hell_ ,” Gou says, and Haruka considers pulling an all-nighter. He usually doesn’t move around a lot in his sleep, but that’s not to say he lies completely still all night. He knows he’s bound to turn over at some point, and who’s to say he won’t try to lie on his back?

“So how long is it gonna take you to pay off this huge tattoo of yours?”

Haruka gives her a confused look. “What? I paid it off already.”

“You did _what_? How?”

“… With money?” he says slowly, wondering if they’re talking about the same thing. “What did you think?”

“How the hell did you afford that?” Then Haruka watches realisation dawn on her, and the light in her eyes goes out. “Wait. Did you use _their_ money?”

He shrugs. “Well, it's mine now, as childish as that sounds. I pay for necessities with my own money, and I can afford doing that. So why not? It’s not like I can return it to them—you know that. It’s only pity money, anyway, so there’s no need for me to feel bad about spending it.”

Haruka hasn’t seen or heard from his parents in years, and he prefers to keep it that way. In the beginning, they’d at least sent him postcards on his birthday and New Years cards, but even those stopped coming after a while. It was bound to happen, really, and Haruka’s never had any intent on trying to contact them first. Makoto, Rin and Gou have on several occasions told him it’s a good thing he’s never bothered, because nothing good would ever come out of it, anyway. They wouldn’t have anything to talk about other than Haruka probably yelling at them for the various things they had and hadn’t done.

“Yeah, I know,” Gou replies, sighing. “Well, at least you’re putting that money to good use. Maybe not good to _them_ , but still.”

“All the more reason.”

“Spite is a wonderful thing,” she agrees.


	17. gou | personal demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gou's past catches up to her, and her brother is there to offer support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can see the finish line. it's right there in front of me. if i just reach out i can touch it... _two more chapters_ ♪

Haruka’s still asleep when Gou gets up at what Sousuke would call ‘ass o’clock’, so she doesn’t pester Haruka to make breakfast, nor does she have the energy to make her own. She knows he’ll probably make himself lunch whenever he gets up, anyway, so after she’s made herself ready for work, Gou heads out the door and buys what’ll probably be her last nikuman of the season from the old woman down the street.

She looks up at the sky before she takes a bite out of the steamed meat bun. It’s still a little dark, but it’s definitely spring now, and it’ll only start to get brighter out from now. Despite the temperatures slowly rising, Gou wears a white beanie to go with a black scarf and beige-brown coat. The mornings are definitely the worst.

When lunch finally rolls around and she’s walking back to the reception to meet up with Sousuke, her phone buzzes in her pocket.

 **Aki** : _thx for last nite. your place next time_.

 

Gou raises an eyebrow and grins ever so slightly at that, just as Sousuke comes out to greet her.

“I saw that,” he says, giving her a one-armed hug. “What’d she say?”

“She sent me a nude.” Sousuke’s eyes widen in horror, and she laughs. “ _Very_ explicit.”

Sousuke sighs in what almost sounds like relief, probably _now_ realising Gou's telling a fib. As if she'd let him know Aki sent her a nude. “Ha, funny. You hungry?”

Neither of them are hungry to the point of wanting an entire meal for themselves, so Sousuke and Gou end up splitting an okonomiyaki. They’ve long since become regulars at this place, and they sometimes end up standing a little too long by the counter, talking to the people working there.

“Gou, you’re turning me into a social butterfly,” Sousuke groans as they’re leaving. “I barely knew anyone in Tokyo and I lived there for pretty much all my life.”

Gou bumps him in the side. “I thought it’d match your swim stroke.”

The next time Gou sees Aki is on a Wednesday less than a week after their last night together, and like Aki had requested, it’s at Gou’s place. It’s sheer luck that Haruka had decided to spend the night at Kisumi’s since Kisumi was supposed to be out of town but had his plans changed.

It’s just a _little_ awkward knowing one third of the trio is still next door, not having joined his boyfriends.

“I usually find tattoos like these really cheesy.”

Gou looks to her side. Aki’s slowly running her index finger over Gou’s tattoo on her wrist, lying on her stomach propped up on a pillow. “But not this one?”

“Not this one,” Aki confirms. “People usually tattoo stuff from their boyfriends. Men usually come in wanting dragons, flames, tribal tattoos. You and Haru? Something really meaningful.”

Gou laughs a little. “I really like his tattoo.”

“Me too.” A sad expression flashes across Aki’s face for a second as she lets go of Gou’s wrist. “He’s… been through a lot, I can tell. I knew already back then after his grandmother died.”

She knows about a lot of the things Haruka went through when he was young. It’s probably expected since Gou’s lived with him for a few years, but then she’s also heard stuff from both Rin and Makoto that Haruka probably wouldn’t want to talk about himself. It’s also been, in a way, impressive for Gou to have been so close to Haruka for quite a while now, to have seen Haruka’s way back up from where his childhood had pushed him down.

“Yeah, he has.”

“But he’s lucky to have you, and obviously the others.”

“It goes both ways,” Gou replies, and Aki smiles at that.

 

* * *

 

Chiaki calls Gou on a Tuesday when she thankfully isn’t having a whole lot to do at the hospital. It’s just before lunch, and Chiaki’s in her part of town, so the two decide to meet up for lunch. Sousuke pretend-pouts when Gou tells him about her plans, but it seems like he doesn’t have much of an issue finding another lunch partner. Or rather, being _roped in_ by someone else for lunch.

“Did you hear Azusa quit her job?”

Gou stares at Chiaki, thankful that she hasn’t even started eating yet. “No. She quit or got fired?”

“Quit. Nearly yelled her boss in the face, but managed to keep _some_ dignity.”

She leans back in her chair, sighing. “It was about time, though. I don’t know why she didn’t quit sooner; her salary was a fucking joke for working in the IT business.”

Chiaki nods, an eyebrow raised. “Not to mention the _pigs_ working there. It’s a business dominated by men, so you can’t really expect anything else, but even so… there’s better places where she can make a living. With nicer pigs.”

“Nicer pigs,” Gou echoes, and they both laugh.

They go their separate ways after an hour lunch, and Gou returns to work until she clocks out at half past four. Her back hurts, her feet hurt, and all she really wants to do is to take a long bath and then preferably not move for the rest of the evening.

Though it does seem like _someone_ has other plans when he opens the bathroom door as she’s sitting in the tub just about to fall asleep.

“Hey, a little privacy, please?”

Haruka snorts. “Nothing I haven’t seen before. Go out on a date with me tonight.”

Gou tilts her head up to meet his gaze. “A what?”

“You know, we haven’t spent much time together in probably _ages_. So I wanna take you out for dinner to try and fix that.”

When _was_ the last time they did something like this? Gou knows it must’ve been way before her birthday, before hell broke loose. And that means they haven’t spent time together like this in several months. Gou doesn’t really count the few times they’ve had dinner together in the apartment since they haven’t really _hung out_ doing so, and the same when they’ve just watched TV on the couch together before bed.

It’s ironic considering they’re living together, yet they haven’t had much time for each other in a while now.

“You’re right,” she agrees. “What do you have in mind?”

Haruka actually forfeits his almost-all-mackerel diet for their date, and takes her to an udon restaurant. It isn’t often they actually go out and eat like this, unless it’s at a much cheaper place, or just getting takeout. The latter is an option they choose more often since it’s convenient, and the best places to get food are located further downtown.

The first year or so living with Haruka had been the worst, since Gou couldn’t even get him to order something from the local pizza place. Now that he absolutely loves mackerel pizza with pineapple—a combination that makes Gou shudder at the thought—and has learnt to be less picky with food, it’s a _lot_ easier eating out with him.

“I’m glad you suggested this,” Gou says before she nicks a piece of salmon off Haruka’s plate. She mostly does it because she knows he’s gotten tired of reacting to it and doing anything about it. 

“Me too. I feel bad; we haven’t really gotten a chance to catch up in a while.”

“A lot has happened,” she replies. “We’ve just been busy.”

Haruka snorts. “Busy fucking up, yeah.”

“You’re only human, Haru.” She pauses to take a drink, and then returns her attention to him again. “So how are things going with you three now? Better?”

“Yeah,” he confirms. “Communication is better. We hang out more… evenly?”

Gou laughs a little. “I know what you mean. And I’m glad you’re finally figuring things out.”

She thinks about what she and Aki had talked about the other day, about how Haruka’s gone through a _lot_ throughout pretty much his entire life. Many times during high school, Gou wondered if this poor guy would _ever_ catch a break, and sometimes she’s still asking herself that. Gou really, _really_ hopes that he’ll at least get to catch a bit of a breather now, with things seemingly having calmed down and stabilised a bit with Sousuke and Kisumi.

“How’s your tattoo healing?”

Haruka shrugs. “It’s just about healed now, I’d say; at least it's stopped peeling and being gross. But wow, it certainly took a while to finalise it.”

“Yeah, well,” Gou snorts. “Your fault for wanting such a big piece.”

“I know, I know. I don’t regret it, either. She did a really good job on the both of us.”

With dinner over, they finish their evening by going back home and watching an incredibly boring film, falling asleep on the couch not even halfway through. It feels just like the old days, like it’s supposed to be between them, though a little different now that they’re more mature than they were before. After everything they’ve been through and despite their differences and occasional arguments, Gou wouldn’t have wanted things to turn out any other way.

 

* * *

 

She loves, loves, _loves_ how Aki reacts to her. Aki’s facial expressions, sounds, gestures, movements; everything that tells Gou that Aki feels good. That she’s doing a good job.

Aki’s thighs tremble, she’s fisting at the sheets for what seems like her dear life, as if she’s afraid of falling _out_ of bed. But Gou keeps Aki in place, keeps both of her hands on Aki’s thighs while she lets her tongue work. Aki gasps, moans, sometimes combs through Gou’s hair with her fingers of the one hand she bravely takes off the sheet below, if even for just a minute.

“Oh fuck, _fuck_ , Gou,” Aki says. “For the love of god, don’t stop; I’m so close.”

 _I’m not gonna_ , she says in her head, and she squeezes Aki’s thigh to try and convey that as her mouth isn’t really able to. Gou looks up, watches Aki bite her lower lip, watches her naked chest slowly heave up and down with her controlled breathing. While she lets her tongue keep working, she rubs a thumb against Aki’s clit, and elicits yet _another_ moan from her, which prompts Gou to keep going. Aki arches her back, throwing her head back against the pillow as a breathless moan leaves her lips.

Gou slowly pulls back when Aki comes, not being able to keep the grin off her lips. She scoots back up to lie down next to Aki.

“ _Now_ we’re even,” Gou says, and Aki laughs before sitting up and then dragging Gou out of bed with her. The two take a quick shower in Aki’s ridiculously cramped shower, and then return to bed. Gou puts her towel down on the pillow, and hears Aki snort.

“I do _not_ miss having long hair,” she says, and Gou raises an eyebrow.

“I used to have longer hair. _Much_ longer.”

“How long?”

She lies down on her back, placing her hands behind her head. “Down to my waist.”

“Get out. Are you serious?”

“Dead serious. Got it cut just around my birthday in December, figured I finally needed some change.”

So maybe her fight with Haruka had a _little_ bit to do with her finally deciding to cut her hair, but Gou decides to leave that detail out. It’s in the past; the kind of past she _definitely_ wants to leave behind her and not keep in the back of her mind. For once, she can say with certainty that they’ve moved past this, and that they won’t ever come back to it again.

Gou lies awake long after Aki’s fallen asleep, listening to the faint sounds of cars outside, of a town that never quite sleeps. It does get a whole lot more peaceful past two in the morning, though, and maybe that’s why Gou likes to stay up, to enjoy the tranquillity of this late hour.

She turns her head to quietly glance at Aki, who’s sleeping on her stomach and hugging her pillow to her chest. Gou cautiously lets her fingers run along the lines of Aki’s many tattoos on her left arm. There’s a plethora of them, ranging from two bird silhouettes leaving feathers behind them as they fly, floral patterns, two kanji spelling out Aki’s brother’s name… it’s impressive to look at, and it makes Gou curious to know what inspired the tattoos decorating Aki’s body.

Just as it’s started getting brighter out, Gou finally manages to fall asleep. She doesn’t realise her hand is still resting on top of Aki’s arm before doing so.

 

_She knows she’s gonna be hated for this. But she also knows that she can’t stay here. She can’t live here, now that her soon-to-be former flatmate’s dropped this kind of bomb on her. A devastating bomb, shattering Gou’s perception of her, of their friendship. She can’t live there, because that’ll not only make things weird for herself, but Ayane wouldn’t like it in the long-run if she can’t get from Gou what she wants._

_And Gou can’t give it to her._

_Gou turns around to pick up her bags and finally walk out, and she jumps with a yelp in doing so._

_“Gou? What’s this?”_

_She doesn’t know what to say._

_“What the hell?” The girl walks further inside, and Gou wants to run. “Where’s all your stuff? What the fuck’s going on?”_

_Gou’s throat feels like sandpaper. She opens her mouth, but she can’t say anything._

_Say something. Say something. Say something say something say something say_ —

_“Are you moving out?"_

_Gou can't say anything. She tries, oh, does she try—but there's nothing getting past her lips but air as she feels like she's struggling to breathe. Why now, of all times. When she **needs** to say something, she can't. When Gou  **wants** to say, 'it's not your fault, it's just because I'm a fucking coward and can't come up with a better solution', she can't._

_"I—"_

_Her brain is being ever so generous today, it's a true wonder._

_"You what? Is this because of what I said the other day? Because I confessed to you?"_

_Say something say something_ —

_"Is it because you're scared?" Ayane continues, and Gou feels both mentally and physically pushed into a corner._

_Still, she can't say anything. Still, she can't offer Ayane the explanation she both demands and deserves. If there's a deity above who wants to punish her, they certainly did a good job._

_“I can’t fucking believe I thought you were better than this. You, run away? Who knew.”_

_A chill runs down Gou’s spine when she realises that the reaction Ayane’s showing her now is far worse than what she’d expected. Apparently they don’t know each other as well as they thought._

_She tries to say something again. Explain herself, make up an excuse, anything that’ll shatter the silence from her end. Hell, at this point where she’s so desperate, Gou doesn’t care if what she manages to say makes things better or worse._

_But nothing comes out. She’s forced to just break eye contact, pick up her bags, and walk right out. Thankfully, Ayane doesn’t follow_.

 

Gou’s eyes snap open, and she stares out into the darkness of the room trying to catch her breath.

 _Ayane_. What an alarm clock she is, even after all of these years. And it’s not even in the same way, Gou realises, because now she’s taken Ayane’s position. Now _she’s_ the problem, or at the very least, she’s becoming it.

She slowly unfolds the duvet from on top of herself, making sure not to wake Aki in the process of getting out of bed. Of escaping. Gou’s become quite an expert at running away over the years, and it all started with Ayane in her second year at university.

It’s been so long since Gou had something like this with another woman. She’s slept with a few men over the years, but they’ve never been more than one-night stands that she never heard from again, and never contacted, either. So maybe that’s why this is happening now. Maybe that’s why she’s in such a huge panic and on her way to get out of an apartment where she’s just slept with a woman she’s slept a handful of times with before.

Or maybe it’s because she doesn’t _know_ , and the lack of knowledge on what the fuck she even _is_ , is causing this panic that kicks her ass out the door.

She manages to not wake Aki up as she gets dressed and sneaks out. She uses Aki’s key that hangs on a hook in the hallway to lock up after herself, and then she slides it in through the mail slot before trudging down the stairs of an eerily quiet stairway, out on the street again.

It’s some kind of miracle that Gou doesn’t break down on her way home in the taxi she manages to call. Haruka’s long since asleep when she comes back home, so she can calmly go about her business before heading off to bed. Haruka won’t be too surprised to see her home when he gets out of bed, since she _has_ gone home in lieu of staying the night at Aki’s before. So Gou has at least _one_ thing less to worry about.

 

* * *

 

 **Little big brother** : _comin over. need anything?_

 

Gou nearly cries out in relief at his text message. Sometimes Rin’s really good at sensing when she needs someone around her, and maybe also when she’s in need of a drink or five.

 **You** : _alcohol. get me a bottle of white_.

 

She can’t really blame Rin for the very little amount of time the two of them have spent together in the past few months; she’s partly to blame for it, too. As much as she’d been partly to blame for the same reason with Haruka. Gou wonders to herself what the hell actually _happened_ if she didn’t hang out with either her brother or her flatmate, the two people closest to her.

Rin arrives with her wine and a sixpack of beer for himself, and while waiting for her brother, Gou’s prepared a few snack foods for the two of them to eat during the evening. Makoto’s hanging out with Sousuke—probably the first time period they hang out just the two of them—Haru’s at Kisumi's place, so now it’s just the two siblings left. Not that Gou minds, of course, but the circumstances sure are interesting.

“Feels like I haven’t been in this apartment in _ages_ ,” Rin says as he plops down on the couch with a beer already opened. Gou comes back from the kitchen to join him, having fetched a glass for herself at least. While she doesn’t mind drinking straight from the bottle, maybe she should show at least _some_ restraint around her older brother. A straw would’ve been nice, though.

“Maybe because you haven’t,” Gou replies. “We’ve always come to you guys instead.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right. So how is he? Generally, and with them, I mean.”

Gou leans back against the couch, having set down her wine glass. “Good, better, at least. He’s happier.”

“I’m glad. Still can’t believe he’s dating two people. _Two_.”

She laughs. “I know, it’s oddly impressive.”

“And you,” Rin continues with a weird, almost threatening tone to his voice, “with _Aki_. I can’t believe it.”

Gou snorts, taking a grilled chicken skewer from the snack plate. It doesn’t quite go with the wine, but she’ll make do. “Fate works in strange ways.”

She can’t deny the little twinge of guilt she feels in the pit of her stomach as Rin mentions Aki, and since it’s there in the first place, Gou knows she only needs to drown it in more wine, and have the food come second. She won’t really have much of a problem downing a bottle of wine by herself, anyway, and even if she did, she’d _have_ to drink it by herself since Rin won’t help even if she paid him.

Rin glances at her for a few seconds before he hums and takes a skewer himself. The silence that follows lets Gou empty and refill her glass, but then Rin speaks up again.

“So how’s that going?”

Gou rolls her eyes. “It’s not really ‘going’; you know I don’t date. We just… you know. Hang out.”

“I get it.”

That bastard’s just _waiting_ , she knows it. He’s waiting for her to say it herself. Rin doesn’t even _know_ what it is, but he knows something’s wrong, and that’s why he’s being so quiet even if Gou can tell he’s starting to get affected by the alcohol, much like herself.

Thing is, if she wanted to talk to Haruka about it, she already would have. Haruka knows more about her thing with Aki than Rin does, but it still doesn’t feel right for Gou to vent to him about this thing. She knows it’s probably got to do with the whole ordeal Haruka went through at the end of last year, how she doesn’t want to burden him now that he’s finally managed to sort things out for himself.

So Gou closes her eyes with a sigh, and chooses to unload said burden on her brother instead. “Back when I studied at uni, I lived with this girl named Ayane. She eventually confessed her romantic feelings for me, so I moved into a different apartment instead.”

“So that’s why,” Rin says quietly. “I never knew the reason.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Haru knows?”

Gou nods. “Yeah.”

“It’s fine, Gou. So… why’re you bringing it up now?”

“Because I feel like Ayane now, with Aki.”

“How?”

She doesn’t even know how to explain it herself, and wonders why she’d even started talking about it. Of course, Rin wouldn’t have let it go until she _did_ spill, so there’s really nothing she could’ve done about it. “I don’t even know if… if it’s romantic, because I’ve never _had_ romantic feelings, but there’s _something_ there. Maybe I do experience romantic feelings, after all, maybe I’ve just had this—“

"Gou, don't," Rin says. "There isn't anything wrong with you."

Gou clenches her fists, feels absolutely helpless as she drops her shoulders. "I don't know what to do, Rin. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what to do. I mean, what if I'm not what I've thought I am for so long? What if—"

“Can I say something?” Rin interrupts again, thankfully, before she can dig herself deeper into a dark hole, and Gou blinks in confusion before nodding dumbly. “When I lived in Australia, I met people of so many sexualities, it was insane. I mean, before I moved there, I only thought you could be gay, bi or straight. I obviously know now that it isn’t true, but… I learnt other things, too. Like… have you heard about queerplatonic relationships?”

If someone had told Gou several years ago, maybe even _a_ year, that she’d be discussing things like sexuality with her brother, she’d laugh at them right in the face and say they were insane. There’s no way that could happen, she’d tell them, but now here she is, drinking and eating with her brother whilst doing exactly that.

“No, I haven't."

“I don’t know a whole lot about it, but it’s basically _sort of_ like a ‘regular’ relationship except instead of the romance part you’re just really close in a different way. That’s the platonic part.”

“And then there’s sex?”

“Can be, doesn't have to,” Rin shrugs. “I mean… what do you feel when you’re with Aki? Other than those gross things a brother shouldn’t know about.”

Gou laughs humourlessly, but appreciates his attempt at cheering her up. “I don’t know, it’s difficult to explain. It’s… I _like_ her, that much is for certain. I feel happy around her, I get happy when she calls, sends me messages. I feel safe with her, like we have a strong emotional connection, and things just feel _easier_. New, fun, exciting. As cheesy as that may sound.”

“Haru would probably say you’re getting that from me,” Rin snorts. “Maybe it's just a Matsuoka thing. So, like I guessed, those aren't romantic feelings. Trust me, I should know as someone who _does_  experience and have romantic feelings.”

“And a lot of them,” Gou adds, after which he lightly punches her on the shoulder.

“What I’m saying is… you don’t have to sacrifice your identity if this is who you really think you are. You know?”

It’s like a boulder’s been lifted off her chest, and she’s able to get up and walk again. It’s taken her twenty-five years to reach this point in her life, and Rin’s the one who guides her towards it. Of course it’d be him—what else are older siblings for, if not to help their younger siblings along the way?

The rest is something she can figure out on her own. She doesn’t know Aki all that well yet, so she has absolutely no idea if Aki even _feels_ anything resembling platonic feelings towards her. If they’re of a romantic nature, at least Gou will know, and it’ll have to end there since they can’t be reciprocated. But if Gou doesn’t talk to Aki about it, she’ll run the risk of becoming disappointed in the end when they both might want different things out of what it is they’re having.

“You’re… you’re the best,” she sniffles, and within seconds, she’s crying. Rin is quick to put down his beer and instead hug his sister, who leans into his embrace and lets it all out. Every last little bit of insecurity, feelings of guilt, and not to mention self-doubt. “Thank you, Rin.”

“Anytime, sis,” he says. “Damn it, I didn’t mean to make you _cry_ , Gou. That’s something ten year olds do to their sisters.”

She laughs. “At least it’s happy tears this time.”

“And you’re drunk, so that doesn’t help.”

“And I’m _kinda_ drunk,” she corrects him. “And alcohol always helps.”

The two spend the rest of their evening talking, drinking, catching up, and laughing a lot. It feels nice; something Gou hasn’t done with her brother… probably ever. It’s nice, hanging out just the two of them, now that they’re both adults and have overcome those things they went through as children and teenagers.

Gou hasn’t told Rin this since she knows it’s very inappropriate and out of line, but she’s really glad he seems to be back in Iwatobi for good now. Having Rin leave and come back home so often during a big part of her life has certainly not been easy, but now that she knows where she has her brother, she’s relieved.

 

* * *

 

Rin texts Gou a few days later to remind her about talking to Aki. She’s dreading it but also looking forward to have it over with, which _still_ lands her in a state of procrastination. Slight, she tries to tell herself. She’s just trying to think of what exactly to say so she won’t miss out on important details or say thing she doesn’t mean or doesn’t have to actually let Aki know.

It strongly reminds her of how her friends have agonised about confessing to people romantically in the past, and she briefly wonders if she really understands the difference between real romance and platonic feelings. According to Rin she does, so Gou decides to trust her brother.

She isn’t broken, and she doesn’t have to sacrifice her identity. It’s a good mantra to keep going in her head as she calls Aki on her way home from work.

“ _Gou, hey! I was just thinking about you_.”

Gou tries not to think about what the meaning behind those words could be, and shakes her head. “Hey, Aki. Are you free anytime soon?”

“ _Oh, I’ve always got time for you, babe. Well, if I’m not working. And assuming I’m not out of town. But otherwise! What I’m saying is, yes, I’m free tonight earliest. Something on your mind?_ ”

Everything Gou has practiced in her head beforehand slips out through her ears, and she blanks out for a good three seconds, at which point Aki asks her if she’s still there. “Sorry, still here. Can I… come over? Or something?”

“ _Oh, sure!_ ” Aki says. “ _Come over whenever you want, I just got back home myself_.”

She goes back home to quickly freshen up and get changed out of her work clothes. It doesn’t really matter what she wears when she visits Aki this time, since the goal isn’t to get Aki in bed or anything. If that’s what Aki may want when Gou’s done talking, then all the better. But she won’t know before she’s even halfway done, because there’s no way in hell Aki could so easily and so _quickly_ accept something like this.

Rin would slap Gou upside the head and tell her she needs to stop thinking negatively if he heard her say that, but Gou argues with pretend-Rin that she’s being _realistic_.

In the taxi on her way over to Aki’s, Gou thinks about just _how_ to convey things to Aki, how to say it without screwing up in some way. Her previous, short phone conversation with Aki was proof enough that Gou might not actually say everything she intends to, and it’s really important that she does if she wants to keep Aki around. Which, of course, she does.

Aki opens the door approximately five seconds after Gou’s rang the doorbell, and Gou resists the urge to turn right around and walk away. She’s an adult, she should be able to handle things like these. They say you become like the people you frequently hang out with, and Gou feels like it’s definitely true in her case that she sometimes gets scared of conflict these days. It’s a bit reversed, however, seeing as her friends used to be more like that when they were younger, and it’s only now starting to rub off on her.

“Hey,” Aki greets her, grinning widely. Gou attempts to smile back, but she knows she’s probably  _terrible_ at faking when she's nervous.

Aki, however, doesn’t seem to really take notice, and just lets her in while babbling on about her day and asking Gou how her day’s been. She, of course, acts like there _isn’t_ a giant elephant in the room knocking things over just by standing there.

Gou gratefully takes a bottle of beer from Aki as they sit down in the living room on the couch, and Aki looks at her with expectation.

“So, what’s up? You seemed very serious about this. Did something happen?”

She decides to take a semi-large sip before speaking, just to have a _little_ alcohol in her system as she jumps into it. Gou absolutely hates beating around the bush, so she needs to prepare herself before she gets right to the subject. "Sorry for just leaving like that the other day," she begins. "I kind of... well, panicked."

Aki waves a hand dismissively in the air. "It's fine, no big deal."

“I left because I realised that I like you, but not in a romantic way. I needed you to know in case you think I’m acting weird around you.”

“Whoa, oh. So if it’s not romantic… what is it? As a friend? Platonic?”

“The last one,” Gou says, before she _really_ listens to what Aki asks. “Wait. You know what platonic is?”

Aki laughs. “Yeah, of course. I mean, maybe not ‘of course’ to _you_ , but… yeah. And you know, I feel the same way, actually. And maybe I've been a little dumb in taking for granted you knew that.”

So what the hell was she so worried for? Sure, there was no way in hell Gou could’ve known beforehand that Aki would be well-informed on the subject of non-romantic feelings and relationships, because if Gou wasn’t, who’s to say literally everyone else around her would be? She obviously doesn’t want to _assume_ things, especially not something like this, seeing as she herself had no idea what it was until Rin gave her a lecture a few days prior.

“Oh. No... I didn't,” she says, and she lets out an odd laugh slash sigh of relief. “Guess I worried for nothing.”

“We don’t know each other _that_ well yet, so it’s a given you wouldn’t know how I would react,” Aki shrugs. “So, hey… now that I’ve let you take the first step, I’ll take the second. Date me.”

Gou blinks slowly, raising her eyebrows. So she might absolutely hate beating around the bush, but this is way more forward than Gou could’ve ever been herself. In an odd way, she likes this boldness Aki possesses. “Really?”

“Yeah! I mean, I like you, and you like me, too. 'No romo', though.”

This time, she laughs, and Aki smiles when she does. It’s obvious Aki’s trying to get Gou to calm down a bit, to get her to realise that it isn’t as serious as Gou makes it out to be. It _could_ have been, sure, but Aki’s showing Gou that this isn’t one of those situations.

Gou might even go as far as to say she got _lucky_.

 

* * *

 

“My brother’s the one who introduced me to the concept,” Gou says, making air quotes as she says the last word. Aki shifts a little, rustling the duvet enveloping them.

“Is he aromantic, too? Wait, are he and Makoto in a _platonic_ relationship?”

Gou shakes her head. “No, no, it's all grossly romantic between those two. Rin knows someone who at least has been in one. Australia taught him a lot that _didn’t_ have to do with swimming, too.”

“Ah,” Aki hums. “So he did what a big brother _should_ do, then. I’m glad he could help.”

To be completely honest, Gou wouldn’t know _what_ to do had Rin not been in possession of this knowledge in order to pass it onto her. Maybe she’d keep living on, thinking she might actually experience romantic feelings, lying to herself and doubting her identity. It feels like it’s almost  _too_ convenient; Rin having learnt all this, and then for Gou to stumble upon and start liking someone this similar to her.

She _has_ found out that Aki’s only sexually attracted to women, though, unlike herself who doesn’t really have a preference in that regard.

The two of them trade stories; sexual and, what they used to think were romantic, experiences. It turns out it took Aki quite a while to figure herself out, and it makes Gou sad knowing she went through a lot of things just to in the end realise that most of it had just been outright bad for her, when for many of her friends, those experiences would’ve been considered perfectly normal.

“Pretty fucked up how common it is that people like us, aromantics, feel like there’s something wrong with us.” She sounds bitter, and Gou can’t blame her. “That’s… what happened to you not too long ago, right?”

“Yeah, and it wasn’t the first time, either.” It was only a matter of time before Gou would have to _really_ talk about Ayane, and if someone should know about what happened back then, it’s her partner. “There was this girl I lived with in my second year of uni. She confessed to me, and I reacted by moving out and into another building, because it scared the fuck out of me, and I knew there wasn’t any other option. Either she moved out or I would.”

Aki tightens her embrace. “I’m sorry.”

“I know I should say it’s in the past, but I would be lying if I said it doesn’t still come back to haunt me every once in a while.”

And maybe it’s naïve of her to think that just because she’s now finally figured herself out properly, and she’s in a relationship with someone, that it’ll all disappear. All those nightmares and feelings of guilt going up in smoke—it’s just wishful thinking.

“I think you just need to accept that it’s in the past,” Aki says. “Either that or you seek her out and talk shit out. I’d say just let the past be where it belongs. Nothing’s gonna change if you _do_ talk to her, anyway.”

Of course Aki’s right. Gou leans against her, sighs, and closes her eyes. “I know.”

Aki lets Gou stay the night, and in the morning, Gou gets up extra early so she can go back home for her work clothes and to actually freshen up properly. Last time she left Aki’s house earlier than she needed to was to escape. But now, Gou knows she can come back, and that she doesn’t have to feel guilty about it, about anything.

No more running away, or feeling out of place; Gou is right where she wants and needs to be.


	18. haruka | take a step, make a move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if Haruka hasn't had enough tough decisions to make, Kisumi and Sousuke throw him yet another one.

After a particularly unsatisfactory lunch shift at work with bitchy guests _and_ co-workers, Haruka returns home with only one thing on his mind. Their bath tub. He nearly moans out loud in sheer relief when he’s gotten out of the lift, just thinking about sinking into said tub. As much as he liked the bath tub in his old house, it can’t compare to the one he now shares with Gou. For one, it's bigger, a little deeper—something Haruka had previously thought to be impossible in comparison to the one he used to have—and it's just a lot nicer in general.  _Sometimes_ he thinks it's a shame he has to share it with someone else.

On his way in, Haruka retrieves their mail and quickly skims through it to see if there’s something in there for him specifically. The answer is both yes and no since it’s addressed to the both of them, and it’s a notice telling them that their lease is almost up and needs to be renewed. Haruka reads through it with mild interest before he puts it down on the table next to the other sorted mail, and heads into the bathroom. They’ve got sixty days to decide whether or not they want to renew said lease, anyway, so it isn’t as if they’re in a hurry.

With that thought shoved into the darkest corners of his mind, Haruka goes in to take his shower and then immerse himself in scalding hot water for as long as his solitude will allow him. Last he heard of Gou, she was going out for an after work-beer with Sousuke, and if he knows Rin right, he’s going to join them, too, once he gets off work.

Haruka reaches for his phone on the stool next to the tub, and calls Makoto.

“ _Haru! So nice of you to call._ ”

“Hey stranger,” he greets. “Out of school yet?”

“ _Just about_. _Did you wanna go join the others?_ ”

“I don’t know, what do _you_ want to do?”

“ _Come on, Haru,_ ” Makoto laughs. “ _I think we should go. Your boyfriend and my boyfriend may need someone to babysit them_.”

Haruka flicks water at the tile wall in front of him, and watches the droplets slowly run down it, some landing on the blue plastic dolphin's head. “Which one of mine are you talking about?”

( _God_  does he love being able to say that.)

“ _You know very well which one I’m talking about. Besides, we haven’t hung out with everyone in a while, and it'd be nice. Do you think Gou’s bringing Aki?_ ”

“I _know_ she is. Okay, fine—let’s go. Give me thirty, I need to scrub the restaurant grime off my body.”

Makoto makes a disgusted sound. “ _Thought we were on a need-to-know basis when it came to these things. I’ll be over in thirty, then_.”

Haruka hangs up, and sinks back into the tub for a bit. Even if Gou hadn’t told him, Haruka would’ve known something had happened between her and Aki just because of how much happier Gou is these days. Normally he’d say it’s probably because she’s found love, but… he knows it’s not the same thing. He doesn’t know exactly _what_ it is, but all that matters to him is that his flatmate, and one of his best friends, is happier than she probably has been in years.

He’s just gotten himself dressed when Makoto rings on his doorbell. He lets his friend in, and goes to dry his hair with a towel. Apparently Makoto’s already dropped by home for a quick shower and change of clothes, too, because he definitely doesn’t look like he just got off work.

“Sousuke called,” Makoto says as Haruka returns from the bedroom. “Probably because he knew I’d be here, and because you’re terrible at answering your phone.”

Haruka rolls his eyes. “What’d he say?”

“Just asking if we’re coming over, which I told him we are. You ready?”

As expected, the entire gang is gathered when Makoto and Haruka arrive at their usual pub. A certain someone’s been there for quite a while already, Haruka can tell, when Kisumi decides to use him as a human body pillow. Rin is sitting with his sister, and Sousuke’s talking to Aki of all people. From what Haruka can see, they seem to be getting along really well, and he’s very surprised when the two leave the pub so abruptly, Aki telling them they’ll be back soon.

“Do you think she’s gonna steal him from us?” Kisumi asks Haruka, his head still resting on Haruka’s shoulder. He shrugs, effectively getting Kisumi to sit up properly.

“Pretty sure Aki knows he’s taken, and that he’s gay to begin with.”

Kisumi hums, blinking slowly as he takes in Haruka’s words. “Yeah, she probably does. Smart woman, that one.”

“She sure is."

About ten minutes later, Aki and Sousuke return, and when Aki goes to sit down with Gou, Rin, and Sousuke, Haruka smells cigarette smoke on her, and has the answer to his earlier, unasked question. He returns his attention to Makoto, who’s still only halfway through his first beer and seems to be struggling with finishing it. Haruka smiles a little.

“I can finish that for you if you want.”

“No, it’s fine!” Makoto insists. “I just don’t want to drink too fast.”

“If you say so,” Haruka replies with a shrug, leaning forward on the table. “So how are you two doing?”

Haruka knows he and Makoto haven’t really hung out just the two of them in ages, for which he feels bad. Unlike in the past when Haruka used to be the one who never stayed in touch with anyone, this time they’ve both been too busy with life to really have time to hang out.

“Good, can’t complain,” Makoto says, and the smile on his lips is a genuine one, yet short-lived. “Well… I can’t complain _yet_. School’s just about to start up again, so I’ll be busy, and we’ll have less time to spend together.”

“Yeah,” Haruka says. He lets his gaze sweep over the pub, over the people around them, and his friends. Their circle of friends has certainly increased quite a bit since less than a year back, and it’s nice to see. One person came into their lives for the first time, while another came back.

“Did you ever imagine our lives would turn out this way?”

Haruka turns to face Makoto, who’s now looking where Haruka had just had his eyes fixed seconds earlier. He raises an eyebrow. “What, that I’d end up dating two guys and living with my best friend’s little sister? No, never.”

Makoto laughs. “Not like that! I mean… that we’d hang out like this, still, when we’re nearing our thirties. That we’d work in the fields we’re in. Those things.”

“How could I?” Haruka asks, this time serious. He exhales slowly through his nose with a little smile on his lips. “I’m happy with the way things turned out.”

“Me too,” Makoto replies. “Guess you can say we found home.”

Haruka snorts into his glass. “You dating Rin can both be good and bad. Him having turned you into a sap is _definitely_ on the list of bad things it brought.”

 

* * *

 

You learn something new every day, as is the well-known saying. Haruka watches Sousuke’s eyes flutter shut with a sighed whine as Kisumi thrusts in from behind, and Haruka himself matches Kisumi’s rhythm by bucking his hips up and fucking into Sousuke as well. Sousuke moans loudly, ruts down on both dicks inside of him at the same time, and Haruka doesn’t mind that Sousuke’s grip on his shoulders is a little too hard, because he honestly doesn’t have anything to complain about compared to the man right in front of him.

That day, Haruka learns that Sousuke takes two dicks like a fucking champ, and it is _beautiful_.

“This is a sight I never thought I'd see,“ Kisumi says. “Wow.”

“Yeah. Wow indeed,” Haruka replies.

“Haruka- _aah_ ,” Sousuke moans and interrupts them, “I’m close. So fucking close.”

Haruka pushes in slowly, deeply, hisses in pleasure when he reaches all the way. “Me too.” He looks over at Kisumi, who’s slowed down his tempo a bit during their short exchange.

“Whoever comes first makes dinner.”

“Oh you did _not_ just say that!” Sousuke snaps just as Kisumi thrusts in hard once, making him go up three octaves at the last word, his voice now resembling a squeaky noise.

Haruka glares at Kisumi, ready to come at any moment’s notice but not wanting to come first. He may enjoy cooking, but there are some days where he just wants others to cook for him. Too bad he’d decided on making today one of those.

“You play dirty, Shigino. I’m not gonna lose.”

Kisumi smiles sweetly, thrusting once really slow and making Sousuke complain through a moan. “I do it out of love.”

“Fuck _off_ ,” Sousuke says, pulling Haruka towards him as he ruts back against Kisumi. “One of you are cooking; I’m the one with two cocks up my ass, so— _ah_ —I’ve earned my way out of this shitty contest.”

Kisumi surprisingly enough comes first despite his earnest efforts  _not_ to do so, and is put in charge of going to prepare dinner after his shower, while Haruka and Sousuke stay in the bath tub for a bit. Haruka makes sure to be gentle with his hands as he helps Sousuke wash up, taking the opportunity to plant wet kisses along Sousuke’s shoulder and neck in doing so.

“You doing okay?” he asks, and Sousuke grunts, shifting a bit where he sits in front of Haruka.

“’m fine. Holy _fuck_ he’s huge.”

Haruka rolls his eyes. “Thought you knew this already.”

“I do! But with you too, it’s… definitely different.”

“You don’t wanna do it again?”

Sousuke blows a raspberry, turning his head to face Haruka and give him an incredulous look. “Of _course_ I wanna do it again. Felt great once I got used to it.”

Thinking about being in the same situation as Sousuke had been not too long ago makes Haruka shiver in fear. He’s pretty sure he’d break in half if he were to try and take _both_ Sousuke and Kisumi at the same time. One of them is a walk in the park, adding a second person could very well spell his demise. Or at least guarantee him a week in bed without moving an inch.

Both Sousuke and Haruka end up surprised when Kisumi _doesn’t_ cook them something Italian for dinner, and instead presents them with a traditional Japanese meal with beef, noodles and vegetables. Haruka sits down and can’t help but pretty much stare at the dishes in disbelief.

“Surprised you can sit,” Kisumi says as Sousuke sits down next to him, and he earns himself a kick in the shin underneath the table.

Thanks to having lived with Gou for so long, Haruka’s expanded his tastes beyond just fish, specifically mackerel, and now enjoys most foods.  _Most_ , that is. He’s still struggling with learning to accept pork in his food because of the funky taste, but considering the fact that he’s dating a pork-enthusiast, his tastes regarding pork may change soon, too.

“So we wanted to talk to you about something, Haru,” Kisumi says as they’re all finishing up dinner. Haruka looks up from his plate, putting down his chopsticks.

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

Kisumi puts his hands up in front of him. “Nothing like that. We were thinking of moving in together. Sousuke and I talked about it the other day.”

“Oh,” he says, feeling like a quickly deflating balloon. “Well, I… don’t know.”

As happy as he is to be with Sousuke and Kisumi, Haruka realises he isn’t quite sure whether or not he’s ready to just leave Gou behind. If there’s anything he _doesn’t_ want to do, it is to abandon someone he loves, to be just like his parents. To do it just to be with his boyfriends seems even worse than if he would’ve had a different reason, somehow. As if he’s choosing them over her.

“I know that,” Kisumi says, smiling a little. He almost looks sad, as if he knows what Haruka’s decided before Haruka himself knows. “And we wouldn’t put it past you if you wouldn’t wanna move out of the apartment you share with Gou.”

Haruka frowns. “So what’re you saying?”

“We want to live together,” Sousuke says simply. “We had to talk to you about it first, to see what you think. Listen, Haruka, this isn’t… easy to talk about. We obviously want to be with you, but we wouldn’t wanna force to you to move away from Gou. At the same time, Kisumi and I want to live together, but not make you feel like we're shutting you out.”

Kisumi takes Haruka’s hand over the table, and Haruka doesn’t know whether to let it be or if he should pull away, but he eventually decides to just leave it.

“I’ll have to think about it,” Haruka says, and this time, he really has to. He has to do it before their lease runs out, in case they decide to renew it or move out. Would Gou still live there if Haruka moved out? Where else would she move? There are so many questions popping into his head at once that he curses himself for not having started to actually deal with this sooner since he’s been able to.

He knows he can’t really put this thing past Kisumi and Sousuke. Of course, it isn’t as if Haruka _hasn’t_ thought about it, because he has. The thing is that he doesn’t know what to do, who to choose to live with. It kind of reminds him of when he’d almost been forced to choose between Kisumi and Sousuke, and he’d almost ended up choosing neither.

He wonders if he’d really consider doing something similar this time around. At the same time as he loves living with Gou, he wonders if maybe he’s becoming a little too dependent on having her around. He’s reminded of how things went in December, and how he’d barely been a functioning human being when she’d temporarily moved out. At the same time, Haruka knows he’s changed since then. Grown, matured, learnt a lot of things about life.

And it isn’t as if they would be parting on bad terms this time, and like Haruka’s moving out of town, because he knows that’s impossible for the three of them, even if it’d just be two. Their lives are anchored in Iwatobi, and that goes further than just their jobs. As much as Haruka once used to dream about leaving Iwatobi, he’s come to terms with the fact that this is where his life is, where _home_ is, as Makoto would say.

 

* * *

 

The following day, Haruka and Sousuke return back home from Kisumi’s place following breakfast, and Haruka immediately sets out to talk to Gou. Thankfully, she’s at home and still asleep when he walks in through the door, so he goes for a quick shower as he waits for her to get up. As nervous as he is about this, he isn’t scared. Well, maybe a little, but the last thing on his mind is to run away. He’s done with those childish things now, and _should_ be, considering the fact that he’s almost thirty now.

Gou eventually _does_ get up, and Haruka’s secretly relieved Aki hasn’t spent the night since he doesn’t really want to shoo her out for his talk with Gou.

“How was last night? Without the gross details, thank you,” Gou says as she makes herself a cup of coffee. She offers Haruka one, but he turns it down since he’s already had a cup today. He wasn’t even a coffee person up until a few years ago, and now he feels like he drinks it almost too often.

Haruka shrugs despite Gou’s back being turned to him. “The usual. Well, kinda. Can we talk?”

“Oh man,” Gou says, and Haruka can hear she’s hurrying to make her coffee and join him on the couch. “Something happen?”

“Not _happened_ , but I talked to Sousuke and Kisumi about something. And I need to talk to you about it, too. We kind of had to, anyway.”

Gou finally comes to join him, and the look on her face is, to say the least, a worried one. “Okay, please don’t tiptoe around the subject, you’re scaring me a bit. What is it?”

“Sousuke and Kisumi want to move in together. I’m free to join them, of course, but they know I live with you. And I… don’t really know what to do. Because I really like living with you.”

“But you love them, too. And you want to live with them, right?” Gou asks, and Haruka feels like he’s committing adultery, like he’s doing something he isn’t supposed to. He isn’t _dating_ Gou, they’re just really good friends. And Haruka _has_ boyfriends, so if he’d actually be cheating on someone, it’d be them, at least in the literal meaning of it the word.

“I… yeah, I do,” Haruka says, feeling bad about admitting it despite not _needing_ to feel bad.

“So live with them. I’ll be fine living by myself. I was actually thinking about this when I saw the lease notice, that maybe you’d wanna live with them. And I could always get a smaller place.”

“Gou…”

“I’ll be _okay_ , Haru,” Gou repeats, and she looks him directly in the eye, making sure to let him know that she’s telling him the truth. “I’m not trying to guilt-trip you or anything. We’re still gonna live in the same town, so it isn’t the end of the world. Do you honestly think I wouldn’t be able to live by myself?”

He’s about to protest, say something, _anything_ , but his words die in his throat, and Haruka’s mouth shuts again. He takes a deep breath, and instead starts over. “If you really mean that, then okay.”

“I do mean it.”

Haruka sighs, averting his gaze. “So we’re not renewing our lease.”

“No. I’ll find something smaller; shouldn’t be too hard. Haru, don’t worry about it, okay?”

If Gou’s so okay with this, why isn’t _he_? Like she said, they’ll still be in the same town, and they’ll keep hanging out regularly. The only thing that changes is the fact that they won’t live in the same apartment anymore. And Haruka finds that to be a _big_ difference, one he isn’t sure he’ll be able to adjust to all that well, considering how he did back in December without her in the apartment.

“Fine,” he says. “If you say so, then I’ll move in with them.”

The atmosphere in the apartment is weird for pretty much the rest of the evening, and they go to bed early with short parting phrases outside their bedrooms. Gou’s taken on the task of letting their landlord know they aren’t renewing their lease, and that they’ll move out in a month and a half.

One thing Haruka doesn’t look forward to at the same time as he _does_ : moving out.

 

* * *

 

Kisumi’s talking, but Haruka isn’t really listening. He’s trying to, but his mind is elsewhere, and soon enough, Kisumi notices that, and kisses Haruka softly on the nape of his neck.

“Haru, what’s wrong?”

He blinks himself out of his weird reverie, shifting a bit in bed. “What?”

“You’re spacing out, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t hear a word I just said.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “Just a bit distracted.”

Kisumi wraps an arm around his waist, and hugs him close. “Did something happen?”

“I talked to Gou about moving in with you and Sousuke.”

“Okay. What did she say?”

“She says she’s okay with it. She’ll find a smaller place for herself.”

“Well, that’s great!” Kisumi says. “But you don’t seem too happy about it?”

Haruka doesn’t _know_ what to feel about it. Of course, he’s excited about moving in with his boyfriends, but he still feels bad about leaving Gou behind. She says that isn’t what he’s doing, but he can’t help but feel like he is. Choosing someone else over her, choosing love over friendship. People always say that’s a sure-fire way of losing both, and Haruka has no way of knowing whether or not he should deny that’s ever going to happen to him.

“I don’t know,” he admits with a sigh. “I feel bad. Even though she says it’s fine and we’ll both still live in Iwatobi… it feels weird.”

“Can’t blame you. I mean, you’ve lived with her for years. Not _years_ years, but still… a long time. But Haru… you don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to.”

“But I do,” he says stubbornly. “So let’s just look at apartments. I’ve got a month and a half to get my stuff together and move out, so we’ve gotta be quick about it.”

“You’re right.” Kisumi pulls apart a little, and Haruka’s just about to get up when Kisumi starts running his fingers along his back. “I really like your tattoo, Haru.”

He hums, letting his eyes shut. “Me too.”

“I think you’ve inspired Sousuke to get himself inked as well; he’s talked about your tattoo and also Gou’s tattoos a few times. He does hang out with Aki a lot, too, so that probably doesn't help. Or maybe it does, depends on how you see it.”

Haruka smiles to himself. “I'd really wanna see what he’d come up with. Copycat.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kisumi snorts.

They spend the day looking through newspapers and online ads for spacious apartments around Iwatobi, and knowing that they’ll all three split the rent makes it a lot easier to look at prices and not be completely horrified. Kisumi calls Sousuke to let him know of what they’ve found just as they’re sitting down to have a takeout dinner, and Sousuke lets them know he’s been looking around, too.

As daunting as it had been before they’d even gotten into this, Haruka finds that it isn’t all that bad, after all. With the apartment Sousuke’s interested in, they’ve all three got six places they want to go take a look at, so they set up appointments throughout the week. It feels surreal that Haruka’s going to be moving out of that apartment soon. He’s definitely going to miss it, despite the jackass neighbour on the floor above him, and the occasional heat problems they’ve had.

It’s been a good three years, but it’s finally time to move on.

 

* * *

 

“Knew you’d get stuck in here.”

Haruka turns his head to the side, facing Sousuke. “This tub could probably fit all three of us, Sousuke. This is… ridiculous.”

“It is,” Sousuke agrees, “but the location isn’t ideal. And did you _see_ the second bedroom? Or did you just wanna move in here because of the tub?”

To be fair, it _is_ a really large bath tub.

As with the last one, they say they’re still interested and that they’ll be in touch in the next few days, and then they grab some lunch quick before their next apartment viewing. Kisumi’s doing the talking for them, and asking questions they’ve written down and memorised. Sousuke and Haruka walk around and make sure everything is as it should be so they won’t get charged for a damage they didn’t inflict themselves just in case they _do_ move in, and this is something they’ve done now for the three flats they’ve viewed so far.

The last apartment of the day turns out to be the worst one they’ve seen so far, and it takes all the willpower in Haruka and probably also Sousuke to not tell the guy straight up what they _actually_ think of it.

“Who would want to _live_ there?” Kisumi whispers, face twisted in disgust. The guy showing them the apartment has gone outside to take a call, so now they’re finally able to converse among themselves about how they _really_ feel about the place. Haruka just really wants to leave. The apartment makes him feel like he’s anywhere but in Japan with its carpeted floors, and the small bedrooms makes him regret ever having complained about the size of his current one.

“No wonder it’s up for rent.”

Sousuke snorts, rolling his eyes. “This is turning out to be more difficult than I imagined.”

“It’s only because we apparently have vastly different tastes,” Kisumi says with a pointed glare in Haruka’s direction, and Haruka just shrugs. “We’ll just have to keep looking.”

“We have a _month_ , Kisumi,” Haruka reminds him, and he immediately regrets it as Kisumi gives him yet another look.

“Don’t act like you’re not contributing to this.”

It’s turning out to be incredibly difficult for them to find a place they can all agree on, and one that won’t punch a hole through their bank accounts. The one who really doesn’t care is Sousuke, at least as long as he gets a room to sleep in at night, a decent kitchen and bathroom. Haruka wants a big bath tub and generally a lot of space, and Kisumi just wants too much.

Time is slowly running out at the same time as their apartments are getting more and more spacious. Four people are moving out at the same time, and when they all move into a new place, three of them will live together while the last person gets her own place. And it’s all okay, Haruka tells himself. Him feeling bad about leaving Gou behind isn’t about him still being dependent on her, it’s way bigger than that.

“Haru, honey, come to bed already,” Haruka hears from his bedroom, and he shivers; he _really_ doesn’t like those pet names.

“Stop calling me that or I’ll kick your ass out to sleep on the couch,” he counters.

He turns off the light in the living room and goes inside the bedroom where Kisumi’s sitting up with his back against the headboard. Kisumi grins at him, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t kick me out.”

“Don’t test me.”

But Kisumi’s right; Haruka wouldn’t kick him out. And it’s mostly because Haruka wants the comfortable warmth Kisumi provides him with when he doesn't force Haruka away with his kicking; it’s very different from the human furnace that is the boyfriend he shares with Kisumi. So Kisumi gets to stay in his bed, but it’ll be the last time he does so… until they move in together, that is. And even then Haruka's pretty sure he'll want to sleep in his own bed pretty often. No offence to either Sousuke or Kisumi, but had they been able to sleep like normal human beings, Haruka would actually _want_ to sleep in the same bed as them more often.

Haruka changes into his usual oversized shirt, and crawls into bed. He scoots up to Kisumi and lays his head down on Kisumi’s chest with a quiet sigh, and Kisumi softly pets his head.

“I’m glad things turned out this way,” he says. “I mean, yes—that’s obvious, but I mean… maybe you would’ve chosen Sousuke over me if none of us had thought of the third option.”

“Fourth,” Haruka corrects. “You and Sousuke were the first two, A and B.”

“Right, right. It’s just… I’m glad we can be like this now. As cheesy as that may sound.”

It does sound cheesy, but Haruka finds himself liking it, not really minding that it does. He, of course, is of the same opinion as Kisumi, and is glad they—or really, Kisumi—managed to come up with a solution where _everyone_ ends up happy. Normally you don’t see that, because if this  _were_ normal, at least one person would get hurt. A scenario where everyone benefits from it is normally completely out of the question for Haruka, but with Kisumi in his life, maybe he should’ve expected something else. A different solution when he himself has run out of other ways out of a mess.

“Yeah it’s cheesy,” Haruka admits, “but I agree.”

Big changes used to scare him, but then again, so did even the smaller ones that to others probably didn’t seem worth a single thought. Kisumi is probably the only one Haruka knows who fully accepts him for this, who _understands_ him finding it difficult to adapt to big changes, and is prepared to walk alongside him, at his own pace.

“Hey, Kis.”

“Mmm.”

He’s about to fall asleep, crap. Haruka has _always_ been late on the ball. “I love you, you know.”

“Haru…”

Oh, maybe not.

Kisumi shifts, and Haruka looks up just before Kisumi tips his chin up to kiss him. He closes his eyes, smiling against Kisumi’s lips, and moves in a little closer before letting his fingers tangle in Kisumi’s hair. Regrettably, it doesn’t last as long as Haruka wants, as Kisumi’s lips leave his far too soon.

“I love you too,” he says, “and god damn it, Haru, you’re making me tear up.”

“Hey, am I not supposed to be able to tell you I love you?” he asks playfully, and Kisumi gasps while wiping a stray tear off his cheek.

“You said it twice! I should buy lottery tickets.”

Haruka lays his head down to rest on Kisumi’s chest, and he exhales slowly. “Thank _god_ you ruined the moment; it was far too sappy for my taste.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the end.


	19. gou | to belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to move, to go their separate ways. Thing is, neither Haruka nor Gou are willing to.

The constant pitter-pattering of Haruka’s feet across the floor is slowly, _slowly_ , starting to drive Gou insane. She’s trying to _read_ , for his information—actually, he knows this already, but he’s too caught up in his own ego at the moment—and his constant breaking of the silence isn’t helping.

“Haru,” she finally says following an annoyed sigh. “What the hell are you _doing_?”

“Have you seen my red shirt?”

Gou blinks slowly, tiredly. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“The one that isn’t the t-shirt with the ‘offensive print’.”

She snorts. “Hey, Makoto’s the one who finds it offensive. The other one’s probably in the laundry basket. Why don’t you just get another one? You’re stressing me out here.”

Haruka sighs exasperatedly, running a hand through his hair, which Gou has thought for a while needs a trim. More than a trim, really, a proper  _cut_. But hey, if he wants to try and become the next Fabio, she won't ruin his dreams. (But _god_ , what a hideous mental image that is.) “You know, I’ve already decided on this outfit, and it’s not that easy to readjust that quickly. I’m not a fast thinker, at least when it comes to clothes.”

“And to be fair, your fashion sense has always been a disaster.”

He glares at her before returning to his previous pacing around the apartment and tearing through drawers and laundry bags. Gou tries to go back to reading her book while he’s doing this, but it doesn’t take her long before she finally loses her patience, and gets off the couch.

“A thousand yen if I can find it for you.”

“I’ll gladly double it,” Haruka counters as he walks out of his bedroom and stops by the door, crossing his arms over his chest. Gou gives him a pointed look with a raised eyebrow before she walks into his room and starts to _calmly_ rummage through his drawers.

While she doesn’t find Haruka’s shirt in any of them, she _does_ find it lodged between the mattress and the foot-board of his bed. Rolling her eyes upon discovering it, she pulls it out and walks out to almost shove it in Haruka’s face. She’s tempted, that’s for sure.

“There you go. Your shirt, _sir_. I expect the money in my account _before_ we move out.”

Haruka recoils at her words, and Gou immediately regrets them. Haruka recovers quickly, and goes inside his room again without saying anything, possibly to put his shirt back on. She doesn’t say anything, either, and returns to the couch. Okay, so _sometimes_ she says things she shouldn't. Everyone does; you're only human, after all. And when dealing with someone as stubborn as Haruka, it's easy to sometimes let one's temper get the best of them, in this case Gou. It isn't as much her losing her temper, really, it's just a mild annoyance.

But it doesn't take Gou long to let her guilt start gnawing on her, and she gets up from the couch again to go back into Haruka's bedroom. He’s standing by the window, still not wearing his shirt, and Gou finds it on his bed instead. She feels a tiny, short ache in her chest as she takes a deep breath and walks up to her soon-to-be former flatmate, embracing him from behind and putting her chin on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine.”

If only she could’ve seen his face right now to tell if he’s lying or not. “You sure?”

“I am.”

“Okay,” Gou replies, feeling a little more at ease with his reassurance. The weird air only slightly dissipates between them, though, and Gou hugs Haruka tighter in an attempt to make things a little better.

Haruka squeezes her arm a little in response. “Do you still want the money?”

“I don’t.”

Haruka leaves to spend the night over at Kisumi’s, and Gou heads over to Aki’s apartment. It isn’t a conscious thing, at least not on her part, but she feels like they’ve both been trying to stay out of the apartment as much as they can before they finally have to move out in just over a month. It doesn’t really help that the apartment is getting emptier and emptier, while the amount of boxes around the place is growing.

 

* * *

“You _quit_?!”

“Yeah, and it feels great. Honestly, I was getting bored, anyway, and you were right. This might actually be something I’d enjoy doing more.”

Gou leans back against Kisumi’s couch, releasing a slow exhale. “So are you completely unemployed now?”

Kisumi gives her an insulted look. “Don’t tell me you thought I’d get outta there without a plan. You know that one coffee shop downtown that has really great melon bread and coffee?”

“No way. That place? Don’t get me wrong, I love that coffee shop, but I thought you wanted to work at a _restaurant_.”

He shrugs. “Not right now, but who knows? I probably will at some point, but for now I want a smaller place. A little peace, I guess.”

“At least it’s something,” Gou says. “And something a lot less stressful than a job in public relations.”

Kisumi laughs. “Yeah, that’s for sure.”

Gou never really understood how Kisumi managed to work under such pressure, but it seems that in the end it _did_ become too much for him. He made it sound like he at least had fun while talking about it, and Gou had just been kind of horrified at the multitude of tasks he’s had to deal with on a daily basis. Her own job feels like a walk in the park in comparison, and even she has really rough, exhausting days.

“So how’s your apartment hunting going?”

“Mmm, it’s going okay, I guess. We’ve seen a few places, but have yet to find a place we can _all_ agree on, which is proving to be _really_ difficult. Haru hasn’t said anything?”

“Not much, no,” she shrugs.

In all honesty, she knows the two of them are avoiding talking about it as much as they can. Sure, they’ve both said they’re fine with what’s going to happen within a few short weeks, but Gou wonders if Haruka’s really okay with it. Because she knows she’s still on the fence about it herself.

More and more of her stuff has moved into Aki’s apartment. Mostly toiletries and a few articles of clothing, but it looks like Aki has a cohabitant, more than anything. She _has_ offered Gou to move in, but Gou couldn’t take Aki up on said offer. Their relationship is still new, and the concept in and of itself is still new to Gou, so she doesn’t know what it all means quite yet. Moving in with someone feels like a step far too big for Gou, who once moved out because her flatmate confessed their feelings for her.

It feels a little weird, sure, but Gou strangely enough looks forward to living on her own. She’s never done it before, and though she doesn’t doubt her ability to take care of herself, she’s a little worried about how the first week or so will go. If she’s going to make excuses to stay over at Makoto’s and Rin’s place just because she can’t handle the silence of her new apartment, or if she’s going to invite Aki over to stay the night more often than just every now and then.

She should be ready at this point to live on her own, not have to rely on having others around all the time. It’s something she’s thought about in moments of light frustration directed towards Haruka in various situations, but now that it’s right around the corner, Gou wonders if she really is.

Of course, she doesn't tell Rin or Makoto, since she knows it would somehow reach either, or all, of the three guys. Makoto doesn't  _mean_ to tell people these things, they just happen. People used to joke about Makoto and Haruka having a creepy telepathic thing going on between the two when they were still kids, but Gou sometimes  _still_ wonders if that isn't actually a thing. God help them if it is.

"It's strange," Makoto says as Gou's helping him do the dishes while Aki and Rin wait out in the living room. "Haru seems more excited about moving than you do."

Gou attempts a stiff smile. "That  _is_ strange," she agrees. "Of course I'm excited, too."

"Hard not to be."

"You and Rin haven't thought about moving? You've lived here for quite a few years, after all. I figured he of all people would've itched to move a while ago."

Makoto laughs a little, and the smile stays as he speaks. "No, we don't feel like we need to move. Perfectly fine where we are."

Gou hums. It isn't something she thinks about often, but now that she's here, she notices that Makoto  _seems_ happy. There are times when she knows he's smiling to hide another emotion, to mask what he's really thinking or feeling. But this feels genuine. And it isn't just him; Rin seems content with where he is now, too. It's taken them a long time to get here, both emotionally, mentally, and physically in the sense of moving in together. But they seem to finally be in a place where they want to be, and Gou couldn't be happier for them.

 

* * *

 

The apartment Gou finds for herself is the fourth one she views. It has one bedroom, one bath, a small kitchen and living room space, but what really sold her on it were the big windows that let in a lot of light into the place, making it seem bigger. She doesn’t need a lot of space, anyway, seeing as she’s going to live on her own—and besides, she doesn’t make a big mess around herself.

… well, unless it’s in her bedroom, but that barely counts.

“I’m jealous,” Chigusa complains in a low voice to her as she signs the contract. “This is a really nice place. I wanna move, too.”

“Well, what’s stopping you?”

“My lease. It doesn’t run out for another six months.”

“But I like your apartment. It’s cosy, and close to everything.”

Chigusa sighs, leaning on the kitchen table. “Yeah, I guess it is. Moving is a hassle, anyway; it’s probably a good thing I still have half a year left.”

Gou can start moving in her stuff in less than a week, so that gives her plenty of time, seeing as most of it is already in boxes back at the apartment. This will be one of the few times Gou actually gets use out of that driver’s licence of hers, since she’s rented a budget truck for moving her stuff. Sousuke had offered to drive it, probably thinking Gou wouldn’t be able to drive such a huge vehicle, but it only made Gou more determined to do it herself and prove him wrong. She’d told him he’s more than welcome to come help her move otherwise, though, and surprisingly enough, he’d accepted.

In return, Gou has offered to help Sousuke and his boyfriends move into their apartment. Aki comes along with them, too, and they get a lot of work done as a result, being three people instead of two. Haruka and Kisumi have gone off to buy a bunch of bedroom- and bathroom necessities, and both Makoto and Rin are working. To be fair, this is about as many people as are needed, Gou thinks, because it’d probably get chaotic otherwise. Especially if her brother’s around.

Sousuke’s, Kisumi’s and Haruka’s apartment is obviously a lot bigger than her place—they’ve even got an extra bedroom they’re apparently going to turn into a ‘man cave’ according to Sousuke, but knowing the other two, Gou figures it’ll be either a storage room or just stay a guest bedroom for whenever they have people over. Not that they probably ever  _will_ have people staying the night since most of their friends live in the same town, but Gou guesses said spare bedroom might turn into something else in the end if it isn't going to serve its original purpose.

“Is this everything?” Aki asks as she puts down a box on the living room floor, a sigh rushing past her lips. Sousuke lets his gaze sweep across the living room before he nods.

“Yeah. Thanks again for the help, you two.”

“Oh, no problem,” Aki says, standing next to him and lightly bumping him in the side. “We know you’ll treat us to dinner as thanks, so it’s all good.”

He snorts and raises his eyebrows slightly in amusement. “Sure. What _wouldn’t_ I do for my favourite ladies?”

If she were to be fussy about details, she’d call it cheating that Kisumi and Haruka split the check with Sousuke once they’re finished with dinner that evening. But Gou doesn’t complain, of course, because she and Aki _did_ get a free meal out of helping their friends move in.

 

* * *

 

“Gou. Hey, get up, you’re moving today, remember?”

She pinches her eyebrows together and squints at Aki, who’s sitting by her side. “Some alarm clock _you_ are.”

“Better than one with a shrill ringing that makes you go temporarily deaf,” Aki shrugs. “I have to go to work unlike _some_ people, so don’t go back to sleep now. And don’t forget—“

“—to lock the door. Got it,” Gou yawns, and Aki laughs at her before she disappears out of the bedroom and seconds later the apartment altogether. Gou reluctantly gets out of bed, and takes a quick shower before she heads out the door, her first stop being Seven-Eleven.

The apartment she and Haruka shared is pretty much empty at this point; Gou just has one last box of miscellaneous things left to pick up and transfer to her new apartment, and then she and Haruka are supposed to see their landlord there to return their keys. She hasn’t talked a whole lot to him about this, but Gou’s confident Haruka will be there today at the time they’d decided. He’s learnt _some_ things over the years, at least, and Gou with confidence takes credit for one or two of those.

When she’s back at the apartment and has retrieved her box, she stands in the living room, just taking things in. It doesn’t feel real yet, and Gou is pretty sure that, after this day, it’ll take a while for things to properly sink in for her. She’s a little scared of how exactly she’s going to react when it _does_ hit her, but that’s something she knows she can’t worry about now, so she doesn’t.

The door unlocks behind her, and Gou sets her box down again to greet both Kisumi and Haruka walking in. Kisumi lifts her up into his arms, grinning widely.

“Hey, princess,” he says. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m good, thank you,” she says without stuttering. “How are you guys? Settling in okay?”

“Oh yes, things are coming together nicely. It’s exciting!” Kisumi says as he sets her down on the floor again. “Is Aki at work?”

“Yeah, but she’ll come over tonight to help me move in properly. Take care of the last few things.”

Their landlord knocks on the door still standing open, and Haruka and Gou greet her to finally return their keys and officially move out of the apartment. It isn’t a very drawn-out, tedious process, and it sort of reminds Gou of the way her mother always told her to rip off adhesive bandages; quickly, and without hesitation to minimise pain.

She’s pretty sure this hurts a lot more than hesitating whilst tearing off a bandage, though.

All the papers are signed, they’re no longer residents of this building, and are free to leave without having to do anything else. It’s a very strange, hollow feeling, and Gou lets out a sigh as their landlord leaves.

“Guess that’s it,” Haruka says next to her, and Gou nods, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

It's hit her so many times that this really  _is_ it, that Gou's surprised she's still standing. She swallows hard and avoids meeting Haruka's eyes, wanting to run after their landlord to tell them that she  _does_ want to extend their lease, that they're going to keep living here for another year, at least. But as much as she knows Haruka still wants to live with her, he also wants to be with his boyfriends. And she can't blame him for not being the option Haruka chooses. But damn, does it still hurt. She might not be codependent, but old habits still die hard. She loves living with him, and for them to suddenly not live together anymore is going to feel  _really_ strange.

Gou finally looks over at Haruka, and takes a deep breath. She doesn’t even think when she jumps into Haruka’s arms; she moves on autopilot as she does, but thankfully Haruka’s quick to embrace her tightly. Time had stood still up until just a few seconds ago, and now it’s going so fast that Gou doesn’t even notice she’s crying until Haruka speaks.

“Gou… don’t cry,” Haruka says, and his voice is wavering; he’s a hypocrite, Gou thinks. She sniffles, wipes away the tears falling down her cheeks, but it’s to no use, of course.

“Look who’s talking.”

Haruka doesn’t say anything. Gou hugs him tighter, doesn’t want to let him go. But soon she’ll have to, since Sousuke’s car is still running outside, and he’s probably getting tired of waiting for his boyfriends to come down and get inside the car. Kisumi hasn’t said anything since Gou decided to jump into Haruka’s arms, and she kind of feels bad for him just standing there while they’re having a very obvious moment.

Gou knows she shouldn’t keep them here, keep Haruka here, but she _wants_ to be selfish, because this won’t last all that long, anyway. As soon as they step outside this apartment, they’re no longer flatmates, and it’s a very big step to take, a massive change, even though the only thing that _should_ happen is them moving apart. Haruka’s going to live with his boyfriends, Gou’s going to live on her own for the first time in her entire life. They’ll still see each other often; after work, on holidays, they’ll probably continue their occasional Sunday film-marathons.

The only thing that really changes is them moving apart, but it feels like something a lot bigger than that.

“I love you, Haru,” she says. “I know I’m probably exaggerating and making too big of a deal out of this, but I can’t help it. It _is_ a big deal.”

“That makes two of us, then,” Haruka replies, voice still thick, and Gou knows he’s still crying, like herself. “I love you, too. You’re the closest thing I have to a family, and that’s never gonna change.”

“Great,” Gou says while laughing, “now I won’t be able to _stop_ crying. Thanks.”

“We’re probably gross right now, huh.”

“Yeah, you are,” Kisumi replies instead of Haruka, the latter laughing at that.

“You know,” Sousuke says behind them, clearing his throat, and Gou no longer has to worry about his car’s engine just running without them getting anywhere, without them leaving. “Not to ruin the mood or anything, but we _do_ have a spare bedroom. And since we can’t decide on what to do with it, you should take it.”

Haruka lets go of her, and Gou looks over at Sousuke with a somewhat helpless expression despite her probably really ugly crying face. “But I already signed my contract.”

He rolls his eyes, draping an arm over Kisumi’s shoulders. “Yeah, but you can still cancel it, you know? Your landlord’s just gonna force you to pay rent until they can find a new tenant, but you don’t _have_ to move in. So, what do you say?”

“I don’t wanna intrude,” she says. “It’s your apartment; I’d just end up being in the way a lot. And it might get awkward.”

“We’ll kick you out when we want privacy,” Kisumi jokes. “Come on, Gou, it’d be _amazing_. Imagine living all four of us under one roof.”

Haruka snorts. “When you put it that way, it sounds terrible.”

“… yeah, it does,” Sousuke agrees. “We’re serious, though. Yes, or no?”

Well, Gou _does_ have Aki she can run off to when she senses the guys want privacy. The biggest issue is not wanting to seem like she _depends_ on Haruka, or all three of them, for that matter. It isn’t that she doesn’t depend on them at _all_ since she does, to some degree. They’re important to her, of course—not to mention Haruka who’s been her flatmate for three years, even longer at this point. So okay, maybe she _isn’t_ ready to let go, but at least she doesn’t seem to be alone in that.

“Yes,” she says, smiling. “I’d love to.”

 

* * *

 

When they’d heard both Kisumi and Haruka were going to cook dinner, Aki and Gou had considered staying at Aki’s place instead, watching films the entire night and ordering takeout. But it turns out that, despite their normally clashing tastes in food, Kisumi and Haruka had been able to actually cooperate in the kitchen and produce edible food.

“Who would’ve thought,” Rin says, and Makoto elbows him in the side, muffling a snicker into his hand. Sousuke, however, _doesn’t_ try to muffle his laugh, and in turn receives a death glare from both of his boyfriends. Gou figures she probably won’t want to sleep at home tonight.

If it’s something Gou’s glad for, it’s that these gatherings they have every now and then are _still_ something they do after all these years, despite the changes that have been made to their core group. Aki and Sousuke get along well with everyone, and it’s strangely endearing for Gou to see them interact, being friends, seeing how eerily similar they are. Gou knows they'll be the best of friends in no time, and considering Sousuke's previous talks of following in Haruka and Gou's footsteps, it probably won't be long before Sousuke joins their oh-so-exclusive tattoo club.

To be fair, if it hadn’t been for Haruka’s, Makoto’s and Rin’s friendship with Aki since childhood, Gou probably wouldn’t be dating her now, as they most definitely wouldn’t have had as much to talk about during her tattoo session that would lead to them getting to know each other. She has a lot to be thankful for to her brother and his friends, to _her_ friends. At times, she's felt a little odd about sharing friends with her brother. But over the years, she's come to realise that it isn't such a bad thing, at all. And she knows  _why_ he's so close to all of them.

Seven people in their flat had seemed impossible at first, and while it _is_ a little cramped, they’d made it work, Gou having borrowed chairs from their next-door neighbour. At least _that_ neighbour isn’t like Yamada in 4F of the building Gou and Haruka used to live in.

Gou figures she could get used to this.

With the apartment empty again, the four flatmates take turns using the shower—Kisumi banging on the door when Haruka’s reached his time limit of ten minutes—and then they go to bed.

“Don’t wake me up tomorrow,” Kisumi warns them. “I don’t start until ten, so don’t make any noise when you get up.”

Sousuke blows a raspberry and rolls his eyes. “And you think we’d let you sleep after what you did the other day?”

“Hey! That wasn’t on purpose. Come on.” He turns to Gou for support with a pleading look in his eyes, but all she offers him is a shrug, and then she yawns before bidding them goodnight and closing her bedroom door.

It’s been a long few days of moving her stuff out of the apartment she was _supposed_ to live in, and then into the apartment she currently lives in. But now she’s here, where she _should_ be, and she has no intent of getting out of here anytime soon. Gou recalls Chigusa’s words, and completely agrees that moving really _is_ a pain.

Her room feels like _her_ room now, though; it kind of reminds her of university except there aren’t any posters on her walls. There _is_ one thing hanging on her wall, and that’s the portrait Haruka had drawn of her all those months ago. Gou had gotten it framed, and now it’s hanging on the wall, just above her desk. It’s a little weird considering it’s a sketch of herself, but it’s something Haruka drew for her, which makes it more significant and a lot easier to have up on her wall.

Gou feels as if she’s been asleep for at most half an hour when someone crawls into her bed. She feels like she may have just jumped two metres up into the air as violently as she flinches at the sudden skin-on-skin contact with one of the three men she lives with. Not that she would  _mind_ sleeping in the same bed as either of them, but she'd very much like to know who chooses to crawl into her bed late at night without announcing himself.

“Who?!” she hisses.

“Sorry,” Haruka whispers. “’S just me.”

Of course; she should've known. Why would  _Sousuke_ crawl into her bed? Even Kisumi wouldn't, if it wasn't super urgent. And why it'd be  _urgent_ for either of those two to sleep in her bed is beyond her, it just doesn't make sense. The only person left is, of course, Haruka.

“What’re you doing _here_?” she continues whispering loudly, frowning to herself in the dark. “Go back to _your_ bed.”

Haruka whines, hugging her from behind. “Please just let me sleep here tonight. Sousuke is a goddamn _furnace_ , and Kisumi kicks me in his sleep. Remember the 'dog chasing rabbits in its sleep' thing? Yeah. That's him right now. And often.”

 _Then why'd he move in with the guy in the first place?!_ Gou asks herself, but she quickly realises the answer to her own question. Love really _does_ make people do crazy things.

Gou sighs. “Fine, just for tonight. If this happens again, I’m kicking you out, and you're sleeping on the couch.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You’re not listening, are you.”

 “Mmm.”

 _Damn_ , he falls asleep fast. Gou rolls her eyes with a smile before attempting to get to sleep herself. She knows this won't be the last time Haruka sleeps in her bed, but if he's going to be completely honest with herself, she'd rather have  _him_ in her bed than Kisumi the kicker or Sousuke the human furnace next to her.

So maybe it isn't all that bad, after all.

 

**\- 完 -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's a fitting song for the end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y). 
> 
> onward to the "special thanks". thanks for reading & leaving nice comments on this, it means a lot. even if you just read one chapter or two, or even the entire story. this fic was 120% self-indulgent as fic SHOULD be, but this one stepped over the line and ran way past it. even so i'm glad people were still willing to read it despite that. so thank you.
> 
> also of course, thanks to [iska](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ishka) who's put up with my near-constant whining and ranting about this fic as i'd been writing it from the end of last year until uh, the beginning of july, i think. thanks, bee. [❤](http://radiodread.tumblr.com)


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